The Uncanny New Mutants
by The Uncanny R-Man
Summary: Chapter 68: The New Mutants do battle against Malekith the Accursed and his Dark Elves. Guest-starring Thor and the Warriors Three. Part of the Uncanny Marvel Universe.
1. The Uncanny BLEW Mutants: Part 2

The Uncanny New Mutants  
Part 21:  
The Uncanny BLEW Mutants- Part 2  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own any familiar characters, they all belong to Marvel. I only own August.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Witch-Uk- I'm sorry that you don't like August, everybody's entitled to their own opinions. More TJ up next!  
  
Melissarxy1- Well, the Illyana in this story isn't our Illyana; she's the Exiles Illyana.  
  
Anything but ordinary- And the award for the longest review ever goes to... You! Here, have a... cookie! Of course I used your idea, it was funny! I've never read the original X-Factor all that much, only the issues in the Inferno storyline and the issues when Warren gets turned into Apocalypse's horseman. I've always preferred the second team, you know, the one with Wolfsbane, Multiple and co. If you want to find out the adventures of Jubes and co, read 'The Merc and the Ninja.' With that gratuitous plug finished with, enjoy the chapter!  
  
Agent-G- Heh! Another random pairing, huh? What happened in Exile? Uh... Let me get this right... TJ and the other Exiles arrived in our Marvel-verse, got in a fight with the Fantastic 4, took Beak with them, leaving TJ behind. There, I think that covers it.  
  
Author's note- For part one of this story, read 'The Merc and the Ninja: Chapter 20- The Uncanny BLEW Mutants- Part 1.'  
  
The Blackbird, somewhere in the skies above Hong Kong-  
  
Rachel Grey, aka Marvel Girl, is watching the Hong Kong skyline below her as they fly to their destination. Piloting the Blackbird is the leader of the Uncanny New Mutants, Rahne Sinclair, aka Wolfsbane. Sitting in the co-pilot's seat is Kurt Wagner, aka Nightcrawler. Also sat in the jet are Amara Aquilla, aka Magma, Warlock, Kitty Pryde, aka Shadowcat, August and Talia Josephine Wagner, aka Nocturne, Kurt's daughter from an alternate future.  
  
Rachel is presently thinking over her thoughts. Just recently she has begun to have certain feelings for TJ.  
  
{Oh God!} She thinks. {How can I feel like this? I've never liked other women like this! Not even Kitty, and we were best buds and roomies! That's it, when this mission's over I'm gonna tell her!}  
  
TJ looks over at her fellow teammate and notices her thoughtful expression.  
  
'Penny for 'em.' She says.  
  
'Hmm?' Rachel mumbles, turning around to look at TJ. 'Oh, sorry. I was just thinking.'  
  
'Care to tell me about it?' TJ asks.  
  
'Not really.' Rachel replies. 'It's kinda personal.'  
  
'Oh, okay.' TJ says, mistakenly thinking that Rachel is thinking about the situation with her father and Emma Frost. 'I won't pry.'  
  
Meanwhile, at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-  
  
Fiona, one of the telepathic triplets know as the Stepford Cuckoos, the ditzy one I believe, is walking through the corridors of the institute. She has taken time of from her stalking of a certain Cajun to grab something to eat. She is about to walk into the kitchen when she hears singing. The voice however, doesn't sound familiar. The only member of the faculty that she knows that can sing this well is Rogue, and she's out on a date with Remy. Fiona hides behind a bust of Professor Xavier and peers into the kitchen. Much to her amazement, the person singing in the kitchen isn't a member of the X-men or the faculty. Hell, he isn't even human! It's Lockheed the Dragon!  
  
Fiona holds her breath and continues to watch the little purple dragon humming to himself as he makes a sandwich.  
  
'The mustard goes on the roast beef, the roast beef goes on the bacon, the bacon goes on the baloney, the baloney goes on the chicken...'  
  
Fiona tries to creep closer into the kitchen. Unfortunately she knocks against a pot plant, knocking it over.  
  
Lockheed jumps at the sudden sound, dropping his sandwich.  
  
'Oh bugger it!' He groans.  
  
'Aha!' Fiona says, jumping out from behind the pot plant. 'You can talk!'  
  
Lockheed blinks a couple of times at the young blonde telepath.  
  
'Go on.' Fiona says. 'Don't play innocent with me! I just saw you singing! You can talk, can't you?'  
  
'No.' Lockheed replies. 'Aw dammit!'  
  
'Wait til I tell everyone!' Fiona grins. 'They won't believe it!'  
  
'No!' Lockheed says, flying over to Fiona and taking her hand. 'Please, don't tell anyone!'  
  
'What's in it for me?' Fiona asks.  
  
A devious smile spreads on Lockheed's face.  
  
'You wanna play a prank on someone?' He asks.  
  
An identical devious smile spreads on Fiona's face.  
  
'Oh yeah!' She grins.  
  
'Go get yer sisters, some hats, an image inducer, a couplae pairs of gloves and some razors. I'll explain later!'  
  
Wade Wilson and Betsy Braddock's hotel room, Hong Kong-  
  
Betsy is lying in bed reading a book while Wade is searching through the mini bar.  
  
'C'mon! This place must have vodka!' He says. 'You can't have a mini bar without vodka!'  
  
Betsy looks at her glass, filled with a suspiciously vodka-looking liquid and hides it on the beside table.  
  
'Well I don't know where it could've gone, luv.' She replies. 'Why don't you have some scotch?'  
  
'But I'm in the mood for vodka.' Wade pouts.  
  
'Oh forget the vodka.' Betsy replies, putting down her book. 'Why don't you come to bed?'  
  
Wade shrugs and closes the mini bar. He jumps up onto the bed and plants a kiss on Betsy's lips. After the kiss her gets a thoughtful look on his face. He licks his lips, then it dawns on him.  
  
'Cute buns, why do you taste of vodka?'  
  
Betsy is about to reply when there is a knock on the door.  
  
{Saved by the door.} Betsy thinks, getting out of bed and throwing on a robe.  
  
'Who is it?' Betsy asks.  
  
'Room service!' A suspiciously Scottish-sounding voice replies.  
  
'I don't remember getting room service.' Betsy says.  
  
'Tell 'em to get more vodka!' Wade says from the bed.  
  
Betsy opens the door regardless. It's Rahne and the other Uncanny New Mutants!  
  
'Rahne!' Betsy gasps. 'What are you doing here?'  
  
'We saw ye on TV an' came tae congratulate ye!' Rahne replies. 'Is Illyana really alive?'  
  
'Yup.' Betsy replies. 'But she's not our Illyana, she's from an alternate reality or something. Where's Kurt and the others?'  
  
'In the bar waitin' for ye.' Rahne replies.  
  
'Just give me a couple of minutes to get dressed.' Betsy says. 'Then I'll gather up the others.'  
  
'Take ye time.' Rahne replies. 'Lo Wade.' She says, looking past Betsy to the boxer short-clad former mercenary.  
  
'Hey, red.' Wade replies. 'I don't suppose that you've got any vodka on you.'  
  
'I'm afraid not.' Rahne replies. 'I left th' vodka in me other pants.'  
  
'Are we ready to go then?' Betsy asks, walking out of the bathroom fully dressed. 'Wade, aren't you getting dressed?'  
  
'I'll meet you down there.' Wade replies. 'They must have some vodka somewhere!'  
  
Betsy shuts the door and leaves Wade to his vodka search.  
  
'Wade seems awfully keen on th' vodka there.' Rahne says. 'He never struck as a vodka addict!'  
  
'It all started in Russia.' Betsy replies. 'The poor bugger got addicted to the stuff.'  
  
'Aye.' Rahne agrees. 'Poor bugger!'  
  
Will Wade ever find any vodka? What kind of prank does Lockheed have planned with the Cuckoos? Will Rachel ever tell TJ her feelings? Will I ever get this bloody storyline finished? All these questions will be answered next time in: 'The Merc and the Ninja...' 


	2. August: Part 5

New Mutants: August  
Part 5  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the X-Men, Marvel does. I only own August.  
  
Response to reviews-  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- Glad you liked the Rahne/Warlock fluff. There's more fluff to come soon!  
  
Quote of the day- 'Twinkle-twinkle little elf, screwing with Mary is bad for your health!'  
  
Xavier's school for higher learning-  
  
August is presently showering in preparation for her date with Kurt. She scrubs herself with cinnamon scented soap and washes the lather off under the spray. After she has finished, she turns off the shower and steps out of the cubicle. Still with soap in her eyes, she feels about for a towel.  
  
'Here you go.' A woman's voice says, handing her a towel'  
  
'Thanks.' Augusts says, not realising that someone is in the bathroom with her. She begins to dry herself off. Then she realises that someone is in there with her!  
  
'Get out Mother!' She hisses at Selene, Black Queen of the Hellfire Club. 'You're not welcome here!'  
  
Selene shakes her head and tuts.  
  
'There's no need for that kind of behaviour Augusta.' Selene says. 'I just wanted to pop by and say hello.'  
  
'Of course you did.' August says sarcastically. 'Just like when you came and said hello when I was having a pee! And when I was eating a sandwich! And when I was shopping! I'm not going to tell you again so, tell me what you want or get out!'  
  
'I want you to join me!' Selene says.  
  
August snorts in derision. 'What? Join the Hellfire Club? And become one of your demonic lackeys? Like Blackheart and the rest of those losers? I don't think so!'  
  
'Pity!' Selene sighs. 'Come the day, you would have ruled at my side.'  
  
Selene's gaze suddenly turns ominous.  
  
'You will ruin the day that you ever disobeyed Selene, immortal Black Queen of the Hellfire Club!'  
  
And with that, Selene disappears. August just throws her towel in the corner and goes to get dressed.  
  
Outside Xavier's: Later-  
  
The fuzzy blue teleporter known as Kurt Wagner is waiting nervously in the car. He has his image-inducer switched on. Presently it is projecting an image of a handsome man dressed in a red turtleneck sweater and black pants. He checks his hair in the rear view mirror nervously, the fifth time in as many minutes. He turns as he hears August step out the door. She looks resplendent in leather pants and black shirt, tied around her chest as a makeshift bra.  
  
'You're looking fine tonight Kurt!' She smiles, kissing him on the cheek.  
  
Kurt gets up and lets her in.  
  
'You don't look so bad yourself Fraulein!' he answers, looking her up and down. 'Not bad at all!'  
  
'You don't think it's a little much do you?' August asks. 'Y'know, slutty?'  
  
Kurt pats August on the shoulder comfortably.  
  
'Of course not!' he says. 'Nothing on you makes you look like a slut!'  
  
August smiles at the compliment.  
  
'Right answer Fuzzy!' where are we going anyway?'  
  
'They're showing 'Pirates of the Caribbean again.' Kurt answers. 'I thought we could go and see that!'  
  
'Ooh!' August coos. 'Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom! I can't wait!'  
  
'And then I thought we could go for dinner.'  
  
'It sounds lovely Kurt!' August smiles again. 'I'm sure it's going to be a wonderful night!'  
  
*That's what you think! * A voice says in her head.  
  
August looks into the rear-view mirror and her eyes open wide at the image in the mirror. Selene is sitting behind her. August looks behind her, nothing! She then looks back at the rear-view mirror, Selene's gone!  
  
'Is anything the matter?' Kurt asks.  
  
'Oh sorry Kurt.' August answers him. 'I'm fine.'  
  
Kurt just shrugs as he starts up the car and drives down the driveway.  
  
Later Still-  
  
Kurt and August are now sitting in the movie theatre, watching 'Pirates of the Caribbean.' Kurt has his arm around August's shoulders and August has her head laid on Kurt's shoulder. The movie has just reached the part when the army of undead pirates are walking under the sea.  
  
'Kurt?' August asks. 'Are those zombie pirates supposed to walk out of the screen like that?'  
  
'I don't think this is 3-D.' Kurt answers. He looks behind him and sees that the other moviegoers have noticed this and are starting to flee. Kurt and August look back to the movie screen as the zombie pirates walk out of the screen and approach them.  
  
'Looks like our dates over.' Augusts sighs.  
  
'And dinner's out of the question!' August also sighs.  
  
Suddenly, the zombie pirates stop. There is a burst of flame and Selene appears.  
  
'Mother!' August gasps.  
  
Kurt turns to August and stares at her.  
  
'Did you say Mother?' He asks.  
  
'Now's not the time, Kurt.' August tells him.  
  
Selene steps towards them.  
  
'I'm giving you one last chance to join me Augusta.' She says. 'Or I will set my little undead pirate pets onto you!'  
  
'I would never join you!' August spits.  
  
'Very well!' Selene sighs. She then claps her hands and the zombie pirates rush towards them. Selene takes a seat, picks up a discarded bag of popcorn, sits back and enjoys the show.  
  
'I always did enjoy a good pirate film!' She quips.  
  
No sooner has the first pirate reached him then Kurt BAMFs behind him, snatches his sword away and cuts off it's head. He then swings the sword backwards, cutting an approaching pirate in half.  
  
August, meanwhile is alternating blasting the pirates with fireballs and tearing them to pieces with her bare hands!  
  
It is a short, but brutal battle and a bloody and bruised Kurt and August stand victorious.  
  
Selene throws down her popcorn in fury.  
  
'Very well!' She hisses. 'It seems that I'll have to resort to my old tricks!'  
  
She then motions with her hands, chanting something in Latin.  
  
Outside-  
  
BLAMMO!  
  
Passers-by are knocked of their feet as the movie theatre erupts in a ball of flame.  
  
TBC 


	3. The Chicks Dig the Fuzzy Chick

The Uncanny New Mutants  
Part 22: The Chicks Dig the Fuzzy Chick  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own any familiar characters, only August.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Anything but ordinary- Hee! Talk about gratuitous advertising. I hope you liked it though.  
  
Melissarxy1- Pete torture is fun, isn't it? Don't worry no one else will know that Lockheed can talk, only Pete and the Cuckoos.  
  
Agent-G- I trust that you liked the prank? It took me bloody long enough to set it up.  
  
The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-  
  
TJ Wagner and Rachel Grey are in their bedroom. They're planning on telling the other members of the Uncanny New Mutants that they are now together.  
  
'I'm not so sure about this Ray.' TJ says. 'What if everybody freaks?'  
  
'Kurt might take it a little hard.' Rachel replies. 'Being a Catholic and all. As for Scott, I couldn't care less how he feels about my sexual preferences.'  
  
'You still pissed off at him, huh?' TJ asks, hugging Rachel from behind.  
  
'Wouldn't you be if you found out that your father was cheating on your mom?' Rachel asks.  
  
'I think that I'm taking the fact that my dad's not with my mom in this reality pretty well.' TJ replies.  
  
'Have you called her yet?' Rachel asks.  
  
'Aww crap!' TJ groans. 'She doesn't even know I'm here!'  
  
'I guess this calls for a trip to Avengers Mansion then.' Rachel sighs.  
  
'Why are you so good to me?' TJ asks, holding Rachel close.  
  
'Because you're hot.' Rachel replies with a lecherous grin. 'And that thing with your tail, whoof!'  
  
They both turn, as there is a knock on the door. It's Jono.  
  
{Everybody's gathered in Frosty's office if yer ready.} He says.  
  
'Just give us two minutes will you, Jono?' Rachel asks.  
  
Jono looks at the close proximity of the two women to each other and cocks a brow.  
  
{Are yer sure that two minutes is all yer'll need?} He asks.  
  
Emma Frost's offices: Later-  
  
Emma, Scott, Kurt, Remy, Rogue and the other members of the Uncanny New Mutants are gathered in Emma's office waiting to hear the news.  
  
'You got any idea what the big announcement's about Frosty?' Pete asks.  
  
'I'm afraid not.' Emma replies.  
  
'But I thought you were a telepath.' Pete replies. 'Why didn't yer read their minds?'  
  
'Give me some credit at least.' Emma replies. 'Unlike some people who shall remain nameless, and dead, I choose not to read people's minds without permission.'  
  
The discussion is cut short as Rachel and TJ walk in.  
  
'Nice of yer ter join us.' Pete snorts. 'Can we please make this short cuz I've got an important poker game later.'  
  
'You ready for another whuppin' sugah?' Rogue asks.  
  
'I don't think so luv.' Pete replies. 'I think that I'm the one that's gonna do the whuppin'!'  
  
'If we can move on to the task at hand, please?' Hank asks. 'I believe that Rachel and TJ have an announcement to make.'  
  
'Thanks Hank.' Rachel says. TJ and I do indeed have announcement to make. This is a little hard for me to say but... I've found someone special.'  
  
'Who is it Ray?' Kitty asks. 'Oh god, it isn't Bobby is it?'  
  
'In his dreams.' Rachel snorts. 'As a matter of fact the person that I like is right in this room.'  
  
Everybody looks around at everybody else suspiciously.  
  
'That still doesnae tell us who ye like.' Rahne says. 'Which guy do ye like exactly?'  
  
'What makes you think that it's even a guy?' Rachel replies.  
  
A collective gasp rises through the room. Kitty is the first one to speak.  
  
'Y-you mean that you're...'  
  
'Gay?' Rachel finisher for her.' Yes, I am.'  
  
'So am I.' TJ adds. 'And we're together.'  
  
TJ then takes Rachel's hand in hers and kisses it.  
  
Rachel looks around at the various expressions around the room, amazement from Kitty, bemusement from Rahne, indifference from Pete and unusually neutral expressions from Scot and Kurt.  
  
Kitty finally manages to find her voice.  
  
'How long have you two been together?' She asks.  
  
'Not very long.' Rachel replies. 'Just since we've been back from the mission to Hong Kong.'  
  
'Why didnae ye tell us?' Rahne asks. 'We're yuir friends.'  
  
'It's nothing personal.' TJ replies. 'We just wanted to wait for the right time.'  
  
'Well I believe that congratulations are in order.' Hank says.  
  
'Yeah.' Rogue adds. 'Congratulations sugah!'  
  
'I've got a question.' Remy says.  
  
'No we won't take you to a gay bar.' Rachel sighs.  
  
'Bollocks.' Pete mutters.  
  
Rachel and TJ notice that their respective 'fathers' haven't said anything yet.  
  
'Umm, Kurt, Scott, are you guys alright?' Rachel asks.  
  
Kurt snaps out of his stupor and looks up at his 'daughter.' Fortunately his expression changes to one of happiness.  
  
'Of course I'm alright Rachel.' He grins. 'Who am I to judge somebody solely for their sexual preference? I'm a fuzzy blue elf!'  
  
'Scott?' Rachel asks. 'Are you alright?'  
  
'I-I'm just going outside.' Scott mutters. 'I may be some time.'  
  
Everybody watches as Scott gets up and walks outside. As soon as the office door closes a dull thud can be heard.  
  
'What the bloody hell was that?' Pete asks.  
  
'I do believe that the sudden revelation of his daughter's sexuality has caused Scott to lose consciousness.' Hank replies.  
  
'I'll help yah carry him tah the med bay Hank.' Rogue replies.  
  
'So what're you guys gonna do now?' Kitty asks. 'Are you planning on a coming out party?'  
  
'We wanted to go tell my mom first.' TJ replies.  
  
'De Scarlet Witch?' Remy asks. 'I can't wait to see dat fille's reaction!'  
  
Avengers Mansion: The next day-  
  
Rachel and TJ are sitting in the lounge of the Avengers Mansion with TJ's mother and uncle, the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver.  
  
'You mean to say that you're my daughter from an alternate reality?' Wanda asks.  
  
'Pretty much.' TJ replies.  
  
'You seem to be taking this pretty well, Pietro.' Rachel says.  
  
'I'm still trying to process the fact that we have a long-lost sister.' Pietro replies.  
  
'Oh, Lorna Dane.' Rachel nods, we heard about that.  
  
'By the fact that you're blue I can see that your father is Nightcrawler.' Wanda says. 'Are we married in your reality?'  
  
'Oh yes.' TJ replies. 'You're both happily married where I come from. It's pretty sickening actually, you're like a pair of teenagers.'  
  
Unseen by the four mutants, they are being snooped on. In the dining room, She-Hulk has her ear pressed to the door.  
  
'Can you hear what they're saying Jen?' Hawkeye asks.  
  
'I would be able to hear if you shut up, Clint.' She-Hulk replies.  
  
'Personally I think that this isn't any of our business.' Captain America says. 'This is between Wanda, Pietro and the other two.'  
  
'Oh chill out Cap.' Hawkeye replies. 'Don't tell me that you don't wanna know what the latest gossip is.'  
  
'Yeah Cap.' The Wasp adds. 'It's just a little harmless gossip.'  
  
'Ssh!' She-Hulk says. 'They're getting to the juicy stuff!'  
  
'Was there something else that you wanted to ask us?' Wanda asks.  
  
'As a matter of fact there was.' TJ replies. 'There's no easy way to say this but... Rachel and I are... together.'  
  
'I see.' Wanda replies. 'Well, I didn't see that coming. What about you Pietro?'  
  
'I just need to go outside for a bit.' Pietro mumbles.  
  
They all watch as Pietro walks out into the hallway. As soon as the door closes, a dull thump can be heard.  
  
'I'm sorry about this.' Wanda sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose. 'My brother can get a little... freaked about things like this.'  
  
'You should've seen his reaction when he found out that you were pregnant.' TJ grins. 'He must have chased my dad around the mansion for hours.'  
  
'Well I'm glad that you felt that you could tell us this.' Wanda says. 'We'll have to go out for lunch sometime.'  
  
'I'd like that.' TJ replies. 'Mom.'  
  
'It must be wonderful to find out that you're a mother again Wanda.' Rachel says. 'After all that unfortunate business with the Vision.'  
  
'At least I won't have to change any diapers now.' Wanda grins. 'Oh and Hawkeye, you can come out from the dining room now.'  
  
Rachel, TJ and Wanda smile at the sudden curse emanating from the dining room.  
  
'Aww crap!'  
  
END... 


	4. Symbiosis: Prologue

The Uncanny New Mutants  
Chapter 23: Symbiosis- Prologue  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel, I only own August.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Risty- I'm sure that you don't have any experience with that kind of stuff.  
  
Melissarxy1- I'm glad that you liked it. Don't worry, there will be plenty more Pete Wisdom coming right up.  
  
Agent-G- I'm going to concentrate on the other members of the Uncanny New Mutants for now, Rachel and TJ are busy in 'Cuckoos' so they'll spend most of their time there. Thanks for your suggestions.  
  
The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-  
  
It is early morning at the Xavier Institute; everybody is sleeping soundly in their beds. Even Logan, who is usually up bright and early working out in the Danger Room. Rahne Sinclair is the first to get up. She rolls over onto her side and peers at the digital display on her alarm clock.  
  
'Uch, five-thirty.' She groans. 'What kind o' person would be up at this hour?'  
  
Rahne slowly gets up out of bed and heads for the shower, leaving Warlock snoozing like a baby.  
  
'I suppose that I'd better get up.' She sighs. 'It's nae like I'll be able tae get back tae sleep.'  
  
The bathroom door closes as Rahne prepares for a shower.  
  
Amara and Pete-  
  
Amara opens one eye as she hears movement in the room next door. She groans and shoves her head under her pillow.  
  
'Who knew such a small person could make so much noise.' She groans.  
  
Amara peers out under her pillow to check up on hr boyfriend, Pete Wisdom. He's sprawled over the bed taking up most of the space. An evil smile spreads on Amara's face as she gets an idea.  
  
'This ought to wake him up.' She says to herself. Amara licks her finger and then sticks in into Pete's ear. Pete jumps up out of bed with a yell, falling off the side of the bed.  
  
'What did yer do that for yer stupid bint?' He says.  
  
'You were hogging the space.' Amara replies, propping herself up on one arm.  
  
'I don't suppose there's any chance of me getting' any more sleep is there?' Pete sighs.  
  
'Not a chance.' Amara replies with a self-satisfied smirk.  
  
Pete gets up off the floor and goes into the bathroom, muttering random curses under her breath. While he has gone Amara just lays back in bed and enjoys ther peace while it lasts.  
  
New York, meanwhile-  
  
Mary Jane Parker is in the shower. He decided to leave Peter in bed, snoozing while she gets ready for the morning's activities. MJ squirts some shampoo into her hands and rubs it into her hair. She stops as she hears the bathroom door open.  
  
'Hello?' She says, sticking her head out of the shower cubicle. 'Is anybody there?'  
  
There's no reply and MJ just shrugs it off and returns to her shower.  
  
'Need a hand pretty lady?' A voice asks above her head.  
  
MJ looks above her head and rolls her eyes in exasperation, the sight of a naked Peter Parker hanging from the ceiling not phasing her one little bit.  
  
'You didn't fool me for a minute, tiger.' She sighs.  
  
Pete plops down into the shower and puts his arms around his wife's waist.  
  
'I just wanted to see if you wanted a little company is all.' Peter says, kissing MJ's neck.  
  
'If you have to be in here with me.' MJ sighs. 'You can rub my back.'  
  
Peter gets a lecherous look on his face as the mere thought. It doesn't last however as MJ shoves a sponge into his hands.  
  
'Oh, you were serious then...' He pouts.  
  
'And what did you think I meant by rubbing my back?' MJ replies.  
  
Peter just sighs and proceeds to rub MJ's back with the sponge.  
  
'How does that feel, sweety?' Peter asks.  
  
'Mmm, lower...' MJ replies.  
  
'How does that feel, sweety?' Peter says, this time in a lower tone.  
  
MJ just rolls her eyes at her husband's goofing and finishes washing the shampoo from her hair. She opens up the cubicle door and steps out. She grabs a towel from the rail and warps it around her body.  
  
'You got any plans for tonight, tiger?' She asks.  
  
'Nothing much.' Peter replies. 'It's Saturday so no school. I was thinking that I would go to the Bugle and show Jonah those new Spidey pics I took, what about you?'  
  
'Shopping.' MJ replies.  
  
'Gee.' Peter says. 'I didn't see that coming.  
  
MJ grabbed another towel and tried to whip her husband with it. Peter dodges out of the way, his Spider-Sense warning him of the incoming danger but unfortunately it didn't warn him of a patch of water lying just under his feet. Peter steps onto the mini puddle and slips up, falling straight on his butt. MJ just bursts out laughing.  
  
'Nice to see that my pain amuses you.' Peter winces.  
  
MJ finally manages to stop laughing and helps Peter upto his feet.  
  
'What's the matter?' She replies. 'Want me to kiss it better?'  
  
'Would you?' Peter asks.  
  
MJ just tuts and walks out of the bathroom to get dressed.  
  
Xavier's, later-  
  
Everybody has now finished showering and getting dressed and are now gathered in the kitchen eating their respective breakfasts.  
  
'Does anybody know where Rachel and TJ are?' August asks, taking a sip of coffee.  
  
'They're still in Monaco I think.' Warlock replies, absorbing a late of waffles. 'They went to go get Penance with Eve, Phoebe and the others.'  
  
'Must yer really do that?' Pete asks, Seein' yer absorb food like that is disconcertin'.'  
  
'I'm terribly sorry about that.' Warlock replies. 'Not all of us have digestive tracts to process our food for us. And another thing, what's up with poop? You humans disgust me!'  
  
'Lock.' Rahne groans. 'Can ye please not talk aboot poop while we're at th' table? Some of us havtae eat.'  
  
'Oh Rahne, I forgot to ask you.' Amara says. 'I was thinking about popping into town to go buy some new clothes, you wanna come?'  
  
'I'm afraid I cannae come with ye, 'Mara.' Rahne replies. 'Me bike's been actin' up an' I havtae tinker with it an' see what's wrong.'  
  
'Okay.' Amara says. 'What about you, August?'  
  
'We haven't got anything planned, have we Kurt?' August replies.  
  
'Oh I don't know, liebe.' Kurt replies bitterly. 'How about a little something called 'Doctor Quinn: Medicine Woman?'  
  
'Dammit!' August winces. 'I'm sorry Amara, I can't make it either.'  
  
Amara turns to the others in the kitchen.  
  
'Does anybody actually want to come out shopping with me?' She asks.  
  
'Ah think ah will.' Rogue replies. 'Ah need to go buy some new clothes too. Remy, you can come an' help.'  
  
Remy looks at rogue with an incredulous expression but seeing that his mouth his full he couldn't back out of the shopping trip.  
  
'Right then.' Amara says. 'If Remy's coming, you can come too Pete. We'll need someone to carry the bags.'  
  
'Bollocks.' Pete mutters with a mouthful of toast.  
  
'And don't eat with your mouthful.' Amara admonishes him. 'It's rude.'  
  
Pete is about to say something explicit but thinks otherwise.  
  
Back with MJ, later-  
  
MJ just arrived home from her shopping trip and dumps her bags onto the sofa. She picks up the remote and turns on the TV. A news broadcast appears on the screen showing Spider-Man fighting Electro and the Rhino in Central Park.  
  
'You go Tiger!' MJ grins.  
  
'Is it on?' Peter asks, climbing in through the window. 'Have they shown my battle with Electro and Rhino yet?'  
  
'You're just in time.' MJ replies.  
  
Peter removes his Spidey mask and sits down on the sofa.  
  
'So, you have a nice shopping trip, sweety?' he asks.  
  
'Yup.' MJ replies. 'Oh, you'll never guess who I bumped into in Bloomingdale's.'  
  
'Reed Richards.'  
  
'Nope.' MJ replies.  
  
'Captain America in the lingerie department?'  
  
'Nu-uh.'  
  
'She-Hulk buying leather boots and a gimp mask?'  
  
'You're so wrong.' MJ replies. 'She-Hulk with a gimp mask? Sometimes your mind just freaks me out.'  
  
'Who was it then?' Peter asks.  
  
'Felicia Hardy.' MJ replies.  
  
'Oh right.' Peter says. 'How is she?'  
  
'She's well.' MJ replies. 'As a matter of fact I've invited her round for dinner tonight.'  
  
'I'll crack open a carton of milk and a tin of tuna.' Peter says.  
  
'Very funny.' MJ replies. 'I was going to pasta.'  
  
'Yum.' Peter grins. 'Will there be beer?'  
  
MJ just picks up a roll of toilet paper and bounces it off her husband's head.  
  
'That was uncalled for.' He winces. 'I should have you arrested.'  
  
'Oh don't be such a baby.' MJ replies. 'Here, have some ice-cream, that'll cheer you up.'  
  
Central park, later that night-  
  
Kristy Johnson, a young homeless mutant girl is walking through the park. She holds her coat closer to her chest to keep out the cold. Her attention is caught by a bright light in the sky. She takes a quick gaze up but then dismisses it at another miscellaneous superhero flying through the air; maybe it was Iron Man heading back to Avengers Mansion.  
  
Her initial thought are proved wrong as whatever the object was falls out of the sky and lands behind a bush.  
  
Kristy decides to investigate. Besides, whatever fell out of the sky might valuable. She cautiously approaches the bush and peers into the undergrowth. Suddenly, a tendril of something black grabs her by the throat and pulls her in.  
  
Several seconds later Kristy steps back out without so much of a mark on her.  
  
'What the Hell was that?' She asks, flexing her wrists. As if in answer, the black ooze begins to envelope her body. It soon covers her whole body. The black oozing mass that was once Kristy Johnson then sprouts a mouth full of needle-like fangs.  
  
'Kristy' holds up her hands so she can get a better look. Her hands, covered in the same black, oozy stuff as the rest of her body now have a set of nasty-looking claws attached.  
  
'Cool.' She says, nodding her head.  
  
TBC...  
  
NEXT: There's a new symbiote in town and the Uncanny New Mutants must join forces with Spider-Man to stop it.  
  
TBC...  
  
NEXT: 


	5. August: Part 6

New Mutants: August  
Part 6  
  
By  
  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the X-Men. I only own August.  
  
Shout outs-  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- Not to scary was it? All those widdle zombie pirates? AWW! Poor baby! Nah! Only kidding! Thanks for the review! *KISS* ^_~  
  
Quote of the day- 'I have a cunning plan...'  
  
A brief re-cap- While they are on a date together, Kurt and August are attacked by August's mother, the immortal sorceress, Selene. After Kurt and August defeat her army of zombie pirates, Selene blows up the movie theatre. And this is where we come in...  
  
The fireball that was once the movie theatre has hardly receded when Rahne, Dani, Amara, Shan and Warlock appear around the corner. They stop in their tracks as they observe the wreckage.  
  
'This doesn't look promising!' Warlock winces.  
  
'We have tae check f'r survivors!' Rahne says, sifting through the remains. 'There could be people alive under here!'  
  
'I'll help!' Amara says, shifting to her Magma form. She blasts the wreckage with a lava blast, melting it away. She stops as she finds something.  
  
'Guys!' She calls. 'I've found someone!'  
  
Dani rushes over and helps Amara dig the person out. They both gasp as they see who it is.  
  
'Selene!' Amara gasps. 'You monster! You must be behind this!'  
  
'You assumed correctly Miss Aquilla!' Selene, the former High Priestess of Nova Roma grins evilly.  
  
'If Kurt and August are injured.' Amara hisses. 'I will burn the skin from your bones!'  
  
'I'd like to see you try!' Selene says as she waves her hands. 'But you will have to get through my stone giants first!'  
  
Amara and co look around as several tall figures seem to grow up from the ground.  
  
'I'm afraid that I won't be able to stay to see you die!' Selene gloats. 'You know how it is, people to torture, worlds to conquer! Be seeing you!' And with that, Selene disappears in a burst of flame.  
  
'The next time she won't be so lucky!' Amara growls, the ground once again rumbling in answer to her temper.  
  
'Uh, Amara.' Shan says. 'Don't you think the revenge can wait? I can't possess these giants! They don't have brains!'  
  
Amara turns around and joins the fight. Warlock has changed into an equally huge giant and is bashing them with his fists, Rahne is attempting to batter them with a broken piping, likewise is Dani. Amara torches a few of the giants with a lava blast but there are too many of the colossal stone men and the Mutant heroes are soon on their knees.  
  
Just as it seems the day is lost, the stone giants are distracted by a tattered looking figure dressed in black. The figure shatters the stone giants to pieces with one well-aimed punch. It's August!  
  
'Did I miss anything?' She smirks.  
  
Rahne and co run up to her.  
  
'Are ye all right?' Rahne asks.  
  
'Pfft!' August smirks again. 'Never felt better Furtop!' August tries to walk but her legs give way under her.  
  
'We'd better get you back to the institute.' Dani says. 'You don't look so good!'  
  
'Where's Kurt?' Amara asks.  
  
'I hid him in an alley when he teleported us out.' August weakly says. 'It must have took a lot of energy, he's unconscious and he's got a broken arm!'  
  
'I'll call Bobby and the others.' Shan says.  
  
'No need!' warlock tells her. 'They're already here!'  
  
The assembled Mutants look up as they see the X-Jet slowly land above them. A hatch opens and Iceman, Archangel and Havok get out.  
  
'What went on here?' Bobby asks. 'It looks like someone got carried away with the spicy salsa dip with the nachos!'  
  
'My mother came to visit.' August sighs.  
  
'Is there something you're not telling us?' Warren asks. 'Family visits don't usually end with movie theatres getting blown up!'  
  
'They do when your mother's Black Queen of the Hellfire Club!'  
  
'Your mother's WHAT?' Bobby gasps.  
  
'There's no time for that.' Alex says. 'Kurt's injured! We have to get him to the med lab!'  
  
Bobby lets the matter drop as he helps Warren carry an unconscious Kurt into the X-Jet. August, Rahne and the others follow them in. They strap themselves into their seats and prepare for take off.  
  
The Med Lab: Xavier's: Later-  
  
Kurt is awake but his arm is bandaged up. He is currently being tended to by Hank McCoy. August is sitting beside him looking worried.  
  
'He will be all right won't he Doctor McCoy?'  
  
'Of course he will Augusta!' The fuzzy blue doctor answers her with a wide smile. 'There may be a little pain in the next few days, nothing out of place for a broken arm. Now, if you excuse me, I have to run these blood samples down to my lab.'  
  
'Nothing too serious I hope.' Kurt asks with his ever-present bravado.  
  
'I merely want to check that your blood hasn't been infected somehow.' Hank answers him.  
  
Kurt waits till Hank has left the room before turning to August. She is standing by the window, gazing outside. Kurt notices that she is crying. He walks up to her and places his good hand on her shoulders.  
  
'What's the matter Liebe?' he asks.  
  
'Oh Kurt!' August sobs. 'You're probably ashamed of me for keeping it secret!'  
  
'The fact that your mother is Selene, Black Queen of the Hellfire Club?'  
  
August sniffs and nods.  
  
'You're forgetting who MY mother is!' Kurt assures her.  
  
'Who is it?' August asks.  
  
'Mystique.'  
  
'That Mutant terrorist woman?'  
  
'Ja. And my father was a Mutant from biblical times and claimed to be the Devil!'  
  
August brightens slightly.  
  
'And I thought MY Family was messed up!'  
  
Kurt chuckles, puts his good arm around her shoulders, pulls her closer and kisses her gently. August smiles with happiness and puts her arms around his shoulders, holding him closer too.  
  
Unseen by the two, several figures walk in. It's Rahne, Amara and Dani.  
  
'You want to looove him! You want to kiiiss him!'  
  
It's no use! Their singing can't break up Kurt and August's kiss!  
  
'Damn!' Dani mutters. 'It looks like they're immune to our collective taunting powers!'  
  
'There must be someone else we can make fun of.' Amara says.  
  
Rahne gets an evil smile on her face.  
  
'Are ye thinking what I'm thinking?' She asks.  
  
'Warren and Paige!' Dani and Amara say simultaneously. The three young women walk out of the med lab giggling like schoolgirls, leaving the two lovers to their embrace.  
  
END!  
  
NEXT: The Search For Wisdom! 


	6. I am Phoenix! Part 2

The Uncanny New Mutants  
I am Phoenix! Part 2  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything. The X-Men and the Uncanny New Mutants all belong to Marvel. I only own August  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Anything but ordinary- of course there's gonna be some good old Kitty/Pete snarkiness! Cuz the coolness! Scott bashing coming right up, enjoy!  
  
Melissarxy1- Enjoy the chappie! More Kitty flavoured fun coming right up!  
  
Agent-G- Kitty is sooo gonna make Pete pay, and then some! When Rachel said Nate, she was referring to Nathan Summers, Cable.  
  
Quote of the day- 'Nooo! My sugar, it's melting! Melting... Oh what a world...'- Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)  
  
Black Bird Hangar Bay, Xavier Institute-  
  
The doors to the Blackbird Hangar Bay swish open as a welcoming committee consisting of Hank McCoy, Remy LeBeau, Rogue, Dani Moonstar and Jonothon Starsmore walk through the door. They wait patiently while the Blackbird lands.  
  
'Dis is de right time for people returning, non?' Remy asks.  
  
'Sure is sugah.' Rogue replies. 'First you an' me, then Jono.'  
  
{I can't help but wonder who's next.} Jono adds. {What about DaCosta and the other New Mutants?}  
  
'I believe that Messrs DaCosta, Guthrie and young Miss Smith are scheduled to return in a week or so.' Hank replies.  
  
'Wow this is great!' Dani adds. 'The whole gang's gonna be here!'  
  
The five turn as the Blackbird's doors open up and the passengers walk out.  
  
'My stars and garters!' Hank grins. 'It's true! Rachel you're back!'  
  
'Nice to see you too fuzzy!' Rachel replies with a grin and a hug.'  
  
'What? Don't I get a hug?' Kitty asks with a grin.  
  
'Hello Katherine.' Hank grins.  
  
Kitty then turns and grabs Rogue in another hug.  
  
'Nice to see you back Rogue!' Kitty grins. 'Or should I call you Anna now?'  
  
'Nice tah see yah too Kit!' Rogue replies, returning the hug.  
  
Hank then turns and watches as Pete is carried out by Rahne and Kurt.  
  
'What happened to Wisdom?' He asks.  
  
'Ye wouldnae believe me if I told you.' Rahne replies.  
  
'Let me guess.' Dani says. 'Kitty decked him?'  
  
'And how!' Rachel replies.  
  
'Sorry to break up the happy reunion.' Hank says. 'But Scott wishes to meet you in his office Rachel.'  
  
'Tell him I'll be there in five.' Rachel replies.  
  
The corridor outside Scott's office-  
  
Kitty and Rachel walk along the hallway to Scott's office. Lockheed is flying along behind them. Outside the door they notice three identical blonde girls.  
  
'Hi there.' Rachel says. 'You must be the Stepford Cuckoos. Rahne's told me all about you!'  
  
'We like Rahne.' The Cuckoos reply identically. 'She's pretty.'  
  
'They're scawy!' Kitty whispers to Rachel.  
  
'Don't worry Ms Pryde.' Phoebe replies. 'Eve and I won't bite. Fiona on the other hand...'  
  
Fiona shoots her sisters a glare.  
  
'Only if you're Cajun flavoured!' She adds.  
  
'Mmmm!' The Cuckoos all chime. 'Gambit...'  
  
Rachel and Kitty look at each other nervously.  
  
'That's nice and all.' Rachel says. 'But we have to go meet Scott now.'  
  
'Before you go there's something about Mister Summers that you might want to know.' Eve adds. 'It's about Miss Frost.'  
  
The Cuckoos then go on to explain Scott's telepathic affair with Emma and Rachel's face darkens with anger.  
  
After the Cuckoos have gone, Kitty turns to her friend with concern on her face.  
  
'You alright Ray?'  
  
'Oh I'm just peachy Kit!' Rachel replies. 'It's not every day that you find out that your dad had a telepathic affair with a blonde-haired skank.'  
  
'You're gonna tear him a new one aren't you?' Kitty asks.  
  
'He doesn't deserve that.' Rachel replies. 'I'm just gonna give him a piece of my mind.'  
  
Lockheed flies over to Rachel and coos at her in comfort. Rachel pats the dragon's head in thanks.  
  
Rachel then opens the door to the office and walks in. Kitty winces as a nearby picture of Emma Frost levitates from the wall and smashes itself against the wall.  
  
'And I thought I had a temper.'  
  
Inside-  
  
Scott is sitting at his desk. He gets up as Rachel and Kitty walk in.  
  
'Ah, nice to see you again Rachel?'  
  
Scott halts at Rachel's pissed off expression.  
  
'What's the matter Rachel? You seem angry.'  
  
'You're right I'm angry!' Rachel hisses. 'You cheated on Mom!'  
  
'Ah!' Scott winces. 'I was wondering when you would find out about that. I think you'd better sit down.'  
  
'I'm alright standing thankyou.' Rachel replies.  
  
'I suppose that I'd better explain.' Scott says.  
  
'What is there to explain?' Rachel yells. 'You cheated on Mom with the first cheap floozy that you came across!'  
  
'It's not like that.' Scott replies.  
  
'Oh stow it!' Kitty adds. 'You've always had roving eyes, what about Betsy, huh?'  
  
'I don't remember asking you to come in here.' Scott replies.  
  
'I'm here for Rachel.' Kitty yells back. 'Not because of your stupid emotional constipation! I couldn't care less about your marriage problems, I'm only here to make sure that Rachel doesn't rip out your spine and beat you over the head with it. Although, that's starting to sound like a good idea right about now.'  
  
Scott tries to defend himself but Rachel cuts him off.  
  
'And what were you doing when Emma was shot? Getting wasted in the Hellfire Club! If it hadn't escaped you, the hellfire Club are our enemies! No wonder Emma left you for Hank!'  
  
With that, Rachel leaves. Kitty stays and fixes Scott with a glare.  
  
'Just for your information, I'm not going to accept the teaching job because you asked, I'm doing it for the kids!'  
  
Lockheed adds his opinion by snorting puffs of smoke in anger.  
  
With that, Kitty leaves, leaving a depressed Scott.  
  
Scott reaches into his desk to take out a bottle of Scotch. He tries to open it but the bottle levitates out of his hands.  
  
{And another thing.} Rachel adds telepathically. {You got wasted on one shot of JD? You might want to have hank remove that stick from your ass and replace it with a spine!}  
  
Lockheed then pops back in and blasts the bottle with a jet of flame, showering Scott with tiny fragments of glass.  
  
Later-  
  
Kitty and Rachel are now sitting in the rec room with Kurt, August, Rahne and Warlock.  
  
'Did you have a talk with Scott?' August asks.  
  
'Yup.' Rachel replies. 'I told him my feelings about the whole thing with Frost.'  
  
'Ye didnae hurt him did ye?' Rahne asks.  
  
'Well I didn't beat him over the head with his spine if that's what you mean.' Rachel replies. 'The guy hasn't got one to hit him with anyway!'  
  
'But the guy is your father.' Warlock adds.  
  
'Not in this reality.' Rachel replies.  
  
Everybody turns as they hear someone walk into the room. They gasp as they see that it's Emma Frost. She stands at the doorway for a while and the tension seems to be thick enough to cut with adamantium claws.  
  
'I believe that you just met with Scott.' Emma says. 'I am sorry that you had to hear about it like that.'  
  
'That's alright Emma.' Rachel replies. 'It wasn't your fault, it was all his fault. He's always had a roving eye, ever since he left Maddie and baby Nathan.'  
  
'Thankyou for being so understanding.' Emma replies. 'If you ever need to talk, my office door is always open. One final thing though, I have someone here that wants to apologise to you.'  
  
Emma moves out of the way to reveal Eve, Fiona and Phoebe standing behind her sheepishly.  
  
'We're sorry Miss Summers.' They say.' We didn't mean to upset you.'  
  
'That's quite alright girls.' Rachel replies. 'You did the right thing. And it's Rachel Grey now. I'm gonna change my name in tribute of my Mom.'  
  
'What about your codename Rachel?' Kurt asks. 'Are you going to keep it as Phoenix?'  
  
'Na, I'm gonna change is fuzzy.' Rachel replies. 'I'm thinking of calling myself... Marvel Girl!'  
  
Everybody raises their glasses in a toast.  
  
'To Marvel Girl!'  
  
'So what are you going to do now Ray?' Kitty asks.  
  
'I'm thinking... Going down to Harry's and getting wasted!' Rachel grins.  
  
'I'm in!' Kitty replies. 'Kurt, what about you?'  
  
'I'm never one to turn down a chance for free beer, Katzchen!' he replies.  
  
'Rahne, August, Warlock, are you guys coming?' Rachel asks.  
  
'We'd be glad to!' they reply.  
  
'Emma?' Rachel asks.  
  
The former White Queen is momentarily dumbstruck by the request.  
  
'You really want me to come with you? After all that I did?'  
  
'All water under the bridge.' Rachel replies. 'Now are you coming or what?'  
  
'I suppose that it would be nice to have a night out with the girls.' Emma replies.  
  
'Ahem!' Kurt and Warlock reply.  
  
'And Kurt and Warlock of course!'  
  
'Go tell Hank that he can come.' Kitty adds. 'I wanna see which fuzzy guy can drink the most, him or Kurt!'  
  
END...  
  
NEXT: Rachel and co have their night out. Rachel realises her feelings for a teammate while Lockheed and the Cuckoos have fun with Gambit. 


	7. Interlude: Four Women and an Alien

New Mutants: August  
Interlude  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the New Mutants, Marvel does. I only own August.  
  
Response to reviews-  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- Thanks for the suggestions for the Kurt/August pairing (Kugust, Augurt, HA!) I'll keep those in mind. You'll have to wait for the actual date, cuz it's time for a romantic interlude.  
  
Quote of the day- 'You will like it, it is warm!'  
  
Xavier's school for higher learning-  
  
The former New Mutant, turned teacher at Xavier's known as Rahne Sinclair is walking down the upstairs hallway. She turns around as she hears someone approaching her. It's Danielle Moonstar, another former New Mutant, turned teacher.  
  
'Oh hi Dani.' Rahne greets her friend. 'What can I help ye with?'  
  
'I was just wondering whether you were still on tonight.' The young Cheyenne Mutant asks.  
  
'Our weekly trip down tae Harry's?'  
  
'The one and the same!'  
  
'I wouldnae miss it f'r the world!'  
  
'Is August coming with us?' Dani asks.  
  
'I'm afraid not.' Rahne answers her. 'She's got a date wi' Kurt!'  
  
'The chicks dig the fuzzy man huh, Furtop?' Dani smirks.  
  
'Ye've gottae admire th' blue fur!' Rahne agrees.  
  
'Seeya later then!' Dani smiles, waving goodbye. 'Tell Warlock that he's welcome to come along!'  
  
'He'll be there!' Rahne calls after her.  
  
The young Scot then continues her walk down the corridor to her room. Upon passing August's room, she hears voices arguing, followed by a crash. She knocks on the bedroom door.  
  
'Augusta?' Rahne asks. 'Are ye alright?'  
  
Rahne steps back as August answers the door.  
  
'I'm fine Rahne.' She says. 'There's nothing to worry about!'  
  
Rahne isn't so sure. Even though she hasn't got the superior sense of a wolf anymore, she could have sworn that she heard a second voice in their with August.  
  
'Are ye sure? I thought I heard ye talking tae someone!'  
  
'I was just talking to myself.' August answers. 'I'm absolutely fine!'  
  
'If yuir sure!'  
  
'Of course I am!' August continues. 'Now if you excuse me, I have a date with Kurt.'  
  
And with that August closes the door. Rahne just shrugs at August's strange behaviour and continues on down the corridor.  
  
Harry's Bar: Later-  
  
The door to Harry's Bar, the X-Men's, and now the New Mutants', pub of choice, is pushed aside as Rahne, Dani, Warlock, Amara and Shan walk in.  
  
'You guys grab a seat.' Shan says. 'The first round's on me!'  
  
Rahne and the others grab the nearest booth and sit down while Shan gets the drinks.  
  
'What's on the itinerary tonight ladies?' Warlock asks. 'Little game of pool? Dancing? See who falls to the ground in a drunken stupor first?'  
  
'Do we look like Wolverine?' Dani quips.  
  
'Come to think of it.' Warlock continues. 'You do look a little...'  
  
Dani fixes him with a glare.  
  
'Absolutely nothing like him!'  
  
'Warlock.' Rahne says. 'I love ye, but ye're a jackass!'  
  
'Ooh!' Dani and Amara simultaneously coo. 'Rahne says she loves Warlock!'  
  
Rahne winces at what's coming next.  
  
Dani and Amara start to sing.  
  
'You want to looove him! You want to kiiiss him!'  
  
'Look at ye two!' Rahne groans. 'Ye haven't even drank a drop and ye're already makin' asses of yeselves!'  
  
Dani and Amara fall onto each other in a fit of giggles.  
  
'C'mon ye two!' Rahne continues. 'Ye're grown women! Why don't ye act like it?'  
  
'Spoilsport!' Amara pouts.  
  
'Who does Rahne love?' Shan asks, carrying a tray of drinks.  
  
'Rahne loves Warlock!' Dani answers in a singsong voice.  
  
'Good for you Furtop!' Shan smiles. 'At least you've found someone! Unlike these two singletons!' She says, pointing to Dani and Amara.  
  
'Hey! I resent that!' Amara pouts. 'I could have any guy that I wanted!'  
  
'Sure you could Princess!' Dani mutters.  
  
'I could so!' Amara says, starting to gat a little angry. This much is evident as the ground starts to shake ominously in reply to Amara's powers. Dani places her hand on Amara's arm, calming her down.  
  
'Watch the temper Amara.' She says. 'We're here for a night out, not to destroy the place in a volcanic explosion!'  
  
'Drink up!' Shan says, giving Amara her drink, a Diet Pepsi.  
  
'Aren't ye having anything stronger 'Mara?' Rahne asks. 'Ye are of legal age!'  
  
'Drinking copious amounts of alcohol isn't becoming of a lady!' Amara sniffs.  
  
The others just roll their eyes and drink their beers.  
  
Later-  
  
Dani and Shan are still sitting at their table, laughing uproariously at an off-colour joke that Dani has just told, while Rahne and Warlock dance a slow dance on the dance floor, leaving Amara, who is trying to prove that she can get any guy in the bar. She isn't doing so well.  
  
Rahne and Warlock-  
  
Warlock is holding Rahne close to him as they dance slowly along to the song playing. Rahne presently has her head resting on Warlock's shoulder as they sway along. The momentum of their swaying has Rahne closing her eyes in happiness.  
  
Warlock whispers into her ear.  
  
'About what you said earlier.' He begins.  
  
'Hmm?' Rahne mumbles, opening one of her eyes. 'What about it?'  
  
'You know when you said that you lover me?'  
  
'Aye?'  
  
'Was that true?'  
  
'Of course it was ye silly thing! I've loved ye ever since the Excalibur days!'  
  
'Good!' Warlock smiles, kissing Rahne on the top of her head. 'Good!'  
  
Rahne just closes her eyes again and lets Warlock sway them both in time to the music.  
  
Dani and Shan-  
  
'Look at those two!' Shan says. 'It makes a woman's heart proud to see two of her best friends get together!'  
  
'Hmm? What?' Dani mumbles, not exactly listening. 'Sorry? I wasn't listening.'  
  
'Rahne and Warlock. It makes me proud that they've finally found love together!'  
  
'Yeah I suppose.' Dani sighs, spreading a small puddle of spilt beer around the table with a cocktail stick.  
  
'What's the matter?' Shan asks, concernedly.  
  
'Nothing.' Dani lies.  
  
Shan clicks her finger in recognition.  
  
'You're jealous!'  
  
'No I'm not!' Dani lies, again!'  
  
'You are too!' Shan smirks. 'You're jealous that the little innocent Scots girl has got a guy and you haven't!'  
  
'Yeah? So what if I am jealous of Rahne?'  
  
Shan just shakes her head in amusement and looks over to see how Amara is getting on.  
  
The blonde Nova Roman turns away from her latest conquest with a peeved expression and storms back to her seat.  
  
'Men!' She growls, setting off a minor tremor. 'The whole lot of them are gay!'  
  
'What?' Dani and Shan simultaneously ask.  
  
'Every man in this bar is gay!' Amara repeats. 'Back in Nova Roma I could have had any man that I wanted. Not in this bar, nooo, we had to come to a bar full of gay men!'  
  
'Oh chill out Amara!' Shan smirks. 'Just because a guy doesn't want to go out with you, it doesn't mean that he's gay!'  
  
'Well it should do!' Amara pouts.  
  
The three young women look up as Warlock walks up with Rahne.  
  
'I think we should get going soon you guys. The techno-organic alien says. 'Rahne's almost asleep!'  
  
'And you want to get her to bed right?' Dani asks with a lecherous smile.  
  
'How dare ye say such a thing Danielle Moonstar?' A suddenly awake Rahne says. 'Warlock wouldnae do such a thing! Would ye 'Lock?'  
  
Before Warlock can answer, the bar is shook by an almighty explosion!  
  
'What was that?' Dani asks.  
  
'That wasn't me!' Amara says, holding up her hands. 'See? I'm calm! There's no way that it could have been me!'  
  
'We'd better go and check it out!' Shan says. 'That explosion sounded like it came from the movie theatre!'  
  
'Oh no!' Rahne gasps. 'Kurt!'  
  
TBC 


	8. The Search for Wisdom: Part 4

New Mutants  
The Search for Wisdom: Part 4  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the X-Men, they belong to Marvel. I don't own Paris either. I wouldn't want to, bloody cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys!  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- yeah, I bet you'd like to have a look in Wisdom's mind, wouldn't you? And Jono's. And Warren's... Anyway, enjoy the chapter! * KISS * ^_~  
  
***  
  
The Paris Branch of the Hellfire Club-  
  
The door to one of the stalls in the gents' lavatories opens as a random Hellfire Club Guard walks in to do his business. What the guard doesn't notice is that above his head, several of the ceiling tiles have been removed and a head pokes out. This particular head belongs to the former member of Black Air and Excalibur, Pete Wisdom.  
  
'Excuse me mate.' Pete says. 'Yer got sumthin' in yer eye.'  
  
The guard just looks up at the sight of Pete Wisdom sticking his head out of the ceiling upside down. Then, Pete's hand glows red as he shoots out a 'Hot Knife', hitting the guard in the eye. The guard slumps down dead. Pete drops down to the floor. Then Rahne, Warlock and Multiple follow him down.  
  
'Pete, was it really necessary tae kill that man?' Rahne asks.  
  
'Don't worry luv.' Pete replies. 'He was French, it's not like he'll be missed!'  
  
'But still...' Rahne continues.  
  
'Now listen here luv.' Pete answers back. 'In this line of business, people are gonna get killed.'  
  
'Aye I know.' Rahne replies. 'Tell that tae Illyana, Doug and Warlock!'  
  
Pete then checks outside the door to see if the coast is clear. When it is, he leads the others out into the corridor. When they get to the computer room, Rahne calls to the others with her comm-link.  
  
'Nightcrawler, Magma, August and Siryn, this is Wolfsbane, the coast's clear. Ye can all come in now!'  
  
'Got that loud and clear Wolfsbane.' Terry replies. 'We'll be wi' ye in a sec.'  
  
***  
  
The Paris sewers-  
  
Terry puts her comm-link away and turns to the others.  
  
'We're just under the Paris Branch o' th' Hellfire Club so 'Mara, can ye melt us a way through?'  
  
'It'll be my pleasure.' Amara replies as she shifts to her Magma form and begins to melt her way through the sewer wall.  
  
After she has melted her way through the sewer wall, she takes a look around. Unfortunately, there are several Hellfire Guards sitting around playing poker. Amara freezes where she is. Kurt, August and Terry follow Amara out of the sewer and halt in place as well as they see the Hellfire Guards sitting around.  
  
One of the Hellfire guards places a card on the pile and then looks up, right at Amara, Kurt, August and Terry. He goes to grab his gun.  
  
'I wouldn't do that if I were you buddy!' August says.  
  
The guard lets out a yelp of pain as August melts the gun with a well-aimed fireball.  
  
The other guards jump up and grab their guns. One of them manages to get off a few shots. Unfortunately, he tries to shoot Amara; her fiery form melts the bullets instantly. One of the guards turns on Kurt, the fuzzy elf grabs the guy's gun and BAMFs behind him, before the guard can turn around, Kurt re-appears and hits him upside the head with the guy's gun. The guard falls to the floor, unconscious. Amara throws lava bolts at the guards, setting them on fire, sending them running. Before they can escape, terry lets out a sonic scream, knocking them unconscious.  
  
'That wasn't so hard.' August says, dusting herself off. Everybody else then looks in amazement as august picks up the guards' guns and bends the barrels in a knot.  
  
'What?' She asks. 'I've got super-strength!'  
  
They then leave to find the others.  
  
***  
  
Several floors up-  
  
Rahne, Warlock, Pete and Jamie are having their own trouble with a gang of Hellfire goons. Warlock has changed into a Wolverine-clone and is hacking at the guards with his claws, Pete is blasting them with 'Hot Knives', Jamie and his Multiples are battering the guards with their fists while Rahne snatches away a guard's gun, butts him in the stomach and then kicks him in the groin.  
  
After their battle, they look around to survey the damage. Pete leans back and lights up a cigarette.  
  
'There's nuthin' better than beatin' up random Hellfire goons with yer best mates!' he grins.  
  
Warlock rolls his eyes and stretches out his hand, extinguishing the cigarette.  
  
'I don't think that's a good idea Pete.' He says. 'Someone might smell the smoke and come running!'  
  
Rahne then turns around as she hears something. She raises the guard's gun, still in her hands and points it in the direction of the approaching footsteps.  
  
'Is that's the way you greet your friends, I'd hate to think of the way you treat your enemies!' Jamie grins.  
  
'Ye should watch yuirself Jamie.' Rahne says. 'I almost shot ye!'  
  
Terry is almost about to say something when she lets out a scream of pain and falls to the floor. Before the others can check out what the problem is, they also let out shouts of pain and fall to the floor.  
  
'Great work Martinique.' Sebastian Shaw says as he walks out of a nearby door. 'Your father and sister would be proud!'  
  
The brunette telepath known as Mastermind 2 turns to look at the former Black King.  
  
'I am nothing like them.' Martinique snorts contemptuously. 'Unlike my 'beloved' sister, I know better than to be defeated by a band of idiotic Mutants!'  
  
'You'll find that we're not the idiotic Mutants that you think we are!' A voice says behind her.  
  
Martinique and Shaw turn around as one and see an angry Amara standing before them in her Magma form. Rahne and the others stand behind her looking equally pissed.  
  
'How did you break through my mental illusions?' Martinique asks.  
  
'We had the liberty of Emma Frost strengthen our telepathic defences for us.' Amara answers.  
  
'I have had enough of Emma Frost spoiling my plans!' Shaw hisses.  
  
'Oh shut up the both of you!' Amara growls.  
  
Before Martinique can conjure up more mental illusions, Amara lets rip with a lava blast that smashes her through the opposite wall.  
  
'It looks like yuir friend cannae stand up tae us 'idiotic Mutants.' Rahne grins.  
  
'That doesn't matter.' Shaw replies. 'I'll kill you all with my bare hands!'  
  
Top illustrate her point, he grabs Amara by the throat.  
  
'If you move one foot closer, I'll snap Miss Aquilla's neck like a twig!'  
  
'That's what ye think Shaw!' Terry hisses. 'Ye may be able tae use our kinetic energy against us, but can ye handle a sonic scream?'  
  
The others get what terry is talking about and cover their ears.  
  
Terry lets out an almighty scream and Shaw yells in pain, letting go of Amara's neck.  
  
'I might not be the perfect gentleman.' Pete yells. 'But I've never hurt an innocent woman!'  
  
He then runs at a still distracted Shaw and tackles him, throwing him through a window. Shaw lets out another yell as he falls to the Paris streets below.  
  
Amara walks up behind Pete.  
  
'Thanks for that Pete.' She says. 'You saved my life!'  
  
'Think nuthin' of it luv.' He grins. 'It's all in a day's work for me!'  
  
Much to Pete's and the others' amazement, Amara grabs Pete in a hug and kisses him.  
  
'I guess that's one way to say thankyou!' Warlock grins.  
  
'Do you think that Shaw survived that fall?' Jamie asks.  
  
'If he did.' Kurt replies. 'He won't be bothering us for a while!'  
  
'I suppose that ye'll be wantin' tae join us permanently now, Pete?' Rahne asks.  
  
'I won't have to wear those stupid bloody spandex costumes will I?' He asks.  
  
'It's more leather and Kevlar now.' Kurt answers.  
  
'I can't wait.' Pete deadpans.  
  
***  
  
X-Corp Paris HQ: Later-  
  
Pete Wisdom has just taken of his shirt and lights up a cigarette. He walks over to the mirror and looks at himself. He turns around as he hears someone knock on his door.  
  
As he answers it, he sees that it's Amara, dressed in a revealing red robe with a bottle of champagne in one hand and two glasses in the other.  
  
'Hello Pete.' She grins. 'Fancy a night cap?'  
  
'Uh, sure thing luv.' Pete replies. 'Make yerself at home!'  
  
Amara walks in and shuts the door behind her. She puts the champagne and the glasses on the dresser and walks up to Pete. She puts her arms around his shoulders and presses herself up to him.  
  
'I didn't thankyou properly for saving my life did I?' She whispers in his ear.  
  
'I think I know where this is goin.' Pete replies. 'Are yer sure yer want to go through with this?'  
  
Amara just steps back and drops her robe, standing in front of Pete completely naked.  
  
'Does this answer your question?' She asks.  
  
END... 


	9. The Search for Wisdom: Part 1

New Mutants  
The Search for Wisdom: Part 1  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I own nothing, it all belongs to Marvel. I only own August.  
  
Shout outs-  
  
Anything but ordinary- Glad you like it! When's Pete gonna appear? Soon my precious, soon! * Shivers * Oh God! I just quoted LotR! I feel SO dirty! ENJOY!!  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- More funny pervary coming soon! Enjoy luv! * Kiss * ^_~  
  
***  
  
The skies above Paris-  
  
Our heroes are now aboard the Blackbird and are now flying towards their destination, the head Quarters of X-Corporation Paris. Kurt is piloting, seeing that he's the senior member of the group. August is sitting beside him in the co-pilot's seat. Rahne and Warlock are sitting next to each other behind Kurt and August while Amara sits behind them. Rahne looks behind her seat at her friend as the blonde lava-wielding Mutant shifts nervously in her seat.  
  
'What's up Amara?' Rahne asks. 'Don't tell me ye still dinnae like flying!'  
  
'It's alright for you, Rahne.' Amara replies. 'You're used to flying, you did it all the time when you were with Excalibur, and I didn't get that chance!'  
  
'I'm sure you'll be alright Amara.' Warlock joins in. 'Kurt's one of the best pilots in the X-Men!'  
  
Amara yelps in fright as the blackbird drops a bit.  
  
'Sorry!' Kurt winces from the pilot's seat. 'Turbulence!'  
  
***  
  
Several minutes later, the Blackbird lands in X-Corp's hangar bay. Several people move forward to meet them as the hatch of the Blackbird opens. As soon as Rahne sees who is standing there, she runs down the ramp and grabs him in a big hug.  
  
'JAMIE! It's great tae see ye again!'  
  
'It's great to see you too Rahne!' Madrox replies. 'You've changed!'  
  
'Changed for the better I hope!'  
  
Jamie looks the young Scot up and down.  
  
'I've gotta say Rahne, the leather costumes suit you!'  
  
'Watch yourself Jamie!' Rahne mock warns.' Or Warlock might get jealous!'  
  
'Don't I get a hug?' Someone else asks.  
  
Rahne's face lights up even more when she sees who it is.  
  
'Ric! It's been ages!'  
  
Rictor grins deeply as Rahne pulls him into the hug too!  
  
'I can't believe how much you've changed Furtop!' The Mexican earthquake Mutant grins. 'I hear that you beat Avalanche all by yourself and without powers!'  
  
'Mein Gott!' Kurt groans. 'Don't get her started! That's all she can talk about, how she beat Avalanche all on her own!'  
  
Jamie shows them through a door.  
  
'Why don't you come and meet the others?'  
  
Re and Rictor lead them to a high-tec looking monitor sensor. The person sitting in the monitor chair turns around and smiles politely at the new arrivals.  
  
'It's nice to see you again Kurt.' Monet St Croix, aka M, smiles.  
  
'It's good to see you too Monet.' Kurt replies. 'Hopefully this visit will be happier than the last time I was here!'  
  
'There's no Mutants blowing up the Eiffel Tower today, boyo!' A voice says behind them. Kurt and co turn as one as Theresa Cassidy, aka Siryn walks into the room. 'All in all, it's been a pretty slow couplae months!'  
  
As all of the lead members of X-Corp Paris have arrives, introductions are made to those that don't know each other.  
  
'An ye're th' one that's Selene's daughter, aye?' Terry asks August.  
  
'Don't worry.' August responds. 'I'm not evil or anything!'  
  
'I'm not judging ye.' Terry says. 'I'm in the same boat meself, me uncle's Black Tom Cassidy and Monet's brother sucks the marrow from other Mutants' bones!'  
  
'Must you always bring up the fact that I'm related to Emplate in conversation?' Monet sighs.  
  
'Bite me Monet, ye auld slag!'  
  
Monet just sighs at Terry's good-natured ribbing and turns back to the computer monitors.  
  
'You must all be tired.' Jamie says. 'I'll show you to your rooms.'  
  
***  
  
Rahne sits on her bed and looks around at the room that she is sharing with Warlock.  
  
'I've got tae say 'Lock, I'm impressed!'  
  
Warlock doesn't answer her as he is staring out of the window at the city below. Rahne walks up behind him and rest her chin on his shoulder. 'Beautiful, isn't it?'  
  
Warlock nods in agreement.  
  
'Not as beautiful as you though!' He grins.  
  
'It's romantic too!' Rahne says, kissing Warlock's neck. She then turns him around and drapes her arms across his neck. She leads him to the bed and sits down. She pats the bed beside her. 'Why don't ye join me? We can get 'comfortable!'  
  
'Are you sure you want to do this?' Warlock asks, sitting down beside her.  
  
'Nowhere better than Paris.' Rahne says. 'Maybe Venice though.' She blushes slightly as Warlock places his hand on her knee and leans in to kiss her.  
  
'I love you Rahne Sinclair!'  
  
'I love ye too!' Rahne replies as Warlock leans them both back onto the bed.  
  
***  
  
The next morning-  
  
Rahne yawns and smiles contently as warlock kisses the top of her head.  
  
'Mornin' sleepy head!' He grins. 'How did you sleep?'  
  
'Like a log!' Rahne replies, rolling onto her front. 'It's the best sleep I've had in ages!'  
  
Warlock rolls to face her. 'What have I done to deserve a Princess like you?' He asks.  
  
Rahne just grins happily and leans in to kiss him. Just as their lips are about to touch, a voice calls out through the intercom.  
  
'This is Monet St Croix. Can all active personnel please report to the monitor from ASAP!'  
  
'I guess that means us. Rahne sighs, jumping out of bed and running out of the room.  
  
'Uh, Rahne?' Warlock calls after her. 'Don't you think that you'd better put some clothes on?'  
  
A muttered curse can be heard from further down the corridor as a deeply blushing Rahne walks back into the room.  
  
'Maybe clothes would be a good idea!' Rahne says, blushing so much that her skin matches her hair.  
  
***  
  
Everyone is now gathered in the monitor room. Monet is showing a clip of a security tape from a French art museum.  
  
'This man was sighted running from a nearby art museum. He's suspected to have stolen a priceless piece of artwork.  
  
Rahne squints at the grainy piece of film.  
  
'Can ye magnify that a bit?' She asks.  
  
Monet taps a few buttons and the picture begins to get clearer. Rahne and Kurt gasp in shock as they see who the man is.  
  
'Mein Gott!' Kurt gasps. 'It's Pete Wisdom! But he's supposed to be dead!'  
  
TBC... 


	10. August: Part 1

New Mutants: August  
  
By  
RahneMan  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the X-Men, Marvel does. I only own August.  
  
Quote of the day- 'I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect!'  
  
Notes- This story is set during recent X-Men and New Mutants continuity. Jean Grey is dead (Ding-Dong the witch is dead!), Xorn turned out to be Magneto in disguise, Nightcrawler's biological father was revealed to be the demon Azazel and Moonstar, Karma, Magma and Wolfsbane returned to Xavier's to teach the kids. Juggernaut is now a member and Polaris is insane!  
  
Cast Members-  
  
The New Mutants- Wolfsbane, Karma, Moonstar, Magma, Sunspot, Warlock, Cannonball  
  
The X-Men- Emma Frost, Beast, Wolverine, Juggernaut, Nightcrawler, Iceman, Archangel, Jubilee, Husk, Havok  
  
Pairings- Emma Frost/Beast, Wolfsbane/Warlock, Iceman/Jubilee, Archangel/Husk  
  
With all that crap over with, let's get on with the story-  
  
Random Highstreet: Westchester-  
  
It's nighttime in Westchester. People are milling about the streets, moving in and out of the bars and shops. Four particular people come to our attention. They are the newest members of Xavier's School for Higher Learning, once known as the New Mutants. The Members- Rahne Sinclair; aka Wolfsbane (powers currently dormant), Danielle Moonstar; aka Moonstar (Ability to create three-dimensional images from the minds of herself and others), Xi'an 'Shan' Coy Manh; aka Karma (ability to psionically possess the minds of others) and Amara Aquilla; aka Magma (ability to generate and project lava blasts). They are on their night out.  
  
'It's a pity that Sam and 'Berto couldn't come with us.' Amara says.  
  
'Berto's most probably messing about with the stock exchange.' Dani smirks.  
  
'Where's Warlock?' Shan asks.  
  
'Present!' A voice says from Rahne's handbag. And with that Warlock, the extraterrestrial shapeshifter pops his head out from her bag.  
  
'See anything you like in there 'Lock?' Dani quips again.  
  
'Nothing much!' Warlock answers her. 'Just your usual feminine hygiene products.'  
  
Rahne blushes at the smirks from her other companions.  
  
'Ye can stop talking anytime ye want 'Lock!' Rahne sighs.  
  
Shan turns her head as if she hears something.  
  
'Did any of you hear that?'  
  
'Hear what?' Amara asks.  
  
CLANG! They hear a garbage can falling over in a nearby alley.  
  
'That!' Shan answers, running off in the direction of the sound. The others follow her.  
  
'Just when I thought the night was going to get boring!' Warlock quips. 'Now we have to rescue a damsel in distress!'  
  
'How d'ye know it's a damsel in distress?' Rahne asks.  
  
'Statistical probability!' Warlock answers her.  
  
When the five companions reach the alley, they gasp at the sight before them. The damsel is being attacked by a group of Hellfire Club soldiers! She isn't the one in distress though, far from it! The Hellfire soldiers are the ones in distress! That much is evident as the young woman throws one of the soldiers across the alley and melts another's gun with a blast of frame from her hands.  
  
'I'm going to hazard a guess that there's a new Mutant in town!' Warlock quips, morphing back to his humanoid form.  
  
After she has finished bashing two Hellfire soldiers' heads together, the woman turns to the New Mutants.  
  
'Thank goodness I've found you!' she gasps. 'You guys are from Xavier's right?'  
  
'Yes we are.' Dani answers her. 'You're a Mutant too right?'  
  
The woman points to the pile of unconscious Hellfire soldiers.  
  
'Stupid question!'  
  
'I suppose that there wouldnae be any harm in bringing a new recruit home!' Rahne says.  
  
'I'm Augusta by the way!' The woman says, holding out her hand. 'My friends call me August. Well they would if I had any friends!'  
  
'I'm Dani Moonstar.' Dani says. 'The redhead is Rahne, the blonde girl is Amara, the Asian girl is Shan and the yellow-skinned alien is Warlock.'  
  
Greetings are shared as August shakes their hands. Amara looks at her suspiciously.  
  
'Have I met you somewhere before?' She asks. 'You look familiar.'  
  
August shakes her head.  
  
'Can't say that I have met you before.'  
  
'Why were ye being attacked by Hellfire soldiers anyway?' Rahne asks.  
  
'I have no idea!' August answers again.  
  
'We'll have to get the Professor to investigate that.' Dani says.  
  
'No!' August yells. 'You can't do that!'  
  
The assembled New Mutants look at her suspiciously.  
  
'Sorry! I've got this thing about mind-powers!'  
  
TBC 


	11. August: Part 2

New Mutants: August  
Part 2  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the X-Men, Marvel does.  
  
Quote of the day- 'My cat's breath smells like cat food!'  
  
For Dark Jaded Rose  
  
Kisses ;)  
  
Xavier's School For Higher Learning-  
  
The newly discovered Mutant known as Augusta is presently sitting opposite Professor Charles Xavier in his office.  
  
'I'm not so sure about this Professor.' August tells him nervously.  
  
'There is nothing to be afraid of Augusta.' Xavier comforts her. 'All I wish to do is scan your mind and see what the matter is.'  
  
'Don't say I didn't warn you!' August sniffed.  
  
Xavier then got up from his desk and placed a hand on August's forehead.  
  
'This shouldn't take very long.' Xavier tells her.  
  
*I should think so! * August thinks to herself. *I've got to pee! *  
  
*Please Augusta. * Xavier tells her via telepathy. *This would be easier if you cleared your mind of all thoughts. *  
  
August just chuckles nervously and blushes.  
  
Outside-  
  
Unknown to Xavier and August, they are being snooped on!  
  
'Can you hear anything Rahne?' Amara Aquilla asks the young Scot.  
  
'I would be able tae hear better if ye stayed quiet!' Rahne mutters, looking up at her Nova Roman companion.  
  
*Hear anything interesting girls? * A voice asks in their heads. The two of them let out a yelp as they look around for the speaker.  
  
'EEK! Miss Frost!' Amara yelps. 'We were just uh.'  
  
'Snooping in on the conversations of others?' The co-headmistress of Xavier's smirks.  
  
'No?' Rahne lies.  
  
'You may be an accomplished fighter Miss Sinclair.' Emma says. 'But you are a terrible liar!'  
  
'We just wanted to see what Augusta's story is!' Amara says, squirming under Emma's gaze.  
  
'Amara thinks that she's evil!' Rahne tells the elder telepath. 'I think she's makin' a fuss about nuthin'!'  
  
Emma gets a thoughtful look on her face.  
  
'This Augusta, she is the young woman that you rescued from the Hellfire Club soldiers the other day?'  
  
'Actually.' Rahne smirks. 'It looked like th' Hellfire soldiers were th' ones needing rescuing!'  
  
Amara chuckles as she remembers the sight of the young woman taking on the soldiers all by herself.  
  
'Sounds interesting!' Emma says, putting her ear to the door.  
  
As soon as she does this though, the door to Xavier's office opens and Emma falls through the doorway in an undignified lump. Rahne and Amara stifle their laughter at the sight of the former White Queen of the Hellfire Club lying on the floor like a blob of peanut butter.  
  
'Can I help you with anything Emma?' A visibly amused Xavier asks her.  
  
Emma sputters, gets up and dusts herself off.  
  
'Any progress with the mind scan Charles?' She asks, pushing a rogue strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
'I'm afraid not Emma.' Xavier answers her. 'The mind scan didn't reveal a thing.'  
  
'So uh, Professor.' Amara nervously mutters. 'Will Augusta be staying with us?'  
  
'If that is alright with her of course!' Xavier says.  
  
'It wouldn't hurt to have a place to hide out.' August smirks.  
  
'I also have another offer for you.' Xavier continues. 'After certain *ahem* events, we have several teaching positions open. Would you be willing to accept?' (1)  
  
A wide smile spreads on August's face.  
  
'I would love to!' She beams. 'I've always wanted to teach!'  
  
'If you wish, you can start tomorrow.' Xavier continues.  
  
'The sooner the better.' August smiles.  
  
The Rec Room-  
  
The rest of the school's faculty are hanging about. Beast is sitting in a chair reading. Iceman is sitting chatting to Jubilee. Archangel and Husk are snuggled up on the sofa. Nightcrawler is hanging upside down by his tail chatting to Havok and Juggernaut while Karma is observing an air hockey match between Warlock and Moonstar. Several of them turn as the door opens and Professor Xavier, Emma Frost, Rahne, Amara and august walk in.  
  
Emma walks up to Hank's chair, puts her arm around him and sits down on the arm of the chair. Hank looks up from his book and smiles at his close friend. Emma smiles back and starts to stroke Hank's mane. Rahne and Amara sit down on a vacant seat. Xavier turns and addresses the others.  
  
'Everybody. I would like to introduce you to Augusta. She will be the new geography teacher!'  
  
A general greeting moves around the room.  
  
Emma turns to Hank and whispers in his ear.  
  
'I could swear I've seen her before!'  
  
TBC  
  
Notes- (1)- The events that Xavier is referring to are, Xorn being revealed to be Magneto in disguise and the death of Jean Grey (YAWN!) 


	12. August: Part 3

New Mutants: August  
Part 3  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the X-Men, Marvel does.  
  
Quote of the day- 'A man's gotta know his limitations!'  
  
For Dark Jaded Rose ;)  
  
Augusta's room: Xavier's School For Higher Learning: Morning-  
  
The newest member of Xavier's faculty is fast asleep in bed. There is a knock on her door. August stirs slightly in her sleep. There is another knock, this time louder. August mumbles something in her sleep.  
  
'Guten Morgen Augusta!' The person calls through the door. It's Kurt Wagner, the X-Men's resident fuzzy blue teleporter. 'The Professor wanted me to tell you that breakfast is ready!'  
  
August curses quietly as she wearily gets up.  
  
'Yes alright!' She yawns. 'I'm coming!'  
  
She opens the door.  
  
'Can I help you Kurt?' She asks.  
  
Kurt momentarily forgets why he's there as he looks at what August is wearing. Unusually for a fashionable person such as herself, August is wearing an over-size white T-Shirt with a picture of the Human Torch on it, ladies' boxer shorts and stripy pink bed socks.  
  
'I see that you're a fan of the Fantastic Four!' Kurt smirks.  
  
August humphs and closes the door in Kurt's face.  
  
Later-  
  
August and Kurt are walking down to her first class of the day.  
  
'I'm sorry if I was cranky earlier.' August apologises. 'I'm just used to waking up late is all.'  
  
Kurt smiles good-naturedly.  
  
'Think nothing of it fraulein! Who doesn't want to sleep later in the mornings?'  
  
They stop outside the class.  
  
'This is your class.' Kurt tells her. He then looks at his watch. 'The kids'll be in soon, we'd better go in.'  
  
August follows Kurt into the room and looks around at the oak panelling and expensive chairs and stuff.  
  
'Whoa!' She breathes. 'Swish!'  
  
The two of them turn as they hear the first class walk in. August its down by the desk as Kurt holds open the door for the kids. August gets out all her books and stuff for the class Kurt quiets them down.  
  
'If I could have your attention please class?' he asks. 'I would like you to meet your new geography teacher, Miss uh.'  
  
'Gallio.' August tells him.  
  
'Oh right! Miss Gallio!' Kurt continues.  
  
'Or you could just call me August!' She tells the class.  
  
A fairly friendly greeting rises from the class.  
  
'I'll leave you to your lesson if that's alright.' Kurt says, opening the door to leave. 'Good luck!'  
  
After Kurt has left, August gets up from her desk and starts to walk around the class.  
  
'Before we start with the BORING old geography, why don't you all tell me your names, so I can get to know you, okay?' You with the three eyes, you can start.'  
  
And with that, August started her first day of teaching at Xavier's. The lesson went pretty smoothly. Next came recess, Hank was on recess duty today so all August had to do was prepare for the next lesson. Unfortunately for her, the next class was the remedial class. That didn't go so smoothly, as soon as she sat down to take the lesson, one of the class's matter manipulator's made her chair disappear, causing her to fall on her butt, unsurprisingly, the whole class burst out laughing. That then caused August to become annoyed, causing her powers to set the globe on fire!  
  
Faculty Cafeteria: Lunch-  
  
Several members of Xavier's faculty are sitting in the cafeteria. On one table are Emma Frost and Hank McCoy; they're having a civilised conversation about the theatre. While, in contrast, on another table is Bobby Drake, telling lewd jokes to a not very amused Warren Worthington and Paige Guthrie. Unseen by Warren, Bobby is freezing up the winged Mutant's coffee cup while he talks. As Warren brings his cup up to his mouth to drink, his lips become stuck to the ice, causing Bobby to burst out laughing.  
  
On the far table, Rahne's attention is drawn to the doors as August walks in with Kurt. The young Scot gets up and waves to get their attention. August holds up her hand in greeting and walks over to the table as Kurt goes to get their food.  
  
'How was yuir first day?' Rahne asks.  
  
'The day isn't over yet.' August sighs.  
  
'That bad huh?' Amara asks.  
  
'Remind me to ask the Professor or fire-proof globes the next time I teach the remedial class geography!' August smirks.  
  
'Tell me about it!' Dani also smirks. 'The last time I taught the remedial class, I ended up giving them nightmares for weeks!'  
  
'Accidentally of course!' Rahne says sarcastically.  
  
The four girls look up as Kurt brings his and August's food.  
  
'I've got you spaghetti if that's alright.' He says.  
  
August licks her lips hungrily.  
  
'Yum! Thanks Kurt! You must be psychic, spaghetti's my favourite!'  
  
Kurt smiles at the compliment. Then his attention is caught by and angry Warren, still with his frozen coffee cup stuck to his face, throttling Bobby.  
  
'Sorry to abandon you like this frauleins.' He says. 'But it looks like I'll have to break up this fight before it gets nasty!'  
  
The four women watch Kurt watch as Kurt runs over to Bobby and Warren's table. Rahne turns to August with a glint in her eye.  
  
'So what d'ye think o' Kurt?' She asks.  
  
'He's cute.' August sighs, not realising what she's saying, as she becomes mesmerises by the Kurt's lean, yet supple backside.  
  
'August likes Ku-urt!' Dani taunts. Rahne.  
  
'Not like that I don't!' August says, blushing deeply.  
  
'Oh come on August!' Amara smirks. 'You're blushing! You think he's hot!'  
  
Dani and Rahne start to sing childishly.  
  
'You want to hug him! You want to kiss him!'  
  
'You can stop talking any time you want!' August groans, holding her head in her hands.  
  
After she has ate her meal, August waves goodbye to Rahne and the others and takes her tray to be cleaned up. Upon passing Bobby and Warren's, now vacant, table, she slips on a patch of ice. Her tray flies out of her hands. Before she can get splattered by left over spaghetti sauce, there is a BAMF and the smell of sulphur in the air. Kurt catches her!  
  
'Thanks Kurt!' She says, somewhat breathlessly. 'That was a close one!'  
  
Kurt smiles as he helps her up.  
  
'Think nothing of it Fraulein!'  
  
Still with her arm around Kurt for support, august gets up and looks into his eyes. Her breath is momentarily taken away as she gazes into them. Kurt blushes slightly as he feels August's heart beating against his chest. He then looks into her beautiful ice-blue eyes. They move closer, and just as their lips touch, Rahne, Amara nd Dani pop up behind them.  
  
'You want to hug him! You want to kiss him!'  
  
Kurt lets go of August suddenly, letting her fall on her butt. August then looks up at Rahne and co and glares. Behind them a conveniently placed Scott Summers has his pants set alight!  
  
'ARRGGHHH!! IT BURNS!!'  
  
END (For now!) 


	13. August: Part 4

New Mutants: August  
Part 4  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I down own the X-Men, Marvel does. I only own August.  
  
Quote of the day- 'Kiss my face!'  
  
Xavier's School For Higher Learning-  
  
It is the end of the school week and Augusta Gallio is walking down the corridor to the rec room. There is a 'BAMF!' and a smell of sulphur.  
  
'Hello Kurt!' She says, not entirely disappointed.  
  
'How did you know it was me?' The fuzzy blue teleporter asks.  
  
'C'mon Kurt!' August laughs. 'What did you want to see me for?'  
  
August steps back as Kurt drops down from the ceiling.  
  
'I was wondering whether you were doing anything later?' Kurt asks.  
  
'Oh my goodness!' August thinks to herself. 'Kurt's going to ask me out!'  
  
'I was going to go to Harry's Bar with Rahne and Amara.' She answers him. 'Why? Did you have something in mind?'  
  
Kurt clears his throat nervously.  
  
'Would you like to catch a movie with me tomorrow?'  
  
August's face lights up.  
  
'I'd love to Kurt!' August grins, grabbing the fuzzy blue elf in a huge hug.  
  
'I'll meet you outside at seven, okay?'  
  
'You bet Kurt!'  
  
With that, there is another 'BAMF!' as Kurt teleports away.  
  
August walks further down the corridor with a dreamy smile on her face. Unseen by her, Rahne and Amara creep up behind her.  
  
'What did Kurt want?' Rahne asks.  
  
August jumps at the sound of Rahne's voice, causing her powers to set light to a nearby painting!  
  
'Gah!' She yells. 'You nearly gave me a heart attack!' She then looks at the flaming painting and uses her powers to put out the fire. 'I must be more careful with that.' She says to herself. She then turns to Rahne and Amara.  
  
'What did you want?' She asks.  
  
'Kurt asked you out on a date didn't he?' Amara asks, with a huge grin.  
  
'What if her did?' August asks.  
  
Amara claps her hands excitedly and starts to sing, Rahne joins in.  
  
'He wants to love you! He wants to kiss you!'  
  
August rolls her eyes and walks off.  
  
August's room: Later-  
  
August opens the door to her room and flops down onto the bed, still with the dreamy smile on her face.  
  
'I can't believe that I have a date with Kurt!' She says out loud. 'I can't wait!'  
  
'It won't last!' A voice says from the shadows.  
  
August jumps up at the sound.  
  
'Show yourself!' She says.  
  
August watches as the figure steps out of the shadows. The figure is a tall woman with long black hair and ice blue eyes; dressed in a tight leather bodice, a black cloak, black opera gloves and thigh length high heeled black boots. It's Selene, Black Queen of the Hellfire Club!  
  
'Get out you witch!' August snarls. 'Before I turn you into ash!'  
  
'Tisk-Tisk!' Selene taunts. 'Is that any way to talk to your dear old mother? And besides, we both know that your puny powers can't hurt me. I'm immortal!'  
  
'It won't stop me form trying!' August spits.  
  
'You haven't got the guts!' Selene taunts again.  
  
With that, August gives a fierce yell and leaps at Selene. However, before she can reach her, Selene teleports away, laughing evilly. August lands against the wall.  
  
There is a knock on the door.  
  
'Augusta?' It's Rahne. 'Are ye all right?'  
  
August picks herself up and dusts herself off. She opens the door and looks at Rahne.  
  
'I'm fine Rahne. There's nothing to worry about!'  
  
'Are ye sure?' The young Scot asks. 'I thought I heard ye talkin' tae someone!'  
  
'I was just talking to myself.' August tells her. 'I'm absolutely fine!'  
  
'If yuir sure!'  
  
'Of course I am!' August continues. 'Now, if you excuse me, I have a date with Kurt!' 'Evil mother or no evil mother!' She thinks to herself.  
  
TBC 


	14. Never Trust A Cuckoo

New Mutants  
Never Trust A Cuckoo  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
And  
Dark Jaded Rose  
  
Disclaimer- I own nothing. It all belongs to Marvel. I only own August.  
  
Rahne lay on her back on the bed, her breathing was heavy with sleep and for the first time in a long time it was dreamless and one of rest. She was happily submerged in oblivion when a crash was heard as the door banged open. Three identical girls come running in shouting excitedly at the same time.  
  
"Guess what?" they all say. Rahne sits up on the bed and looks into each face of the Stepford Cuckoos.  
  
"If ye dinnae leave here in five seconds I'm going tae rip yuir throats out one by one," she says threateningly. The girls get comfortable on the bed and one speaks up.  
  
"We can't. Ms. Frost said to get you, we're going to the beach with her and the others," Phoebe said. Rahne was about to kick them out when she remembered the evening before.  
  
*Flashback at dinner table*  
  
"Whoever's in the house tomorrow can help me in the Danger Room, I got a new assimilation I wanna try out," Logan said and gazed at each and every fear stricken face.  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
"Give me twenty minutes, I'll be down in a jiffy," she said and scooted the girls out of her room.  
  
*Thirty minutes later*  
  
Rahne, Warlock, Amara, Kurt, August, Emma, Hank, and the Stepford Cuckoo's were all in the X-Van bored out of there minds until Kurt came up with a wonderful idea.  
  
"Why don't we sing a song," he said. Hank (who was driving) looked back with a smile.  
  
"That sounds like a wonderful idea!" he says excitedly, and with his eyes still off the road he and Kurt begin to discuss what to sing. Amara starts shouting hysterically from the back and Hank gives her a lighthearted glare. "Amara stop yelling!" he says.  
  
"Fine," she says calmly. "But we're going to die."  
  
Hank turns his head to the front and they're about to careen over a cliff, a bit of quick thinking and sharp swerve manages to get them back on the road safely. Everyone is sweating bullets except for Emma who looked down at her nails in annoyance.  
  
"That's why you never file while someone else is driving the car," she says and pulls out her emery board once again.  
  
*At the Beach*  
  
Everyone is settled, the younger blondes are splashing one another in matching white bathing suits and Emma is reading a novel in a similar bathing suit the same as the girls only that it's the rated R version. Hank is flipping burgers with Amara serving as assistant, Warlock is supposedly rubbing suntan lotion on Rahne's back (supposedly because a lot of giggling is arising) and August and Kurt are building a sand castle.  
  
"So what do we do now?" Rahne asks the others after Warlock found no other place possible to smear the lotion. Phoebe, Fiona and Eve (the Stepford Cuckoos) overhear and run over sitting on the sand.  
  
"We know," they all say. Fiona glares at her sisters since she had come up with the idea. Emma perks up and when she gets a glimpse into their mind she snickers behind her book. Kurt, Amara, August and Hank join them on the grass and curiously ask what it the game is.  
  
"Let's play truth," Fiona says and her sisters giggle. Emma hides her face. "Someone asks a question and you must answer honestly or pay the consequences."  
  
The adults shrug and decide to join in, neither knowing what they were getting in for.  
  
"Okay, me first," Eve says. "This one is for Kurt and August," the two smile at each other and face the blonde again. "How far have you two gone?"  
  
The noise that resounded the small beach area was astounding. Emma's fit of laughter, Kurt's howl, August's sharp suction of breath, Amara's verbal confusion at the question, Hank's lack of air and Warlock's attempt at giving Hank the Heimlich maneuver only left Rahne to behave as the adult and send the girls off to think about what they said.  
  
Everyone turned to glare at Emma who adjusted her top and gave them a mock look of indignation. "What? You don't think they got that from me do you?" She said irritably and she turned back to her trashy novel.  
  
The others continued to do what they were doing when the girls came running back. Hank who was passing Emma a burger saw the fearful look on their faces and put it back on the barbecue, bun and all.  
  
"What's wrong girls?" he asked. The girls were breathing heavily and fear seemed to overcome them. Emma looked over at them with an unnatural look of concern on her face; the fear filled vibe was thick.  
  
"We just saw someone sneak into the shack in the woods," Fiona said and each girl held the other hands.  
  
"I'll check it out quickly," Kurt said and almost teleported till the girls shouted.  
  
"NO! Don't go alone," they said. He looked at them and shrugged. "It looks dangerous" they whispered, blue eyes widened.  
  
"Okay, we'll all go," Rahne said and patted the girl's shoulders kindly. "You stay here," she said.  
  
All the adults made their way to the shack while the girls looked at each other nodded and made their way through another path.  
  
"It does look kinda scary in here," Amara said as they made their way to the dark, icky looking swamp area of the beach. They saw the shack and jumped when the door banged closed. "Um, do we have to go in there?" she asked, wanting to get away as soon as possible.  
  
"Of course we do," Rahne said bravely. "We're the X-Men." And she made her way into the shack to find nothing. "Oh no they didn't!" she cried out from the inside.  
  
The others ran in and didn't notice anything until the shack was closed and locked. Giggles were heard and Rahne started muttering expletives while Kurt (forgetting the fact that he can teleport) started yelling about being 'scared of the dark'.  
  
*Ten minutes later*  
  
The adults finally get back to the beach, angry and annoyed, to find the triplets talking to some random surfers. Needless to say the day was ended on a low note for the twins after they were promised a special session with their beloved Logan. 


	15. Rahne Sinclair: Biker Chick

New Mutants  
Rahne Sinclair: Biker Chick  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, Marvel does! I don't own the events in 'New Mutants' #9 either, that's Marvel's too! If I did own it, I would have kept Rahne's Scottish accent. Without it she's just another hot redhead!  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- Glad you liked the Warren-ness! More Rahne hilarity next up! Love ya! *Kiss! *  
  
It's almost the end of the school day and Rahne is bored, with a capital B! It's nice helping out Mister McCoy (or should that be doctor? Rahne can never remember) and all but there's only so much trigonometry that a young Scottish ex-werewolf can take before going mad! Rahne starts to daydream. She thinks back to her return to Xavier's several weeks ago...  
  
Several weeks ago (1)-  
  
Rahne is currently sitting in a Manhattan café drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper. She is just about to take another sip as a newsflash appears on the television. It seems that the Mutant terrorist known as Avalanche is going on a rampage near the Empire State Building. Rahne drinks up the rest of her coffee, throws some money onto the table and leaves. In a nearby alley we see Rahne's shiny new motorbike (no, you didn't read wrong, I DID day motorbike!) She pulls on some gloves and her helmet. She revs up the motor and zips off in the direction of the Empire State Building.  
  
The Empire State Building-  
  
Police dive for cover as Avalanche uses his seismic powers to send several cars flying.  
  
Two policemen see a motorbike driving up near their barricade. Before they can stop it however, the motorbike drives up a makeshift ramp made from discarded rubble and flies through the air. Avalanche turns around as he hears the revving of an engine.  
  
'What the...?'  
  
Rahne leaps from her motorbike and knocks Avalanche to the ground with a savage dropkick.  
  
Rahne looks up as she sees the familiar sight of the Blackbird land nearby. Unseen by her, Avalanche is soon up soon his feet.  
  
'I'm gonna get you, whoever you are...' He groans.  
  
Rahne spins around and kicks him squarely in the face, knocking out.  
  
'No, no.' She smiles. 'We're all done here!'  
  
Rahne turns and sees two figures exit the Blackbird, Havok and Nightcrawler.  
  
'Hunh!' Alex smirks. 'Looks like the X-Men aren't needed after all, Nightcrawler.'  
  
'Apparently not, Havok.' Kurt replies. 'I wonder who this Good Samaritan is?'  
  
Rahne takes her helmet off.  
  
Alex smiles broadly at the sight of his old friend from the good old days of X-Factor!  
  
'Well, I'll be! Long time, no see, kid!'  
  
End flashback...  
  
Rahne smile fondly at the memory. Behind her someone clears their throat. Rahne snaps out of her daydream.  
  
'Am I keeping you Miss Sinclair?' Hank smirks.  
  
Rahne looks at the four hundred pound fuzzy blue cat man.  
  
'Sorry 'bout that Mister McCoy, uh... Doctor, no! Hank! Ack! I'm babbling now aren't I?'  
  
Hank smiles and nods his head.  
  
'The class has left now Rahne. I believe you have a visitor.'  
  
Rahne gets up form her desk and walks over to the open door. Standing there with a wide smile on his face is Warlock, the techno-organic shapeshifter, also Rahne's boyfriend.  
  
'Howdy Furtop!' Warlock beams, kissing the top of Rahne's head.  
  
Rahne blushes and pushes him away slightly.  
  
'Not in front of Doctor McCoy!' (Please, no Star Trek jokes!)  
  
'Looks like the Doc's got a visitor too!' Warlock quips.  
  
Rahne looks over and sees that Hank does indeed have a visitor. This visitor being Emma Frost, former Whiter Queen of the Hellfire Club, now co- headmistress and Hank's present main squeeze. Emma sits down on the edge of Hank's desk, crosses her legs and begins flirting furiously.  
  
'Shall we leave the two lovebirds alone?' Warlock smirks again.  
  
'I cannae believe it!' Rahne says in mock shock. 'They're like a pair of randy teenagers!'  
  
'Waitasec!' Warlock says. 'I've got an idea!' He leans in closer and whispers in Rahne's ear.  
  
'So are we all set for the opera tonight Henry?' Emma asks, stroking the fur on Hank's arm. 'You did order the tickets, didn't you?'  
  
'Of course I did Emma dear.' Hank answers, taking Emma's hand and kissing it. 'It's all ready! I've even booked our own personal box!'  
  
'I can't see why you didn't let me pay.' Emma says, getting up and placing her arms around Hank's larger than average neck.  
  
'Remember what we said.' Hank tells her. 'It's my turn to pay tonight!'  
  
'You are such a gentleman!' Emma coos, tracing hank's lips with a forefinger.  
  
'My thankyou Miss Frost!' Hank smiles as he pulls Emma closer. They both move in closer to kiss.  
  
'LOOK OUT! HERE COME'S THE PROFESSOR!' Warlock yells from the doorway.  
  
Hank and Emma jump up, straighten up their clothes and look around nervously.  
  
'Wait a second!' Hank says. 'The Professor's away on leave!'  
  
'That wasn't funny!' A red-faced Emma Frost growls.  
  
All that answers them is laughter receding down the hallway.  
  
Later-  
  
Rahne and Warlock are now hanging out in the rec room with August, Kurt and Amara. Kurt and Amara are playing pool while August watches. Kurt's winning!  
  
'I can't believe this!' Amara pouts. 'You've got a broken arm (2) and you're still beating me! How do you do it?'  
  
'I'm just lucky I guess!' Kurt smirks as he lines up to pot the final black ball.  
  
Unseen by the fuzzy elf, August creeps up behind him. Amara opens her mouth to say something. August places a finger in front of her mouth, signalling Amara to stay quiet. Kurt lines up the shot and... lets out a yelp as August slaps him on the backside! Amara jumps up in celebration as August slapping Kurt on the backside causing him to mess up the shot, potting the black, then the white, Amara wins!'  
  
'That was uncalled for!' Kurt pouts, rubbing his backside. 'I had that won!'  
  
'Aww poor baby!' August coos, placing her arms around Kurt's shoulders. 'Does Kurty want august to kiss it better?'  
  
'I would answer that.' Kurt says. 'But there are women present!'  
  
Over on the sofa, Rahne and Warlock observe the goings on with Kurt, August and Amara. Warlock turns around and looks at Rahne.  
  
'How come you never do that to me?' he asks.  
  
'What?' Rahne asks. 'Slap ye on the bum?'  
  
'Yup!'  
  
Rahne gets an evil glint in her eye.  
  
'Do ye want a slappin', huh laddie?' She pokes him in the ribs. 'Huh? Do ye?' Poke, poke! 'Come on Warlock answer me! Do ye want a slappin'?' Poke, poke, poke!  
  
'Ow Rahne!' Warlock says, holding up his hands in defence. 'Come on! Cut it out!'  
  
Rahne stops poking him. 'Alrighty then!' She says with a smile. 'I'll stop pokin' ye but, I'm going tae... START TICKLIN' YE!' Rahne leaps onto Warlock and starts tickling him furiously.  
  
'HAHA! Stop it! Come on! Stop it!' Warlock laughs. 'You know how ticklish I am! HEEHEE! Come one! Cut it out!'  
  
Warlock laughs so hard that he falls of the sofa, landing on his back. Rahne jumps off the sofa, landing on top of him. Before she can continue tickling however, Warlock grabs her hands, preventing her from doing so.  
  
'Oh you're going down now Furtop!' He mock growls.  
  
'What're ye going tae do now?' Rahne asks.  
  
Warlock pulls her close and kisses her. Rahne initially resists but then she decides against it and deepens the kiss. She runs her hands through Warlock's 'hair' and nips his lip. Rahne momentarily breaks up the kiss as she sits on top of him. She then continues kissing him.  
  
Over at the pool table Amara turns to Kurt and August.  
  
'Do you think we should break them up?' She asks.  
  
'I think that it's best to leave them for now.' Kurt answers. 'Besides, if being at Xavier's for all these years has taught me anything it's that there should be an interruption any time... now!'  
  
* Wolfsbane, Warlock, Nightcrawler, Magma, August. Please report to the headmistress's office immediately! * Emma's telepathic voice tells them.  
  
'Aw Hell!' Warlock curses from under Rahne.  
  
END!  
  
Notes-  
  
(1)- This flashback is based upon events depicted in New Mutants Volume 2, Issue 9.  
  
(2)- Kurt sustained a broken arm in his and August's fight against Selene in 'New Mutants: August' Part 5. 


	16. The Search for Wisdom: Prologue

New Mutants  
The Search for Wisdom: Prologue  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything; it's all belongs to Marvel. I only own August.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- See! There's no need to threaten me! Here's an update!  
  
Anything but ordinary- YAY! A fellow Brit Fanfic writer! Yup! Jean grey is indeed dead! HURRAH! Ding-dong the bitch is dead! And no, I'm not going to kill Selene. I already have an idea for her in a future plotline.  
  
Risty- Yup! August is an OC. Emma and Scott did have a thing together but frankly I'm in denial about the whole thing! *Shivers * Some women have NO taste!  
  
Rahne placed the wrench in her mouth and attempted to pry off the oil cap on her motorbike.  
  
'Damn freakin' Spaleen! Get off ye f...'  
  
Suddenly, the oil cap popped off, drenching Rahne in a torrent of oil.  
  
From outside the garage, Warlock and Amara hear Rahne's shout and run in to see what the trouble is. The sight that greets them causes them to break into fits of laughter. It's Rahne, sitting on the floor covered head-to-toe in oil with a pissed off expression on her face!  
  
'Having a little trouble with your bike Rahne?' Warlock smirks.  
  
Rahne looks up at her boyfriend and sticks her tongue out at him. 'If ye're going tae stand there, ye could at least help me up!'  
  
Warlock tries to conceal his smile as he hold out his hand and helps her up.  
  
'I'm going tae need a nice long bath after this!' She sighs, walking off. Warlock follows her with a hopeful look on his face. 'Alone!' She adds. Warlock stops and turns to Amara.  
  
'It was worth a try right?'  
  
The young blonde Nova Roman walks up and pats him on the shoulder.  
  
'Don't worry 'Lock.' She says, patting him on the back. 'You could always cook her dinner! You know how much Rahne likes her food!' And with that timely piece of advice, she leaves.  
  
Warlock is about to leave when he notices his reflection in a large mirror on the wall. He has a large oil handprint on his back!  
  
'AMARA!'  
  
***  
  
Warlock is now in the kitchen cooking up a storm for Rahne. He turns as he hears Kurt and August enter the room. Kurt has his arm around August while she whispers thing in his ear.  
  
'Mmm! That smells great 'Lock!' Kurt says. 'What'cha cooking?'  
  
'I'm cooking country fried steak for dinner!'  
  
Kurt BAMFs over to Warlock and attempts to grab a piece. Warlock picks up a spatula and hits him on the hand. 'It's not for you it's for Rahne! If you want something to eat, get something from the refrigerator!'  
  
Kurt sulks and BAMFs over to the fridge and grabs some leftover apple pie. He then sits down next to August and starts to eat it.  
  
'Aren't you going to offer me any?' August asks.  
  
'Nuh-uh!' Kurt mumbles with a mouthful of pie.  
  
August just pouts and sets Kurt's spoon on fire with her powers. Kurt yelps and throws the spoon down on the plate. He shoots a glare at his girlfriend.  
  
'Don't look at me!' August says with mock indignation. 'I didn't know how that spoon spontaneously combusted!'  
  
Then a freshly dressed Rahne walks in with a new set of clothes.  
  
'Hey guys!' She says. 'Did I show ye the new necklace that 'Lock brought me? Look! It's got a little moon emblem!'  
  
'No you didn't Rahne.' August answers her. 'It looks really pretty though! You must be pleased!'  
  
'Aye I am!' Rahne grins. 'I think it REALLY brings out my boobs! Don't ye think?' As if to illustrate her point, Rahne bounces up and down a bit.  
  
Suddenly, there is the sound of clattering pans and apple pie getting clogged in someone's windpipe as Warlock and Kurt try not to notice. August pats her fuzzy blue boyfriend on the back and grabs him a glass of water.  
  
'Mein Gott Rahne!' Kurt gasps. 'I knew that you've grown up and all but that was surreal!'  
  
'But Warlock loves it when I talk dirty don't ye lover?'  
  
Once again there is the sound of Warlock dropping the frying pan as he passes out from visual and mental overload!  
  
Later, after Warlock has recovered, they all get a telepathic summons from Emma Frost, telling them to meet in her office.  
  
***  
  
Rahne, Warlock, August, Kurt and Amara stand in Emma's office waiting patiently for her to tell them why they are there.  
  
'I'm glad that you are here.' Emma begins. 'Jamie Madrox from Paris had just called. He and the rest of the French branch of X-Corporation need your help.'  
  
'No offence or anything.' Warlock pipes up. 'But why can't Warren, Alex and everyone take care of it? We're only teachers, not active X-Men!'  
  
'I'm afraid that Archangel, Havok and the rest of the active X-Men are presently way on a mission in Australia so it us up to you to go and help. I suggest that you go and get ready, they're already expecting you!'  
  
'I for one am glad!' Rahne grins. 'Ever since I beat Avalanche single- handedly, I've been wantin' tae get some action!'  
  
Warlock gets a smirk on his face.  
  
'Not that kindae action ye perv!'  
  
***  
  
Rahne and co are now in the hangar bay boarding the Blackbird. Rahne turns to Amara.  
  
'Do ye think that these new lather uniforms make me bum look fat?'  
  
Unseen by the young Scot, Warlock walks up behind her and starts studying her backside.  
  
'Just give me a few more minutes and I'll come up with an answer for you!'  
  
Rahne mock glares at her boyfriend and tries to take a swipe at him. Fortunately, they are broken up by Kurt running on board.  
  
'Shotgun!' He yells BAMFing over to the pilot's seat.  
  
Rahne sits down and shakes her head.  
  
'The oldest of us and yet he still acts like a child!'  
  
'I dunno Furtop!' August grins. 'He's a stud in bed though!'  
  
Rahne and co laugh at the sound of Kurt banging his head on the control panel in dismay.  
  
'I know!' Rahne grins. 'I had the room next to his and Amanda's back in Excalibur an' I heard everything!'  
  
'Mein Gott!' Kurt groans. 'This is going to be a looong mission!'  
  
TBC... 


	17. The Search for Wisdom: Part 2

New Mutants  
The Search for Wisdom: Part 2  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, it all belongs to marvel. I only own August.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Anything but ordinary- Heh! Me and my cliffhangers! Here's the update! ENJOY!!  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- Yep, you're sure right! In my fics, no one dies! Except for jean grey that is! Heh! Here's the update! Ooh-ooh! I bloody love bananas me!  
  
***  
  
We presently find Rahne, August and Amara in the changing rooms of X- Corporation Paris with Theresa and Monet, getting ready for their upcoming mission.  
  
'So how was yuir night Rahne? Terry asks. 'Did ye have fun wi' Warlock?'  
  
Rahne blushes slightly before answering.  
  
'Ye could say that...'  
  
Monet looks at Rahne, not realising her point and scans her surface emotions with her telepathy.  
  
'Oh my goodness! She had sex!'  
  
'You had sex with Warlock?' Amara gasps.  
  
Rahne's blush deepens.  
  
'What was it like?' Amara continues. 'Can he change EVERY part of his body?'  
  
August moves Amara out of the way before the blonde Mutant can continue with her inquisitions.  
  
'Good for you Furtop!' August grins. 'That makes you an official couple!'  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, in the guys' changing rooms, Warlock and Kurt get dressed with Jamie and Rictor.  
  
'So how was your night?' Jamie asks.  
  
'Good.' Warlock answers nonchalantly.  
  
'C'mon buddy!' Rictor pries. 'We need more info than that!'  
  
Warlock just rolls his eyes and smiles slightly.  
  
'A gentleman never kisses and tells!'  
  
'Mein Gott!' Kurt gasps. 'You slept with Rahne!'  
  
'Aw crud...'  
  
Jamie and Rictor pat the embarrassed techno-organic changeling on the back.  
  
'Good on ya man!' Jamie grins. 'It couldn't happen to a greater uh... guy.'  
  
'Si, I agree.' Rictor says. 'All I ever got from Rahne was a kiss, and I used to be her boyfriend.'  
  
Warlock grins at the compliments.  
  
'Now seriously guys, don't tell Rahne that you know, or she'll kick my butt!'  
  
'I know what that's like!' Jamie grins, remembering their sparring sessions back when they were members of X-Factor.  
  
'Your secret's safe with us, buddy!' Rictor grins, lacing up his boots. He pulls on some fingerless gloves and then leaves the room. Jamie follows him out, giving Warlock a thumbs up. Warlock then turns to Kurt. Unusually for the fun-loving fuzzy elf, he has a somewhat serious expression on his face.  
  
'Whassup Kurt?'  
  
'You know that I love Rahne like my sister, ja?'  
  
'Yeah sure, what was it you used to call each other, 'Fellow Hellspawn?'  
  
'That isn't the point.' Kurt continues. 'I care a lot for Rahne and if I find out that you've upset her, in anyway, I will, without hesitation, rip your head off and spend days mocking it and drawing pictures of it before teleporting it into the Atlantic!'  
  
Warlock chuckles weakly.  
  
'That's kinda what you and Brian said to Pete Wisdom when we had that night out to that pub!'  
  
Warlock once again looks at Kurt's deathly serious face.  
  
'Oh, you're serious!'  
  
A wide smile spreads over Kurt's face.  
  
'Psyche! I'm happy for you mein freund! You two deserve each other!'  
  
And with that, Kurt BAMFs out of the room, leaving Warlock alone.  
  
'I knew you were kidding!' Warlock sheepishly grins.  
  
***  
  
Rahne, Warlock, Jamie and Amara walk along a Paris street, trying to look for clues on Pete Wisdom's whereabouts. Kurt, August, Rictor and Terry are in another group, searching over a different area.  
  
Jamie calls in his comm-link to Monet, who's flying above them, making an aerial search.  
  
'Hey, M, any sign of our missing Mutant yet?'  
  
'I'm afraid not Multiple. I'll get back to you when I find him.  
  
Jamie then calls Rictor.  
  
'Ric, any luck your side?'  
  
'Not a thing, mi amigo!'  
  
'It's all quiet up here to boyo!' Terry calls.  
  
'Waitasec!' Warlock says. 'My sensors are getting something. Wisdom's... below us?'  
  
Jamie calls the others to tell them their progress.  
  
'Everyone, Warlock's got a pin on Wisdom, we're going underground!'  
  
'We'll with you!' Rictor calls back.  
  
'M, open us up an entrance will you?' Jamie asks as Monet lands beside the group.  
  
'One subterranean opening, coming right up!' Monet says as she removes a manhole cover from the street.  
  
'Ladies first!' Jamie teases.  
  
'Oh great!' Rahne mutters. 'Sewers are always so much fun!'  
  
***  
Rahne and co lower themselves into the sewer.  
  
'All of a sudden, I'm glad that I dinnae have me powers anymore!' Rahne mutters again. 'I dinnae know whether me heightened senses wouldae stood uptae the stench!'  
  
'Oh chill out Rahne, it isn't that bad!' Warlock grins, putting his arm around her.  
  
'It's alright f'r you laddie, you dinnae even have a sense o' smell!'  
  
'I do so.' Warlock answers back. 'And right now I can smell... sulphur?'  
  
'Guten tag mein freunds!' A voice calls from the darkness. 'It seems that we've beat you to it!'  
  
'Kurt!' August says. 'Stop messing about and get down from the ceiling!'  
  
There is another BAMF followed by a muttered German curse as Kurt accidentally steps in the sewer water.  
  
'So where do yuir sensors say that Wisdom is now, warlock?' Terry asks.  
  
'He shoud be a few miles in front of us.' Warlock answers.  
  
'Wunderbar!' Kurt groans. 'We're going to walk though miles of French sewers and I've got scheissen on my shoe!'  
  
***  
  
The assembled members of X-Corp and the former New Mutants stop by a large metal door.  
  
'Wisdom should be behind this door.' Warlock tells them.  
  
'I'll get us through.' Terry says. 'It'd be best if ye covered yuir ears!'  
  
The others do as they are told as Terry lets out a sonic screech, knocking the door down. No sooner have they stepped through then a blade of thermal energy flies through the air, narrowly missing Amara.  
  
'Bugger off!' Pete Wisdom yells. 'Just leave me alone!'  
  
'Pete.' Rahne pleads. 'It's me, Rahne. I'm here wi' Kurt an' some friends. We're here tae help ye!'  
  
'I don't know what yer talking about love!' Wisdom answers. 'I've never seen any of you before in my life!'  
  
'He must have amnesia.' Jamie guesses. 'We'd best get him back to HQ so we can get his memory back on track.  
  
Rahne bends down to help Wisdom up, only to get a 'Hot Knife' thrown at her. She dodges it without too much hassle.  
  
'As feisty as ever I see.' Rahne mutters, before knocking Wisdom out with a nerve pinch. Jamie and Rictor heft him up onto their shoulders and carry him out of the sewers. The others follow behind.  
  
'I wonder how he lost his memory?' Amara asks.  
  
'And why was he stealing a painting?' August asks also.  
  
'I suppose that we'll all find out when we get him back to Head Quarters.' Monet answers as they walk off.  
  
Unseen by the group of Mutant heroes, a figure grins evilly in the shadows.  
  
'I was wondering when I would meet this August.' The man says. 'But she'll soon find out that Sebastian Shaw isn't one to be taken lightly!'  
  
TBC... 


	18. The Search for Wisdom: Part 3

New Mutants  
The Search for Wisdom: Part 3  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I own nothing, it all belongs to Marvel.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- Glad you liked it! Enjoy this one! * KISS! *  
  
Anything but ordinary- What happened to Pete? Does Shaw have anything to do about it? Ah, I can't tell you yet, that'll give the game away! You'll have to read to find out won't you?  
  
Risty- More Pete this chappie, and he's gonna begin an attraction with a certain ex-New Mutant. Who is it? Aha, you'll have to wait and see!  
  
***  
  
X-Corporation Paris HQ: Uh... Paris-  
  
We presently find Kurt, Rahne and co waiting around while Monet tries to figure how to sort out Peter Wisdom's amnesia.  
  
Rahne shifts in her seat and turns to Theresa.  
  
'So Terry has Monet ever done this before? Try to reverse amnesia I mean.'  
  
'Nae she hasn't Rahne.' Theresa replies. 'That's why Jamie's down in the comm room. He's trying tae patch through tae Emma Frost tae try an' see whether she can come over tae help.'  
  
They all turn as they hear Monet walk out from the Med Bay. She doesn't look happy.  
  
'The next time I try to search through Wisdom's mind, please hit me, hard!'  
  
'No luck then?' Warlock asks.  
  
Monet shakes her head and slumps down on a plush leather seat and starts to rub her temples.  
  
'That man was... disgusting!'  
  
Then Jaime walks in from the comm room.  
  
'Good news guys! Emma said that she'd come over to give us a hand with the whole amnesia thing.'  
  
'Thank God for that!' Monet groans. 'One more moment in there and I would have beaten him to death with a spoon!'  
  
***  
  
It is now several hours later and Monet is now joined in the Med Bay by Emma Frost. As soon as she walked in there, Wisdom looked her up and down appreciatively.  
  
*Trust me Mister Wisdom. * Emma telepathically warns. *You don't want to finish that thought! *  
  
Pete wisely decides to keep quiet as Emma and Monet begin the mind scan.  
  
***  
  
Pete Wisdom's Mindscape-  
  
Emma and Monet now find themselves in a barren wasteland.  
  
*Why am I not surprised? * Emma asks.  
  
Monet just smirks and explores the landscape. They soon come across a large black tower.  
  
* I can sense very powerful psychic energy emanating from inside this tower.* Emma says. * Monet, if you'll open us a way in? *  
  
Monet does as she is told and uses her super strength to smash a way in. No sooner have they done that then they are assaulted by an army of psionic Hellfire Club soldiers.  
  
*Things are never this simple are they? * Monet quips.  
  
***  
  
Back in the real world-  
  
Rahne, Kurt and the others have decided to leave Emma and Monet to their mind scan and are presently watching TV in the Rec Room. Rahne, Theresa and August are having an argument about who is the best James Bond.  
  
'Pierce Brosnan is th' best!' Terry says.  
  
'Nae yuir loopy woman!' Rahne argues. 'Sean Connery's th' best!'  
  
'You're both wrong!' August also argues. 'Roger Moore is the best Bond!'  
  
'Brosnan!'  
  
'Connery!'  
  
'Moore!'  
  
The others just watch in amusement as the argument gets more heated by the minute. Kurt notices that Amara is pacing the floor nervously.  
  
'What's up Amara?' He asks.  
  
Amara stops pacing and turns to answer him.  
  
'I was just wondering, why would someone wipe Wisdom's mind? What would they stand to gain from it?'  
  
Kurt strokes his chin in thought.  
  
'That's why Emma and Monet are trying to find out.' He replies.  
  
Amara sits down on a seat.  
  
'Who would do such a beastly thing as too wipe someone's mind for profit?'  
  
Kurt notices something unusual in her voice.  
  
'You have a crush on Wisdom, don't you?'  
  
Amara turns to Kurt with an embarrassed expression on her face.  
  
'I wouldn't even entertain the notion of harbouring an attraction to such a man as Pete wisdom! Even if he is ruggedly handsome!'  
  
Kurt just smirks and sits back to watch the movie.  
  
***  
  
Wisdom's Mindscape-  
  
Monet and Emma are now fighting against the psionic Hellfire Club soldiers.  
  
*Why does Wisdom's mindscape have hellfire Soldiers in it? * Monet asks, bashing two of the soldier's heads together.  
  
*That's what I aim to find out! * Emma replies, punching a soldier in the face.  
  
The soon telepaths soon defeat the psionic soldiers and stand there regaining their breath.  
  
*That was easy. * Monet pants.  
  
*Yes. * Emma replies. *Almost too easy! *  
  
No sooner said than done, then more Hellfire Club soldiers appear. The soldiers let out a fierce yell and charge towards the two women. The soldiers are almost upon them when they are blasted by blades of heat.  
  
*Who? * They simultaneously ask.  
  
*Oh come on! * A voice replies. *This is my mind; I might as well join in the fun! *  
  
Sure enough, it's Pete Wisdom's astral form, come to save the day.  
  
*So are you two birds going ter stand there all day or are yer going ter join me in kicking some Hellfire arse? *  
  
***  
  
The real world-  
  
Kurt and the others have finished watching the movie and are now sitting aimlessly. Terry and Jamie are playing poker with Kurt and August while Rictor takes comm duty. Rahne, Warlock and Amara are comparing notes on Pete Wisdom.  
  
'An' then Wisdom jumped through th' window an' blasted Scratch with his 'Hot Knives' saving th' day!'  
  
'I thought that was Lockheed.' Warlock says.  
  
'That isnae how Wisdom told me!' Rahne replies.  
  
'So what you're saying is, the dragon saved Pete's life?' Amara asks.  
  
'Pretty much.' Warlock replies.  
  
Everyone turns and watches as Emma and Monet walk out of the Med bay with Pete following behind them.  
  
'Any progress Emma?' August asks.  
  
'Mister Wisdom now has all his memories back.' Emma replies. 'And he's going to tell us why he isn't dead after all!'  
  
Pete lights up a cigarette and puts it between hi lips.  
  
'All you lot probably heard that I got shot in the head in Genosha, back when I was leadin' X-Force. It wasn't like that, I faked me death.'  
  
'Again!' Theresa replies.  
  
'Yup, I faked me death twice. So that makes me a proper X-Man now right? All you lot have died more than once or you've all had evil clones. I can't say that I've got an evil double, a mad sister maybe but no evil clone!'  
  
'So why are ye in Paris anyway?' Rahne asks.  
  
'From what Frosty's managed to pick from me brain, I travelled here to investigate sightings of Sebastian Shaw, after his last battle with the X- men in Australia. And from what I've been told, Shaw found me, brainwashed me and forced me to steal priceless paintings for profit.'  
  
'So ye all know what we've got tae do now right?' Terry says. 'Go kick Shaw's arse!'  
  
That elicits a cheer from the assembled Mutants.  
  
'And Pete.' Terry continues. 'This is a no smokin' buildin' so put out the cig!'  
  
TBC...  
  
NEXT: Kurt, Rahne and co, along with Emma frost and Pete Wisdom take on Sebastian Shaw and another special guest! 'Who is it?' I hear you ask. You'll have to wait till next time won't you? 


	19. Guess Who's Back!

New Mutants  
Guess Who's Back!  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the X-Men, I only own August.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Anything but ordinary3- YAY! Someone else with an irrational hatred of the frogs uh... the French! More Pete Wisdom coming right up! And another unconventional pairing! 'But R-Man, who is it?' I hear you ask. You'll have to read on to find out.  
  
Linzer-B- You actually liked August? Awww shucks! 'Twas nothing little lady! I'm afraid that there won't be much Bobby/Jubilee in this fic but they will make a few appearances.  
  
***  
  
Quote of the day- 'I feel that the most erotic part of a woman's body are the boobies!'- Zap Brannigan (Futurama)  
  
***  
  
Hank McCoy's lab: Xavier's School for Higher Learning-  
  
We presently find Rahne laid out on one of the examination tables in Hank's lab. She is clad in a bra and leather pants while Hank runs several tests on her. It seem that Rahne's power of lycanthropic shapeshifting has begun to return after the unfortunate business at Muir Island a while ago, during which Rahne's adopted mother, Dr Moira MacTaggart was killed in an attack by Mystique and the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.  
  
Hank removes a test-tube of blood from a machine and turns to the young Scot.  
  
'So Rahne, tell me, when did your powers begin to return?' The fuzzy blue doctor asks.  
  
Rahne clears her throat nervously before answering.  
  
'Well, I was in bed... with Warlock...'  
  
Hank cocks a furry eyebrow.  
  
'And?'  
  
'Well, y'know...'  
  
Hank still doesn't quite get it.  
  
'I'm afraid that you'll have to spell it out for me Rahne. I'm not following you.'  
  
Rahne rolls her eyes in exasperation. For a fuzzy blue Mutant with a huge IQ and a PHD, Hank can sometime be a little dim.  
  
'We were havin' sex when my powers returned.' Rahne sighs.  
  
Hank's mouth forms a small 'o' of surprise.  
  
'I see, was Warlock hurt in any way?'  
  
'Lock's fine.' Rahne answers. 'He's just a wee bit shocked is all. It's not ev'ry day that th' woman that yuir makin' love tae turns intae a werewolf!'  
  
'I can see where that can be a problem.' Hank agrees.  
  
Rahne sits up and swings her legs over so that she's sitting on the edge of the bench.  
  
'So what' th' what Doc? Have my powers returned?'  
  
'Just try and see for yourself.' Hank says.  
  
Rahne closes her eyes and concentrates. Auburn hair begins to sprout over her body and she feels her teeth and fingernails grow.  
  
'I cannae believe it!' She gasps. 'My powers're back f'r good!'  
  
'But can you go all the way?' Hank asks. 'Turn into a wolf, I mean.'  
  
Rahne closes her eyes again and concentrates. She then begins to shrink and her face elongates to become that of a wolf. The wolf then opens its eyes and looks up at Hank.  
  
'I'm glad to say that you're well and truly back to normal!' Hank grins.  
  
Rahne turns back to normal and grabs Hank in a huge hug.  
  
'Thjankyethankyethankye!' She squeals. 'I've got me powers back! I cannae wait tae tell th' others!'  
  
She then runs out of the lab and into the corridor of Xavier's.  
  
As she comes to the front door, she doesn't notice the bandaged shrouded figure that opens the door. She collides with the figure, knocking him to the door.  
  
*Nice welcome that! * The figure says in her head, somewhat sarcastically.  
  
***  
  
Emma Frost's office: Later-  
  
Jono Starsmore, the former X-Man known as Chamber, is sat in a chair opposite the co-headmistress of Xavier's while Kurt, Warren, Paige and the rest of his teammates stand behind him.  
  
'So are you here to stay Jonothon?' Emma asks.  
  
*That's if you'll have me back. * Jono replies.  
  
Emma holds her hands together and looks at Jono with a serious expression.  
  
'I won't need to remind you that the incident with Archangel will not be forgiven quickly.'  
  
*I would guess not. * Jono replies, with a smug tone in his telepathic voice. *How's the jaw anyway Worthington? *  
  
Warren just 'hmmphs' and crosses his arms while Bobby tries to contain his laughter at the winged mutant's discomfort.  
  
'Well then.' Emma says, getting up and offering Jono her hand. 'Let me be the first to welcome you back Jono!'  
  
Jono takes Emma's hand and shakes it.  
  
*I hope that I'll stay longer this time! * Jono replies.  
  
'It's good to have you back buddy!' Bobby grins, patting Jono on the back.  
  
'Ja, I agree.' Kurt joins in. 'It's good to have you back mein freund!'  
  
'I suppose that this will be a double celebration.' Emma says. 'Rahne has just recovered her ability to change into a wolf and now Jono returns. I hope that I'll see you all there at Harry's Hideaway tonight?'  
  
'What's the matter Frosty?' Bobby pipes up. 'I thought that Harry's wasn't your scene! Hanging with us peasants!'  
  
Emma just fixes the icy prankster with a glare.  
  
'As much fun as it is to see you drink yourself into an inebriated stupor, Robert Drake, Hank invited me to come along. No please, get out my office before I turn your mind into mush!'  
  
Outside, Kurt turns to Bobby with a smug expression on his face.  
  
'And who would have thought that you two once shared a mind, or what passes for a mind with you Bobby!'  
  
'Oh shut up Kurt!' Bobby sighs.  
  
***  
  
Harry's Hideaway: Later-  
  
The double party is in full celebration. There are several banners adorning the walls. The ones reading 'Welcome back Sparky' are courtesy of Jubilee while the ones reading 'Congratulations Furtop' are from Warlock and Dani. Several of the younger X-Men have paired off and are dancing a storm. Logan, Pete Wisdom and Juggernaut (Yes, he's a member of the X-Men now!) are sat at the bar and are tossing back shots of Tequila while Rahne is sat at a table with Amara, Dani and Warlock.  
  
'Your powers actually came back when you to were... y'know?' Dani asks.  
  
Rahne blushes deeply as she takes a swig of her beer.  
  
'Aye, we were... together when it happened.' She replies.  
  
Amara and Dani burst out laughing.  
  
'C'mon 'Lock.' Rahne says. 'Let's get away from these immature children and dance!'  
  
Warlock takes Rahne's hand and allows himself to be lead to the dancefloor.  
  
Dani watches the couples dance together slowly. Bobby is there with Jubilee. Emma is there with Hank. Alex is there with Annie, the school nurse. Kurt is with August. Even Shan's got a date, Luna from the coffee shop. She sighs sadly. Amara notices this and puts her hand on her friend's shoulder comfortingly.  
  
'You're still annoyed that you're single aren't you?' She asks.  
  
'What makes you say that?' Dani asks.  
  
'Well, staring at the couples and sighing sadly is usually one sign!' Amara replies.  
  
***  
  
Later-  
  
Dani is still sat in her seat propping her head up with her hand. She looks up as someone sits next to you. It's Jono.  
  
*Yer don't mind if I sit here do yer? * He asks.  
  
'No, go ahead.' Dani replies.  
  
Jono raises a curious eyebrow at Dani's depressed state.  
  
*Something the matter, luv? * He asks.  
  
'You've been talking to Shan haven't you?' Dani asks back.  
  
*You'd think that she's trying to get us together, wouldn't yer? * Jono replies. *Two singletons like us! *  
  
'Yeah.' Dani says. 'That girl is a royal pain in the ass!'  
  
*She's only trying to help a friend. * Jono adds.  
  
'I suppose.' Dani sniffs. 'Anyway, why are you here, I thought you were hung up on Paige?'  
  
*It's not like I've got a chance is it? * Jono asks. *She's got the bloody Bird Bloke of Westchester for company! *  
  
Dani puts her hand on Jono's arm comfortingly. Then she realises what she's doing and removes it.  
  
*Fancy another? * Jono asks, indicating Dani's empty glass.  
  
'I thought you couldn't drink?' Dani replies.  
  
*I can't. * Jono replies. *But I can still get a buzz if I latch onto someone that is drinkin', with my telepathy. *  
  
'That's the strangest chat up line I've ever heard!' Dani comments. 'But I'll have a drink anyway!'  
  
***  
  
The next morning-  
  
Jono wakes up and opens his eyes blearily. As his eyes focus he notices that he isn't in his room. Instead of his usual décor of black and black, there is a pastel coloured paint on the walls. Instead of a framed photo of himself and his friends back when he was in Generation-X, there is a framed photo of some familiar looking kids dressed in black and yellow costumes. There is also a picture of a winged horse on the side too. Jono starts as he realises that there is someone in bed next to him. The person yawns and drapes their arm over his 'chest.' It's Dani!' The Cheyenne mutant opens her eyes, takes one look at a naked Jono and sits straight up.  
  
'Gah! What the hell are you doing in my bed Jono?' She yells.  
  
*I can't remember. * Jono replies, rubbing his head. *I think we did something last night. *  
  
Dani holds a sheet up to herself and looks around the room. There are several items of clothing, both male and female, strewn about the room.  
  
'We didn't?' She asks.  
  
*I should think we did. * Jono replies.  
  
'Last night?'  
  
*Yup! *  
  
'Hoo-boy!'  
  
Later that morning-  
  
Dani and Jono time it so that they leave her room at different times to make it seem that they haven't spent the night together. Dani reaches the kitchen first. Unfortunately she sees that Rahne is sat at the kitchen table holding an ice bag up to her forehead.  
  
'Och!' She groans. 'Alcohol isnae my friend!'  
  
Dani tries to sneak past the young Scot but to no success.  
  
'What brings ye up this early Dani?' Rahne asks.  
  
'Uh... nothing.' Dani lies.  
  
Rahne takes the ice bag away from her head and squints her friend.  
  
'Dinnae lie tae me Danielle Moonstar! I kin smell ye!'  
  
Dani winces at Rahne sniffs the air.  
  
'Omigosh!' Rahne gasps. 'Ye had sex last night! But who did ye do it with?'  
  
Jono then uses that moment to walk in the kitchen.  
  
'Jono?' Rahne gasps. 'Ye had drunken sex wi' Jono?'  
  
*Oh bollocks! *  
  
END...  
  
NEXT: De Return o' de Cajun! 


	20. Return O' De Cajun

The Uncanny New Mutants  
Return O' De Cajun  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the X-Men, I only own August.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Anything but ordinary3- Jono rules! Woo! I have to agree with you on the art in New X-Men, but Logan never has been all that handsome has he? One plus side of New X-Men is Emma Frost's reverse X-Bra thing, you'll understand once you see it! Drool!   
  
Dark Jaded Rose- I repeat, Jono rules! WOO! Watch out for more former X- People returning soon!  
  
Author's Note- For those of you that don't know, Rogue lost her powers in a fight against Vargas in and issue of X-Treme X-Men. Remy, however got his back recently thanks to Sage.  
  
Quote of the day- 'The only intelligent conversation I get around here is when I talk to myself.'- Scarlet Witch (Ultimate X-Men)  
  
Kurt is in the rec room hanging out with Rahne, Warlock and August. They're playing a game of pool, guys versus the girls. Amara, Pete. Jono and Dani are there too; they're cheering them on.  
  
'C'mon Kurt!' Pete says. 'I've got ten bucks bet on you so you'd better win!'  
  
'Don't worry so much Pete!' Kurt replies. 'I am the best!' he then shoots a glare at August. 'That is if August can manage to keep her hands to herself and not grab my butt!'  
  
'But it's so firm and juicy!' Augusts pouts.  
  
'Just take the bloody shot.' Pete sighs.  
  
Kurt is about to take the shot when someone knocks on the door, unsurprisingly making him mess up the shot. He mutters a random curse and throws down the cue in disgust.  
  
'There goes my money.' Pete sighs.  
  
Kurt mutters more random curse as he goes to answer the door. He walks out of the rec room and up to the front door. He opens the door.  
  
'Mein Gott!' Kurt gasps as he sees who's at the door.  
  
'Is that any way to welcome your sister sugah?' Rogue asks.  
  
Rogue and Remy are now sat in Emma Frost's office getting the usual welcome back speech. Kurt and the others are also there.  
  
'Not that I'm unhappy to see you.' Kurt asks. 'But why did you come back?'  
  
'Ah wanted to come an' teach.' Rogue replies.  
  
'After all that business with Magneto, we are in urgent need of more teaching staff.' Emma says. 'Is there anything that you would prefer to teach?'  
  
'Ah wouldn't mind teachin' the kids martial arts.' Rogue replies.  
  
'I'm afraid that Logan is the school's martial arts instructor.' Emma replies.  
  
'What about mechanics? Ah'm a dab hand with motorbikes!'  
  
'Very well then.' Emma finishes. 'But what about you Remy. What would you like to teach?'  
  
'I was thinking 'bout teachin Home Ec, I'm a whiz in de kitchen!'  
  
Behind them, Kurt tries to stifle his laughter at the thought of Remy being the Home Economics teacher.  
  
Remy turns around in his seat and fixes Kurt with a glare.  
  
'You've tasted my gumbo, non?' The Cajun asks. 'So what's so funny?'  
  
'I'm not questioning your cooking skills.' Kurt replies. 'It's just that I never figured you to be a Home Ec teacher.'  
  
'What did you figure Remy teachin'?' Rogue asks her stepbrother. 'Stealin'?'  
  
'Oh yeah.' Remy sighs. 'Lets' all make fun o' de Cajun!'  
  
Later-  
  
Remy and Rogue are in their room, getting ready for the night's activities. Remy is sat on the bed in his boxer shorts while Rogue is in her undies combing her hair.  
  
'Ah don't know why yah don't come with us.' Rogue says. 'I never thought that yah'd turn down a night of drinkin' with your girl!'  
  
'It's not dat, chere.' Remy replies. 'It's just dat I'd feel out o' place, I t'ought it would just be a family t'ing, just you and Kurt.'  
  
Rogue moves over to the bed and sits on the end, patting Remy's thigh in comfort.  
  
'It might be a family thing but Kurt's takin' his new girlfriend, August, so why don't yah come?'  
  
'I'm sorry chere.' Remy sighs. 'I just t'ought dat I'd end up being de 't'ird wheel, neh?'  
  
'Suit yahself.' Rogue sighs. 'Ah was gonna do mah special dance but it don't seem like ah'll be able too!'  
  
'Dat don't mean dat you can't show me it now!' Remy says, with a lecherous glint in his eye.  
  
'Ah love it when yah get dirty!' Rogue grins as she takes her robe of and crawls closer. 'Ah'm gonna snuggle your brains out!'  
  
Rogue then puts her arms around Remy's waist and kisses him passionately. Remy puts his arms around Rogue's waist and returns the kiss.  
  
'Ah love you, yah know that right, Swamp Rat?'  
  
'Oui, I know.' Remy replies. 'I love ya too River Rat!'  
  
Later still-  
  
Rogue has left for her night out with Kurt and August, leaving Remy on his own. He decides to take a walk around the mansion, to see if anything has changed. He is about to walk into the kitchen to grab something to eat when he feels a tingle run down his spine. He turns around and sees three identical teenage girls standing before him.  
  
'Hello.' They simultaneously say. 'You're Remy aren't you?'  
  
Remy momentarily starts at the sight of the three identical girls, with their scary glowing eyes.  
  
'Oui, I'm Remy. You're Emma's girls, non? De Stepford Cuckoos?'  
  
'You've heard of us then?' Eve asks.  
  
'We've heard of you.' Phoebe grins.  
  
'Oh, yes.' Fiona says. 'We're big fans of your all right Mister LeBeau. Biiig fans!'  
  
Their unusually monotone voices start to freak Remy out and he back away.  
  
'Uh... it's nice dat you're fans but... I have to go now...'  
  
He then opens a door and makes a hasty retreat.  
  
Eve and Phoebe turn to their sister and fix her with a scowl.  
  
'Nice work Fiona, you scared him off!'  
  
Harry's Bar-  
  
August and Rogue are laughing over a random tale that Kurt has just told them. Kurt looks over at his stepsister and at the large tattoo on her left arm.  
  
'I never thought that you would be the kind of person to get a tattoo.' He says.  
  
'I know.' Rogue replies. 'After I lost mah powers, ah felt kinda naked wearing all those skimpy clothes so ah decided to get one done!'  
  
'I think it suits you.' August says.  
  
'Really?' Rogue asks.  
  
'Oh yeah.' August replies. 'I've got a tattoo too, on my ass! Kurt seems to like it!'  
  
Under his blue fur, Kurt blushes deeply.  
  
'I hope you don't mind me saying.' August continues. 'If you and Kurt are brother and sister, you don't look alike.'  
  
'There's a reason because of that.' Kurt replies.  
  
'Yeah.' Rogue continues. 'Mystique is Kurt's birth mom, she only adopted meh.'  
  
'My mom's the Black Queen.' August says nonchalantly.  
  
Rogue's mouth forms a small 'o' in surprise.  
  
'So you're calling yourself Anna Raven now?' Kurt asks, changing the subject.  
  
Back at Xavier's-  
  
Remy has finally lost the scary triplets so he decides to head to the rec room to watch TV. Unfortunately, the Cuckoos are already in there!  
  
'Hello Mister LeBeau!' Eve grins.  
  
'Why don't you join us?' Phoebe asks.  
  
'Yes, join us!' Fiona adds, rather eerily.  
  
Remy sighs in resignation and decides to sit with them.  
  
'So what're you watchin' petites?'  
  
'Pirates of the Caribbean!' Eve grins.  
  
'Johnny Depp is sooo handsome!' Phoebe coos.  
  
'And Orlando Bloom!' Eve adds.  
  
'Not as cute as you though!' Fiona grins, snuggling closer to Remy.  
  
Remy gulps nervously as he prepares to watch the movie with his three identical stalkers.  
  
'I'd better watch it if I were you Fiona.' Eve says. 'Remy's already spoken for!'  
  
'Yeah.' Phoebe adds. 'You'd better not let Rogue know that you're putting the moves on her man or she'll kick your butt!'  
  
'I don't care!' Fiona replies, cuddling up to Remy even more. 'You'll protect me won't you Remy?'  
  
Later still-  
  
Kurt, August and Rogue have finished their night out and arrive back at Xavier's. As they walk into the rec room, they see three identical teenage girls snuggled up to Remy.  
  
'Nice to see you've still got the touch!' Kurt grins.  
  
Remy jumps up from his seat and grabs Rogue in a huge hug.  
  
'Oh chere, t'ank God you're back! It was horrible! Dey wouldn't stop!'  
  
Rogue pats Remy's head in comfort.  
  
'There, there Remy. Rogue's here!'  
  
Remy sniffs tearfully and looks into Rogue's eyes.  
  
'Can we got to bed now?' He asks, with puppy dog eyes. 'I don't wanna stay down here no longer!'  
  
'Yeah, c'mon Remy.' Rogue replies. 'Let's go to bed!'  
  
Rogue bids Kurt and August goodnight and walk up the stairs. August looks at Kurt with a bemused smile.  
  
'Seems like the Cajun's got himself some stalkers!'  
  
'May God have mercy on his soul!' Kurt grins back.  
  
END...  
  
NEXT: I am Phoenix! The return of a certain telepathic/telekinetic redhead! (It's not who you think!) 


	21. I am Phoenix! Prologue

The Uncanny New Mutants  
  
I am Phoenix!: Prologue  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the X-Men, I only own August.

Shout Outs-  
  
Showstopper- I do have a thing for bringing people back from the dead don't I? From those people that you listed, the only one that was legitimately dead was Psylocke. Deadpool was dead but he came back. Under what circumstance I don't know, cuz the whole thing confuses me. Yup, Rachel IS Back!  
  
Agent-G- Yeah, I always the Cuckoos looked like those scary kids too! For some reason I always imagine them singing that song from 'A Nightmare on Elm Street.' You know the one, 'One, two, Freddie's coming for you...' Maybe it's just because I watch too many movies! I can't wait to see if and when you do a sequel to 'Reality Trip!'  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- I should think you know who it is, I bloody told you! I know, the Cuckoos rule!  
  
Melissarxy1- Yeah, I know, Rahney's all growed up! How many redheaded telepaths are there? Two that I know of. One of them is Jean Grey, but she's dead, and Rachel Summers. I wonder which one it is?Quote of the day- 'How can I repay you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night-thing...? No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. Y'see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No. Not the hair! Never the hair...! But there must be some way I can show my appreciation... No, helping those in need's my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough... I understand. I have a nephew that's gay. So... Say no more. Evil's afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel- mobile, away!'- Spike, dissing Angel (Angel: In the Dark. The best Spike quote, EVER!!)The sea monkeys have my money...'- Dory (Finding Nemo)Amara Aquilla's bedroom, The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-  
  
Amara rolls onto her side and props herself up with her hand. She gazes lovingly at her boyfriend, Pete Wisdom, as he gets dressed.  
  
'Mmm, I've never realised how attractive your backside looks in your boxer shorts Pete!' Amara purrs.  
  
'Well it's not like I've had much chance ter wear them, have I luv?' Pete replies with a lecherous wink.  
  
Amara just smiles and watches as Pete sits down on the bed and puts on his shoes.  
  
'So what're you doing today Pete?' Amara asks. 'Do you want to drive down to Salem Centre and do a spot of shopping?'  
  
Pete snorts in derision.  
  
'As much as I'd love to carry all yer baggage, I'll have ter decline luv, I've got a Danger Room session booked with Kurt, Remy an' Jono.'  
  
'Surely you can cancel.'  
  
'When there's money bet on it? I don't think so!' Pete snorts. 'I'm two-ter- one favourite!'  
  
'I suppose that I'd better let you go.' Amara sighs. 'More money means you can buy me lots many more pretty things!'  
  
'That's my girl!' Pete grins, kissing Amara on the forehead. 'I've got ter go now, luv, there's an elf's arse that's desperately callin' for my boot print on it!'Kurt and August's room-  
  
Augusts sits up in bed as she watches Kurt potter about the bedroom looking for random pieces of clothing.  
  
'Sit down Kurt, you'll do yourself an injury!' Augusts says.  
  
'Not that I'm unthankful for your concern, Liebe.' Kurt says. 'But there's no need to worry, I've ran this simulation fifteen times before and I'm the present record holder for the longest survival rate!'  
  
'Show off!' August sniffs.  
  
'Now where's my lucky fighting thong?' Kurt asks, looking under the bed.  
  
'Oh Kuuuurt!' Augusts coos. 'I've found it!'  
  
Kurt looks up from the side of the bed and sees August twirling a black thong around her finger.  
  
'Thanks for that!' Kurt sighs. 'That's my lucky fighting thong! It's the same on that I wore when I became record holder!'  
  
Kurt steps forward to take the thong but August moves out of his reach.  
  
'Kiss me and then you can have it!' Augusts says with a lecherous glint in her eye.  
  
Kurt sighs and leans in, kissing her. While Augusts' arms twine around his waist, Kurt snatches the thong out of her hand.  
  
'Thanks!' He grins as he BAMFs away.  
  
'Cheater!' Augusts pouts.Remy and Rogue's room-  
  
'Why do yah have to take part in this stupid game anyway?' Rogue asks. 'Ah thought yah'd grown out o' that silly phase!'  
  
'Chere, dis ain't a game, it's a matter o' honour! You can't 'spect me to back down when my honours at stake!'  
  
'Ooooh!' Rogue coos. 'Ah love it when yah talk about honour!'  
  
'Sorry chere.' Gambit says. 'But you're feminine wiles ain't gonna tempt de Cajun today!'  
  
'Crap!' Rogue mutters. 'If ah didn't know otherwise ah'd swear that yah were gay!'Jono's room-  
  
'C'mon Jono! It's time to get up!' Dani Moonstar tells her boyfriend. 'Remember you've got that Danger Room session with Kurt, Remy and Pete coming up soon!'  
  
{Just five more minutes...} Jono groans.  
  
'No such luck Mister!' Dani replies. 'I've got fifteen bucks bet on you so you'd better get your ass out there and win!'  
  
{Bloody 'ell} Jono mutters as he reluctantly gets up out of bed. {Can't a bloke have a minute's peace?}  
  
'No.' Dani replies. 'Now get you butt into gear and win me money!'  
  
{Y'know, for a Native American bird, you sure are hung up a lot on money!}  
  
'What can I say?' Dani grins. 'I'm shallow!'The Danger Room-  
  
Kurt, Pete, Remy and Jono are in full battle gear. Kurt taps his access code into the Danger Room control panel.  
  
'How long is this gonna bloody take?' Pete asks. 'I want ter get on with it, I've got a sexy bird waiting for me back in bed!'  
  
'I wouldn' say dat, mon frere!' Remy adds. 'It looks like your 'sexy bird' is spectatin' on yo'!'  
  
Pete looks up into the control room and sees Amara waving back at him. August, Dani and Rogue are there too, along with Warlock, Rahne, Shan, Bobby and Jubilee, who all have bets riding on the outcome.  
  
'Hurry up Pete!' Amara calls through the inter-com. 'Go win me some money for pretty things!'  
  
Pete curses under his breath as the simulation starts.  
  
{So what's on the agenda today?} Jono asks. {Brotherhood Battle Royale or Brood Bitch Slap?}  
  
'Just a normal game of hide and seek!' Kurt replies.  
  
'Hide and bloody seek?' Pete asks. 'What are you, five?'Later-  
  
The game is in full flow. Everybody has split up to hide from the others. In this particular game of hide and seek, nobody is 'it' all you have to do is tag all your opponents before they tag you.Gambit Vs Nightcrawler-  
  
Remy is sneaking through the simulation terrain of rundown futuristic New York. He peers out of an alley and ducks back in just in time to see a Sentinel pass by. After the gigantic robot has passed, he runs across the way into another alley. Upon reaching the opposite alley he flattens himself against the wall and sneaks along looking for his opponents. Remy's always loved this game, having been trained as a thief from a young age, he knows how to stay quiet and not be caught by those that are looking for you. He turns his head as he hears a garbage can fall over.  
  
'Bad move mon frere.' He grins, charging up a playing card. 'Gambit's got you now!'  
  
'I think not mein freund!' A voice says from the shadows. 'I'm the one that's got you!'  
  
Gambit turns around and throws the card at the sound of Nightcrawler's voice. Unfortunately it explodes harmlessly on a wall.  
  
'Is that the best you've got?' The voice teases.  
  
'Gambit'll show you his best as soon as he finds where yo' hidin'!'  
  
'You talk to much mein freund!' A voice says behind him.  
  
Gambit turns around again just in time to see Kurt appear from the shadows. Before the Cajun can lift up his staff to attack, Kurt pokes him in the chest.  
  
'Bang, mein freund, you dead!'  
  
'Merde!'Wisdom Vs Chamber-  
  
Chamber hates war games, he's much more happier working as a team. One of the reasons that he hates this game is the fact that he's seriously out-classed! Pete Wisdom was trained in stealth, as was Gambit. Hell, Nightcrawler can blend into the shadows! He hides behind a dumpster as he hears a Sentinel approach. He removes the bandages around his torso and lower face and blasts the Sentinel with a force blast.  
  
{And another one bites the dust!} He grins.  
  
'If you hadn't noticed mate.' A voice says behind him. 'This is a game of hide an' seek! In order not to be seen, you have to hide!'  
  
Chamber slowly turns around and sees that Wisdom is standing in front of him lighting up a cigarette with a 'Hot Knife.'  
  
{I could say the same thing.} Chamber replies. {What if someone saw that cig smoke?}  
  
'I'm covered for that!' Wisdom grins. 'Now are yer goin' ter give up quietly or will I have ter get rough?'  
  
{I'm happy to get rough!} Chamber replies.  
  
'Alright mate, don't say I didn't warn you!' Wisdom replies as he throws his 'Hot Knife.'  
  
Chamber dives out of the way and lest rip with another force blast. Wisdom leaps out of the way and grabs onto a fire escape ladder. Unfortunately, the ladder isn't very secure and it falls to the ground, leaving Wisdom sitting on his butt. He is just about to get up when he is thrown against the wall by another of Chamber's force blasts.  
  
{Well will yer look at that?} Jono 'grins.' {I beat Mister-Tough-Nut-Ex- Black-Air!}  
  
'Yeah, yeah, whatever, mate.' Wisdom pouts. 'Stop rubbin' it in!'  
  
The two look up as someone applauds them.  
  
'Good show, good show!' Nightcrawler taunts. 'Now it looks like it's down to you and me Chamber!'  
  
{I'm ready when you are Nightcrawler!} Chamber replies.  
  
There is a BAMF and the smell of sulphur as Nightcrawler teleports to the ground.  
  
'Put up your dukes sirrah!' Nightcrawler says in his best medieval voice. 'Or you shall feel the edge of my sword!'  
  
{You watch too much TV!} Chamber replies.  
  
'Then let's go, mein freund!' Nightcrawler grins, flashing his fangs.  
  
Nightcrawler and Chamber are about to leap at each other when they are interrupted by a telepathic call from Emma Frost.  
  
{Nightcrawler, Chamber, Wisdom, Gambit, please report to my office. I have just received a telephone call from Kitty Pryde it seems that there is a situation in Chicago!}The Belles of Hell bar; Chicago Illinois, an hour or so beforehand-  
  
Katherine 'Kitty' Pryde is just finishing clearing up behind the bar when she hears someone walk through the door.  
  
'Sorry, we're closing, you'll have to come back tomorrow.' Kitty says, not even looking up from the bar.  
  
'Is that any way to treat on old friend?' The person asks.  
  
Kitty stands up from behind the bar and stares in amazement at the person standing before her.  
  
'RACHEL?'  
  
'Yup, it's me, Kit!' Rachel Summers, aka Phoenix, replies. 'So, whose brain do you have to melt to get a drink around here?'  
  
TBC... 


	22. I am Phoenix! Part 1

The Uncanny New Mutants  
I am Phoenix! Part 1  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, Kitty Pryde, Rachel Summers, and the rest of the X-Men/Uncanny New Mutants belong to Marvel. I only own August.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Anythin but ordinary- Thanks for that Cuckoos/Remy shower idea, I might just use that later on! Yup, Rachel's back, and I agree, she's waaay better than Jean! You can bet that there's gonna be some good old Kitty/Pete arguing and jealousy from Amara, I wouldn't have it any other way! And about the happy reunion between Scott and Rachel, you couldn't be further from the truth! Scott bashing alert! Hee!  
  
Joey1- Jono isn't undercover because I've chosen to ignore that whole Weapon X thing. Don't worry, there's not going to be much Warren/Paige in this because this is mostly centred on Rahne and the rest of the former New Mutants, and Kurt, Remy and Rogue too. Don't worry; I've got plans for Sam soon.  
  
Agent-G- I feel the same way about the Scott/Emma thing. I don't think that it's going to last long. I still haven't forgiven him for walking out on Maddie and baby Nathan way back when! You can bet that Rachel's going to be pissed when she finds out!  
  
Quote of the day- 'One, two, Freddie's coming for you. Three, four, better lock your door. Five, six, get your crucifix. Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never gonna sleep again...'- Scary Dream Kids (Nightmare on Elm Street)  
  
The Belles of Hell, Chicago-  
  
'RACHEL?' Kitty gaps.  
  
'Yup, it's me Kit!' The redheaded telepath/telekinetic formerly known as Phoenix replies. 'So, whose brain do you have to melt to get a drink here?'  
  
Kitty just stares in amazement at the friend that she long thought to have been dead.  
  
'Hello, Kitty!' Rachel says, waving her hand in front of the goggling Kitty.  
  
'How... But... Huh?'  
  
'How about I tell you all about it over a BEER?' Rachel asks.  
  
'Uh... okay...' Kitty mumbles, popping open a bottle.  
  
Rachel takes a swig before answering.  
  
'Long story short, Apocalypse, the Twelve, stranded at the end of time, Nate, rescue, end. Did that clear it up enough for you?'  
  
'My head hurts.' Kitty mumbles.  
  
Kitty's apartment, later-  
  
The door to Kitty's apartment opens as they both walk in. Rachel takes a look around and whistles in amazement.  
  
'Wow, nice digs you got here Kit!'  
  
'It gets me by.' Kitty replies.  
  
'So, you're a college girl, huh?' Rachel asks, sitting down on the sofa.  
  
'Yup, I've just graduated too!'  
  
'Any idea what you're gonna do next?' Rachel asks.  
  
'Charley Xavier asked me to go teach, so I thought that I take him up on it.' Kitty replies.  
  
'So, how is everybody nowadays?'  
  
'Pretty good.' Kitty replies. 'Apart from when Magneto came back and destroyed everything.'  
  
Kitty momentarily falters at her words.  
  
'I'm so sorry, you did know that he killed Jean right?'  
  
'Yeah.' Rachel replies somewhat sadly. 'I watched it all on TV.'  
  
'You're alright though?' Kitty asks concernedly.  
  
'Oh yeah,' Rachel replies. 'I'm just peachy.'  
  
Then she changes the subject.  
  
'So, how's Lockheed?'  
  
'He's cool.' Kitty replies. 'He should be snoozing somewhere.'  
  
No sooner has that been said then the little purple dragon makes his appearance. He hops onto the sofa and looks curiously at Rachel. Rachel picks him up and gives him a big hug.  
  
'How ya doin' buddy?'  
  
'Cooo.' Lockheed replies.  
  
Rachel looks over at a picture on the wall. It's of Kitty and a scruffy looking guy.  
  
'So who's the scruff bag Kit?' She asks.  
  
'That's Pete Wisdom.' Kitty replies. 'We used to be together.'  
  
'Used to?'  
  
'I broke it off and he died.' Kitty replies.  
  
'So, have you got anyone special right now?'  
  
'Nope.' Kitty replies. 'I'm single.'  
  
Lockheed flutters over onto Kitty's shoulder and cuddles up to her. Kitty strokes his chin thoughtfully.  
  
'The others'll want to know.' She says. 'I'd better phone up the institute.'  
  
The Xavier Institute, several hours later-  
  
Kurt, August, Rahne, Warlock, Amara and Pete Wisdom are stood in Emma frost's office.  
  
'I have just finished a phone call from Kitty Pryde. It seems that Rachel Summers isn't lost in time after all.'  
  
'Mein Gott!' Kurt gasps. 'Rachel's alive? That's impossible!'  
  
'Kitty was a little vague on details.' Emma continues.  
  
'So ye want us tae go get her?' Rahne asks.  
  
'Yes.' Emma replies. 'Kitty is due to begin here as our computer technology teacher and she said that Rachel wants to become one of the active team so I have decided to assign her to your team Kurt.'  
  
'Funny thing about that.' Kurt replies. 'We haven't yet assigned ourselves a leader.'  
  
'I thought that we elected Rahne the leader.' Amara says.  
  
'I didnae remember that.' Rahne pipes up.  
  
'We did.' August adds. 'Warlock even mad a little plaque with lots of sparkles on saying 'Boss of us.'  
  
'Why didnae we elect Kurt?' Rahne asks.  
  
'Because you were the next most senior member.' Kurt replies.  
  
'Okay then.' Emma says. 'Rahne, you and your team are to go to Chicago to recruit Kitty and Rachel.'  
  
'Not that I'm ungrateful or anything.' Pete pipes up. 'But why do I have to go? Me and Pryde kind of have a history together.'  
  
'What's the matter Pete?' Warlock teases. 'You scared to see your ex?'  
  
'No.' Pete replies. 'She still thinks that I'm dead!'  
  
Kitty' apartment, later-  
  
There is a knock at the door and kitty goes to answer it. Much to her glee, Kurt and the others are standing on the other side. She grabs him in a huge hug.  
  
'Guten tag Katzchen!' Kurt winces. 'How's Rachel?'  
  
'She's in the shower.' Kitty replies. 'She'll just be a sec.  
  
'Who's at the door Kit?' Rachel asks, walking out of the bathroom fully dressed. 'Kurt!'  
  
She runs over to Kurt and grabs him in another hug.  
  
'Wow!' Kurt gasps. 'You're really alive!'  
  
Rachel cuts him off before he can ask any more questions.  
  
'Long story short, end of time, Nate, rescue, the end.'  
  
'That just about cover it.' Kurt says. 'You'd better meet the others.'  
  
Then Rahne and the others walk in. Kitty takes one look at the young Wolfgirl holding Warlock's hand and gasps.  
  
'Don't tell me you guys're together!'  
  
'Yup.' Warlock says. 'We're having smoochies!'  
  
Then Augusts steps forward.  
  
'Uh hi.' She says nervously. 'I'm August, Kurt's girlfriend.'  
  
'She's Selene's daughter.' Kurt adds.  
  
Rachel's face momentarily blanches at the sound of the immortal sorceress's name.  
  
'Don't worry.' August assures her. 'I'm not evil.'  
  
'I suppose that I've got something to apologise for.' Rachel adds. 'I'm sorry for trying to kill your Mom that time.'  
  
'Think nothing of it.' August shrugs. 'I woulda done the same thing.'  
  
Kitty catches the familiar scent of cigarette smoke.  
  
'No.' She gasps.  
  
'Lo Pryde.' A voice says from the doorway. 'What? No hug?'  
  
WHAM!  
  
Kitty punches Pete in the face, knocking him out. Everyone looks at her in amazement.  
  
'What?' She asks innocently.  
  
TBC... 


	23. I am Phoenix! Part 3

The Uncanny New Mutants  
Part 20:  
I am Phoenix! Part 3  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything. All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I only own August.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Anything but ordinary- {Sigh} You never let up the hank worship do you? Yup, an all star cast, that ALL hate Cyclops! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!! Okay, I got a little carried away there...  
  
Agent-G- Is my hatred of Scott that obvious? Personally I think that Rachel would be angrier with Scott when she finds out about the affair he had with Frost.  
  
Melissarxy1- Hee! I am rather cruel to Remy, aren't I? That's nothing compared to some of the stuff that I put Quicksilver through in my Evo fics!  
  
Notes- This is an alternate ending to Exiles # 48, the one where Nocturne gets left behind.  
  
Quote of the day- 'I'm sorry. I was busy remembering to put on all my clothes.'- Kitty Pryde to Emma Frost (Astonishing X-Men #1 Yay for Joss Whedon!!)  
  
The bathroom, Remy LeBeau and Rogue's room-  
  
The Cajun mutant known as Gambit, or Remy to his friends is presently having a shower. His girlfriend, Rogue, or Anna Raven as she is now known, is elsewhere in the Institute.  
  
Remy washes the last of the suds out of his hair and turns off the shower. He tries to reach out for a towel but he cannot see as he has shampoo suds in his eyes.  
  
{Here's a towel for you Remy.} An oddly monotone voice says in his head.  
  
'T'anks.' Remy replies, taking the towel and wrapping it around his waist, ignoring the fact that someone that isn't his girlfriend just saw him naked. Remy feels his way to the sink and washes the suds out of his eyes. He then looks in the mirror and his eyes widen at the sight behind him. Phoebe, Fiona and Eve, the Stepford Cuckoos are standing behind him with wide grins on their faces.  
  
Remy's screams can be heard resounding all around the institute.  
  
Rachel's room-  
  
The newly returned Rachel Summers, better make that Grey now, is getting ready for her night out with Kitty, Rahne and the others. She stands in front of her closet in her bra and panties. She holds out two separate dresses, on is VERY short and made of leather while the other is long, frumpy and has a floral pattern.  
  
She stands in front of her mirror and holds the leather dress up to her.  
  
'Hi, I'm an enormous slut!'  
  
Then she holds up the floral print dress.  
  
'Would you like to subscribe to 'The Watchtower?'  
  
She throws the two dresses on her bed in disgust.  
  
'I can't decide what to wear.' She says to herself. 'I'd better get some help.'  
  
She then uses her telepathy to contact Kitty.  
  
{Kitty, have you got a spares sec? I need your opinion on some clothes.}  
  
{I'll just be a sec, Ray.} Kitty replies. {We've got a little situation in Remy and Rogue's bathroom.}  
  
{The Cuckoos try to hit on the Cajun again?} Rachel asks.  
  
{Yup.} Kitty replies. {The poor guy's cowering in the corner like a deer in headlights!}  
  
{Is he naked?} Rachel asks with a lecherous grin.  
  
{He's got a towel wrapped around himself.} Kitty replies. {You can't see anything ya perv!}  
  
And with that Rachel breaks contact with a smile and continues choosing her clothes.  
  
Later-  
  
Rachel is now ready and is walking down the stairs with Kitty. She ended up deciding to wear a simple red top with spaghetti straps and red leather pants. Kurt, August, Rahne and the others are waiting in the main foyer for them.  
  
'It took ye long enough.' Rahne sighs. 'What took ye?'  
  
'Ray couldn't decide what to wear.' Kitty replies.  
  
'Can we please go now?' Emma asks.  
  
'What's the rush Emma?' Hank asks. 'I never took you for the kind of person that can't wait to get to the pub.'  
  
'Scott's brooding in his office again, Henry dear.' Emma replies. 'And he's broadcasting his thoughts all over the mansion so I'd appreciate it if we could get going.'  
  
'Who's gonna drive?' Rachel asks. 'I hopes you don't expect me to, cuz I plan to get completely and utterly wasted!'  
  
'I'll drive.' Warlock replies. 'It's not like I can get drunk, anyway.'  
  
Kurt opens the door to let everyone out, not noticing the figure poised to knock. A rather familiar looking figure with pointy ears, yellow eyes and blue skin.  
  
'Umm... hi?' Nocturne says.  
  
Kurt spins around at the sound of the voice and his eyes almost fall out of his head.  
  
'TJ?' He gasps.  
  
'Hi uh... Dad.' Talia Josephine Wagner replies. 'I'm home!'  
  
{I suppose this means that the night out's cancelled.} Rachel telepathically sighs.  
  
Later-  
  
While TJ is explaining her reasons for visiting the Institute to Emma and the others, Lockheed flutters upto the door to Emma's office to try to snoop on the new arrival. He puts his ear to the door but can't quite make out what the people are saying. He hears people approaching, lets out an 'Eep!' and hides behind a pot plant.  
  
'I can't believe we got grounded for only handing Remy a towel.' Fiona sighs. 'It's not like we did anything wrong!'  
  
'How can you say that?' Phoebe replies. 'We sneaked into his bathroom to perv on him when he got out of the shower!'  
  
'I can't believe we went along with this!' Eve sighs. 'It was your stupid crush that got us in this mess in the first place!'  
  
'But he's sooo cute!' Fiona coos.  
  
'You'd better not let Rogue catch you saying that!' Phoebe replies. 'Or she'd kick your butt!'  
  
'I don't care!' Fiona sniffs. 'Then I'd die happy, after seeing my beloved Remy in the buff!'  
  
'She really needs help!' Eve groans.  
  
Phoebe stops midstep and looks around.  
  
'Did you two hear that?'  
  
'Here what?' Eve and Fiona ask simultaneously.  
  
'There's something hiding in that pot plant.' Phoebe replies.  
  
'You're hearing things.' Eve says.  
  
'I'm going to investigate anyway.' Phoebe replies.  
  
Eve and Fiona watch with baited breath as Phoebe steps cautiously towards the plant. They hold their breaths as she pushes away the plants fronds to reveal...  
  
'Oh it's only Lockheed!' Phoebe grins.  
  
'Lockwho?' Fiona, the ever-present ditz, asks.  
  
'Kitty's dragon, silly.' Eve replies.  
  
Eve then crouches down and offers Lockheed her hand.  
  
'There's no need to be scared little fella.' She says soothingly. 'We're not going to hurt you!'  
  
Lockheed sniffs Eve's hand cautiously, flaps his wings and begins to circle her head.  
  
'See what I mean?' Eve says. 'There's nothing to worry about!'  
  
'Cooo!' Lockheed replies.  
  
'See, he agrees with me!' She adds.  
  
'He looks hungry.' Phoebe says. 'What do you say Lockheed, hungry?'  
  
'Yah! Yah!' Lockheed replies, nodding his head vigorously.  
  
'Let's see if some ice cream can take Fiona's mind away from Remy.' Phoebe says.  
  
'Now there's a combination I'd like to try!' Fiona grins. 'Remy and ice cream!'  
  
Emma's office-  
  
TJ is sat nervously in front of Emma's desk while the co-headmistress sits on the other side. Kurt is also there, standing beside Emma.  
  
'Not that I'm disappointed to see you again.' Kurt says. 'But why exactly are you here and not with the other Exiles?'  
  
'I got left behind.' TJ replies. 'As crappy as that is, the thing that makes it worse is the fact that Beak is my replacement!'  
  
'Barnell Bohusk?' Emma asks.  
  
'That's the guy.' TJ replies. 'Looks kinda like a bird that's had all his feathers plucked off and then skinned.'  
  
'So that's where he's got to!' Kurt says. 'At least Angel will be happy to know that he hasn't run away!'  
  
'Am I correct in assuming that you wish to stay here?' Emma asks.  
  
'If you wouldn't mind.' TJ replies.  
  
'Very well.' Emma replies. 'I'm afraid that you will have to share a room. One of our students had a little... accident. I'll ask Rachel Grey to share a room with you, if that's alright.'  
  
'Rachel who?' TJ asks.  
  
'Rachel Summers.' Kurt replies. 'The daughter of Scott and Jean, from an alternate future. She's calling herself Grey now'  
  
'Oh, right. That makes sense.' TJ replies.  
  
There is a knock on the door and Kurt goes to answer it. It's Rachel.  
  
'I'm ready to show you to your room now, if you want.' Rachel says.  
  
'Sure.' TJ replies. 'I'm sorry about spoiling your night out.'  
  
'Aww forget about it.' Rachel replies. 'We can always get wasted in my room if you want.'  
  
'That's the best offer that I've had all night!' TJ grins.  
  
TJ then turns around and sees Kurt talking to a woman with long black hair.  
  
'Who's that woman that Kurt's talking to?' TJ asks.  
  
'That's August, his girlfriend.' Rachel replies. 'Why, what's up?'  
  
'It's just that in my reality, Kurt's my father and my mother's the Scarlet Witch. I was just expecting him to be with her.'  
  
'Things have changed a lot, I can tell.' Rachel replies. 'Jean Grey died a few weeks ago.'  
  
'Huh.' TJ snorts. 'Must be a Wednesday.'  
  
TJ puts her hand to her mouth in embarrassment as she realises her mistake.  
  
'I am so sorry! That was your Mom!'  
  
'Don't worry about it.' Rachel replies. 'She wasn't my real Mom anyway, not in this reality. There's a betting pool going around to see how long it takes her to come back.'  
  
Later-  
  
TJ is now in the rec room with Rahne, Rachel, Warlock, Amara and Pete. She's recounting her adventures as an Exile.  
  
'That Morph sounds like my kinda guy!' Warlock chuckles. 'He must be great to hang around with!'  
  
'Yeah, Morph's cool.' TJ replies. 'A little goofy sometimes, but he's cool.'  
  
Then Rahne turns around from watching the TV.  
  
'Uh guys, maybe ye'd better see this!'  
  
TJ and the others turn and watch the TV. There is a news broadcast showing several figures fighting bank thieves in China.  
  
'Is that... Deadpool?' Pete asks. 'And Psylcoke?'  
  
'Pyro and Typhoid Mary too!' Warlock adds.  
  
'And Jubilee and Skin.' Amara adds again.  
  
'But who's th' blonde woman?' Rahne asks.  
  
Everybody watches the TV in baited breath as the blonde woman turns around and blows a kiss at the camera.  
  
'Illyana!'  
  
To be continued in: The Merc and the Ninja... 


	24. Symbiosis: Part 1

**The Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 24: Symbiosis- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to marvel. I only own Kristy and August.

_Shout Outs-_

_Anything but ordinary- Heh. Gratuitous Jean bashing ahoy. The three Petes, eh? Sounds like an idea for a sitcom to me._

_Agent-G- Oh yeah, wackiness with symbiotes is always fun. Heck, I might even have Venom make an appearance. I didn't really say that the gimp mask was **FOR** She-Hulk, did I? It may have been for somebody else (maybe Hawkeye.)_

_Notes- For those of you that don't know, I have been on holiday for the last fortnight so that is why there was such a delay in updating. But I'm back now and ready to continue writing._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Rogue and Amara had finished their shopping trip and were in their respective rooms unpacking. Well, Remy and Pete were, Rogue and Amara were just chilling in the kitchen with a few Margaritas.

'I'm surprised this shopping trip went off as well as it did.' Amara said. 'Seeing what happened the last time I went shopping.'

'Yah meant the time that yah ran intah Selene, raght?' Rogue asked.

'Yup.' Amara replied. 'Rachel and I almost destroyed half of Bloomies.'

'It wasn't the part with the shoes was it?' Rogues asked in mock shock.

'Oh no.' Amara replied. 'The shoes were safe.'

'Thank God.' Rogue gasped. 'Yah had me goin' then. Ah'm kinda seein' a pattern here, New York getting' blowed up an' all.'

'The time with Selene was kinda my fault.' Amara sheepishly said. 'Selene was just there shopping, not even doing anything remotely evil.'

'What about buyin' those leather boots she always wears?' Rogue asked. 'Y'know, the kind with the heels? They are beyond evil!'

'You seem to be speaking from prior experience.' Amara grinned.

'Yeah, raght.' Rogue snorted. 'Lahke me an' Remy spend our nights playin' kinky-leather-queen-o'-pain.'

'Thanks for the mental image.' Amara winced.

* * *

**Peter and Mary Jane Parker's New York apartment-**

Mary Jane was pottering about in the kitchen, preparing the finishing touches to the upcoming meal. Peter meanwhile, was fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.

'Tell me something, MJ.' Peter said. 'Why is it always so damn hard to find a decent shirt when you want one?'

'Because you haven't got any decent shirts.' MJ replied.

'What about that classy Hawaiian number I wore the other week?' Peter asked.

MJ winced as the thought of Peter in a lime green Hawaiian shirt popped into her head.

'I love you, Tiger.' She said. 'But your fashion sense sucks.'

'So says the woman that used to wear the tight yellow sweater, jeans and cowboys boots.' Peter replied with a cheeky grin.

'You're lucky that I'm cooking dinner.' MJ said. 'Or I would have kicked your butt for that.'

Before Peter could make a witty comeback however, there was a knock on the door.

'Can you get that please, Tiger?' MJ asked. 'I'm kinda busy with the pasta.'

'Your wish is my command, your highness.' Peter replied with a dramatic bow.

Peter walked upto the door and opened it up. Standing on the other side was Felicia Hardy, former cat burglar and Peter's ex-girlfriend.

'Got enough room for a little one?' Felicia asked.

'Nice of you to turn up, Felicia.' Peter replied as he hugged her close. 'Why don't you come in? MJ's just finishing off the cooking.'

Felicia did as she was instructed and followed Peter inside.

* * *

**Central Park-**

The girl that was once Kristy Johnson was revelling in her newfound abilities. Ever since that weird black stuff hand bonded to her body she had felt a sudden rush of power.

'Time to see what this thing can do.' 'Kristy' grinned to herself.

'Kristy' walked upto a young couple in the park. One was a burly jock type while his girlfriend was a generic cheerleader type. 'Kristy' walked upto the guy and planted a huge smacker on his lips.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' The woman yelled. 'Get away from my boyfriend!'

'Kristy' let go of the guy and turned on the woman. Black tendrils began to spread over her face and body.

'He's my boyfriend now!' She hissed.

The woman let out a scream as more tendrils of black goo shot out of 'Kristy's' hands and enveloped her body. 'Kristy' gave her end a yank and catapulted the other woman into the air.

'Now, where were we?' 'Kristy' grinned to herself. 'Oh dear, it seems the stud's passed out. Heh, loser.'

'Kristy' then dumped the unconscious jock behind her and shot out another tendril of goo, swinging off into the night.

* * *

**Xavier's-**

Pete and Remy had finally finished unpacking their other halves' purchases and decided to take advantage of the quiet while they still could.

Pete stuck his head in the kitchen and signalled for Remy to follow him in.

'C'mon in, Gumbo.' He said. 'Rogue an' 'Mara have finished.'

Remy followed Pete into the kitchen and slumped against the counter.

'Dis isn't de way dat I t'ought I'd be spendin' my time when I came back to de X-Men.'

'Tell me about it.' Pete replied. 'Sometimes I wish that they left me under control of the bloody Hellfire Club.'

'But den you wouldn' be havin' de red-hot monkey-sex wit' 'Mara.' Remy grinned.

'Must you always bloody embarrass me like that?' Pete groaned.

'Perk o' de job as far as I'm concerned.' Remy replied.

'I dunno why you're so chipper, LeBeau.' Pete said. 'It wasn't so long ago that you were bein' stalked by Frosty's girls.'

'Can I help it if de filles find de Cajun irresistible?' Remy replied with a cocky grin. 'Besides, your jus' pissed because o' de prank dey pulled on you dat time.'

'Just shut up.' Pete groaned. 'Yer not helpin' matters.'

Remy was about to make a witty comeback when Emma Frost called to them telepathically.

_{All present X-Men please report to my office immediately.}_

'At least Frosty says please.' Remy said as he got up off his seat.

* * *

**Back with Peter and MJ-**

Peter, MJ and Felicia had just sat down for dinner. They were just about to begin on the soup when the sound of police sirens came form outside.

'Talk about bad timing.' MJ sighed. 'I went to all this trouble for nothing.'

'I can stay with you if you want.' Felicia replied. 'Y'know, it'd be a shame to waste all this nice food. And besides, I didn't bring my work clothes.'

'That's cool.' Peter said. 'It's most probably a regular robbery or something, no biggie. I can handle it solo.'

'I'll stick your share in the fridge, Tiger.' MJ replied. 'Now, you go catch those bad guys.'

And with that, Peter sped over to the bathroom to change into his Spidey gear. He soon sped back out again and opened up a window.

'Seeya later ladies.' He said as he gave them a jaunty and salute and swank off into the night. 'Don't wait up.'

After he husband had set off to do his thing, MJ turned back to Felicia.

'I guess that means more tuna pasta bake for us.' She said.

'Yum.' Felicia replied. 'I love tuna.'

'Perhaps you'd like some cream with that to.' MJ added with a cheeky grin.

'Ha-ha, very funny.' Felicia groaned. 'You might want to crack open the catnip while you're at it.'

* * *

**Xavier's-**

Pete and Remy were stood in Emma Frost's office being briefed on their latest mission. Kurt, August, Rogue, Amara, Rahne and Warlock were there too.

'Is there trouble, Emma?' Rahne asked. 'It's jus', by the way ye zapped our minds like that...'

'I'm afraid that there is trouble.' Emma replied. 'I was using Cerebra to pinpoint any new mutant signatures and there was a rather large spike of psionic energy emanating from Central Park.'

'And what yer sayin' is that yer want us ter go get this new mutant.' Wisdom added.

'If you would be so kind.' Emma replied.

'How do we know what dis mutant looks like, Frosty?' Remy asked. 'You don' want us recruitin' de wrong one.'

'Just watch.' Emma replied. 'And Gambit, I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me Frosty.'

'What ever you want.... Frosty.'

Emma just shook her head and psionically activated the TV. The assembled X-Men gasped in shock as they saw a suspiciously familiar-looking figure trashing Central Park.

'Hey, isn't that Venom?' Warlock asked.

'It can't be.' Rogue replied. 'Since when has Venom had boobs?'

'Maybe he let himself go.' Wisdom shrugged.

'I don't t'ink she meant man-boobs.' Remy replied. 'I t'ink she meant de good kind o' boobs.'

'No offence or anything.' August said. 'But shouldn't we leave this... She-Venom to Spider-Man or somebody?'

As if in answer, 'She-Venom' blasted a nearby car with a bolt of energy from her hands.

'Well that was shiny and new.' Kurt said.

'Then what are we standin' around here doin' nothing?' Rahne asked. 'Evil is afoot, X-Men... Go!'

'Has it ever occurred to you dat your girlfriend watches a petite too much TV?' Remy asked Warlock.

'Yeah, it had occurred to me.' Warlock replied.

_TBC..._

_Next: The Uncanny New Mutants and Spider-Man Vs She-Venom!_


	25. Symbiosis: Part 2

**The Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 25: Symbiosis- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I only own August and She-Venom/Toxin._

* * *

_Shout Outs-_

_Showstopper- You'll see more of the new symbiote in 'The Uncanny Spider-Man' soon enough. Also, while you're at it, I'd really appreciate it if you read my other ARM-Verse stories._

_Agent-G- You're forgetting Amara, she's got fire powers too. Spidey isn't the only one that they're gonna meet, think big, strong and completely nuts._

* * *

**The Blackbird-**

Wolfsbane, Warlock, August, Nightcrawler, Magma and Wisdom were flying across New York on their way to Central Park to battle the symbiotic mutant that August had christened 'She-Venom.'

'I still think we need more X-Men.' Wisdom said. 'This She-Venom bird looks bloody dangerous!'

'What's the matter, Wisdom?' August asked. 'Scared?'

'No, I'm just concerned.' Wisdom replied. 'Even though we've got two birds here with fire powers, we could be in it over our heads!'

'When aren't we?' Nightcrawler asked form the pilot's seat. 'This is just a normal day for the X-Men.'

'Uncanny New Mutants, remember?' Wolfsbane replied. 'Isn't that what we've called ourselves?'

'You're the boss.' Nightcrawler shrugged as he turned back to the controls.

'Heads up everybody.' Warlock said as he turned from the window. 'Our girl's kicking up a stink!'

The team was about to disembark when the Blackbird was rocked by an energy blast from the mutant below.

'Gee, what gives yer that idea?' Wisdom muttered as he got up off the floor. 'We ready to go?'

'That's if we don't crash.' Magma replied. 'Now you guys know why I don't like flying!'

'Kurt, you find somewhere safe to land while we take her on, okay?' Wolfsbane said, switching into leader mode. 'August, 'Mara, you're first.'

August and Magma took their places as the entry hatch slid open.

'Is it me or does it feel like we've been handed a death sentence?' August asked as she readied up a fireball.

'It's not you.' Magma replied as she changed into her Magma form.

The two fire-wielding mutants leapt from the Blackbird, shooting jets of flame as they approached the ground. Warlock, Wisdom and Wolfsbane were next as Warlock morphed into a parachute as they all jumped out.

* * *

**Several blocks away-**

Spider-Man was swinging across the New York skyline in search of crime. He had left his wife and an ex back at the apartment where they were supposed to be having dinner together. The police sirens that disturbed their dinner had turned out to be heading to a bank robbery, which was foiled pretty quickly.

Spidey was about to give up and go home when he heard explosions coming from Central Park.

'At last, some decent action!' He said as he changed direction in mid-air and headed towards the sounds of fighting.

Once Spider-Man got there, he saw several figures fighting a suspiciously familiar looking figure.

'Oh great, just what I need.' Spidey groaned. 'I'm supposed to be having dinner with my beautiful wife and an ex-girlfriend and Venom comes back to screw everything up. Just brilliant!'

Spidey leapt down to join the fray.

'I hope you don't mind if I cut in.' He said as he landed on 'Venom's' back. 'Wait, you're not Eddie Brock!'

'I'll say!' The new symbiote replied. 'The names Toxin, not that you'll live all that longer to use it!'

'Yeah, Brock used to say that all the time.' Spidey replied as he flipped of Toxin's back, just as she tried to fry him with an energy bolt.

'About time you joined us.' Wolfsbane said as she grabbed some random bystanders away from the fight. 'This lass may be new but she's kinda your department.'

'What? Just because she's a nut job with an alien suit, that makes her my department?' Spidey replied as he dodged another energy blast. 'Thanks a bunch!'

'Yer know what Spider-Bloke? Yer could cut the chatter and bloody well help us if yer want.' Wisdom muttered as he leapt behind a tree.

'But that's my thing.' Spidey replied as he looked down at the Brit shooting off blades of thermal energy from his fingers. 'Without my quips, I'm just another cute guy in a costume!'

Spidey leapt from the tree as another energy blast came his way.

'What's with the energy blasts anyway? Symbiotes don't generally do that, it's mostly icky black stuff.'

'She's a mutant.' Nightcrawler replied as he bamfed beside the wall-crawler. 'So she's our problem as well as yours.'

'Well isn't this just peachy?' Spidey muttered as he leapt at Toxin again. 'A symbiote attached to a mutant host, wonderful!'

'I don't think this is working!' August said as Toxin shrugged off a fireball. 'My fire powers are useless!'

'My powers aren't having any affect either!' Magma added. 'Since when have symbiotes been immune to fire?'

'I am the new breed!' Toxin replied as she lashed out with inky black tendrils. 'I am invincible!'

'Y'know, you newbies are all alike.' Spidey said as he dodged the tendrils. 'You're all _'I'm invincible, I am power' _but you're little more than a walk in the park.'

'I'll crush you and sup the marrow form your bones!' Toxin yelled as she grabbed Spidey. 'I'll show you newbies!'

'Leave the Spider alone!'

'What?' Toxin said as she spun around in order to see who spoke. She was knocked to the ground, making her lose her grip on Spider-Man.

'Leave the Spider, he is ours!'

Spider-Man and the Uncanny New Mutants watched as Toxin lashed out at the attacker, the psychotic symbiote known as Venom!

'Oh great.' Wolfsbane groaned. 'Now we've got to of them!'

'Just think yourself lucky that Carnage isn't here.' Spidey replied. 'Then we'd be having a real party!'

'Well what are we gonna do now?' Wisdom asked. 'Are we gonna fight or stand around with our thumbs up our arses?'

'The British guy's right.' Spider-Man replied as Venom began pummelling Toxin. 'We have to do something before these two trash the whole park!'

'Well we're open to suggestions.' August replied as she ducked a stray hotdog stand being thrown her way. 'Fire won't work on her and we don't have anybody with sonic powers!'

'I've got it!' Warlock said. 'One sonic blaster coming right up!'

Warlock quickly morphed into one of the only things that could harm symbiotes, a gun that emitted sonic waves!

Wolfsbane caught Warlock and pointed it towards the battling symbiotes.

'Hey you two, say cheese!'

Venom and Toxin stopped tearing at each other to look at the werewolf with the big gun.

Spidey and the other Uncanny New Mutants clutched their ears as Wolfsbane blasted the symbiotes with the Warlock sonic blaster. The two symbiotes separated and let out identical screams of pain.

'Pile it on!' Wolfsbane instructed the others. 'They're weak, go get 'em!'

Everybody did as they were told and attacked the two symbiotes as one. Nightcrawler repeatedly teleported them around while Magma and August blasted Venom and Toxin with jest of flam and Wisdom blasted them with hot knives. Spider-Man added his two cents as he battered them with flurries of kicks and punches while Wolfsbane piled on the sonic waves.

Everybody stopped as the two symbiotes collapsed under the combined strain of teleporting, punches and kicks, thermal energy, fireballs and sonic waves.

'Well that was deceptively easy.' Warlock said as he changed back to his regular form. 'Any idea what we're gonna do with these guys now?'

'I guess I'll take them over to Reed Richards.' Spider-Man replied as he webbed up a makeshift container. 'He'll be able to contain the symbiotes until SHIELD takes them into custody.'

'I guess that that leaves Brock and the girl for the regular cops.' Wolfsbane said. 'Well, it was nice working with you Spider-Man.'

'The feeling's mutual.' Spider-Man said as he shook the werewolf's hand. 'You're doing a top-notch job of leading these guys.'

'Thanks.' Wolfsbane replied, blushing slightly. 'It's always nice to get compliments from veterans.'

'Okay, now you're making me feel old.' Spidey chuckled as he tied the web container to his back. 'I'd better get back, I've got a hit wife to get back to.'

Wolfsbane and the others watched as Spider-Man swung away into the distance.

'I didn't know Spider-Man was married.' August said.

'You and me both, love.' Wisdom replied. 'I always thought he was gay.'

END...

* * *

_Next: Ladies Night_

_Rahne, Amara and August have a night out on the town and try to find Kitty a guy. Little will they know that the guy happens to be another teammate back from the dead!_


	26. Kitty's Lament

**The Uncanny New Mutants **

**Chapter 26: Kitty's Lament**

**By **

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_**Disclaimer- **All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I only own August._

* * *

_**Shout Outs-**_

_**Agent-G- **Pete's comment was originally from an issue of Daredevil. I think it was Iron Fist that said it... Or Luke Cage. Correct guess as to who's back._

* * *

_**Notes- **Yes, I know that this was supposed to be a girls' night out chapter, but I decided that dong the chapter this way would be much more interesting._

* * *

**Kitty Pryde's room**

Kitty woke up with a groan as her alarm clock disturbed her blissful sleep. Without even looking at the offending piece of machinery, she phased her hand through it, shutting it off.

Kitty swung her legs over the side of her bed and stretched, her mouth opening wide with a big yawn. She scratched her side and glared at Lockheed. The dragon was snoozing peacefully on top of her laundry basket.

'Alright for some.' She sniffed as she headed towards the bathroom. 'Some of us have to work. Lazy good-for-nothing flying rat.'

Kitty stopped mid-step as she realized what she said.

'Damn Wisdom, crappy British insults rubbing off on me...'

* * *

**Downstairs-**

Rahne, Rachel, TJ, August, Kurt and Warlock were in the kitchen having their respective breakfasts.

'Is it me or has Kitty seemed kinda... depressed recently?' Rachel asked.

'Well it is the anniversary of Piotr's death.' Kurt replied. 'It hit Kitty hardest.'

Rachel covered her mouth and blushed slightly at her insensitivity.

'Perhaps we shouldn't act so... couply around her.' Rachel added. 'Y'know, given what day it is.'

'No need to act special around me.' Kitty replied as she phased through the ceiling, causing Rachel to yelp in surprise. 'You guys go about your business; I'll be alright on my own. Just little, old, single me, a bottle of JD and some porn on the TV.'

'Is that how you get your kicks nowadays, Kit?' Rachel gently teased. 'Geez, college sure changed you.'

'I can still kick your ass, Summers.' Kitty replied, only half-serious, as she reached for the coffee pot.

'Where's Lockheed, anyway?' Rahne asked. 'He never misses out on breakfast.'

'Lazy thing's still snoozing on my laundry basket.' Kitty replied.

'What is it with that dragon and your laundry basket?' TJ asked. 'I could swear he's got a panty fetish.'

'Lockheed having a panty fetish?' Warlock snickered. 'He's a dragon, how could be possibly have a panty fetish?'

That caused something lying dormant in Rachel's mind to reach the surface.

'I think TJ's right.' The redhead said. 'Remember when we used to share a room back in the old Excalibur days?'

'Yes.' Kitty replied as she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. 'What's your point?'

'Well I was about to sort out our laundry on day when I saw Lockheed rifling through your panty drawer. I think he was... sniffing them.'

Kitty's face flushed bright red as the others could hardly contain their laughter.

'That dragon is _so _dead.' Kitty hissed between clenched teeth.

* * *

**Later-**  
Kitty was strolling through the grounds of the Institute. She was bored; she had a free period but didn't have anything to occupy herself. All of her lessons had been planned and Rachel was in the Danger training her squad with TJ. She even tried phoning Illyana over at BLEW HQ but only got the answer phone. **(1) **Okay, the Illyana that worked with Deadpool wasn't the Illyana that she was best friends with back in the old days but it was the nearest she had to her best friend.

She sat down on a nearby bench with a sigh. She watched the students mill about, doing their thing. Ah, for the good old days where you didn't live in fear of some bucket-headed villain blowing up your school and killing the head master's wife. But those days were long gone; Kitty had grown up considerably since she first donned the name of Sprite. If not in years, then by the events that she had witnessed. She had been there for the Morlock Massacre. She had witnessed some of her closest friends die only to be resurrected without so much as a blink. It seemed that everybody that she once knew had come back form the dead at least once before. Everybody but the person that she missed the most.

'Peter, why did you have to be such a hero?' Kitty sighed.

'Is that not what it means to be an X-Men?'

Kitty's eyes snapped open at the sound of the familiar voice.

'No, it can't be. Not him.' Kitty thought to herself as she shut her eyes tight, not wanting it to be a dream. 'Not when I'm like this.'

Kitty stood up and slowly turned around. She carefully opened one eye and peered at the familiar figure dressed in yellow and red.

'Hello Katya.' Piotr Rasputin, aka the X-Men Colossus, said with a small smile on his face. 'Pleased to see me?'

The sight of her former love back from the dead was too much for poor Kitty and she promptly fainted.

* * *

**One quick trip to find Hank McCoy later-**

For the second time that day, Kitty woke up with a grown. Unlike the previous time she regained consciousness, Kitty wasn't in her bedroom, she was in the med bay. As her vision slowly began to straighten out, she saw the familiar fuzzy blue form of Hank McCoy standing over her.

'Ah, Katherine, you're awake. I was afraid that we lost you then.' Hank joked.

'Nhnn Hank, what happened?' Kitty groaned as she put a hand to her head. 'It's all fuzzy...'

'From what I have managed to surmise form the students, you seem to have fainted.' Hank replied. 'It's nothing too serious.'

'I-I think I saw Peter.' Kitty said as she sat up and rubbed her head. 'W-was I hallucinating?'

'Perhaps Mr Rasputin should tell you himself.' Hank replied as he stepped out of the ay to let Piotr walk in.

'Oh God, that's the last time I have a Stilton and baloney sandwich before bed.' Kitty groaned, not believing her eyes.

'You always did have strange tastes in food, Katya.' Piotr replied with a soft chuckle as he took a seat beside the bed.

'You can't be real.' Kitty said as she turned her head. 'You died.'

'I came back.' Piotr replied simply. 'Surely that is not too unusual. It happens to Jean Grey all the time.'

'But you're not her.' Kitty replied, her eyes starting to brim with tears. 'I scattered your ashes.'

'I am glad that you did.' Piotr said as he gently took Kitty's hand in his. 'I thank you for that kind moment.'

Kitty sighed reluctantly, this hallucination was a stubborn one, might as well go with it.

'You here for the duration?' She asked.

'I have finished my tenure with the Powers That Be.' Piotr replied. 'I am now free to go about my life once more.'

'The Powers That Be?' Kitty asked with a sceptical look towards the Russian. 'This isn't an episode of Angel.'

'Okay then, if you are sceptical, perhaps we could get Emma or Rachel to scan my mind, then we shall see whether I am real or not.'

'Only the real stubborn Peter would be that stubborn.' Kitty said with a weak smile. 'Welcome back.'

Kitty surprised even herself when she grabbed Piotr in a hug. Unsure how to respond, Piotr decided to go with it and slowly put his arms around Kitty in return.

'I hear a lot of things have changed since I... left.' Piotr said as they finally broke away. 'What is this I hear about Rachel and Kurt's daughter from another dimension?'

'Oh, TJ?' Kitty replied. 'Yeah, she and Ray are together now. You'll never guess who Hank's ended up with.'

'Is he not with Trish Tilby anymore?'

'God no.' Kitty snickered. 'That name's a dirty word around here nowadays. Think a little more... frosty.'

'Emma Frost?' Piotr gasped. 'Will wonders never cease? Whatever next, Magma and Wisdom?'

'Funny you should day that actually...' Kitty replied.

'I really have been away for a long time.' Piotr said as she shook his head with a slight smile.

'Talking about the stinky Brit, he doesn't even know that you're back, does he?'

'I do not believe that I have seen Mr Wisdom since my return, no.' Piotr replied. 'Why, what do you have planned?'

'Just come with me and I'll show you.' Kitty replied as she hopped off the bed and led Piotr outside.

A little further down the corridor, they bumped into the stinky Brit in question. He was standing with his back to the pair, talking to Remy.

'Wisdom.' Piotr nodded.

Pete spun around at the sound of the voice and turned as white as a sheet.

'Bloody 'ell! It's alive!' He yelled. 'It's alive!'

Kitty, Piotr and Remy just laughed their heads off as Pete ran away as fast as his legs could carry him.

'It's sure gonna be more fun havin' you back, mon frere.' Remy said with a chuckle.

'I think I shall enjoy being back.' Piotr smiled.

**TBC...**

* * *

_**Next: Hell Hath no Fury Like a Fuzzy Dude Scorned**_

_Hank and Emma take the Cuckoos and Catseye for a night out, only to bump into an old friend of Hank's, Trish Tilby! Will Trish have another hot story or will Emma kick her butt before she even gets a chance?_

* * *

_**Notes- **_

_Okay, that's it! No more resurrections. That's a promise. Or is it...?_

_**(1)- **Illyana is with Wade and Betsy, helping Meggan track down a kidnapped Brian and Baby Betsy. See future chapter of _'Uncanny Wade and Betsy' _for details._


	27. Hell Hath No Fury Like A Fuzzy Dude Scor...

**The Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 27: Hell Hath No Fury Like A Fuzzy Dude Scorned.**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_The X-Men all belong to Marvel, I only own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Agent-G- **_I was glad that Joss Whedon brought Piotr back in Astonishing, I missed him. I couldn't resist putting that Lockheed joke in there. After the whole prank crossover thing between this fic and _TheUncanny Wade and Betsy_, I think I kinda neglected the poor little guy and how better to have him pop u again with an alleged panty fetish? You can bet that Emma and the Cuckoos will have their revenge on Trish. Have you seen _Bruce Almighty_? If so, you'll soon get my point…_

* * *

**Xavier's-**

All was calm in the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. It had been a busy few weeks for the Uncanny New Mutants, whether it was teaming up with Spider-Man against a new symbiote or an old teammate appearing back form the dead, or a jaunt to Hell to rescue a formerly evil mother _(1)_, everybody was happy to have a moment's peace and quiet.

Some of the mansion's inhabitants even took the chance to have a night out. Two such people were Emma Frost and Hank McCoy. What with being co-headmistress and senior science teacher respectively, they pair didn't have much time for dating and what have you.

'Really Henry, you shouldn't worry so.' Emma assured the fuzzy blue doctor as she rifled through her expansive wardrobe for something suitable to wear. 'It's been so long since you and I last went out, why not enjoy it before another psychotic mutant despot pops up and destroys the mansion again.'

'Many thanks for the kind words, Emma.' Hank replied. 'But you know my feelings about public appearances.

'Ah yes, the _woe is me,_ _I'm a fuzzy blue cat man_, act.' Emma nodded. 'You really are such a worrywart Henry. Now, what dress do you think I should wear, the white one or… the white one?'

'The white one.' Hank replied, not even looking at the dress. 'The strapless one with the diamond cut out of the belly and the bodice that accentuates your firm yet supple…'

'Watch yourself McCoy.' Emma warned him.

'Tight embrace…' Hank quickly added.

'The girls have been subjecting you to that ghastly vampire programme again, haven't they?' Emma sighed.

'I plead temporary insanity.' Hank said. 'It wasn't me, it was the one-armed man! I was hopped up on Twinkies!'

Emma just chuckled and began to get ready for their upcoming date.

* * *

**Later-**

Both Emma and Hank were dressed ready for their night out. Emma was dressed in the aforementioned white dress with the diamond cut out of the belly while Hank was dressed in his usual black tuxedo.

The pair walked down the stairs to the foyer and were met by a fairly peeved quartet of Phoebe, Eve, Fiona and Sharon, the Stepford Cuckoos and Catseye. All four girls were dressed to the nines. The three Cuckoos were attired in dresses almost identical to Emma's but of a much more modest cut while Sharon was attired in a sparkly lavender dress that almost reached the floor.

'You didn't think you could escape without us, do you?' The Cuckoos chimed.

'Yeah, what kinda of surrogate parents would leave their kids without one word?' Sharon asked as she put her hands on her hips.

Emma shot Henry a glare.

'Oh yes that reminds me, the girls are coming with us as well.' Hank said with a click of his fingers as he remembered the fact.

'We shall talk about this later.' Emma hissed.

'Mr McCoy's in trouble…' The Cuckoos said in identical singsong voices.

Hank led Emma and the girls outside and found another uninvited guest leaning against Emma's car.

'What are you doing here, Drake?' Emma hissed as she saw the X-Man known as Iceman leaning against the hood of her car.

'I'm your chauffeur for the night, Frosty.' Bobby grinned as he placed a chauffeur's hat on his head. 'You can't have a party without the Iceman!'

'Robert, you can come along with us on one condition…' Hank said.

'And that would be…?'

'Please kindly refrain from talking like that ever again.' Hank replied.

'Meanie…' Bobby pouted.

* * *

**Later still-**

'The ballet?' Bobby groaned. 'You're taking us to the ballet? Aww man, that suck!'

'Could anyone expect anything else form a measly peasant such as yourself?' The Cuckoos sniffed.

'Now girls, there's no need to be cruel to young Mr Drake.' Emma replied. 'No matter how uncultured he is.'

'I gave up a night in watching Scott polish the stick up his ass for this?' Bobby muttered. 'Just shoot me right now…'

'At least you have Emma's car to keep you occupied.' Hank said. 'You might find an old Playboy in there to keep yourself occupied…'

Bobby gave out a childish yelp of glee and dived back into the car.

'Omigod! Tigra's got a calendar?' Bobby gasped. 'Oh baby…'

'He really needs to get himself a girlfriend…' Emma sighed as she took Hank's arm and walked into the theatre.

**

* * *

After the show-**

With the ballet production finished, Emma, Hank and the girls headed for a quick drink before heading home. Emma and Hank both settled on martinis while the girls had something non-alcoholic.

'Well this has been a wonderful night.' Emma smiled. 'Perhaps we should make a regular occurrence of this.'

'What, making fun of Mr Drake?' The Cuckoos giggled.

'You very well know that I meant a trip to the ballet.' Emma replied.

'Mmm, did you see the lead guy in those tights?' Sharon sighed dreamily. 'He certainly had a big…'

'_Sharon Smith!_' Emma gasped. 'Don't you dare finish that sentence!'

'… Talent.' Sharon said. 'The guy had a big talent.'

'Well, will wonders never cease?'

Hank's eyes widened in shock at the sound of the familiar voice.

'Oh no, not now…'

Hank slowly turned around and saw that Trish Tilby, the former love of his life, was sitting at the behind them.

'Oh Trish, what a pleasant surprise.' Hank said through gritted teeth. 'Out ruining mutants' lives again perchance?'

'Henry, you know it wasn't like that.' Trish replied. 'That article was never meant to hurt you.'

'Oh yes, you hurt me quite enough once you rejected me whilst in my new form.' Hank nodded bitterly. 'Then you erroneously reported that I was gay!'

'You told me that you were gay!' Trish replied.

'Only as a means to get my own back.' Hank said. 'And I would appreciate it if you didn't report this little encounter in your _lovely_ little news programme. The girls don't need to be dragged through the news like you did to me…'

'I can't guarantee anything I'm afraid.' Trish replied. 'Sorry Hank.'

Hank felt a growl emanating from deep in his throat as he saw the woman walk away.

'Just give me the word and I will make that obnoxious cow spend the rest of her life under the belief that she is a Brazilian prostitute named Carla.' Emma said.

'As much as I'd like to see Miss Tilby humiliated, that won't be the way.' Hank replied. 'Come, I fell that the atmosphere has started to grow spoiled.'

* * *

**The next day-**

Hank was walking through the mansion when he heard laughter emanating form the rec room. Warren poked his head out of the doorway and beckoned Hank in.

'Hey Hank, I think you'd better come see this.'

His curiosity getting the better of him, Hank stepped into the rec room and saw what all the fuss was about. Warren and several of the other X-Men were watching a news broadcast on the television. It appeared that halfway through a news report, Trish Tilby dropped her microphone and started to strut about, clucking like a chicken.

'Oh my starts and garters…' Hank said, a small, satisfied smile spreading on his face.

Trish stopped strutting about and looked at the camera.

'I will swallow your souls!' She gurgled as she shook the cameraman. 'You mother sucks socks that smell! I fart in your general direction and burst my pimples at your aunties!'

'Okay, I think that's enough messing around with Ms Tilby's mind now.' Hank said as he patted Emma on the shoulder.

'I don't know why you're telling me, Henry.' Emma replied, full of mock innocence. 'I had nothing to do with this…'

Hank was about to ask for the identity of the person that was messing with Ms Tilby's mind when he heard giggling coming from the hallway. Hank peered outside and saw the steadily retreating forms of the Stepford Cuckoos.

'I wonder where the girls got that idea from…?' Hank asked as he cast a sceptical glance over the assembled mutants.

'My, is that the time?' Emma said as she got up and began to back out of the room. 'I think I have to go wash my… face.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: About Time Too…**

_It's Rahne's 20th birthday and somebody has a special surprise for her. Guest starring: Guardian of the New Exiles._

* * *

**Notes-**

**(1)- **_As seen in _The Uncanny New Mutants_ chapters 23-25 (the fight against Toxin), chapter 26 (the return of Colossus) and The_ Uncanny Couple _chapter 13 (rescuing Selene form Hell) respectively._


	28. About Time Too

**The Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 28: About Time Too…**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own August and Guardian belongs to Agent-G._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Red Witch- **_Yup, Monty Python rules!_

**Agent-G- **_Oh yeah, you're right about Guardian's gift but now you'll just have to guess who it is._

* * *

**Xavier's-**

It was a special day at the Xavier Institute For Higher Learning; it was Rahne's twentieth birthday! The young Scot in question was snoozing peacefully in bed, unaware that her boyfriend was planning a special surprise.

Warlock cautiously crept into the bedroom with Dani, Shan and the rest of the surviving New Mutants. Dani and Amara were carrying a banner between them while the others held balloons.

'Keep it down guys.' Warlock hissed. 'You know how much of a light sleeper she is. Now, everybody take your positions.'

Dani and the others did as they were told and spread out across the room.

Warlock gently leant down to whisper in Rahne's ear.

'Rahney wake up, I've got a surprise for you…'

'Don' wanna go to school today…' Rahne murmured.

Warlock gently poked Rahne in the shoulder.

'C'mon Rahney, it's your birthday…'

Rahne's eyes popped open.

'My birthday? Woo-hoo!' Rahne cheered as she sat up straight and held up her arms in celebration. Unfortunately, she accidentally punched Warlock in the face, knocking him on his butt.

Dani and the others could hardly contain their laugher at the sight.

'Oh God, I'm so sorry!' Rahne winced. 'Are you alright, 'Lock?'

'Yeah, never felt better.' Warlock groaned as he got up from the floor. 'Nice right-hook you got their, hon.'

Rahne held the sheet up to her body and helped Warlock up.

'Great way to start my birthday, huh?' She said, blushing slightly.

* * *

**Later that night-**

Rahne was amazed at the turnout for her birthday. Almost everybody that she had ever known was there. Jamie and Guido had travelled from Mutant Town to visit. Brian and Meggan Braddock had even come all the way from Britain to celebrate their former teammate's birthday. After the obligatory greetings, it was time for the gifts…

'C'mon Furtop, open mine first!' Illyana said as she clapped excitedly. The Russian sorceress may not have been the same Illyana that Rahne knew back in the days of the New Mutants but she had been welcomed like she was.

'I thought I was supposed to be the one getting excited.' Rahne laughed.

'Less chatting, more opening.' August replied. 'I wanna see what she bought you!'

Rahne shredded the red wrapping paper to find a black box. Rahne cautiously opened the lid of the box and peered in. Rahne's eyes then widened in shock and she slammed the lid back down.

'What is it, Rahne?' Rachel asked. 'Is it kinky?'

Rahne bit her lip nervously as he showed the others the gift that Illyana had given her. It was a skimpy bra and panty set, complete with stockings and suspenders.

'I can't wear this!' Rahne yelped. 'I'll look like Emma!'

'I am standing right here, you know.' Ms Frost replied, somewhat indignantly.

'I'm sure that Miss Sinclair didn't mean anything negative like that, my dear.' Hank replied. 'Did you Rahne?'

'Sure, nothing negative…' Rahne replied, her eyes darting about nervously. 'Thanks 'Yana…'

'I thought that Warlock may as well enjoy your gift too.' Illyana nodded. 'I think it's your size.'

'Are you gonna try it on?' Bobby asked hopefully.

Lorna glared at Bobby and swatted him upside the head.

'In your dreams, Iceman!'

* * *

**Later still-**

The gifts had all been opened and tidied away, now it was time for the party to begin…

While the others were inside drinking and partying, Rahne was sitting outside nursing her drink. Rachel saw this and headed outside to see what was bothering her.

'Penny for them.'

Rahne turned around at the sound.

'Hmm? Oh sorry, I was just thinking.'

'Care to share?' Rachel asked as she sat down beside her.

'I was just thinking about Moira.' Rahne sighed sadly. 'She used to love celebrating my birthdays with me, but now…'

Rachel's heart went out to the young wolfgirl; she had seen so many loved ones die in her short lifetime. Rachel put her arm around Rahne and gave her a quick hug.

'If there's any consolation, I know what you're going through. Remember my last birthday? The gift that I wanted the most was to have my Mom back with us. But it's not like that's going to happen.'

'You never know.' Rahne replied. 'Jean always seemed to come back.'

'Yeah. But how long has it been this time?' Rachel sighed. 'I've pretty much given up all hope of her coming back.'

'There is always hope.' A voice said from the shadows.

Rahne growled slightly at the sound of the sudden intrusion.

'It's alright.' Rachel said as she put her hand on Rahne's shoulder. 'It's Guardian.'

'The same guy that came to you and TJ to help bring that T-Bird guy back?' Rahne asked.

'The one and the same.' The semi-omnipotent leader of the Exiles replied. 'I apologise if I came at an inopportune time but I wished to give you this…'

Rahne cocked a curious brow as Guardian reached into his ever-present travel sack and held out some kind of glowing sphere.

'This is a Soul Sphere.' He explained. 'It contains the soul of a loved one.'

Rahne bit her lip nervously as she took the sphere from Guardian. Guardian then seemed to chant something in a language that Rahne didn't understand. The Soul Sphere began to glow brighter as a figure began to form out of the light. Rahne's eyes widened as she recognised who it was.

'Moira…?' She whispered, her voice beginning to get choked with emotion. 'I-is it really you?'

'Aye, it's really me.' Dr Moira MacTaggart replied as she held out her arms for a hug. 'Now what aboot givin' yuir guardian a big ol' hug, huh?'

Rahne didn't need to be told twice as she ran towards her resurrected foster mother and enveloped her with a huge hug.

'Oh God, I cannae believe it's really ye.' Rahne sobbed, her accent breaking through her emotional state. 'Please tell me this isnae a dream!'

'Nae, I'm real alright.' Moira replied as she kissed the top of Rahne's head. 'And I'm here tae stay…'

Tears of joy began to stream down Rahne's face as she dug her face into Moira's shoulder.

Rachel bit her lip, slightly envious at the sight of Rahne's happy reconciliation with her foster mother.

'Don't worry Rachel, you aren't going without.' Guardian said as he took another Soul Sphere out of his pouch. 'This is for you…'

Rachel took the sphere with a nod of thanks and watched as Guardian began to chant again and once again, a figure began to form from the light.

'Mommie?' Rachel whispered as she put her hand to her mouth.

Jean Grey blinked slightly at her new surroundings.

'Rachel…' Jean said, smiling happily. 'You've changed so much!'

Rachel merely grabbed Jena in a hug and began to sob into her shoulder.

Guardian smiled at the sight, he always loved it when something like this went to well.

* * *

**A day or two later-**

The newly resurrected Jean and Moira were settling down to their new lives back at the Xavier Institute. Their welcomes had been happy for the most part. Emma Frost however, was somewhat passé at the sight of Jean back from the dead, they two telepaths had never got on very well, even when you excluded the telepathic affair Emma had with Scott.

Rahne was presently showing Moira around the new Institute while Jean made her own way around.

Jean stopped beside the Phoenix memorial that was erected after her death.

'I never stopped hoping you know.'

Jean didn't need to turn around to know that Scott was standing there.

'Emma must have loved that.' Jean remarked, somewhat bitterly. 'No wonder she left you for Hank.'

'Jean I…'

Jean turned around to look at Scott. He hadn't really changed since she had last seen him, his hair was slightly longer but that was about it.

'Scott don't…' Jean said. 'This is… difficult. What you and Emma did, it hurt me. My head tells me to slap you but my heart tells me to forgive you. This won't be easy Scott. I don't need to be psychic to know that you want to work this out and part of me wants to work this out too.'

The merest hint of a smile spread on Jean's face.

'But the look on Emma's face when I walked in was worth it though…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Savage Showdown**

_The Uncanny New Mutants Vs the Brotherhood in the Savage Land, 'nuff said!_

_Also, for the further adventures of Scott, Jean and the rest of the Astonishing X-Men, check out _'The Uncanny New X-Men.'


	29. Savage Land Showdown: Part 1

**The Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 29: Savage Land Showdown- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel, I only own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**David- **_My hatred for Scott stems way back to X-Factor #1 when he left his wife and child for another woman. Add to that his continued infidelity…_

**Agent-G- **_Bitchiness with Emma and Jean is always fun. I hope you like my incarnation of the Brotherhood._

**Thanks to- **_Red Witch_

* * *

**Xavier's-**

It was morning in the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning and Rahne Sinclair had just woken up. Rahne was surprised that Warlock wasn't there to give her a good morning kiss as the pair spent most of their free time in bed. Rahne just shrugged it off and toddled over to the bathroom for a shower. Whatever Warlock was doing, it was most probably important.

* * *

**Later-**

The day's classes had finished and Rahne was beginning to worry, she hadn't seen any sign of her techno-organic boyfriend all day.

'I can't think where he's gone.' Rahne said as she walked through the lower levels of the mansion. 'You don't think something's happened to him, do you?'

'Lock can take care of himself.' Dani replied. 'I'm sure he's fine. He's most probably planning something extra-special for you for Valentine's Day.'

Rahne nodded in reply but something didn't seem right, Warlock always called her to check in so she didn't worry.

'Ah, speak of the devil.' Dani said as she saw Warlock run up. 'Where have you been 'Lock? Rahne's been worried sick.'

'Sorry, no time to explain.' Warlock replied. 'Rahne, meet me at nine o'clock at the entrance to the hedge maze, wear your best dress.'

And with that, Warlock was gone again.

'What was that about?' Rahne asked.

'Well he's gonna meet you in the most romantic spot on campus.' Dani replied. 'It's gonna be something extra-special, unless he's invited you there to break up with you…'

'Warlock wouldn't do that?' Rahne asked worriedly. 'Would he?'

'Nah, of course he wouldn't.' Dani replied. 'He loves you too much. Breaking up with you just after you twentieth birthday and so close to Valentines? Warlock would never be so mean.'

'I hope you're right.' Rahne sighed. As much as she loved Warlock, she couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right here. Whenever she had a relationship with a guy, it always ended badly, take Doug Ramsey and Rictor for instance, they never ended well. And her crush on Havok was just a by-product of her Genoshan brainwashing. The only relationship that she had that lasted well was the one with Warlock, but that wasn't about to end, was it?

* * *

**The hedge maze, nine o'clock-**

Rahne was wearing her most sexy, slinky dress, the red one with the plunging neckline, and was waiting outside the entrance to the hedge maze. She toyed with the ever-present crucifix around her neck as she waited nervously for Warlock to arrive.

'Oh God, he's going to break up with me, I just know it…' Rahne muttered to herself. 'All my relationships end badly, Doug was killed before anything happened, I was turned into a Genoshan mutate before I could get anywhere with Ric, the feelings I had for Havok weren't my own and Sammie never felt the same way about me. I can't take this…'

'You always looked cute when you talked to yourself, Furtop.'

Rahne gasped in surprise and spun around to see who it was. It was Warlock dressed in a tux that fit him in all the right places.

Rahne then noticed that Warlock seemed to have something in his hand.

'Uhh 'Lock, why have you got a blindfold in your hands?' Rahne asked.

'It's all part of the surprise, sweetie.' Warlock replied as he stepped up and began to tie the blindfold around Rahne's eyes. 'That's not too tight, is it?'

'No…' Rahne replied, starting to get a little confused. 'This isn't going to get kinky, is it? Cuz as much as I love you, I'm really not in to that kind of thing…'

'It's nothing like that.' Warlock replied as he put his hands on Rahne's shoulders and led her into the maze. 'Everything will be made clear soon enough. Watch your step…'

Rahne let herself be guided deeper into the hedge maze, still non-the-wiser as to what the special deal was.

Warlock stopped Rahne as they reached their destination and slowly began to untie the blindfold.

'Happy Valentine's day Furtop!' Warlock grinned as he spread his arms wide, exhibiting the surprise.

Rahne gasped in surprise as she looked at her surroundings, there were candles spread about the centre of the maze and a picnic blanket laid on the floor complete with champagne in an ice bucket.

'Oh Warlock, it's beautiful…' Rahne gasped, tears filling her eyes. 'This must have taken you ages.'

'Only the best for my lady.' Warlock replied as he led Rahne to the picnic blanket and sat down.

Rahne followed suit and sat down beside him.

Warlock picked up the bottle of champagne and popped it open.

'Champagne, milady?' He offered.

'Yes please, kind sir.' Rahne nodded.

Warlock kept eye contact with Rahne as he poured the champagne into glasses and passed one to Rahne.

'Cheers.' He said as he clinked his glass against Rahne's.

'Cheers.' Rahne replied as she took a sip of her champagne.

* * *

**Later-**

The champagne bottle was almost empty and Rahne was starting to feel a little it dizzy.

'Y'know, I wuz startin' tae think that ye were going tae break up wi' me or somethin'…' Rahne slurred, her accent coming on strong. 'How stupid wuz I?'

'A little bit silly.' Warlock replied. 'Why would I want to end something as wonderful as this?'

'Aww, yuir so cute…' Rahne giggled as she crawled closer and went to plant a kiss on Warlock's lips. Warlock however, put a hand up and Rahne ended up kissing that instead.

'The surprise isn't complete yet.' Warlock said.

'Huh?' Rahne asked, her mouth still mashed against Warlock's palm.

Warlock just smiled as he picked up a small velvet box and dropped onto one knee.

'Och, mah goodness…' Rahne gasped, as she placed a hand on her chest. 'Ye cannae be serious.

'Rahne, I've never felt like this for anybody before, not until I met you. You're the one thing in this world that makes me feel human and I want that to last forever. Rahne Sinclair, will you marry me?'

'Yes!' Rahne squealed, her eyes starting to fill with tears once more. 'Yes Warlock, I'll marry you!'

A wide smile spread across Warlock's face as he slipped the ring onto Rahne's finger.

Tears of joy began to fall down Rahne's face as she looked at her engagement ring. She then looked at her proud fiancé. A hungry smile spread across her face as she leapt at Warlock and knocked him to the ground, smothering him with kisses.

'Nice to see you took it positively…' Warlock chuckled.

* * *

**The kitchen, the next day-**

Rahne was a little worse-for-wear and had her head laid on the table while Dani, Kitty, Amara, Illyana and Shan gossiped around her. Kitty spied the ring on Rahne's finger.

'Rahne, is that what I think it is?' Kitty asked as she indicated the ring.

Rahne groaned as she looked where Kitty indicated.

'Oh, that? It's only an engagement ring.' Rahne mumbled. 'Warlock proposed to me last night.'

A huge grin spread across Kitty's face.

'You do realise what this means, right?'

'_Bachelorette party!'_ The girls all squealed.

Rahne just groaned as the quintet of young women pulled her up off her feet and danced her around the kitchen amidst gales of squeals.

'We have to get you a dress!' Kitty said.

'What about catering?' Shan added.

'Flowers too!' Dani said.

'Not forgetting the stripper.' Illyana added. 'We can't have a bachelorette party without the stripper.'

'Geez 'Yana, you are such a perv.' Kitty snickered.

'Meh, it gets me through.' Illyana shrugged.

'I'm sure that Pete will be willing to offer his services.' Amara said.

'Trust me 'Mara.' Kitty replied. 'I've seen what Pete has to offer and it's…'

'Quite a sight?' Amara asked.

'Yeah…' Kitty sighed, getting a faraway look in her eye.

The girls' perversity was cut short as Emma gave them a telepathic call.

'_All available X-Men report to the War Room immediately.'_

'Well that's me out.' Kitty said. 'I've got classes.'

'Me too.' Dani added.

'Ditto.' Shan added.

'I guess it's just you and me then, 'Mara.' Illyana said as she helped prop Rahne up. 'Perhaps you could tell me just what Wisdom looks like under that stinky white shirt of his…'

'Trade secret I'm afraid.' Amara replied with a cheeky smile.

* * *

**The War Room-**

Rahne had sobered up and was gathered with the rest of her team. Amara and Illyana were there, as were Kurt, August, Pete, Warlock and Jono.

Emma was standing in front of a hologram projector and was briefing them on their mission.

'Earlier on today I sensed an unusual amount of psionic energy emanating from the Savage Land.' Emma explained. 'Add to this these pictures taken from a SHIELD research post and we have quite a problem on our hands, the Brotherhood is back.

Rahne unconsciously let out a growl of anger at the though of meeting the Brotherhood again, after all the pain they had caused her, killing Moira for one.

'Since Mystique's… passing, the Brotherhood is under new management.' Emma explained. 'Some of you may remember Exodus…'

'Yeah, I've read his file.' Illyana replied. 'Huge telekinetic abilities, wannabe Messiah.'

'He also has several of the old Brotherhood members working with him.' Emma continued. 'Blob, Toad, Avalanche and Sauron. Some of you may also recognize the next new member of his team…'

The picture changed to that of a skankily-dressed woman with reptilian scaly skin.

'Mein Gott, not her again…' Kurt groaned.

'It seems that Stacy-X has crawled out from under whichever rock she has been hiding and thrown in with the Brotherhood.' Emma said. 'For those of you that don't know, she has the ability to control her pheromones.'

'Kinda like Wallflower, but _waaay _more slutty.' Illyana added.

'Quite.' Emma sniffed. 'We had better nip this in the bud people, before they get any ideas.'

'You heard the woman.' Rahne said as she stood up. 'Let's go kick some Brotherhood ass!'

A collective cheer rose from the team as they got up and headed for the X-Jet.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Savage Land Showdown- Part 2**

_The Uncanny New Mutants Vs The Uncanny Brotherhood. 'Nuff said!_


	30. Savage Land Showdown: Part 2

**The Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 30: Savage Land Showdown- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_Yup, an old-school X-Men/B-Hood fight is coming right up. Gotta love the classics. _

Agent-G- _Rahne has never been good with guys but hopefully Warlock will change that. I kinda liked Stacy too, hence having her as part of the Brotherhood._

**Red Witch- **_Glad you liked the proposal, more from Rahne and Warlock soon. Yup, Stacy was interesting, pity we didn't get to know more about her instead of the generic slut._

* * *

**The skies above the Savage Land-**

The Uncanny New Mutants were eagerly anticipating their mission, as most of them had never even been to the Savage Land before. Kurt was the only one that had. Add to the fact that they were looking forward to a good old-fashioned fight with the Brotherhood of Mutants, then it was going to be a great mission.

Kurt was sitting in the pilot's seat while August sat beside him. Rahne was sat behind them with Amara and Illyana. She was still showing off her engagement ring.

'Wow, look at the size of that rock.' Illyana said. 'You could sink the Titanic with that.'

'Yeah, it is awfully spiffy, huh?' Rahne asked as she admired the ring. 'Mmm, shiny.'

Amara turned to Pete with a demanding look.

'Pete, I want to get married.' She demanded. 'Buy me a ring.'

The Brit just sputtered at his girlfriend's commands.

'You've got a live one there, buddy.' Warlock snickered, elbowing Pete in the ribs. 'Better do what she says or you'll be in deep doodie'

'Traitor.' Pete muttered. 'Are we there yet? I wanna get this fight over an' done with. I ain't had a cig since we left the mansion.'

'And that's the way it's going to be.' Amara replied. 'Smoking is bad for you. I'm going to throw away all of your cigarettes when we get back.'

'You wouldn't bloody dare.' Pete glared.

'Want a bet?' Amara replied, glaring right back at him. 'You don't scare me Wisdom; I took on the Black Queen all by myself. Twice.'

'I believe you had Rachel to back you up both times.' Kurt said. 'So you weren't really alone.'

'That's not my point.' Amara replied. 'I took her on twice and I survived.'

'Well I took Avalanche down without powers once.' Rahne said. 'And you don't hear me going on about it. Say, did I ever tell you guys about the time I took Avalanche down all by myself?'

_'Yes!'_ Everybody chimed in at once.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Unfortunately for the Uncanny New Mutants, their targets were already aware of their arrival.

Exodus, former Acolyte of Magneto and present leader of the Brotherhood, watched the bank of monitors as the X-Jet approached.

'Just give the word and Sauron will blast them from the skies.'

Exodus sighed slightly at the interruption.

'Sauron, you really have no idea of patience, do you?' Exodus asked the former member of Weapon-X.

'Sauron is fed up of sitting on his backside waiting. Sauron wants to fight now!'

'Go and pick on the Mutates then.' Exodus replied. 'I'm sure that Ka-Zar would be most pleased to find that you are alive and well.'

Sauron just glared at the telekinetic mutant.

'Sauron does not like Ka-Zar.'

'More the reason to pop in and say hello.' Exodus said. 'Unless you're afraid of that Sabretooth of his…'

'Sauron fears no-one!' The pterodactyl man replied, bristling at the insinuation of cowardice.

'Then why are you still here?' Exodus asked. 'Shouldn't you be tearing the Tarzan copycat limb form limb already?'

'Sauron has plans…' Sauron said, his eyes darting about nervously. 'Sauron has to go now…'

Exodus rubbed the bridge of his nose. Perhaps he should have 'liberated' Wild Child from Weapon-X instead of Sauron…

* * *

**Back with the team-**

With the X-Jet hidden somewhere safe, the team made the trek towards the citadel where Exodus and the rest of the Brotherhood here hidden.

The old citadel was the most likely place for the Brotherhood to be hiding out as the building had been used for the same purpose before, by Magneto, Zaladane and Brainchild respectively.

The team wandered through the jungle. Warlock had turned his hands into chainsaws and was cutting the errant vines out of everybody's way.

'Well this is the first an' last time I ever come here.' Wisdom muttered to himself. 'It's too bloody hot fer one. We're in the middle of the bloody Antarctic and I'm sweatin' bloody cobs.'

'Can't handle the heat, hon?' Amara asked, swatting Wisdom on the arm. 'Geez, such a lightweight.'

'Hey, I can handle it.' Wisdom replied. 'Just don't blame me if I pass out from dehydration.'

'Keep it down you guys.' Rahne hissed. 'We don't know whether the Brotherhood know we're here. They could be waiting right behind that tree for all we know…'

As if in reply, there was the sound of a blood-curdling squawk from the air. Everybody looked up to see Sauron swooping down on them.

'Sauron has found them! Sauron will be the first to rend their flesh from their bones!'

'Sauron talks to much.' August replied as she slugged the pterodactyl man on the chin, sending him flying into the air again.

'Sauron regrets nothing…'

The team stumbled as the ground beneath them began to shake.

'Avalanche is mine.' Rahne said as she changed into her werewolf form and went hunting for him.

Illyana narrowly avoided a glob of goo that was spat at her courtesy of Toad.

'Frog-Boy's mine.' The Russian sorceress said as she conjured her Soul Sword.

'I guess that leaves Exodus, Blob and Stacy to us.' Kurt said.

'Hunh. No pressure then.' Amara sniffed as she turned into her Magma form and followed the others on their search for the Brotherhood.

**

* * *

Wolfsbane-**

Avalanche was patrolling the jungle, searching for any X-Men he could find. He spun on his heel as he heard a twig snap behind him.

'Toad, that you? Stop screwing around man, we gotta mission here.'

Avalanche spun around once more as he heard more movement.

'Stacy? Now really isn't the time for getting laid. As much fun as it is…'

Avalanche froze as he heard a growl come form the undergrowth.

'Please don't be a raptor. Please don't be a raptor…'

Fortunately for Avalanche, it wasn't a raptor. Unfortunately for him, it was Wolfsbane.

Avalanche let out a yell of surprise as the russet werewolf jumped out of the undergrowth and tackled him to the ground.

'Gah! Get offa me!' Avalanche said as he threw the werewolf off him.

Rahne got up off the ground and changed back in to her human form.

'Oh crap…' Avalanche groaned. 'Not you.'

'Oh yeah, it's me.' Rahne grinned as she slugged Avalanche on the chin. 'If I can kick your ass without powers, how do you think I'm going to fare _with_ powers?'

'I'll teach you…' Avalanche growled as he wiped blood form his chin. 'Gonna rock your world…'

Rahne just rolled her eyes and sent a roundhouse kick his way, knocking Avalanche on his butt.

'Why don't you make this easy and give up already?' Rahne asked.

'Never gonna surrender to you, X-Man.' Avalanche hissed.

'Suits me just fine.' Rahne shrugged as she kicked Avalanche in the face again. 'Hopefully you know when to stay down.'

* * *

**Magik-**

Illyana idly swung her Soul Sword as she hunted for Toad. The sooner she found and beat him, the sooner she could go home and get wasted.

Illyana looked up as she heard a maniacal laugh above her head.

'Ooh, I've got me a pretty one.' Toad said as he leapt from one tree to another. 'We're gonna have ourselves some fun.'

Toad spat out more goo at Illyana but she easily dodged it.

'Is this all you can do, Toad?' Illyana asked. 'Hop about and spit goo?'

'Don't forget the tongue.' Toad replied. 'The chicks dig the tongue.'

Toad lashed out with his tongue, trying to knock Illyana down. Fortunately, she grabbed Toad's tongue in her hand and held up her Soul Sword with a sinister smile.

'Nuh-uh. Second date, no tongues.' Illyana grinned as she cut off Toad's tongue, eliciting a scream of pain form Toad.

'Man, getting your tongue cut off twice.' **(1)** Illyana snickered. 'Sucks to be you.'

Toad just mumbled incoherent obscenities towards the Russian mutant as he grabbed his mouth and tried to stifle the bleeding.

'I didn't understand a word of that.' Illyana said. 'But I bet it wasn't nice.'

Toad let out a grunt of pain as Illyana brought the blunt end of her sword down on his head knocking him out.

'God, I'm gonna be washing my hands for weeks.' Illyana winced as she wiped the goo from Toad's tongue off her hands.

**

* * *

Magma and Wisdom-**

Amara and Wisdom kept their senses alert as they hunted for Blob. Their target was a difficult one; Wisdom's hot knives wouldn't be very affective against someone of Blob's bulk. Unless he shot him in the eyes that was.

Wisdom utilised all of his skills that he learnt as part of Black Air to keep himself and Amara as quiet as possible.

Wisdom knelt behind a fallen log and motioned to Amara over. They both peered through the clearing and saw Blob bending down to take a drink form a nearby river. Wisdom grinned evilly as he formed a hot knife with a finger. How could he possibly miss such a perfect target as this?

Blob let out a bellow of pain as he felt a jolt of heat shoot up his backside.

'Gah! Sonova! I'm gonna kill whoever did that!'

Blob spun around just in time to be caught in the face by a blast of lava courtesy of Magma.

Blob clutched his face and screamed in pain as the molten rock burned his face.

'Ahh! Ahh! Getitoff! It burns! Fer Christ's sake! It burns!'

Wisdom continued to shoot hot knives at Blob, making him dance about as the blades of thermal energy burnt his feet.

'Wanna bit him out of his misery, 'Mara?' Wisdom asked.

'Don't mind if I do.' Amara replied as she punched the ground, causing a small volcano to burst form the ground beneath Blob's feet, covering him with lava.

'Looks like you just got yer arse beat, Tubby.' Wisdom said as he struck a match off Blob's face and lit up a cigarette. 'And by a girl no less.'

'Just wait til I get outta here.' Blob bellowed. 'I'll crush the both of ya!'

'Wouldn't bet on getting' out any time soon, mate.' Wisdom replied. 'That lava's as hard as steel once it cools. I'm afraid yer stuck for the duration.'

Blob just let off a string of obscenities as Wisdom and Amara walked off.

'Oh my, such language.' Amara tutted. 'Perhaps I should have covered his mouth too.'

* * *

**Nightcrawler and August-**

Kurt and August were elsewhere in the forest hunting for Stacy-X. August knew that the woman used to be part of the X-Men but whenever she asked about her, the other X-Men quickly changed the subject.

'What was up with this Stacy woman anyway?' August asked. 'Why did she leave so suddenly?'

'It's complicated.' Kurt replied. 'Now really isn't the time.'

'Why so dismissive, Fuzzy?' August asked. 'Did you two have a… thing?'

August cocked a brow at Kurt's silence.

'Ah, I see… You guys had a thing.'

Kurt turned around and looked his girlfriend in the eye.

'Trust me, there was no things being had. Really.'

'Oh, is that what I was to you, Blue? You seemed to like it. A hot snake-skinned chick lying naked on top of you…'

Kurt's expression hardened as the former mutant prostitute walked towards them.

'Stacy, don't do this?' Kurt said.

'Don't do what, Blue?' Stacy replied. 'Don't join the Brotherhood? How did you expect me to react when you X-Freaks pretty much kicked me out of your little club?'

'It wasn't like that…'

'Oh, sure it wasn't.' Stacy snorted. 'I very well knew how you all felt about me. You made yourselves perfectly clear that there was only room for one mutant slut.'

'You mean Emma, right?' August asked.

'No, I meant the frickin' Tooth Fairy.' Stacy snorted. 'Of course I mean the White frickin' Queen!'

'Stacy, I'm not going to ask you again, please come with us. We don't want to hurt you.'

'Speak for yourself, Fuzzy.' August replied. 'I've been itching to give this slut a good hiding.'

'Bring it sister!' Stacy replied.

August leapt at the snake-skinned mutant with a yell and tackled her to the ground. Seeing that her pheromone powers didn't work on women, Stacy had to make do with her combat skills.

Kurt just stood back and watched the two women roll about on the floor, hissing, scratching, pulling each other's hair…

'Somebody really has to stop this…' Kurt said to himself. 'Any time now, Kurt. Any time you want to stop the two hot women having a catfight…'

* * *

**Chamber and Warlock-**

With the other members of the team taking care of their respective targets, that just left Jono and Warlock to take down Exodus.

'It's nice of the others to have all this faith in us.' Jono said. 'But do you think we can take this Exodus guy down? He's almost at the same power level as Jean Grey.'

'Well you took down Omega Red and Juggernaut solo, right?' **(2)** Warlock asked. 'This guy should be a piece of cake for you.'

'Thanks fer the faith, mate.' Jono replied. 'But this guy ain't in the same league as those two.'

'Why thank you for the compliment, X-Man.' Exodus said as he floated down from the sky. 'Pity I'll still have to kill you.'

'I'd like to see you try it, buddy.' Warlock replied. 'You're nothing more than Magneto's bitch! Always have been, always will be.'

'Blasphemy!' Exodus growled. 'You will pay for using my lord's name in vain.'

'Yeah, yeah. Whatever.' Jono shrugged.

Jono pulled down his bandages and let rip with an energy blast from his chest and sent Exodus sailing into the air.

'It will take much more than that to defeat me, X-Men!' Exodus bellowed as he steadied himself in the air.

'How about this?' Warlock asked as he changed his hands into a cluster of machine guns.

Warlock let rip with a salvo of bullets but Exodus merely deflected them with a telekinetic field.

'Okay, perhaps that won't work…' Warlock said to himself.

'You cannot defeat me, X-Men!' Exodus boasted. 'I am Magneto's chosen prophet. I, and I alone will ring in the new age where mutants will ru…'

Exodus was cut off as Sauron, who had just re-entered orbit after August's punch sent him flying, sending them both crashing down to the ground.

'Not so cocky now, huh?' Warlock snickered. 'Taken down by one of your own men. Heh. Loser.'

'I am not beaten yet…'

'Shush.' Warlock hissed. 'Grown ups talking…'

Warlock turned his fingers into microscopic filaments and crawled through Exodus' nose, making their way up to his brain.

'W-what are y…'

Exodus grunted in pain as he passed out. Warlock had jabbed him in the brain, the precise part of his brain that controlled sleep.

'And here I was thinking that the Brotherhood were badasses.' Jono sighed, shaking his head. 'When will they ever learn?'

'Well whenever there are X-Men, there will always be a Brotherhood to be a pain in our collective asses.'

Chamber chuckled at that. The mission had been a nice change from his usual activities of brooding, having sex with Dani Moonstar, and more brooding.

**

* * *

Later-**

Once the Brotherhood had been taken away by a SHIELD task force, the Uncanny New Mutants made their way home.

Amara leant over the back of her seat and looked at a muddy August.

'Don't ask.' August said simply.

Amara looked over at Kurt for an answer.

'Mud wrestling with Stacy-X.' The fuzzy elf told her.

'Please tell me you took photos.' Warlock said, his voice full of hope.

'I'm afraid not, mein fruend.' Kurt said apologetically. 'That fight was for my eyes only.'

'I shot Blob up the arse.' Wisdom piped up.

'Whatever you do in your private time is your business.' Warlock replied.

Then it was Rahne's turn to pipe up.

'Did I ever tell you guys the time I took on Avalanche and won. Twice?'

_'Rahne…'_ The team groaned.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Sorceress and the Cat Girl**

_While everybody else prepares for Rahne's upcoming wedding, a lonely Illyana gets to know the institute's newest member, Thorrn._

* * *

**Notes-**

**(1)- **_Wolverine cut off Toad's tongue in Uncanny X-Men #442._

**(2)- **_Chamber took on Omega Red and won in Generation-X #11. He took on Juggernaut, not so successfully, in Generation-X #61._


	31. The Sorceress and the Cat Girl

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 31: The Sorceress and the Cat Girl**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Needles- **_This isn't the New Mutants Illyana Rasputin; this is the Illyana Rasputin from _Exiles.

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_Glad you liked the fights. I had fun writing them. I just had to add a gratuitous mud wrestling catfight in there, didn't I? Heh._

**Unknown legacy- **_Yup, the B-Hood got whupped all right. I felt sorry for Stacy too, the X-Men treated her like crap when she only wanted a friend. Okay, she was a bit of a bitch towards Paige Guthrie that once but I'm willing to forgive. _

**Agent-G- **_I'm not going to pair Magik and Thornn together, they're just going to be friends. Both URM-Verse Rahne and New Exiles Rahne getting married? Spooky, non?_

**Morring star-** _I never knew that about Toad, thanks. Man, how many times has the poor guy lost his tongue anyway?_

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. What great men he would join: John Marshall, Charles Evans Hughes, Warren Berger… mmm… burger.'- _**Homer Simpson (Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

The Xavier Institute was bustling with activity as everybody prepared for Rahne and Warlock's upcoming wedding. Caterers, flower arrangers and even tailors were running in and out of the mansion. Almost every member of the X-Men was involved somehow, faculty member or not. Dani Moonstar had fallen to the task of being Maid of Honour well enough as she organized everything from the dress and the cake to the little carnations that the guys would be wearing.

Roberto DaCosta and Sam Guthrie were playing hooky from X-Force as they had the joint task of being Warlock's best man. Roberto was talking on his cell phone to somebody while Sam tried to rein him in.

'And does Mercedes go all the way? Do you get to see it all? _How much?_ I could buy a small country for that. Or employ an Avenger to do it. I wonder if Tigra is available… Anyway, gotta go. There's a Kentuckian waving like a loon at me.'

Roberto hung up and turned to Sam, who was indeed waving like a loon.

'Why the retarded mating dance, Sam?' Roberto asked.

'I'm trying to get ya'll to calm down a li'l bit.' Sam replied. 'Have ya okayed the stripper with Rahne yet? Does she even want her fiancé to be oglin' some silicon-enhanced bimbo?'

'You know Guthrie, if you weren't getting it on with Lila Cheney so much, I'd be starting to worry about you.' Roberto replied as he put his arm around his friend and teammate. 'Now just chill, okay? 'Berto's got everything under control.'

'That's what ah'm afraid of…' Sam sighed.

* * *

**The Danger Room-**

Elsewhere in the mansion, somewhere in the lower levels, Illyana Rasputin, former member of the time-tossed adventurers known as the Exiles and Russian sorceress extraordinaire known as Magik, was walking along the corridor after a Danger Room session with some teammates.

'So guys, you wanna head out to Harry's for a drink later?' Illyana asked.

'Sorry. No can do I'm afraid.' Amara replied. 'I promised Dani that I'd help her with Rahne's dress.'

'Has it even _arrived_ yet?' Shan asked. 'I thought you ordered that as soon as Warlock proposed.'

'I did,' Amara replied. 'There was some kind of mix up with the dresses.'

'Well at least they let us know now instead of a day before the ceremony.' Shan said.

Illyana turned to Pete and Kurt.

'What about you guys, do you wanna pop down to Harry's for a little liquid refreshment?'

'I'll have to take a rain check too, I'm afraid.' Kurt replied. 'Roberto wants my opinion on the… _special entertainment._'

'An' I'm makin' the dip.' Pete added. 'You haven't tried anything until you've tried the Wisdom family dip recipe.'

'It comes out of a carton and you know it.' Kurt replied. 'You did the same thing for Kitty's birthday back in Excalibur.'

'Well at least I contributed.' Pete shrugged.

Illyana sighed heavily; it seemed like everybody was involved in this wedding. Hell, even Xavier had been roped into leading Rahne down the aisle. The happy couple would have asked Rahne's real father, Reverend Craig, but he was a bigoted old fart and Rahne didn't want him anywhere near the mansion on her special day.

Illyana didn't notice the others give their respective goodbyes as she headed further into the lower levels.

The Russian sorceress stopped outside the med bay and poked her head in. Hank McCoy and the school nurse, Annie, were treating a guest. It was the former member of X-Corporation Mumbai, Thornn. Illyana didn't know much about what went on there but it seemed that a member of the new Hellfire Club massacred the rest of the Mumbai branch of X-Corporation. Thornn had even been tortured by one of the Hellfire members. Fortunately, she was rescued by the X-Men along with Xavier and Callisto, survivors of another Hellfire massacre, this time on Genosha.

'Your wounds seem to be healed up very nicely, Lucia.' Hank said as he replaced the feline mutant's bandage around her waist. 'But it would be best to keep the bandages on just in case.'

'I just wanna get out there and rip those Hellfire bastards to _shreds!_' Lucia snarled. 'I know me and Maria never got on very well but she was family. Those bastards'll _pay _for what they did!'

'Vengeance can wait, my dear.' Hank replied calmly. 'Now you just need to heal. Perhaps then we will see about you joining an active X-Team.'

Lucia pulled her sweater back on and hopped off the bed.

'If that's all you need, I've gotta go work off some anger.'

'Just be careful.' Annie replied. 'We don't want any of those wounds reopening.'

'Yeah. Sure. Whatever.' Lucia shrugged.

Illyana stepped back to let Lucia out.

The feline mutant shot a glare at the Russian sorceress.

'What's your problem? You get off on seeing other people hurt or something?'

'No.' Illyana replied. 'I just wanted to see how you were, after your ordeal and all.'

'Oh, I'm just _ducky._' Lucia muttered. 'Been tortured half to death, how about you?'

'Just bored I guess.' Illyana replied. 'Everybody seems to be running about for this wedding that's coming up.'

'Yeah, like _that's_ gonna last.' Lucia snorted. 'X-Marriages never work. Just look at the Havok/Polaris wedding.'

'How did you even know that happened?' Illyana asked. 'You weren't even here.'

'Neither were you.' Lucia replied. 'How did _you_ find out?'

'The same way as everybody else.' Illyana replied. 'Idle gossip. Everybody's keeping an eye on Polaris to make sure she doesn't go nuts like she did during her wedding.'

'Do you _really_ think she'll do that?' Lucia asked. 'Go nuts at a wedding, I mean.'

'Well Polaris isn't exactly the sanest nut job in the asylum.' Illyana replied.

'Has this place got any place decent to drink?' Lucia asked. 'I could murder a beer.'

'Are you sure that's a good idea in your condition?' Illyana asked. 'You're still recovering from surgery, remember?'

'And I thought you were supposed to be fun.' Lucia muttered.

'I can be fun.' Illyana replied. 'Just wait until the bachelorette party.'

'Will there be strippers?' Lucia asked, her eyes lighting up slightly.

'There will be if I have anything to do with it…' Illyana replied, an evil smile spreading on her face.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Booze and Boobs**

_Nakedness and inebriation ensue as Rahne and Warlock have their bachelor and bachelorette parties._


	32. You Are Cordially Invited

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 32: You Are Cordially Invited…**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Mimato-4eva- **_Thanks for all the reviews. If you like the Rahne/Warlock pairing, you're gonna love this chapter! _

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_Oh yeah, X-Men bachelor parties never end well. Heh._

**Agent-G- **_I guess I am in that kind of mood. Seeing that I had such fun with Selene's wedding in 'Uncanny Four' I thought that I'd hurry up and write this one too._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.'- _**Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart (Doctor Who: Robot)**

* * *

**Salem Centre-**

It was an unusually quiet night in Salem Centre as a group of young women walked down the street. It was Rahne's bachelorette party and seeing that it was Rahne's last night of freedom, her friends decided to show her a night that she would never forget. Dani, Rahne's maid of honour, had been very secretive about the gory details but that was where the fun lay, in discovering just what Ms Moonstar had planned.

The rest of the girls in Rahne's team, Amara, August, Illyana and Lucia, were Dani's accomplices along with Shan, Kitty, TJ and Rachel.

'C'mon Dani, _please_ tell me what you've got planned.' Rahne begged. 'It's my special night. Surely I'm entitled to know what I'm in for.'

'Poor little naïve Rahne.' Dani said as she shook her head in sympathy. 'You really have no idea, do you?'

'Bachelorette parties are supposed to be secret.' Shan added. 'A secret wouldn't be a secret if we told you what Dani had planned.'

'Please tell me there's a stripper.' Illyana added, her eyes full of hope. 'A bachelorette party isn't the same without naked guys dancing for our pleasure.'

'Just be patient and you will all see what we have planned.' Dani replied coyly.

Dani stopped outside Harry's Hideaway and turned to the group of young women.

'Let the party begin…' Dani said before leading everybody inside.

* * *

**The Robin-**

Elsewhere in Salem Centre, Warlock was enduring the ritual of the expectant groom's bachelor party. Sam, Kurt, Pete and Jono were having the time of their lives as they anticipated just what kind of entertainment Roberto had laid on for them.

Sam stood up and raised his glass in a toast.

'Before we get to the main event I'd like to make a toast to Warlock. When we first met you all those years ago who would have thought that you and Rahne would fall in love together?'

'Especially seeing that she was so stuck on you, Samuel.' Kurt snickered.

Sam blinked in confusion.

'W-waitasec… Rahne was stuck on _me?_' Sam asked, barely believing his eyes. 'Since when?'

'Since forever, ya daft bugger.' Pete replied. 'She was pinning for a bit of Kentucky-fried Cannonball.'

'It's news to me…' Sam said.

'Dude, you are _so_ clueless.' Roberto snorted. 'Now get a move on with the speech so the other fine gentlemen here can see what we came her to see.'

'R-right…' Sam replied, trying desperately to compose himself. 'Umm… This is to you. Lock. May you and Rahne live on in happiness for the rest of your lives. 'Berto, if you would?'

A relieved smile appeared on Roberto's face as he pulled back a curtain and sexy music played.

The assembled guys whooped in glee as they saw just what kind of entertainment Roberto had planned. It was a stripper, obviously. This stripper was no ordinary stripper however, she was dressed as Emma Frost back in her Hellfire days.

'_Whooooo!'_

'_Yeah! Bring it on, baby!'_

'_We want Frosty! Whoo!'_

Warlock's eyes darted about nervously as the faux White Queen slunk over towards him.

'_Rahne is gonna kill me when she hears about this…'_ Warlock thought to himself.

* * *

**Back at Harry's-**

Back at the bachellorette party, the ladies were having the time of their lives. Conversation had inevitably turned to guys.

'No offence Rahne but I just can't see what you saw in Sam way back when.' Illyana said. 'He's just to goody-goody for me.'

'That's part of what did it for me.' Rahne replied as she sipped on her margarita. 'Bad boys are all well and good but I like the good boys. Plus, his butt was just to die for.'

'Rahne Sinclair!' Kitty giggled. 'That was just filthy!'

'Says the chick dating the cute Russian.' Illyana replied. 'I hard what you got up to last Christmas.'

Kitty turned bright pink at that.

'Oooh!' Rachel giggled. 'I smell gossip. Spill…'

'It was something kinky, wasn't it?' TJ asked. 'Kinky stuff at Christmas rocks!'

'You should know, hon.' Rachel giggled as she put her arm around TJ's shoulder.

'I bet it was something involving wrapping paper.' Lucia suggested. 'Or mistletoe put somewhere… intimate.'

'Wouldn't that hurt?' Amara asked. 'You know, mistletoe… _down there._'

'I didn't put mistletoe _down there_, thank you very much.' Kitty replied. 'And no force on this earth or the next will make me tell you.'

'Meh. I don't care.' Illyana shrugged. 'I just wanna see the stripper.'

'_Oh yeeeeah!_' August cheered. 'Bring on the T&A!'

'Somebody's had a few too many margaritas.' Shan snickered.

'Feh.' August shrugged. 'Bring on the stripper! _Booyah!_'

'I think you'd better do what she says.' Rahne whispered. 'We don't want a scene.'

As if in reply, a voice piped up behind Rahne.

'Excuse me, but is there someone here that's makin' the mistake of gettin' married tomorrow?'

Rahne's eyes widened in surprise as she saw the entertainment for the evening. The short blond hair. The yellow and black New Mutants uniform. The Kentucky drawl.

'Oh my stars and garters…' Rahne gasped. 'You got me my own little Cannonball!'

'Enjoy, Furtop.' Dani grinned happily. 'He's all yours for the night. Don't do anything I wouldn't.'

And with that, Rahne sat back to enjoy 'Cannonball' doing his thing.

* * *

**Xavier's, the next day-**

It was the big day and everybody was eagerly anticipating the moment when Rahne and Warlock would pledge their lives to each other.

The huge garden behind the X-Mansion was full of guests as they waited for the happy couple. Practically everybody that Rahne and Warlock knew or had worked with was there. Brian, Meggan and Baby Betsy Braddock had flown over especially from Britain. Cable and the rest of X-Force were there too. Jamie Madrox and Guido Carosella, Rahne's former X-Factor teammates, were there too. Quicksilver was playing hooky from the Avengers. He was another former X-Factor teammate. He was there with Crystal and Luna. Rictor had flown in from X-Corp Paris.

Many miscellaneous heroes that the pair had known had turned up too. Cloak and Dagger, who the pair had teamed-up with back in their New Mutant days, had turned up, as had Spider-Man. Then there was the Fantastic Four, the Avengers, Doctor Strange, Daredevil and the rest.

Lila Cheney, Sam's girlfriend and therefore Rahne's former love rival, was there. She was taking care of the music.

Inside the mansion, the mother of the bride and the maid of honour were tending to the nervous bride.

'Rahne, I love ye loads but can ye _please_ stop fidgeting?' Moira muttered with a mouthful of pins as she made some final preparations to Rahne's dress.

'I cannae help it, mum.' Rahne replied, her nervousness allowing her accent to creep through. 'I'm aboot tae get married. I'm entitled t' be nervous.'

'Just wail until your honeymoon, Furtop.' Dani replied as she helped Moira with the dress. 'You and Warlock in a big ol' waterbed.'

'Kindae makes me wish that I'd saved meself 'til the honeymoon.' Rahne nodded. 'To late to turn back, I guess.'

'There, finished.' Moira sighed in relief. 'Dani, tell Charles that Rahne's ready now, will you?'

'Gotcha.' Dani nodded as she left the room to go look for the man that would escort Rahne down the aisle.

Moira stood up and looked at Rahne in her beautiful shimmering dress. She was instantly overcome with emotion.

'Me wee lassie, all grown up…' Moira sniffed as she dabbed at her eyes with a hankie. 'It feels like it was yesterday that ye'd blush if a boy so much as looked at ye.'

'Oh don't you start.' Rahne giggled as she swatted Moira on the arm. 'Or ye'll get me started up…'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

In another room of the mansion, Sam and Roberto were helping Warlock get ready for his big day.

'I don't see why you can't just morph yourself a tux?' Roberto muttered as he struggled to help Warlock with his bowtie. 'You're a _shapeshifter_ for God's sake!'

'That would be cheating.' Warlock replied simply. 'I don't want my future wife to think that I'm cheap. If I did morph myself a suit and tux, it would mean that I'd be walking down the aisle naked.'

'You and Rahne spend most of ya time naked anyway.' Sam quipped. 'I'm surprised ya've got to get dressed at all.'

'Oh, ha-ha.' Warlock sighed with a roll of his eyes. 'Just hurry up with that damn bowtie, would you? I'm getting antsy.'

'All good things come to those who wait, my friend.' Roberto replied.

'Less talk, more… just do what the man says!' Sam said. 'The guests're gettin' restless.'

Roberto finished off the bowtie and stood back to admire his work.

'Ready to meet your adoring public, 'Lock?' He asked.

'Would it make any difference if I said no?' Warlock asked.

'Hello no.' Sam replied.

'Thought not.'

* * *

**Outside-**

Warlock, Sam and Roberto were stood at the front of the aisle as they waited for the Professor to lead Rahne down the aisle.

'Rahne, you look beautiful.' Xavier said as he looked at his former student. 'You have changed so much during the time I have known you.'

'Aww, stop it.' Rahne giggled. 'I'm nervous enough as it is.'

'Are you ready for your big day?' Xavier asked.

Rahne closed her eyes and tried to compose herself.

'I'm as ready as I'd ever be.' She replied. 'There's no turning back now.'

With that, Rahne took Xavier's arm as he led her down the aisle.

The congregation gasped at the heavenly sight before them. Some of them were even crying at the sight. Moira was trying desperately to stop her makeup from running. Heck, even Deadpool was crying like a baby.

'Oh grow up, you big baby.' Betsy hissed as she elbowed him in the ribs. 'You're making a scene.'

'But she's just so beautiful…' Wade sniffed as he blew his nose with a loud honk. 'Ack! She's like an angel.'

Wade managed to keep it under wraps as Xavier led Rahne down to the waiting Warlock.

With that, the minister began the ceremony.

'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man, Warlock, and this woman, Rahne, in the bonds of holy matrimony. A union of the most sacred order and one not to be entered into lightly. If there is anyone who can give reason why these two should not be married, let him or her speak now or forever hold their peace. Now, Warlock and Rahne will recite their vows.'

Warlock took Rahne's hand in his and looked her right in the eyes.

'Rahne, when I first came here, I was an alien unused to earthly ways. You, as well as the other New Mutants soon showed me what it was like to be human. But there was one person that I would grow especially close to. That person was you, Rahne.'

It was then Rahne's turn to take her vows.

'Warlock, we have both led very dramatic lives. Seen friends and loved ones come and go. Even died ourselves. But not even death can separate the love that I feel for you.'

The minister then continued.

'Warlock, place this ring on Rahne's finger and proclaim your unity in the presence of this community.'

Warlock took the ring from the ring bearer and carefully placed it on Rahne's finger.

'Rahne, with this ring, I, Warlock, pledge myself as your loving husband.'

The minister then turned to Rahne.

'Rahne Sinclair, place this ring on Warlock's finger and proclaim your unity in the presence of this community.'

Rahne took the ring from the ring bearer and carefully placed it on Warlock's finger.

'Warlock, my beloved, with this ring, I, Rahne, pledge myself as your loving wife.'

Then it was back to the minister.

'By the power invested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.'

Warlock and Rahne held each other close as they kissed each other lovingly.

The congregation cheered in celebration at the sight.

* * *

**Later-**

After the inaugural photographs had been taken, it was time for dinner and the first dance and of course, throwing the bouquet.

Bobby quietly whispered to Sean and Moira.

'So, when are you guys gonna get married?'

Moira didn't bother to conceal her amusement at Sean's shocked expression.

'Opting for a life of sin, huh?' Bobby snickered. 'Good choice.'

'Bobby, hurry up!' Lorna hissed. 'I want to get a decent place to grab the bouquet.'

'Yes dear.' Bobby nodded obediently.

Rahne took her position, back facing the female congregation, and threw the bouquet. She winced at the sounds of chaos behind her.

'Outta the way, Frosty! This bouquet's mine!' Rachel hissed.

'What do you care? You're gay!' Emma replied.

'And you're a slut!' Lorna added. 'Yoink!'

'Yoink yourself, dear.' Betsy replied as she snatched the bouquet away form the green-haired woman.

Betsy's eyes widened in surprise as Kitty phased straight through her, taking the bouquet for herself.

'Oh yeah! Who's the mommie?' Kitty cheered.

Once the disappointed women had calmed down, it was the guys' turn to catch the garter.

A chorus of wolf whistles rose from them as Warlock slowly removed the garter belt from Rahne's leg.

'Now do you see what you're missing, Sammie?' Roberto teased.

'Just shut up and stay out of my way.' Sam replied as he jostled for position.

Rahne took her position again and tossed the garter belt over her shoulder and once more, chaos ensued.

'Booyah!' Wade cheered. 'Who's the daddy?'

'_Banzai!'_

'Eep.' Wade winced as Guido leapt on top of him, crushing the merc-with-a-mouth underneath him.

'Who's the daddy _now_, 'Pool?' Guido snickered.

'That would be me, big guy.' Bobby replied as he zipped up with an ice slide.

'Bugger off!' Pete added a she tackled Bobby to the floor. '_I'm_ the daddy!'

'Ahem…'

Pete looked up at the sound.

'Oh bollocks.'

'If you wouldn't mind, Tovarisch?' Piotr asked, his hand held out expectantly.

Pete sighed reluctantly and handed over the garter belt, only to have it yanked out of his hand by a purple blur.

'Heh-heh.' Lockheed snickered a she flew up out of everybody's reach.

'Stars and garters.' Hank said. 'The dragon sure knows how to win.'

'He's a cheatin' sod and nuthin' else.' Pete pouted. 'Bugger.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Last Hero Standing**

_Rahne and Warlock's honeymoon is rather rudely interrupted as they are kidnapped and forced to join a hero battle royale. What kind of sicko could be behind this? Give me an M… Give me an Ojo… Yaaaaay Mojo!_


	33. Last Hero Standing: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 33: Last Hero Standing- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own August and Lady Helen Thomas._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Unknown Legacy- **_Rachel still has her Phoenix powers. Well, kind of. Whenever she activates her telepathy, a Phoenix emblem appears on her face. _

**Agent-G- **_Crystal and the Black Widow visiting a strip club with a faux Quicksilver performing? Heh. I never knew Crys had it in her. You can bet that TJ will want her revenge on Mojo. Rachel too, seeing as she has history with His Corpulence._

**Thanks to-** _David._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Do you feel like arguing with a can of deodorant that registers nine on the Richter scale?'- _**Ace (Doctor Who: Dragonfire)**

* * *

**Xavier's-**

It was a fortnight after Rahne and Warlock's wedding and everything had more or less calmed down at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. The students were going to their classes. The faculty were teaching. The X-Men that weren't faculty members (like Polaris, Chamber and Pete Wisdom) spent most of their time monopolizing the Danger Room. August, Jono, Pete, Illyana and Lucia were in the Danger Room waiting for their opponents to arrive. The quartet's chosen opponents today were Sean, Jeanne-Marie, Jubilee, Paige and Angelo: members of Alex and Ororo's team, respectively.

'How about we make this a little more exciting?' Pete asked.

'I gather yuir talkin' about a bet.' Sean deduced as he walked in with the others.

'Are you sure you wanna do that, Wisdom?' Jubilee teased cockily. 'Do you _really_ think you can beat my spiffy new powers?' **(1)**

'There's only one way to find out, Lee.' Pete replied as he cracked his knuckles. 'Bring it!'

'Oh, it's brung all right.' Jubilee smirked as her hands began to glow with pent-up energy. 'Brung all over your ass!'

'I think we'd better get started before somebody hurts themselves.' August sighed. 'Last mutant standing okay for you?'

'Sounds _trez bien_ to me.' Jeanne-Marie answered as she took to the sky.

'Bring it, chica.' Angelo added as his arms began to stretch out.

Up in his position in the Danger Room control room, Professor Xavier gave the X-Men their instructions.

'_This contest will be won by the last X-Men that is still standing.' _Explained telepathically.

'Geez, we already knew that Chuck.' Jubilee muttered. 'August just explained it.'

'_Very well.' _Xavier nodded. _'If everybody is ready, you may begin…'_

And with that, everybody chose an opponent and began. August took on Jeanne-Marie. Pete took on Sean. Jono had Angelo. Illyana took on Jubilee and Lucia went up against Paige.

Neither mutant was able to land a blow however as August, Pete, Jono, Illyana and Lucia disappeared in a flash of light.

'I didn't do it!' Jubilee quickly yelped as she backed away slightly.

'That wasn't my powers either, _petite._' Jeanne-Marie replied.

'Professor, what do you think happened?' Paige asked.

'To be honest, Paige…' Xavier replied. 'I do not have the faintest clue…'

* * *

**Disney's Magic Kingdom, Florida-**

The newly married Rahne and Warlock were having the time of their life in the infamous DisneyWorld resort. The pair had already visited all four theme parks and two water parks several times. They were on their third visit to the Magic Kingdom and still the magic wasn't going stale.

'I wanna go on the Winnie the Pooh ride again!' Rahne squealed as she clapped her hands excitedly. 'And the flying Dumbos, and Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, and the Mad Hatter's spinning teacups, and Space Mountain, and Splash Mountain, and…'

'Yes, we can go on all those rides soon, okay?' Warlock sighed tiredly. 'Now, if it's okay with you, I need a rest. My feet are killing me.'

'You can rest when you're dead.' Rahne tutted as she dragged her husband in the direction of characters signing autographs. 'Now c'mon, I wanna get Tigger's autograph.'

Warlock just shook his head and followed Rahne towards the steadily growing line.

'You really are a big child, you know that?' Warlock sighed.

'This coming from the guy that almost shat himself in the Tower of Terror ride.' Rahne snickered. 'It really wasn't that scary.'

'Was too.' Warlock whimpered. 'My stomach almost shot out of my mouth.'

'You don't _have_ a stomach.' Rahne sighed. 'You feed by infecting food with the Transmode Virus and absorbing the energy.'

'That doesn't take away the fact that the Tower of Terror was fricking _scary!_' Warlock exclaimed.

'Ooh!' Rahne grinned excitedly. 'We're next! Get the camera ready!'

Unfortunately, Rahne never made it to get Tigger's autograph and Warlock never got to take the photo as they disappeared in a flash of light.

* * *

**Brooklyn, New York-**

It was business as usual for everybody's Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man and his occasional sidekick-come-drinking buddy: the Human Torch.

Spidey had been swinging around, going through his usual patrol patterns, when his Spider-Sense alerted him to a jewellery store being robbed down below.

Unfortunately for Spidey, Electro was the one responsible for the robbery. Whereas Spidey could easily defeat Electro on his own, working with the Human Torch was a different matter entirely. The oft-excitable and brash Torch would often leap into battle without a care in the world, no matter who the villain was.

Electro tried to zap the crime-fighting duo with a bolt of electricity but they both easily avoided it. Spidey shot some webbing in Electro's face while the Human Torch knocked the villain off his feet with a fireball.

'I'll get you for this, Spider-Man!' Electro hissed as he struggled with the webbing covering his eyes. 'You and your pesky Zippo lighter too!'

'Oh hush up, Sparky.' Spider-Man sighed as he kicked Electro on the chin, knocking him out. 'The grown-ups are talking.'

'Well, that was easy.' The Human Torch sniffed as he hovered about

'Yeah, that was because _I _did all the work.' Spider-Man grunted. 'Thanks for that by the way.'

'Hey, Electro is one of your guys.' The Human Torch replied innocently. 'I didn't want to step on your toes or anything.'

'Yeah, sure, whatever.' Spidey muttered as he webbed Electro to a nearby lamppost. 'Now if you'll excuse me, I have an expectant wife to feed. Toodles.'

'Yeah well, I've got a hot shapeshifting alien chick to go pleasure.' **(2) **The Human Torch laughed as he began to fly off. 'Seeya.'

Spidey and the Torch never got to their other halves as they disappeared in a flash of light.

* * *

**The offices of Deadpool Inc, the Baxter Building- **

'Bills. Bills. Bills. Ooh! Free shampoo! Bills. Bills.'

Wade Wilson, aka the merc-with-a-mouth, Deadpool, walked around his office reading the mail.

'Man, why do we keep _getting_ all this crap? It's not like we actually _use_ the stuff.'

'I think that you'll find that we do use stuff.' Felicia Hardy, the vigilante known as Black Cat and an employee of Deadpool Inc., explained like she was talking to a small child. 'That is why we get bills. We have to pay to use electricity and water.'

'I'm glad somebody told me then.' Wade nodded in understanding. 'I was beginning to think all these letters were secret love letters from the electricity guys.'

'You seriously didn't think that, did you?' Felicia groaned.

'They coulda been love letters.' Wade replied. 'I get a lot of fan mail from guys in prison.'

Felicia just shivered in disgust.

'When are Betsy and Terry supposed to be getting back, anyway?'

'Any time soon.' Wade replied as he looked at his watch. 'They only went out to get some coffee.'

'I just hope they come back soon.' Felicia groaned as she rubbed her stomach. 'The coffee machine's broken and I need my daily intake of coffee.'

'You and me both, babe.' Wade replied. 'I need my daily intake of sugary, donuty goodness as well.'

Wade spun around as he heard somebody walk in the door.

'Betsy, did you get the donuts?'

'Of course I did.' The British telepath known as Psylocke replied. 'I've got sprinkled, jelly and plain. Take whatever you want.'

'Where've they gone?' Terry asked as she looked around the office.

'Search me.' Betsy shrugged. 'One minute Wade was here, the next, poof.'

'My Siryn-Sense is tingling.' Terry mumbled as she stroked her chin in thought.

'No rush.' Betsy replied as she popped open the box of donuts. 'With Wade and Felicia gone, that leaves all the donuts to us.'

'Dibs on the chocolate!'

**

* * *

Elsewhere-**

August, Pete, Jono, Illyana and Lucia found themselves in some kind of enclosure. They weren't the only people there however, as they were surrounded by other heroes. Kurt, Amara, Rachel and TJ had been taken away from their lessons.

'A great bloody honeymoon this has turned out to be.' Rahne muttered as she crossed her arms. 'Queue up to get an oversized tiger's autograph and end up getting kidnapped.'

'And why the heck are we in uniform?' Warlock blinked, looking down at himself. 'I was wearing completely different clothes.'

'Umm, Lock?' Amara piped up. 'You don't wear clothes, remember?'

'_Must_ you always embarrass me like this?' Warlock groaned.

'Well, this is one hell of an assemblage of heroes.' TJ blinked as she looked around. 'I wonder if it's another Secret War?'

'Oh, _that'll_ be just _great_.' Rahne muttered. 'Cuz I had _so_ much fun when the Beyonder killed the New Mutants.' **(3)**

The rest of Rahne's team looked around at the other confused heroes. Spider-Man, the Human Torch, Deadpool and Black Cat were there, of course. The Scarlet Witch was there with the new Captain Britain. **(4)** A highly pissed Marrow was there, too. She was in the middle of a fight against some drug dealers with the X-Factor Detective Agency. Tigra had been kidnapped from the West Coast Avengers' Complex in Malibu. She was chilling by the swimming pool with the rest of her teammates until some mysterious force took her away. Pyro had been kidnapped in the middle of a rather exciting TV show. A crocodile was just about to bite Steve Irwin's head off. A rather anxious Meggan Braddock was there. She was anxious because she was worried about her young daughter, who had been left in the bath. Last, but by no means least were two members of the London branch of the Avengers, Avengers International. Sersi and Jessica Drew were in the middle of a poker game with Hercules and Deathcry when they were kidnapped.

'Aww, _man._' Spider-Man moaned as he slapped himself on the head. 'My wife is gonna _kill_ me! I was supposed to get her a Swiss cheese and jelly sandwich from the deli.'

'If you think that's bad, wait till you hear about this.' The Human Torch started to whine. 'Lyja's most probably lying in bed, all sexy-like waiting for me. She'll have to make do with my porn. _And I won't be able to watch!_'

'At least you guys aren't going to be fifty pounds out of pocket.' Sersi muttered. 'I was about to fleece Herc. Now all that money's gonna go to Deathcry. She's _nineteen_ for God's sake! She's a fricking _rookie!_'

'Oh God, Betsy…' Meggan whimpered as she nibbled on her nails worriedly. 'I-I was giving her a bath… th-then there was a flash of light… and I found myself here! My poor baby! What's going to happen to her?'

'I'm sure Betsy will be just fine.' Rahne reassured as she put her arms around the blonde empath's shoulders. 'Brian would never let anything happen to her.'

'I don't know about you guys…' Rachel scrunched up her face. 'But I've got a bad feeling about this. I feel like I've been here before.

'Me too.' TJ and Meggan both chimed. **(5)**

As if in reply, a huge TV screen fizzled into life before the assembled heroes. TJ snarled in anger as she gazed upon the yellow, pus-like face.

'Mojo…' TJ snarled.

'I am _sooo_ glad you remember me, my chartreuse champignon.' The interdimensional television mogul known as Mojo grinned, his voice sugary sweet. 'I dare say you're all wondering why you're gathered here.'

'You're damn right we wanna know, Bloat!' Rachel snarled. 'What sick games have you got planned for us this time?'

'I've got three words for you…' Mojo smirked. 'Superhero death-match!'

'Aww, _crap!_' Spider-Man groaned. 'It _is _another Secret War!'

'With one teeny, _weensy_ little modification.' Mojo explained. 'You guys aren't gonna fight against villains, you're gonna fight amongst yourselves! Man, I'm good.'

A shocked gasp rose form the assembled heroes.

'There's no way we're going to fight each other, Tubby!' Tigra replied. 'So go stick your offer up your pus-filled ass!'

'Oooh! I just _loooove_ those cat girls!' Mojo giggled as he clapped his hands. 'They've got so much spunk. And just for that, you're gonna have the first match.'

'Wait! You can't do this! You have no ri…'

Tigra never got to finish her sentence as she disappeared in a flash of light.

'Now, who could be her opponent?' Mojo thought out loud. 'Ooh! The wolf girl! Oh yeah! This is gonna be a classic! Dogs versus Cats! It's a classic battle!'

'Rahne!' Warlock yelled. _'No!'_

'Too late, bucko.' Mojo replied as Rahne disappeared in a flash of light. 'Your missus is mine now. Thanks for the honeymoon though. Mojoworld's Adult Channel has never been so popular! Now, don't you touch that dial. We'll be right back after these messages…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Last Hero Standing: Part 2**

Rahne Vs Tigra. Warlock Vs Meggan. Magma Vs Human Torch. Wisdom Vs Deadpool. Chamber Vs Captain Britain. Marvel Girl Vs Pyro. Nocturne Vs Spider-Woman. Nightcrawler Vs Spider-Man. August Vs Sersi. Magik Vs Scarlet Witch. Thornn Vs Marrow. It's a superhero battle royale. Place your bets now, people!

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Jubilee went through her secondary mutation in_ 'Uncanny XSE.'

**(2)- **_Johnny is of course, referring to Lyja the Skrull._

**(3)- **_The Beyonder killed the New Mutants during the second Secret War. They got better._

**(4)- **_The new Captain Britain is Lady Helen Joanna Thomas. She took Kelsey Leigh's place after her predecessor went mad and tried to kill Brian, Meggan and Baby Betsy in_ 'Uncanny Excalibur.'

**(5)- **_TJ travelled to Mojoworld during her tenure with the Exiles. Rachel was one of Mojo's playthings between_ _Uncanny X-Men #209 and_ Excalibur: Sword is Drawn. _Mojo kidnapped Meggan along with her Excalibur_ _teammates in_ 'Uncanny Excalibur.'


	34. Last Hero Standing: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 34: Last Hero Standing- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own August and Lady Helen._

* * *

**Author's Notes- **_Jeepers. I only meant 'place your bets now' in a metaphoric way. If you don't like the fight results, I'm sorry but this is MY story so I will decide who gets to win. So there. Nerr._

* * *

**Wakanda: Wolfsbane Vs Tigra-**

The feline Avenger known as Tigra was cautiously stalking through the underbrush of an artificial Wakanda. The tiger woman hissed a curse as she caught a wound on her arm on a low-lying branch. The wound was caused by Tigra's opponent, the Scottish werewolf known as Rahne Sinclair: Wolfsbane. Normally, Tigra would have taken exception to the young girl slashing at her like that, but the poor mutant had been kidnapped from her honeymoon, so it was understandable that she was angry.

Tigra halted for a moment as she sniffed the air, trying to smell her opponent.

'You're good, Wolfsbane.' Tigra muttered to herself. 'Wolverine good. It's a pity I have to beat you.'

'I'll have tae agree wi' ye there.' A voice replied from the shadows. 'Nuthin' personal, Tigra. I just wantae get back tae my honeymoon. Space Mountain isnae goin' tae ride itself, y'know.'

Tigra spun around just in time to see Rahne dive at her, knocking them both through the bushes and tumbling down a shallow incline to come to rest on a sandy bank beside a river.

'Dinnae make any sudden moves…' Rahne whispered cautiously.

'Why not?' Tigra whispered in reply.

Rahne simply indicated several approaching ripples in the river nearby. Crocodiles.

'Oh.' Tigra blinked. 'It looks like we'll have a little time for a team-up then. What do you say?'

'I say we make handbags outta these things!' Rahne growled as she stood up and brushed sand out of her fur.

'That isn't really environmentally minded, is it?' Tigra joked, as she got ready to fight.

'If I know Mojo as well as I do…' Rahne began. '…Nuthin' in this place is real…'

'Well, that's a bonus.' Tigra shrugged as a crocodile clambered onto the bank and opened its mouth in challenge.

Tigra simply hissed in reply and jumped onto the creature's back.

'Crikey! Look at the size of this bloke!' The tiger woman quipped as she slammed her elbow into the back of the crocodile's head.

'I dinnae think now is the time f'r jokes, Tigra.' Rahne growled as she tore out another robotic crocodile with her claws. 'Y'know, fightin' f'r our life an' all.'

'Some people just don't appreciate levity.' Tigra muttered as she grabbed another croc by the tail and slammed it on the ground.

'Oh, I appreciate levity just fine, thankye.' Rahne shot back as she tore the guts out of yet another robot croc. 'It's just that I'm a wee bit preoccupied with a wee somethin' that we X-Men call a berserker rage.'

'Wolverine must _love_ you guys then.' Tigra sighed with a roll of her eyes. 'I thought he was the only berserker X-Man.'

'You havnae seen Jean Grey before coffee.' Rahne retorted. 'It's quite some sight.'

'_Riiight…_' Tigra blinked as she finished off the last of the robot crocodiles. 'We gonna take a rest before we continue with our cat/dog fight?'

'I'm good.' Rahne replied simply as she turned to face the tiger woman.

'Oy.' Tigra groaned. 'You X-Men and your stamina.'

* * *

**Mojoworld-**

Back in the holding cells that held the other superheroes as they waited to be called up for their fights, Warlock cheered his wife on.

'Yeah! C'mon babe!' Warlock cheered as Rahne knocked her opponent into the water. 'Show that Avenger how much we rule!'

Nearby, Captain Britain, the Scarlet Witch, Spider-Woman and Sersi cheered for Tigra.

Spider-Man and the Human Torch just looked at each other and shrugged.

'I've never gotten this whole X-Men/Avenger rivalry.' Spidey commented.

'Same here.' The Human Torch agreed. 'I guess that makes us the token neutral people.'

'D'you know who your opponent is yet?' Spidey asked.

'That blonde X-Chick.' The Human Torch responded. 'Magma, I think.'

'Ooh.' Spidey winced. 'Fighting a lady. Sucks to be you. At least I'm fighting against Nightcrawler.'

'I thought you guys were buds.' The Human Torch blinked. 'Why are you so happy to fight him?'

'Just glad to be fighting someone near enough to my power levels, I guess. Y'know, killer agility, all that junk.'

The Torch was about to reply when a collective cheer rose from the gathered X-Men along with a groan from the Avengers.

'Looks like Wolfsbane won.' Spidey commented as he looked towards the monitors. 'That girl sure knows how to fight.'

'You better believe it, bub.' Warlock snickered. 'My wife so _totally_ rules!'

'You channelling a Valley Girl there, buddy?' The Torch snickered.

Warlock didn't get a chance to reply, as he was teleported away.

* * *

**London: Warlock Vs Meggan-**

Warlock looked around at his surroundings. He had been teleported into a simulation of Trafalgar Square in the middle of London.

'Well, at least we get the home ground.' Warlock's opponent commented. 'Well, I do anyway.'

'I really am sorry about this, Meggan.' Warlock apologised as he sized up against the British empath. 'But I really want to get back to my honeymoon, y'know?'

'Yeah, I know.' Meggan nodded. 'DisneyWorld, wasn't it?'

'Yup.' Warlock confirmed. 'We were just going to get Tigger's autograph when… _bam_, we ended up here.'

'What do you say we get this fight started?' Meggan asked. 'I'd _really_ like to get back to my baby.'

'I've never been one to deny a pretty lady anything.' Warlock bowed chivalrously.

Meggan giggled slightly at that.

'You're a married man, remember? Rahne wouldn't like that, flirting with other women. Now, let's get down to business…'

Warlock was taken by surprise as Meggan flew straight at him, smashing them both through Nelson's column.

'Ow…' Warlock winced as he rubbed his head gingerly. 'I know I haven't got any bones or anything but… Ow.'

'Oh balls!' Meggan winced. 'I'm sorry. Was that too much?'

'Just a little bit.' Warlock replied as he pulled himself off the ground. 'This fight doesn't feel right, y'know? I don't like fighting women. I'm too damn polite.'

'Ah, a real gentleman.' Meggan chuckled. 'You're a dying breed.'

And with that, the battle continued. Warlock's arm stretched up and grabbed hold of the blonde empath.

'I'm sorry Meggan, I really am.' Warlock apologised. 'It's nothing personal.'

'That's okay.' Meggan responded as she changed her skin into a more spiky form, eliciting a yell of pain from Warlock, making the techno-organic shapeshifter drop her. 'It's nice to fight somebody with manners. Unlike the last person I fought. Bloody Kelsey. Trying to kill my family. I sure showed her…' **(1)**

Warlock changed into an octopus and grabbed Meggan with his tentacles. Meggan simply squeezed one tentacle with all of her magical might, making Warlock drop her once more. The blonde empath then grabbed the stunned techno-organic octopus by one of his tentacles and spun him around her head.

'I'm afraid that this is going to hurt a bit.' Meggan warned as she let Warlock go, sending him smashing into a vacant petrol tanker, erupting in a ball of flame.

'Oh God.' Meggan bit her lip nervously. 'Please don't let him be dead…'

Thankfully, an arm burst out of the wreckage of the petrol tanker like a techno-organic Terminator as Warlock struggled of the fire.

Meggan used her elemental powers to extinguish the blaze and ran over to help her beaten opponent.

'Warlock! Are you okay?' Meggan asked concernedly.

'Never felt better.' Warlock answered as he collapsed into Meggan's arms. 'Now, I think I'll just lay here a while if that's okay…'

'Oh, for crying out loud.' A caustic voice groaned. 'Enough with the sportsmanship already. You're not making any friends with that junk.'

Meggan shot a glare at the multi-armed woman known as Spiral.

'It's called compassion, witch. He could've been hurt badly.'

'Whatever.' Spiral shrugged. 'The Bloat say's you're done. It's time for the next bout…'

* * *

**Latveria: Magma Vs the Human Torch-**

Magma found herself in a quaint town surrounded by a huge pine forest. A colossal brooding castle dominated the nearby hillside.

'Oooh. It looks like something out of a story book.'

'Aww, man.' Amara's opponent groaned as he looked around at their surrounding. 'Why here? Anything but here.'

'What's the matter, Torch?' Amara asked. 'This place looks pretty. Okay, not exactly as beautiful as Nova Roma but it's pretty enough.'

'Don't you even _know_ where we are?' Johnny groaned as he threw his arms in the air in indignation. 'We're in Latveria! Frickin' _Latveria!_'

'Latveria, as in Dr Doom?' Amara realized.

'No, Latveria as in cute bunnies and sunbeams.' Johnny ranted. 'Of course it's that Latveria! There's only one Latveria and Doom's the freakin' ruler!'

'But I thought Doom was dead.' Amara remembered. 'Yes, I know that for a fact. I saw Selene take him out on television.'

'Oh, come _on._' Johnny snorted. 'An X-Man like you should know better than that. You guys have had more resurrections that Reed has made goofy machines.'

'You're ranting, Torch.' Amara stated. 'You are making a fool out of yourself.'

'Of course I'm ranting!' Johnny responded. 'We're in _Latveria!_' I _hate _Latveria!'

'Well, I shall say one thing…' Amara began as she changed into her fiery Magma form. 'It will be an honour to fight you. Prepare yourself…'

Johnny blinked in confusion for a moment.

'W-wait. What're you doing? Oh crap. Fireball! FLAME ON!'

Johnny's body was engulfed in flames as he changed into the Human Torch.

'Okay, cute chick or not, you're gonna pay for that!' Johnny groused. 'You almost singed me! I just had my hair cut. Do you have any idea how much a bitchin' haircut like this costs?'

'No, I don't really.' Amara shrugged nonchalantly. 'And to be frank, I don't care.'

Johnny narrowly dodged another fireball that Amara tossed up at him.

'No offence or anything, but I've been at this longer than you, and I think that we both know who's gonna win.'

'Don't be too sure of that.' Amara replied assuredly as the ground began to rumble beneath her feet. 'I'm not exactly a pushover…'

'Oh yeah?' Johnny snorted. 'What're you gonna do…?'

Amara didn't need to reply as a jet of lava burst out from the ground, slamming into the Human Torch.

'Okay, if that's the way you want it, how about we try a little Nova Burst?' Johnny asked as he prepared to deal out the most devastating move in his arsenal.

Amara was flattened as a colossal wave of fire erupted from the Human Torch.

'Now, _that's _what I'm talking about!' Johnny congratulated himself as he went to check up on his opponent. 'Sorry, kid but… I was just too damn good.'

'Did anybody ever tell you that you are an infuriating person?' Amara pouted as she glared up from lying on the ground at her victorious opponent.

'Well, my girlfriend says I'm special.' Johnny shrugged.

'Yeah, _special_ is the right word.' Spiral snickered. 'Now, enough with the chat. Everybody get a move on, the next bout is due to start any time now.'

* * *

**San Francisco: Wisdom Vs Deadpool-**

Pete Wisdom swore out loud when he discovered where he had been teleported: Right on top of the Golden Gate Bridge overhanging San Francisco Bay.

'Oh, bloody-buggering-bollocks!' The Brit cursed as he struggled to regain his balance. 'This is just chuffing brilliant! Couldn't we get teleported somewhere a little safer? Christ. God knows how I'm gonna get outta this one…'

'I'm just glad that I get the homebound, buddy.' Deadpool quipped, grinning under his mask. 'Home sweet home.'

'Whatever.' Wisdom shrugged as he steadied himself. 'Prepare to get yer arse whupped, Wilson.'

'Tally ho pip-pip.' Deadpool retorted as he went for his guns, only to find the holsters empty.

'Oh, crap!' The merc-with-a-mouth groaned into his hands. 'As if my day couldn't get any better. First I get kidnapped, now I lose my frickin' gu…WAAAAA!'

Deadpool yelped in surprise as Wisdom charged at him, sending them tumbling backwards.

'D'you know what this reminds me of?' Deadpool commented. 'A View to a Kill. James Bond duking it out on the top of the Golden Gate Bridge. Pity the movie sucked though. I always considered myself to be more of a Connery man, myself.'

'Stop talking, start fighting!' Wisdom demanded as his hands began to glow with thermal energy.

'My, we Brits are demanding, aren't we?' Deadpool asked as he threw Wisdom off him. 'Betsy's always, _stop calling me Cute Buns, stop eating your toenail clippings._ It's getting so a guy can't enjoy himself sometimes.'

'Yeah, life's like that.' Wisdom nodded in agreement. 'Life sucks but as long as we've got a spiffy bird as company, everything's sorted.'

'I have no idea what you just said.' Deadpool blinked. 'You Brits're funny.'

'Well, wrap this 'round yer chops then!' Wisdom shouted as he shot out some 'hot-knives'.

Deadpool managed to dodge them all, but ended up losing his balance and toppling over the side.

'I regret _nothiiiiiiiing…_' Deadpool yelled before landing onto the back of an open-topped truck that was, luckily for him, carrying pillows. 'Mmm, snuggly…' Deadpool sighed contentedly as he got himself comfortable.

Wisdom just shook his head in amazement.

'That bloke is as mad as a sack of hammers.'

And that is how all the battles went. X-Men and other heroes alike fighting to win their freedom.Inside the huge stoen circle known as Stonehenge, Chamber defeated the reasonably inexperienced Captain Britain (Lady Helen Tghomas, not Kelsey Leigh.) Atop the roof of the Daily Bugle in New York, Spider-Man defeated Nightcrawler in a game of agility. Magik had the home advantage against the Scarlet Witch as they duked it out in Limbo. It was a close-fought match but Illyana soon won. In the beautiful Roman spires of Nova Roma, Sersi defeated August. On the Blue Area of the Moon, Marvel Girl took Pyro down with relative ease. It was like an X-Men/Brotherhood fight of days gone by. And in the Morlock Tunnels deep below New York in a fight of the former Morlocks, Marrow defeated Thornn.

**

* * *

Madripoor: Nocturne Vs Spider-Woman-**

Nocturne looked about the neon lights of Madripoor.

'Hunh. Madripoor.' The blue-skinned mutant commented. 'Wolverine's usual stomping grounds.'

'Wolverine isn't the only one that used Madripoor as their stomping grounds…' Nocturne's opponent, Spider-Woman corrected. 'I have a history with this place too.'

'That's nice and all…' TJ responded. 'But, how about we get straight to the task at hand. It's a tie between X-Men and the other heroes. I wanna win and kick Mojo's bloated ass.'

'Do you guys have history then?' Spider-Woman inquired.

'Well, even in my home reality, I knew of Mojo.' TJ explained. 'That and the fact that he tortured me when the Exiles visited. So you can understand why I have a few issues.'

'That's a nice recap and all…' Spider-Woman said. 'But I say we get this show on the road.'

'If you say so.' TJ shrugged.

And with that, both women leapt at each other with fierce battle cries. TJ was the first to deal a successful blow as she elbowed her opponent on the side of her head.

'Nice blow, kid.' Spider-Woman winced as she rubbed her head. 'But don't think you'll get another.'

'Oh, I know _all _about luck.' TJ chuckled. 'Well, probability actually. Are you familiar with the Scarlet Witch's hex bolts?'

'Yeah.' Spider-Woman replied. 'What of it?'

'Well, she's my mother… not this Scarlet Witch, but _a _Scarlet Witch. I kinda inherited my own hex bolts.' TJ explained. 'How about you say hi?'

Spider-Woman leapt out of the way as TJ let rip with some hex bolts.

'The Force is strong with this one…' TJ commented as she somersaulted in front of her opponent, cutting off her escape.

'How did you…?' Spider-Woman sputtered.

'Couldn't you guess?' TJ asked. 'My father's Nightcrawler. Okay, not this reality's Nightcrawler but _a _Nightcrawler. I inherited his agility as well as a retractable tail.'

Spider-Woman cursed in surprise as TJ tugged at her opponent with her tail, sending her tumbling over. TJ then knelt on Spider-Woman's chest and pointed a finger at her head.

'As Unca Remy once said… Bang, you dead!'

* * *

**Back in Mojoworld-**

Back in Mojo's control room, the pus-coloured dictator clapped furiously.

'Oh yes!' Mojo cheered. 'I knew she would do it! Didn't I tell you Domo? Didn't I tell you she could do it?'

'I believe you did, O Corpulent One.' Major Domo, Mojo's cybernetic lieutenant, confirmed nonchalantly.

'And the X-Men won six-to-five!' Mojo grinned. 'That means I get to keep the other heroes! Ha! I get to keep the Human Torch! Do you have any idea how much revenue we will get from him? It's _marvellous!_'

'Umm, milord…' Domo piped up nervously. 'I believe we have a situation…'

'You really know how to burst a guy's bubble.' Mojo groused. 'What is it now?'

'If you will turn to the security monitors from the holding cells…' Domo explained. 'I believe we are missing one prisoner.'

Mojo did a quick head count.

'Oh no! Not her! She was one of my most popular attractions! I was going to let the guys torture her some more! How _dare_ she escape without my permission! Spiral! _SPIRAL! _Where the heck is Spiral?'

'Right her, Tubby…'

'Oh Spiral, there you are. Try to track down… Oh crap.'

Mojo trailed off as he felt the cold steel of one of Spiral's sword against his neck.

'It's you isn't it, Nocturne?' Mojo asked.

'Sure is, you great big pile of puke!' TJ smirked, in the possessed Spiral's body. 'And I'm going to do something I should have done a long time ago…'

'Surely we can cut a deal…' Mojo whimpered. 'Would you like money? I can give you money. How about a cast-iron canteen? I don't know what one is, but I could get you one.'

'What I want is for you to shut up and die.' TJ growled as she tightened her grip on the sword. 'But first, I want you to free everybody.'

'E-everybody?' Mojo sputtered 'But what about my attractions? What will I do without you?'

'Everybody.' TJ demanded forcefully.

'Right. Got it. Everybody.' Mojo complied as he tapped commands into the computer. 'Releasing everybody now. Are you sure I can't convince you to stay?'

'I think somebody might have something to say against that…' TJ replied as she leapt out of Spiral's body. 'Say hi to my girlfriend, Rachel. I'm sure you guys have already met.'

'_Hello, Bloat.' _Rachel greeted with faux sweetness via her telepathy as she floated up to the control room window in her Phoenix form. _'Long time no see. Have you been a good boy and let everybody go?'_

'Y-yes ma'am.' Mojo nodded nervously. 'Everybody is free to go now.'

'_Good. And do you promise to leave us alone? Or will I have to get angry?'_

'No, no.' Mojo replied. 'There's no need to get angry. I don't think I'd like you when you're angry. I'm teleporting everybody home now…'

And with that, all of the captured heroes disappeared in a flash of light.

Mojo sighed in relief, thankful that they had gone.

'Now what am I going to do?' Mojo groused. 'With no X-Men I don't have a show. Aww, screw it. Domo! Roll the X-Baby re-runs!'

* * *

**Xavier's: A few days later-**

Several days had passed since the X-Men's trip to Mojoworld and Warlock was sitting in the kitchen talking to Scott and Remy.

'Your honeymoon must've been eventful, mon frere.' Remy chuckled as he popped open some beers and passed them around. 'What with getting' transported to Mojoworld an' all.'

'I was just glad that I got a little rest from walking around Disney all day.' Warlock sighed gratefully. 'I know it shouldn't be possible, but could I swear I've got blisters on my blisters.'

'Oh, c'mon, 'Lock…' Scott chuckled. 'Surely it wasn't that bad.'

'You don't know Rahne.' Warlock snorted. 'She wanted to go on all the best rides straight away. We rode the Mad Hatter's Teacups so many times that Rahne spewed up the burger and fries she had for lunch. Then she wanted to go on it again!'

'Now dat is just disturbing.' Remy winced. 'I'll just stick to Rogue, t'anks.'

'Have you guys set a date yet?' Warlock asked. 'There is a betting pool going.'

'A betting pool?' Scot asked. 'What for?'

'To see who's gonna get married next.' Warlock explained. 'It's even between Emma and Hank and Rogue and Remy.'

'I'm glad to see dat everybody's got faith in me.' Remy groaned. 'Gimmie ten bucks on Emma an' Hank.'

'I'll have the same.' Scott nodded. 'Hank will want to propose now that Emma is pregnant.'

Warlock took out a notepad and wrote down the bets.

'Ten bucks on Emma and Hank for Scott and Remy. Got it.'

'Hey 'Lock…' Remy piped up. 'Looks like you got a visitor.'

Warlock turned around to see a rather sheepish Rahne standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

'Hey hon, what's up?' Warlock asked concernedly. 'Nothing's wrong is there?'

'Umm, 'Lock. I need to talk t'ye…' Rahne explained. 'In the med bay…'

'Uh-oh. Looks like somebody's in trouble…' Remy teased.

'An' Remy, Rogue wanted to speak t'ye too.' Rahne added. 'Jean's there with her, Scott.'

The two elder X-Men both looked at each other in worry.

'No. Jean can't be… Can she?' Scott thought out loud.

'An' Rogue…' Remy blinked. 'Merde.'

* * *

**TBC…** **Next: Something in the Water**

_Just what do Rahne, Jean and Rogue have to say to the guys? I'm sure you can suss that out for yourselves. Tune in next time to find out…_

**

* * *

Notes-**

**(1)- **_Meggan fought Captain Britain (Kelsey Leigh) in '_Uncanny Excalibur._'_


	35. Something in the Water

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 35: Something in the Water**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own August._

* * *

**The Med Bay: Rahne/Warlock, Jean/Scott, Rogue/Remy-**

A rather worried Warlock was stood in the med bay while Rahne sat on one of the beds. An equally worried-looking Scott and Remy were also there with Jean and Rogue. Moira and Hank were there too.

'Lock, I've got somethin' to tell ye…' Rahne began as she looked at her feet. 'We know that it should be impossible but… I'm pregnant.'

Warlock just stared blankly at his wife.

'Lock, you okay?' Rahne wondered concernedly.

Moira waved her hand in front of her son-in-law.

'I think ye broke him, sweetie.' Moira chuckled. 'We'd better give him a while before we start plannin' the shower.'

'Why exactly are we in here anyway?' Scott scratched his head.

'Oh come on, Slim.' Jean groaned at her husband's sudden stupidity. 'I'm sure you can find it out for yourself…'

Scott just stared blankly back at Jean.

'Oh crap.' Jean groaned. 'It's almost as if you've swapped heads with Deadpool.'

'Aww, there's no need to talk like that, Cute Buns.' Scott teased as he squeezed Jean's backside.

Jean swatted Scott's hand away and shot him a glare.

'Scott! Stop goofing around.' Jean glared. 'I'm pregnant too.'

'Oh.' Scott blinked.

'Remy…' Rogue began as she laced her arms around the Cajun's waist. 'Ah've got somethin' to tell ya too…'

'You're pregnant?' Remy predicted.

'Yeah.' Rogue the Southerner then smiled. 'Ain't that wonderful?'

Remy just stared back at her blankly.

Rogue glared at him.

'Ain't that wonderful?' Rogue repeated, more forcefully this time as she stomped on Remy's foot.

'Yes dear…' Remy winced.

'Oh my stars and garters…' Hank shivered. 'In nine months the Xavier Institute may very well be doomed!'

'Oh, stop bein' such a pessimist, McCoy.' Moira rolled her eyes.

* * *

**The Kitchen: Rahne and the Girls-**

Rahne was now sat in the kitchen talking to the rest of her gal pals.

'I can't believe it!' Dani squealed excitedly. 'We're gonna have another X-Baby! It's so frickin' wonderful!'

'There's only one thing that I wanna know…' Illyana piped up. 'Who won the bet?'

'I think that would be me.' Dani replied. 'I win money! Go me!'

'Aye, now ye can buy the babies many pretty things.' Rahne added with a grin.

'Babies?' Dani blinked. 'There's more than one?'

'Aye.' Rahne nodded with a joyful smile. 'I'm havin' triplets!'

'Whoa.' Kitty blinked. 'Go Warlock! How does that work exactly? I thought you guys couldn't have kids.'

'That's what I thought in the beginning.' Rahne nodded. 'I thought if I had unprotected sex wi' 'Lock, I'd get infected with the Transmode Virus. I asked Hank to run some tests. It seems that I mustae built up a resistance to it or somethin'.'

'It's not too difficult to think that way.' Amara nodded. 'Seeing how much time you two spend together.'

'Do you guys ever spend any time not having sex?' Shan asked with a chuckle.

'Yuir all just jealous.' Rahne sighed. 'I'm married an' expectin' a litter of my own.'

'Are you sure it's okay to call your kids a litter?' Dani asked. 'I know that you're referring to your mutation but… they're kids, not wolves.'

'My mutation also means that I have multiple births.' Rahne explained. 'Well, that's what Hank an' Moira said.'

'And it's not because Warlock is super fertile?' Illyana inquired.

'Illyana!' Kitty gasped. 'Don't be so filthy!'

'Oh, like you're totally innocent.' Illyana snorted.

'It's not like Piotr and I play mistress of pain every night.' Kitty muttered.

'Eww.' Illyana winced. 'Did anybody else go to a nasty visual place?'

* * *

**The Hedge Maze: Jean and Scott-**

Scott and Jean were walking through the hedge maze, talking about their new baby.

'Do you know what the baby will be?' Scott asked.

'A little baby presumably.' Jean quipped.

'You know what I meant.' Scott sighed. 'Is the baby going to be a boy or a girl?'

'A girl, I think.' Jean answered. 'I can kind of sense it.'

'Already?' Scott blinked. 'But the baby's barely an embryo.'

'Well, you know us Greys.' Jean smiled. 'We're early developers.'

'I'm kind of worried about Emma though.' Scott explained. 'I hope she doesn't think we're stealing her thunder or anything.'

'Oh, like I care what she thinks.' Jean scoffed. 'Emma got knocked up so I have to follow her lead? _Please_. And one more thing, what is it with Emma and Hank? What's she doing? Moving through the original X-Men?'

'Jean…'

Jean simply ignored Scott's comments and carried on with her rant.

'What'll happen if and when that relationship falls though? Will she move on to Warren? Will she move on to me?'

'Jean…'

'And another thing…' Jean continued. 'What is it with her secondary mutation? Did she have to get that because she was fed up of ripping off my telepathy thing?'

_'Jean!'_ Scott hissed.

'Emma's right behind me, isn't she?' Jean winced.

'Hello Jean.' Emma said levelly. 'Beautiful day, isn't it?'

Jena mentally kicked herself.

'Emma! This isn't what it seems like…'

'I'm sure it isn't, dear.' Emma replied, still eerily calm. 'Why would I think that you are stealing my thunder? I thought we left such enmity when I asked you to be my child's godmother. Apparently that wasn't the case with everybody…'

'Emma, Jean didn't mean it…' Scott began.

'No, Scott.' Emma replied, holding her hand up, cutting him off. 'I am sure that Jean meant every word. Perhaps I have been too hasty in asking her to be my child's godmother. Perhaps I will ask Janet Van Dyne…'

'No!' Jean hissed. 'Don't do that! The child'll turn into a vacuous tramp. All that fashion…'

'Being fashionable isn't a sin, dear.' Emma replied levelly. 'But despite what I've heard, you can still be my child's godmother. I'll chalk that little rant up to hormones.'

'Yes. That's what it was, hormones…' Scott readily agreed, _really_ wanting to defuse the situation. 'Jean has always been a slave to her hormones. She turns into a total monster for a few days every month.'

_'Scott!'_ Jean hissed. 'Not helping.'

* * *

**The Danger Room: Remy and Rogue-**

Several floors below the other X-Men, Remy was running his squad through the Danger Room while Rogue watched on.

'I know dat it may be strange comin' from me…' Remy began. 'But… Bein' pregnant entitles you t' be responsible an' de like.'

'Yah right, hon.' Rogue chuckled. 'A talk on responsibility _is_ strange comin' from you.'

'D'you mind, cherie?' Remy sighed. 'I'm tryin' to be serious here. Now dat you're carryin' our child, you can't go out partyin' with the girls any more.'

'Aww, c'mon, honey…' Rogue pouted as she sidled up to the Cajun. 'Ro's been wantin' to go check out this new strip club…'

'By Stormy, I t'ink yo' referrin' to yo'self.' Remy blinked unwaveringly.

'Spoil my fun.' Rogue pouted. 'It's not lahke ah'm gonna get wasted or anythin', I just wanna see some naked guys.'

'Why top whack fo' a show when yo' got a man dat's perfectly happy to get naked for yo' fo' free?' Remy asked.

'Okay, yah got me there, Swamp Rat.' Rogue nodded. 'But if I can't see no naked guys, you can't see no naked chicks with Logan an' the guys.'

'Damn yo' feminine logic, cherie!' Remy winced as he shook his fist dramatically.

'Ain't ah a bitch?' Rogue chuckled.

'Nuh-uh.' Remy shook his head. 'Yo' too damn nice fo' that kind a t'ing.'

'Ah can be dirty sometahmes an' you know it. Swamp Rat.' Rogue purred as she took hold of Remy by the lapels of his trench coat. 'How about ah show yah just how dirty ah can be?'

'Rogue, ma petite, I never t'ought dat I'd say dis but… A little decorum, de kids're down dere.'

'Have ah ever told yah that ever since yah got all responsible yah been a right stick in the mud?' Rogue groused.

'We can be dirty once the Danger Room session is over, 'kay?' Remy asked. 'I promise.'

'You damn well better.' Rogue sulked.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: An Evening with the Grimms**

_It's time for a little family bonding as August and Kurt head over to the Baxter Building for dinner with the Grimms: Selene and Ben_.


	36. An Evening With The Grimms

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 37: Daddy Issues- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar **characters** belong to Marvel. I own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**ViciousAssassin- **_I hear you, my friend. I'm always hungry. Damn my huge appetite! Why are all the bad things so tasty? Don't worry, we will see more from Amara leading the team now that Rahne is pregnant._

**Needles- **_I can neither confirm nor deny your suggestions, cuz it would give the game away. And we don't want that, do we?_

**Doza- **_If you want more from Blink and Morph, check out 'Uncanny Sirens'. Blink and Morph are my replacement Hellions after I had Tag, Wither and Rockslide exterminated._

**Todd fan- **_You've got our role-playing smut to thank for kinky August. Mmm, smut…_

**Agent-G- **_Yup, August and Selene are a happy family now. If only that was the case in '_Hellfire and Brimstone'_…Morph and Blink can be seen again in '_Uncanny Sirens'

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Trying is the first step to failure, so why bother?'_

* * *

**The X-Mansion-**

Rahne and Warlock were snuggled together on the couch. They were discussing the decision to make Amara the interim team leader while Rahne was on maternity leave.

'I hope you don't think that we did this under your nose…' Warlock reassured his wife. 'We would have asked you for your opinion, but we were in a rush.'

'That's alright, 'Lock.' Rahne smiled sleepily. 'Ye all made a great decision. I'm sure that Amara'll make a great leader. I just want ye tae know that I fully intend tae get my position back after the wee ones're born. In ritual combat if need be.'

'Oh, you…' Warlock chuckled as he gently patted his wife's pregnant belly. 'Always with the ritual combat. I think your hormones are letting your wolf side come through. You're competing to be the Alpha Female.'

'I just want 'Mara tae know who's boss. I wilnae have her messin' wi' my team. Now, gizza kiss…'

'Okay, you've twisted my arm…' Warlock smiled as he leant in to kiss his wife.

Their lips were millimetres away when a voice shouted in their heads.

'_X-Men, report to the War Room immediately…_'

'Gee, thanks a lot, Professor…' Warlock growled.

'D'ye want me tae claw his face off?' Rahne asked kindly.

Warlock seemed to think about that for a moment.

'Ye do realise that I'm jokin', don't ye?' Rahne cocked an eyebrow. 'Y'know? A joke. That thing where ye laugh…'

Warlock's eyes darted about nervously.

'Yeah… I knew that…'

* * *

**The War Room- **

Once again, Professor Xavier was holding court while the X-Man look on.

'I' am afraid that the situation is a dire one…' Xavier explained solemnly. 'I was using Cerebra to search for new mutagenic signatures when I noticed an alarming flare up in Salem Centre. Upon closer inspection I discovered that the disturbance was caused by some old friends of ours…'

Xavier turned to activate the holographic projector before him. The assembled X-Men gasped in shock at the sight.

'The Marauders…' Xavier noted. 'Mr Sinister's very own group of mercenaries and assassins. Each of them has been killed and resurrected as a clone many times.'

'We already know this, professor…' Kurt pointed out. 'But… What do they want? Are they here for a reason, or are they just killing randomly as usual.'

'That is what I want you to find out.' Xavier responded. 'You must stop them before any innocents are hurt or killed.'

'I wish I could come with ye…' Rahne growled. 'But I wouldnae be much help waddlin' intae battle like this.'

'I guess it's my turn to lead again.' Amara shrugged. 'That's if it's okay with you, Rahne.'

'Of course it is, lass.' Rahne smiled and patted her friend on the shoulder. 'Ye did a grand job last time. I'm glad tae have ye as me second in command.'

'Thanks, Rahne.' Amara smiled in thanks. 'That really means a lot.'

'Good luck, X-Men.' Xavier nodded.

And with that, the X-Men went on their way. Rahne, Warlock, Kurt and August hung back a bit.

Rahne looked in to the eyes of her techno-organic husband and the father of her unborn triplets.

'Lock, the Marauders are dangerous…' Rahne said anxiously. 'Jus'… try tae be careful, okay? I dinnae ken what I'll do if anythin' happens to ye.'

'Don't worry, Fur Top…' Warlock reassured his wife as he planted a gentle kiss on the top of her head. 'I don't intend on dying just yet. I'll give them a kick in the pants for you.'

'That's m' boy.' Rahne smiled. 'Now go get 'em, tiger!'

August looked over at an unusually solemn Kurt.

'Kurt, are you okay?' August asked concernedly. 'I know that you have issues with these guys. They almost killed you the first time you met. **(1) **I'd understand if you want to stay here…'

'Nein…' Kurt shook his head determinedly. 'I need this, liebe. I need to face these monsters. I need to prove that I'm not scared of them.'

'Are you sure it's not just about revenge?' August asked.

Kurt didn't reply as he headed for the waiting X-Jet.

* * *

**Salem Centre-**

Salem Centre was in a state of chaos as the Marauders did their thing. The police were no use as the genetically altered mutants simply blasted them away with their respective powers.

'Oh man, this is just like old times!' The crystalline marauder known as Prism crowed. 'Don't ya think so, Arclight?'

'Oh yeah…' The muscle-bound Marauder woman dressed in some kind of shiny outfit leaving one shoulder bare grinned. 'Just look at all the flat-scans running like roaches.'

'They squish like roaches too!' The humungous Marauder known as Blockbuster added as he tossed a car through a building. 'I dunno why we never got out sooner!'

'I've been itching for a good fight for ages…' The Inuit Marauder known as Harpoon told his teammates as he blew up another car with his energy harpoon. 'Bring on the X-Men!'

'Your wish is our command, Marauder!'

Harpoon spun around only to get a lava blast right in the face.

'Ahhh!' The Marauder screamed as he clutched at his face. 'I can't see! I'm blind!'

'Don't give these guys any mercy, X-Men!' Magma ordered as she leapt out of the X-Jet, already in her fiery form. 'They wouldn't give us a choice so let's return them in kind!'

'She's kinda scary when she's leading, isn't she?' Warlock whispered to Wisdom.

'I think she's entitled to, mate.' Wisdom responded. 'I heard that the Morlock Massacre was hard on everybody.'

'You X-Men think you're all that!' Blockbuster crowed. 'But you're not!'

'Is that so, Tubby?' August asked as she hefted up a leaking petrol tanker.

'Ha!' Blockbuster snorted. 'D'you think you're gonna hurt me with _that _thing? I'd like to see you try!'

'Seeing that you were so kind as to ask…' August grinned evilly as she tossed the tanker towards the Marauder.

Blockbuster easily caught the tanker and tore it completely in half, spilling fuel all over the place.

'Haw!' Blockbuster snorted. 'Is that the best you got?'

'That was just the appetizer…' August retorted. 'How about you try the main course?'

August's hands began to glow bright red as flames erupted from them and hit the puddles of gasoline around Blockbuster's feet. The fuel ignited around him, and when the trail of flaming gasoline reached the tanker's own fuel compartment, it erupted in an explosive inferno.

'Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about!' August crowed. 'Burn baby, burn!'

Elsewhere, Wisdom was taking on Scalphunter, the Marauder's leader.

'I don't believe we've met…' Scalphunter remembered as he easily dodged Wisdom's hot-knives. 'My name is Scalphunter, and I will be killing you.'

'You won't be the first one to try, guv…' Wisdom sneered. 'I took 'em all down.'

'You ain't ever been up against a Marauder, have you?' Scalphunter smirked as he ducked behind an abandoned car to whip himself up some weaponry from his mechanical parts-ridden battle vest.

'You Marauder are nuthin' but pansies compared to some of the stuff that I've seen.' Wisdom retorted. 'Yer just glorified lackeys.'

'Just a couple more feet…' Scalphunter muttered to himself as he finished whipping himself up an assault rifle. 'Just a couple more feet and I'll turn you into Swiss Cheese…'

'Oh, will you now?' Wisdom smirked as he popped up from behind Scalphunter's very own hiding place.

Scalphunter levelled his weapon at Wisdom, only for the Brit to kick it out of his hands.

'I grew up in the East End, ya flamin' big poof!' Wisdom sneered. 'You think yer so hard with yer guns and crap? I'll show you who's hard…'

Scalphunter doubled over as Wisdom dealt him a nasty punch to the gut.

'I've spent half of my life in drunken brawls, mate.' Wisdom grunted as he head butted the Marauder. 'And I did it with my own two hands.'

'I'll gut you for this…' Scalphunter hissed as he wiped blood from his chin.

'Not if I get there first…' Wisdom responded as he booted Scalphunter in the groin. 'You Marauders think yer fight dirty! _You don't know the bloody meanin' of dirty!_'

Scalphunter was beginning to wobble on his feet. The Marauder swung a punch at Wisdom, only for the Brit to duck it and pull Scalphunter's arm around with a nasty snap.

'Oh come on…' Wisdom snorted. 'Yer not even tryin'…'

'Try this!' Scalphunter snarled as he dove at Wisdom with a nasty-looking hunting knife.

Wisdom just rolled his eyes and ducked once more. Wisdom used Scalphunter's own momentum against him and tossed the Marauder straight through the windscreen of a nearby car.

'Just like old times…' Wisdom grinned as he blow his knuckles.

Nearby, Warlock was taking on Riptide, the Marauder with the power to spin himself around at amazing speeds and throw bone-shredding blades. Those weapons had no affect on somebody such as Warlock, however. The techno-organic alien simply morphed out of the way.

'Stay still, you coward!' Riptide sneered. 'Stay still and fight!'

'Oh, you want a fight, do you?' Warlock responded. 'Do you _really_ want to fight me?'

'You better believe it, freak.' Riptide hissed. 'Bring it!'

'Don't say I didn't warn you…' Warlock shrugged as he a techno-organic version of the Hulk. '_WARLOCK SMASH!_'

Nearby, Chamber was taking on Prism. Unfortunately for Chamber, his opponent simply absorbed the bio-kinetic blasts and blinded Chamber with a burst of light form his crystalline body in response.

'And I thought you X-Men were supposed to be bada…'

Prism's taunt was cut off as Riptide flew through the air and crashed into him, shattering his fragile body.

'Chamber!' Warlock yelled as he ran up to his fallen teammate. 'Are you alright?'

'_I'm fine, thanks 'Lock_.' Chamber winced as he rubbed his eyes. '_I just feel a little_ _stupid, is all. I got taken down like a newbie._'

'Then what would that make the Marauders, huh?' Warlock quipped as he indicated the scene around them, the Marauders were getting their collective butts kicked. Magma had buried Arclight in a lava flow while Nightcrawler and August were double-teaming Harpoon.

The Inuit Marauder attempted to take down August with his energy harpoon, only for Nightcrawler to teleport it into the Marauder's leg.

'That is for old times, _mein freund._' Nightcrawler sneered as he knocked Harpoon out with one single punch.

'Gods, these Marauders must have glass jaws or something…' August shook her head.

'Yes, I am ashamed to admit it but they are not my greatest work.' An evil-sounding voice tutted.

The X-men all spun around as one to look at the new arrival. It was a face that they all knew to well. It was the face of Mr Sinister!'

'Why so shocked, Augusta, dear?' Sinister smiled evilly, flashing his vicious fang-like teeth. 'Aren't you happy to see your father?'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Daddy Issues- Part 2**

_What the hell? Sinister is August's father? I bet you didn't see THAT coming! All will be explained next time so don't you dare miss it!_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Kurt was hurt during the Morlock Massacre. He was cut up by Riptide._


	37. Daddy Issues: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 36: An Evening With The Grimms**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Sean Malloy-1- **_Sorry, no plans for any other X-Women getting pregnant. I think four is enough now._

**ViciousAssassin- **_I really do pick on my favourite characters, don't I? Heh-heh. I'm sure Emma will get over that bit with Jean, it was just the hormones talking._

**Todd fan- **_Mmm, squee… _

**Agent-G- **_if women living in the same place are supposed to synchronise their monthly cycles, then why not synchronising pregnancies as well? I can't help but wonder if the Institute can survive four pregnancies at once… _

* * *

**Author's Notes- **_The Morph and Blink that appear in this chapter aren't the Exiles characters, nor is Blink the girl that appeared during the Phalanx Covenant. They are both new characters. Still not mine though…_

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Iron helps us play…'_

* * *

**Kurt and August's room-**

'Hurry up, liebe.' The fuzzy blue X-Man known as Kurt Wagner called in to the en suite bathroom. 'We're meeting everybody at the Baxter Building at seven. We don't want to be late.'

'I'm just making myself pretty.' Kurt's girlfriend, the super-strong fire-wielder known as August, called back.

'You're pretty enough as it is.' Kurt remarked as he straightened out his shirt.

'Always such a gentleman, fuzzy.' August chuckled as she sauntered out of the bathroom dressed in her underwear.

'Mein Gott!' Kurt groaned. 'You're not even ready!'

'That's not usually the reaction that I'd expect from somebody when I walk out in my skivvies.' August sniffed. 'You'd usually be all over me by now.'

'But we are not making love now, liebe.' Kurt shook his head good-naturedly. 'As much as I'd like to, we really do have to get a move on. Your mother is expecting us.'

'And my mother hates it when people are late.' August shook her head. 'If I had a dollar for how many Nova Roman senators she's set on fire for being tardy, I'd have… a dollar.'

'That's not very many.' Kurt commented.

'I guess not.' August shrugged as she tried to choose some shoes to match her dress. 'I think you'll like my mother's cooking, Kurt.'

'Selene cooks?' Kurt blinked in disbelief. 'Isn't that kind of thing beneath her? I would have thought that the Black Queen would leave that to her servants.'

'Usually she would…' August nodded. 'But my mother always made time to cook dinner at least once a week. She may have been an evil immortal sorceress but she always made sure that we had at least one family meal together. And her pasta… God, it's to die for.'

'I guess she's had a lot of time to learn, huh?' Kurt chuckled.

'Almost two thousand years to perfect the family pasta recipe.' August nodded. 'It was worth the wait though.'

'I can hardly wait, liebe.' Kurt smiled as he held August close.

'Kurt, don't…' August hissed. 'You'll smoosh my makeup.'

Kurt rolled his eyes.

'Oh ja, _now_ you want to get ready…'

**

* * *

Meanwhile, in the War Room-**

While Kurt and August prepared for dinner with Selene, the rest of the X-Men were sitting in on a briefing in the War Room.

'Cerebra detected two new mutant signatures in Manhattan…' Professor Xavier explained. 'I have called you here to try and recruit these two young mutants. I am fairly certain that the pair or orphans, or maybe they have been abandoned by their parents, I am not sure yet. Either way, I think they would be better off as part of the Institute than living on the streets. This is a minor mission so we will not need all of Rahne's team. Rahne will not be able to go on the mission due to her pregnancy and Kurt is due to go to dinner with August. I will leave electing the interim leader up to you.'

'I think we should have Wisdom lead the team.' Rachel piped up. 'He led X-Force for a while, right?'

'Thanks for the vote of confidence, luv.' Pete smiled at the redhead. 'But my leading days are finished.'

'How about Amara?' Warlock asked. 'She's the most senior member after Rahne and Kurt.'

'Me? Lead?' Amara blinked. 'W-what about TJ? Surely she's more qualified than me. You used to lead a squad back in your home reality, didn't you?'

'Well yeah, I did.' TJ nodded. 'But it isn't really my place to lead this team. I think you should lead, 'Mara.'

'Well, if nobody has anything else to add…' Amara offered as she looked around at the gathered team.

'_I'm good._' Jono shrugged. '_I ain't got no interest in leading anyway._'

'Alrighty then….' Amara rubbed her hands together. 'Let's go recruit these mutants…'

* * *

**The Baxter Building, later-**

Kurt stood nervously outside the door to the Fantastic Four's private quarters high atop the roof of the Baxter Building. The fuzzy elf was nervous because the last time he had met Selene face-to-face, the immortal sorceress had tried to kill them. **(1)**

August smiled at her boyfriend and gently squeezed his fuzzy hand in comfort.

'Don't worry, Blue…' August reassured him. 'We're not _very_ late.'

'And whose fault is that?' Kurt asked. 'I wasn't the one that spent ninety minutes choosing shoes.'

'Oh, _please._' August snorted. 'It was more like eighty-nine.'

Kurt just shook his head good-naturedly as they waited for somebody to come to the door.

'You're late…' A feminine voice noted as the door began to open. 'You fully well know that I do not like being made to wait, Augusta.'

August winced at the use of her full name.

'Sorry, mother…' August winced. 'I couldn't choose what shoes to wear.'

'Then why didn't you use your magic skills to conjure a suitable pair?' Selene remarked. 'It would have saved you time.'

'You know I don't like using magic too much, mother.' August pointed out. 'That was why we originally fell out, remember?'

'You always did prefer to use your hands rather than magic.' Selene remembered. 'It's good to see that you haven't grown lazy or taken your skills by granted.'

'I liked my fire powers better than magic anyway.' August smiled as Selene led them inside.

'Yes, I remember.' Selene smiled at the memory. 'My beautiful little pyromaniac.'

'_Mother…_' August blushed. 'Not in front of Kurt…'

'Oh Gods…' Selene winced. 'How rude of me. I'm sorry I didn't greet you, Kurt. I've been oh so busy with the cooking.'

'That's quite alright, Selene.' Kurt smiled kindly. 'Whatever we're having smells lovely.'

'It's the family pasta recipe.' Selene said. 'August's favourite.'

'How do you get it so perfect, mother?' August asked. 'I tried to cook some back at the X-Mansion but I can't get it just right.'

'It's magic, dear.' Selene smiled. 'One tiny sprinkle of pixie dust and you have Heaven in a bowl.'

'It's oregano, isn't it?' August frowned.

'Way to spoil the magic.' Selene rolled her eyes.

* * *

**Manhattan-**

Meanwhile, the X-Men were scouting around Manhattan for the two new mutants. The team had been split up into pairs to cover more ground. Warlock was paired with Chamber, while Magma was paired with Wisdom and Marvel Girl was with Nocturne. The team was keeping in contact with each other by Rachel's telepathy.

Warlock stopped for a moment to report in.

'_Any sign of our new recruits?_' The techno-organic shapeshifter asked telepathically.

'_Nothing yet, 'Lock._' Marvel Girl reported.

'_You're not using this as an excuse to make out with Rachel, are you?_' Magma piped up.

'_Oh, please._' Marvel Girl snorted. '_We're not totally sex-mad, you know._'

'_You must be the only ones._' Wisdom quipped.

'_Let's just keep our minds on the task at hand, shall we?_' Marvel Girl swiftly changed the subject. '_The Mobile Cerebras should have picked up their signatures by now…_'

'_Ey up…_' Chamber piped up. '_I think we've got 'em…_'

Chamber was about to continue when something heavy dropped down on to him, knocking him to the floor.

'Jono!' Warlock yelled. 'Get off him, or so help me…'

'You'll do what?' A voice challenged.

Warlock turned around, only to get a giant punch in the face.

'Nice try, buddy.' Warlock rubbed his chin. 'But you'll have to try a lot harder if you wanna hurt me.'

'How about this?' The stranger smirked as he changed into an angry rhinoceros.

'Oh, crap, he's a shapeshifter…'

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

Kurt sat back in his chair with a satisfied sigh.

'Selene, that meal was _fantastic!_' Kurt rubbed his belly. 'You were right, that pasta was absolute magic!'

'I hope you don't think that yer finished just yet, Elf.' Ben Grimm, the Ever-Loving Blue-Eyes Thing snickered. 'We still got dessert.'

August closed her eyes and crossed her fingers.

'Please be pavlova. Please be pavlova…'

'We're having Raspberry pavlova.' Selene pointed out.

'_Yes!_' August crowed, before realising that people were staring. 'Sorry…'

Kurt took a sip of his wine as he looked at the now-normal Ben.

'Ben, I can't help but notice that you're…'

'Normal?' Ben finished for him. 'Yeah, I can change back to normal now. Long story really. But the long version… Diablo's alchemy mixed with Selene's magick.' **(2)**

'And now we can enjoy the whole newlywed experience.' Selene grinned as she kissed Ben on the cheek.

'_Mother!_' August spat out her wine in surprise.

'Oh, hush dear.' Selene rolled her eyes at her daughter. 'I am sure that Kurt and yourself are open about your relationship.'

Selene then leant in close to whisper in her daughter's ear.

'I've had my old Hellfire Club garments cleaned so you can pick them up whenever you're ready…'

August just blushed at the remark and looked at Kurt nervously.

'A-heh-heh. I have no idea what you're talking about, mother…'

'I'm sure you don't dear.' Selene chuckled. 'Do you want me to get you the handcuffs and whip as well?'

'_Mother!_'

* * *

**Manhattan-**

Marvel Girl and the rest of the team followed Warlock and Chamber's signatures to a dingy back alley where vagrants were known to congregate.

'Everybody fan out…' Magma commanded. 'There's no telling what kind of trouble they could be in…'

'Uhh… 'Mara, luv?' Wisdom pointed out. 'I don't think that'll be necessary. Look.'

Magma looked where her partner indicated and saw a rather battered and bruised Warlock and Chamber yukking it up with two scruffy young mutants. One of them was a guy with pasty white skin and a largely featureless face except eyes and a mouth. The other young mutant was a young woman with pink skin, strange markings on her face and bright purple hair.

'Hey, guys…' Warlock smiled, waving them over. 'Come join us. Morph's a real joker. Go on, tell them about the thing with Iron Man and an armadillo…'

'The joke kinda loses its impact when you tell it too much.' Morph shrugged. 'I know a joke about Galactus and a pot of peanut butter.'

'Morph? Blink?' Nocturne blinked in disbelief. 'What the heck are you doing here? And why are you so young?'

'Are we supposed to know you?' The purple-haired girl asked with a confused frown.

'Alternate realities. Right.' Nocturne nodded.

'I take it the recruitment drive was successful.' Marvel Girl cocked an eyebrow.

'_After Warlock got trampled by a giant rhino, yeah._' Chamber nodded. '_I think Morph_ _an' Blink'll just be glad to get a warm bed for the night._'

'And how.' The pale guy nodded. 'Do you what it's like for a shapeshifter to stay out in the cold all the time?'

'I have a pretty good idea.' Warlock nodded. 'Remind me to punch Scott in the face for sending us to Antarctica some time.'

'I only dreamed that I'd be an X-Man one day.' Blink smiled. 'Now it's going to come true.'

'What about your parents?' Wisdom asked. 'Aren't they gonna be worried about ya?'

'We're orphans.' Blink pointed out. 'We used to live in Mutant Town but our parents were killed by some symbiote guy.'

'Carnage.' Morph remembered with a sneer. 'God, when I get my hands on him…'

'Save the revenge for another day, okay?' Magma asked. 'First, we need to get you fed. You must be starving.'

'I wonder if Kurt and August'll bring back some leftovers?' Marvel Girl thought out loud.

'I doubt it.' Nocturne snickered. 'If this reality's Kurt eats like my version, there won't be a single crumb left.'

'Rahne's Country-Fried Steak it is then.' Warlock grinned.

'You mean takeout from Denny's, right?' Wisdom pointed out.

Warlock shot the Brit with a glare.

'Way to spoil the magic, man.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Daddy Issues**

_An attack by the Marauders leads August on a hunt for her real father. Was August's father a random Nova Roman senator or somebody far more sinister?_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Waaaaay back in Chapter 5._

**(2)- **_As seen in '_The Uncanny Four'


	38. Daddy Issues: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 38: Daddy Issues: Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I only own August._

* * *

**Salem Centre-**

The X-Men all stood dumbstruck at Mr Sinister's bombshell.

'You-you... you can't... you... you_ can't_ be my father…' August mumbled disbelievingly. 'My father was a Nova Roman senator.'

'Oh, was he _really?' _Sinister chuckled evilly. 'You should really learn to read between the lines, Augusta.'

Amara was about to make a move to attack the immortal geneticist, but Sinister held up his hand to stop her.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, Ms Aquilla.' Sinister tutted. 'I have not come to fight you. However, I am more than capable of defending myself if you so force me.'

Amara knew that a full frontal attack on Sinister would be no use at all, so she reluctantly backed away.

'X-Men, stand down.' Amara ordered. 'Sinister's motives seem benevolent... for now.'

The rest of the X-Men did as they were told and stood back.

August didn't falter as she looked Sinister right in the eyes.

'If you really _are_ my father, why haven't _I _been told about it?' August asked. 'Surely my mother would have told me of my true parentage.'

'Ah yes, the fair Selene…' Sinister smiled nostalgically. 'What fun I had with her…'

Sinister then turned his attention back to August.

'Well my dear, what makes you think that your wonderful mother is even aware of my true existence?'

'You monster!' August growled angrily. 'Why are you even here?'

Sinister's arrogant grin didn't shift.

'Well, it has been such a long time since I last met with the X-Men.' Sinister explained. 'I decided that it was about time that I showed my face again.'

'And so you decided to make your come-back this way?' Kurt snarled as he took his place beside his girlfriend. 'Why did you have to do it **this** way?'

'My Marauders were so bored sitting around my secret hideaway…' Sinister continued, nonchalantly admiring his fingernails. 'And they seemed oh so desperate to get outside to cause some chaos. Who was I to deny them?'

'Give me one reason why I shouldn't burn your face clean off your head!' August demanded as she formed a fireball in her hand.

'Because, no matter how tough you claim to be, I highly doubt that you would raise a hand to the one you sired you, Augusta.' Sinister retorted.

August just yelled in reply and blasted Sinister right in the face with a fireball.

'Well, colour me stunned.' Sinister tutted as his face began to reform. 'I was wrong. Pity. I was hoping that I could reunite my wayward family. But I guess it's too late for that now, don't you think? And you know how the saying goes, spare the rod, spoil the child…'

August was about to make a move to attack Sinister, when the evil geneticist promptly teleported them both away.

The rest of the X-Men just stood there right in the street, staring at the spot where August once stood.

'Well, what are we waiting for?' Kurt demanded. 'Let's get after them! We have to rescue August!'

'I agree with you that we have to rescue August…' Warlock nodded as he patted Kurt's shoulder in comfort. 'But how are we going to do that? We have no way of knowing where Sinister is hiding.'

Kurt just clenched his hand in anger.

'I _will _find a way to rescue August…' Kurt growled angrily. 'Even if it's the last thing I do!'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Somewhere in the while of Nebraska was a top secret former military complex that presently housed Mr Sinister and his Marauders.

Sinister had already given his Marauders new clone bodied after destroying the ones that had fallen in battle with the X-Men. They were on guard duty while Sinister had a little talk with his daughter.

August tried desperately to escape from the machine that Sinister had her strapped to, but to no avail.

'Now Augusta, you are only making this more difficult for yourself.' Sinister tutted as he tightened August's bonds. 'All I want is a sample of your DNA.'

'I've got your DNA right here, you bastard!' August snarled before spitting right in Sinister's eye.

'Quite.' Sinister noted as he wiped the saliva from his eye. 'You must have inherited that from your mother's side, as I know that I would _never_ treat my captors like that.'

'Why don't you release me, and _then _we can talk about fair treatment!' August snarled.

'Oh, if I had a dollar for how many times somebody has said that to me…' Sinister chuckled. 'Okay, I would only have the one dollar, but that isn't the point.'

'Just you wait until the X-Men get here…' August snapped. 'Your ass is toast!'

'I highly doubt that, my dear.' Sinister shook his head. 'This complex is totally undetectable by even the most advanced satellite systems.'

'They'll find a way.' August sneered. 'If it's not the X-Men, my mother will be on you like a ton of bricks! She may have given up her devil-worshipping ways, but she can still kick ass with the best of them.'

Sinister was about to make a witty retort when something outside his lab exploded.

'What in the world…?' Sinister frowned as turned away from the captive August. 'Why do I keep recreating the Marauders if they can't even carry out a simple task? Honestly!'

Sinister soon got his answer as Nightcrawler smashed through the wall. He was not alone however. Selene was with him and she was pissed beyond the telling of it.

'Release my daughter, monster!' Selene demanded. 'Or feel what it's like to take on a mistress of the black arts!'

'Ah Selene, such a pleasure to see you again.' Sinister smiled, undaunted by the fact that his plan had been rumbled. 'How have you been?'

'Even better for seeing you, fiend!' Selene snarled angrily. 'I can't believe that I allowed myself to be duped by somebody like you!'

'Oh, flattery gets you anywhere.' Sinister chuckled. 'Now, are you finished talking or shall we start fighting? I am eager to get this procedure over and done with.'

Kurt tried to attack, but found that his teleportation wasn't working.

'Did I forget to mention that your powers were cancelled-out as soon as you entered my laboratory? I must be getting forgetful in my old age.'

'That is all well and good, Sinister…' Selene retorted. 'But not all of us are totally dependent on our mutant powers!'

Sinister then found himself victim to Selene's tendrils of black energy as they wrapped themselves around him and began to crush the life out of him.

While Selene was taking care of Sinister, Kurt ran over to the machine that held August and struggled to free her.

'I can't get you free…' Kurt grunted under the strain. 'These bonds are too tough…'

'Stand back, Fuzzy, and see how a maestro does it…' August replied as she flexed her wrists and promptly broke the bands that held her hands in place.

Kurt blinked in surprise.

'But… how did you…?'

'My enhanced strength doesn't come from my mutant ability, Blue.' August explained. 'I received it due to magical means.'

Kurt just nodded in reply and stood back so August could take on Sinister alongside her mother.

'Would you care to do the honours, dear?' Selene asked, an evil smirk on her face.

'It would be my pleasure…' August had a matching grin as she stalked up to the captive Sinister.

'Your attacks will all be futile…' Sinister sneered. 'Nothing can kill me! I am immortal!'

'That may be the case, but I can certainly hurt you…' August retorted as she cracked her knuckles in preparation.

'I can come back from any attack that you have!' Sinister continued. 'Nothing that you can do can take care of me foreve…'

'Oh, really…?' August snickered. 'Perhaps you'd better look down…'

Sinister looked down at his chest and noticed that August had punched a hole clean through him.

'Oh, that is just a minor scratch.' Sinister tutted. 'See, my body is already beginning to reform.'

'Wait for it…' August smirked.

'I really have no idea why you are so confident in your powers.' Sinister shook his head. 'You cannot possibly do anythin to hu…'

Sinister's boasts were cut short as he exploded into a thousand pieces.

'What in the world…?' Kurt blinked.

'Magically-enhanced punch.' Selene pointed out. 'One of the first magical skills August ever learnt.'

'Kind of like a magical knuckleduster.' August added. 'Creates a small magical vortex within, before exploding in a spectacular fashion.'

'Well, I think we'd better get out of her before he totally reforms.' Selene suggested.

'Perhaps we should destroy the complex just to make sure.' Kurt added.

'I'll take care of it.' Selene nodded. 'You two get out of here.'

August knew better than to disagree with her mother an promptly made her escape alongside Kurt.

* * *

**The Xavier Institute, a short time later-**

It had been a couple of days since August's confrontation with Sinister and the mutant in question was standing on the balcony of the room that she shared with Kurt looking at the night sky.

'Oh God, my life is so messed up…' August thought to herself. 'My mother used to be an immortal tyrant that sacrificed babies for fun, and my father was an equally evil mutant geneticist. It would be easier for Kurt if I just left him. Then he wouldn't have to cope with my screwed up family life.'

August's thoughts were cut short as Kurt stepped out of the room and joined her on the balcony.

'Hey there, liebe…' The fuzzy elf greeted her with a soft smile as he gently laced his arms around her waist. 'Penny for them.'

'Oh, I was just thinking…' August sighed as she looked into the distance. 'Don't you think it would be easier if we broke up? I mean, just look at who my parents are. You don't need that kind of crap.'

Kurt turned August around to look her straight in the eye.

'August, I wouldn't love you any less if your father was the Devil incarnate. You're the love of my life. Besides, have you seen who _my_ parents are? A mutant terrorist and an ancient mutant masquerading as Satan. My family life is just as messed up as yours.'

'Yeah, I guess it is…' August smiled slightly as she rested her head on her fuzzy blue boyfriend's shoulder. 'I'm sorry for being so angsty, I guess it's just that time of the month…'

'Think nothing of it, liebe…' Kurt smiled as he kissed the top of her head. 'C'mon, let's get back to bed…'

The two X-Men had just about reached their room when a scream came from the direction of Rahne and Warlock's room.

'Mein Gott!' Kurt winced. 'What was that?'

Then, just as suddenly as that scream came, three more screams came from the directions of Jean, Emma and Rogue's rooms.

August let out a heavy sigh as she flopped down onto the bed.

'It doesn't look like we'll be getting any sleep tonight.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Half A Dozen And None Mutants**

_Will the X-Mansion be able to withstand four mutant women giving birth at the same time? Who will be the kindergarten teacher once the babies have been born? What the hell will Rahne and Warlock's children look like? Tune in next time to find out…_


	39. Half Dozen and None Mutants

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 39: Half a Dozen and None Mutants**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own all of the X-Kids, apart from Rachel._

* * *

**Xavier's-**

The med bay in the Xavier Institute was a hive of activity. Rahne Sinclair, Jean Grey, Emma Frost, and Rogue had all gone into labour simultaneously. Hank had foreseen such a dilemma and had recruited more medical help. As well as Moira MacTaggart by his side, Hank had Cecelia Reyes along to help.

'You do realise that I'm not a midwife, right?' Cecelia reminded her fuzzy blue friend as she quickly washed her hands. 'I used to work A&E.' **(1)**

'I'm a Nobel prize-winnin' physicist, lass.' Moira replied. 'But that didnae stop me from deliverin' m' foster daughter.'

Hank was about to say something in return, but a yell of pain from one of the prospective mothers prevented him.

'Uh, Hank...' Warlock piped up as he comforted Rahne. 'Not that I wanna tell you how to do your job, but... A little help?'

'I am moving as fast as I can, Warlock.' Hank pointed out as he prepared for the birth of the mutant children. 'There are only three of us for four pregnant X-Women.'

'Who else have we got on staff that has experience with delivering babies?' Cecelia asked.

No sooner had the honorary X-Woman said that, then Wade Wilson burst through the door with Betsy Braddock hot on his heels.

'_Here I come to save the daaaaaay!'_

Cecelia just stared blankly at the former Merc-with-the-Mouth dressed head-to-toe in a surgeon's uniform, complete with mask.

'You have **got** to be kidding me...'

'As much as it pains me to say this, Mr Wilson does indeed have experience in delivering children.' Hank explained. 'He delivered Brian and Meggan Braddock's daughter.' **(2)**

'I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV.' Wade grinned goofily as he gave everybody two thumbs up.

'There is no way that I'm having that... imbecile deliver _my_ child!' Emma hissed, gritting her teeth through the pain.

As if to back up Emma's comment, a scalpel was propelled across the room and imbedded itself in the wall millimetres from Wade's head.

'Jean, there was no need for that.' Scott commented. 'Wade is here to help.'

'You're lucky it wasn't one of the beds...' Jean grimaced in pain. 'I was being polite.'

'Ah don't care who delivers mah baby...' Rogue gritted her teeth. 'I just want mah baby to be delivered!'

'Looks like I get to look over Roguey then...' Wade grinned as he rubbed his hands in anticipation.

'Don't call meh Roguey...' The Southern Belle hissed. 'Unless yah wanna get yah butt kicked by a pregnant woman!'

'Take a number an' get in line, cherie.' Remy crossed his arms and shot Wade a protective glare. 'I'm gonna make sure he don' get any ideas.'

'My, we are hostile.' Wade tutted. 'People will think that you don't like me.'

'Ah don't.' Rogue pointed out. 'Ah just wanna get this thing over an' done with!'

Next to Rogue's bed, was Rahne's. The Scots mutant was ably assisted by her husband Warlock, and her foster mother Moira. Moira had delivered Rahne when she was born, so it was only natural that she delivered Rahne's children as well.

'Take deep breaths, lass...' Moira comforted her foster daughter. 'An' calm yuirself. This'll be over before ye realise.'

'I wish I had yuir faith, mum.' Rahne growled in pain as she clamped her hand onto her husband's. 'But I'm jus' happy that yuir here to see this at all.'

'And I'm just glad that I don't have any bones.' Warlock quipped. 'Cuz you're grabbing my and like you're trying to bend steel.'

'I'm glad that ye find this funny, 'Lock.' Rahne growled at her husband. 'An' when this is over, I'll show ye the true meanin' o' pain...'

Warlock just smiled nervously at Moira, as if in an attempt to plea for help.

'Don't worry, 'Lock...' Moira reassured the nervous alien. 'It's just the hormones talkin'... I hope.'

Next to Rahne, were Jean and Scott. Cecelia was taking care of them.

'It's okay, Jean...' Cecelia reassured the telepath. 'Little Baby Rachel is just fine. She's just taking her time. I guess she's not ready to make an appearance yet, huh?'

'I just wish that she'd hurry up...' Jean hissed. 'It feels like I'm passing a bowling ball.'

'Lovely mental image there, sweetie.' Scott smiled gently as he patted his wife's hand in an attempt to comfort her.

Jean turned to glare at her husband.

'If you think you have a chance of laying another finger on me, Slim, you are very much mistaken.'

Scott just smiled nervously and continued to hold his wife's hand.

The final prospective mother was Emma Frost. Fortunately, she had Hank to look after her.

'Now I am going to ask you one more time...' Hank said. 'Are you sure you do not want a caesarean?'

'And have an unsightly scar on my stomach?' Emma scoffed, in spite of all the pain she was going through. 'Then I'd have to throw out my entire wardrobe! I will be in a sorry enough state after breastfeeding, thank you very much.'

'I merely wanted to make sure, darling.' Hank pointed out.

'And another thing...' Emma hissed as another contraction hit her. 'I hope you do not want this child to be born out of wedlock. Where is that priest? I told you I wanted a priest!'

Emma turned her head as she heard a cough.

'Buy one, get one free, Frosty.' Wade grinned.

'You cannot be serious.' Emma groaned. 'Wade Wilson is delivering a baby, and now he is a priest?'

'I got anointed on the internet.' Wade grinned proudly as Betsy took his place, looking after Rogue. 'A pretty simple process actually. All you have to do is...'

Emma grabbed Wade by the collar and pulled him close.

'I don't care!' The blonde telepath hissed. 'Just do the bloody ceremony!'

Wade cleared his throat nervously.

'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...'

* * *

**Several hours later-**

Thankfully for the four women concerned, and their other halves as well, their labour had been blessedly short. Hank, Moira, and the others had truly shown their expertise and all of the babies had been born without complications.

Jean was cuddled up to Scott with their baby daughter. They had chosen to name her Rachel. It was quite fitting really, seeing that they pretty much had a daughter already. God knows what Rachel would think when she saw her younger counterpart.

A slightly bedraggled Emma was cuddled next to Hank with their son. They had chosen to name him Christian, after Emma's brother. Christian's mutation was pretty obvious. He was totally covered with blue fur. Emma was absolutely fine about giving birth to a fuzzy blue baby. She was a little concerned about breastfeeding though. Christian would undoubtably develop sharp teeth, and Emma wasn't sure whether to breastfeed him or not.

Nearby, Rogue and Remy were holding their baby daughter, Marie. Marie had inherited her father's red-on-black eyes.

'Ah can't believe ah finally did it...' Rogue breathed in happy disbelief. 'Ah did it. Ah gave birth. Ah never thought it would ever happen to meh...'

'God bless Hank's li'l inventions, huh?' Remy smiled as he gave Rogue a gentle kiss on the top of the head.

Rogue was granted the ability to touch by a invention of Hank's that bypassed her powers. She and Remy wasted no time in enjoying her new abilities to the fullest extent. And sure enough, it didn't take very long for Marie to come along.

Finally, Rahne and Warlock were cuddling their triplets, Doug, Moira and Seth. Seeing that their father was a techno-organic alien, it was only natural that the triplets inherited that as well. It was nothing to be afraid of, the triplets' techno-organics were little more than a birthmark on their backs. To tell you the truth, Rahne would have been blissfully happy if the triplets were totally techno-organic either way.

Warlock laid his head on his wife's shoulder.

'Now, about that bit about showing me the real meaning of pain...' Warlock smiled gently. 'You were kidding, weren't you?'

Rahne looked back at her husband.

'Of course I was kiddin', ye daft git.' Rahne smiled.

Warlock sighed thankfully. She had him going there for a moment.

Unfortunately, Rahne hadn't yet finished...

'Yuir still sleepin' on the couch though.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Wolfsbane Runs Wild**

_Remember that part in X-Cutioner's Song when Rahne opened a can of whupass on Feral? Well, it's time for Round 2 as the Uncanny New Mutants take on the Uncanny Hellions._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_For those of you that don't know, A&E stands for Accident and Emergency._

**(2)- **_Wade indeed delivered Betsy Jr, waaaaay back in _'Uncanny Deadpool'.


	40. Wolfsbane Goes Wild: Part 1

**The Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 40: Wolfsbane Runs Wild- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Rahne and the rest of her team were gathered in the War Room. It had been a very busy time for the X-Men. Ignoring the fact that several of the X-Women had given birth, and the Institute was often ringing with the cries of sleepless babies, the Hellfire Club had been up to its old tricks. Deathbird had kidnapped Bishop, so it was up to Sage and the rest of the XSE to rescue him. **(1) **Deadpool had taken a small squad of X-Men to shut down a Sentinel production facility that was being run by Shaw Industries. **(2) **And Cyclops had taken a squad of X-Men to take the fight straight to Shaw himself. **(3)**

Professor Xavier, Emma Frost, Moira MacTaggart, and Callisto were stood in front of a huge monitor screen showing the images of several brightly-dressed characters.

'As you will all know, the Hellfire Club is up to its old tricks.' Xavier explained. 'While the other X-Men are off on their respective missions, the time has come for me to give you your mission. Moira, if you'd take it from here?'

'It would be a pleasure, Charles.' Moira smiled as she stood up and indicated the figures on the view screen. 'Now, ye may know these people up on yon screen. Then again, perhaps ye dinnae know them. That isnae m' point. What ye will know is the fact that wherever there is a Hellfire Club, there are always Hellions troopin' aboot after them. Some o' these people will be former friends and allies, like young James Proudstar here, or Rusty Collins. S'funny, both o' them were supposed to have been killed a while back. But that isnae important right now.'

Rahne let out a growl as the picture on the screen changed to that of an orange-furred feline woman.

'Rrrr. Feral...' Rahne made a fist with a snarl. 'I was wondering' when I'd have th' honour o' kickin' her arse again.'

'Rahne, luv, are ye sure that yuir in a fit condition tae even go oot on a mission?' Moira inquired concernedly. 'Ye just gave birth. Ye need tae take it easy.'

'Mum, I appreciate yuir concern an' all, but I feel perfectly fine. There's nothin' tae worry aboot. Dani an' Shan're lookin' over the wee ones, so I c'n gae oot an' kick some Hellion arse.'

'If that's how ye feel.' Moira sighed. 'But I wish ye'd reconsider.'

'You know how Rahne gets when she has an idea in her head, Moira.' Warlock smiled apologetically. 'Besides, going out on a mission might just do her some good.'

'And do you really want a hormonal werewolf around the Institute?' Wisdom piped up. 'Hormones and a notoriously short temper, it ain't a pretty sight.'

Moira fixed the Brit with a withering glare.

'If ye've got somethin' tae say aboot Rahne, just come oot an' say it, Wisdom!'

'Ya don't scare me, MacTaggart.' Wisdom countered. 'So don't you get all high-an'-mighty. It never worked back in the old Excalibur days, and it sure ain't gonna work now.'

'Peter, are you sure that it's really wise to antagonise Moira like this?' Amara whispered into her lover's ear. 'If she doesn't end up force-feeding you her dreaded coffee, Rahne will most probably end up gutting you in your sleep.'

'Aww, I'm sure the bird ain't got the guts.' Wisdom snorted. 'She wouldn't say boo to a bloody goose.'

Rahne let out a growl as she shifted into her transitional form and got right up in Wisdom's face.

'Would ye care tae say that again, Wisdom?'

The sight of an irate Rahne made Wisdom visibly flinch. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to antagonise the foster mother of a werewolf whose hormones were going ka-ka.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

In a building somewhere that housed the headquarters of the All-New Hellions, their leader, Aliyah Bishop, was pacing around impatiently. Her mother, the rogue Shi'Ar known as Deathbird, had ordered the Hellions to stay in their present position. But other than that, nothing.

Aliyah may have loved her mother, but Deathbird could be mighty infuriating sometimes.

'Oh, for crying out loud...' The former Morlock known as Feral groaned. 'Will you just sit the hell down? You're pacing is really starting to piss me off!'

'And we all know how Feral gets when she's angry.' The blond fire-wielding former protégé of X-Factor known as Rusty Collins smirked. 'You wouldn't like her when she's angry. Or when she's happy, for that matter. You know how them sociopaths are.'

Feral turned on her teammate with an angry snarl.

'Keep talking like that, and I'll turn you into Kibble and Bits!' Feral threatened.

'Both of you, stop arguing!' Aliyah ordered. 'Or I'll turn you over to Umar. You know how much she likes to play.'

Feral and Rusty both stopped arguing. Umar was the sister of the Dread Dormammu, and her definition of playing would most probably involve whips, chains, and all kinds of torture.

Fortunately for those involved, Warpath came running in. By the expression on the muscular Apache mutant's face, they could tell that something was up.

'We've got company, guy! The X-Men are on their way!'

'About time too.' Feral sniffed as she admired her deadly-looking claws. 'I just hope that I get to take down that stupid werewolf chick. Always flouncing about like she's better than me. I'll soon show her...'

'Warpath, find Roulette.' Aliyah instructed. 'Tell her that we need her down here. There's no telling which X-Men have been sent after us. We need to be prepared for every possible occurrence.'

Warpath nodded in understanding and dashed off to find the final member of the team.

'Well, I guess it's time for us to do our jobs and give the X-Men a good kicking.' Rusty commented as he formed a fireball in his hand. 'I wonder how many I'll be able to take out with one fireball?'

'I don't care, just as long as you keep away from the werewolf.' Feral sneered. 'She's mine!'

* * *

**Outside-**

Outside the building, the X-Jet had landed, and the X-Men were discussing what they should do next.

'C'mon, what're we waitin' f'r?' Rahne growled impatiently. 'Let's get in there an' kick their bloody arses!'

'Rahne, sweetie...' Warlock tried to calm his wife down. 'We can't go off half-cocked. The Hellions aren't some garden variety supervillains like, oh let's say... Avalanche. The Hellions are dangerous. We have to be careful about this.'

'Ye can be careful whenever ye want, 'Lock.' Rahne growled. 'But I intend tae give that slag of a feline a sound bloody thrashin'!'

'Aww, ain't it great to be appreciated?' A voice chuckled haughtily above their heads.

The X-Men all looked up to see the Hellions gathered on top of the roof.

'Heh. You X-Fools look like ants all the way down there.' Roulette smirked. 'How about we give you a good squishing?'

'I'd like to see you try, Blondie!' August shot back. 'Come down here so we can see just how much of a badass you losers are!'

'Ooh, she's a feisty one, all right.' Warpath rubbed his hands together in anticipation. 'She's mine. The elf too!'

'I wanna take on Magma.' Rusty added. 'I always wanted to see how she'd deal with one of my fireballs.'

'I'll take the British guy in the trenchcoat.' Roulette chimed in. 'He doesn't look like much. He'll be a pushover.'

'Then I guess the alien is mine.' Aliyah commented as she unsheathed her battle suit's wrist blades. 'I will take pleasure in separating his head from his shoulders!'

Feral just sneered in impatience.

'Enough talking! I'm gonna gut me a werewolf!'

Feral promptly leapt off the roof and tackled Rahne to the floor. Rahne was ready for this, however. She kicked Feral off her, knocking the psychotic feline mutant into a car parked nearby.

'Oh, this is goin' t' be sweet...' Rahne growled. 'I'm goin' tae kick yuir arse all over the bloody street, Feral.'

'You X-Men talk too much.' Feral sneered. 'Now, are you going to fight or stand around gossiping like an old woman?'

'Fightin' sounds good t' me.' Rahne grinned evilly. 'I hope yuir medical insurance is fully paid, cuz yuir goin' tae spend the rest o' yuir life in a hospital!'

Rahne then leapt at her opponent with a feral growl that would make Wolverine jealous.

'Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound...' Warlock shrugged as he leapt in to attack his opponent. 'It's clobbering time!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Wolfsbane Runs Wild- Part 2**

_Rahne continued opening up a can of whupass on Feral. Heh-heh. She'll sure show that cheap rip-off who's boss. Aww, yeah!_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Sage and the XSE went to rescue the kidnapped Bishop in '_Uncanny XSE'

**(2)- **_Deadpool and his team went to shut down the sentinels in '_Uncanny Deadpool._'_

**(3)- **_Cyclops and his team will be taking on Sebastian Shaw in '_Uncanny New X-Men._'_


	41. Wolfsbane Goes Wild: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 41: Wolfsbane Runs Wild- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. August belongs to me._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_Have you ever noticed that Nightcrawler from X-Men Legends 2 sounds awfully like Klaus from American Dad? That's most probably because they're voiced by the same guy, Dee Bradley Baker!_

* * *

**Somewhere in New York-**

The Hellfire Club was up to their old tricks, and Rahne's team had been dispatched to take care of the Hellions. Rahne was more than eager to take on Feral again after the last time they met.

Rahne tackled the feline villainess to the ground with a growl.

'Ooh. You like it rough, huh?' Feral sneered. 'And you always seemed like such a meek little girlie-girl.'

'People change, feral.' Rahne growled as she took a swipe at Feral's face with her claws.

'Fighting dirty too?' Feral tutted. 'Why, whatever would the rest of the X-geeks say?'

'They'd tell me tae rip yuir bloody throat out.' Rahne retorted as she advanced on her opponent once more.

Feral admired her claws nonchalantly.

'Y'know, I hear you've got a pretty little litter all of your own back home. I wonder what would happen to them if they found themselves suddenly motherless? I'm sure that I'll be able to take good care of 'em.'

'Ye leave m' wee ones out o' this!' Rahne threatened, growing angrier by the minute. 'Dinnae ye even _think_ o' touchin' 'em!'

'Oh, I'm gonna do a fair lot more than think about it...' Feral grinned evilly, flashing Rahne her deadly fangs. 'I hear that the young ones taste the best.'

That was it. Rahne had had enough. She leapt at Feral with a growl that would have put Wolverine to shame.

Unfortunately, Feral was ready with a swipe of her own claws. Rahne let out as pained growl as Feral dug her claws into Rahne's arm.

'Not so pretty now, are ya?' The feline Hellion sneered. 'C'mon, you could at least put up a fight.'

'**_GWARRR!_**'

Rahne lashed out and slashed Feral in the face, leaving deep bloody grooves down the feline Hellion's face.

'Y-you... cut me...' Feral hissed in disbelief as she put her hand to her wound. 'You actually... cut me.'

'**_RAAARR!_**'

Rahne dug her teeth into Feral's throat.

'Ahh! get her off! Get her off!' Feral pleaded with a pained gurgle. 'The stupid witch's gone psycho!'

Unfortunately for feral, her fellow Hellions were busy with their own opponents.

Nearby, Warlock was taking on the Shi'Ar half-breed known as Aliyah Bishop.

'So, you're supposed to be Bishop's time-lost daughter, huh?' Warlock noticed as he shapeshifted into a python and wrapped his coils around Aliyah. 'I have to say, I can't see the difference. Okay, Bishop may be a hit of a humourless badass sometimes, but deep down he's a really nice guy. You are anything but nice, if that spiky armour you're wearing is anything to go by.'

'You talk too much, alien.' Aliyah sneered as she struggled to free herself. 'Filthy Phalanx. I will rend you limb from limb!'

'Well, that isn't very nice.' Warlock tutted. 'And I'll let you know that I am anything but filthy. I bathe every day. And technically, I'm one of the Technarchy. The Technarchy _make_ Phalanx. There's a big difference.'

'Silence!' Aliyah growled. 'Stop talking and fight!'

'Not until you say the magic words.' Warlock smirked.

'You forced this upon yourself, alien.' Aliyah muttered to herself as she activated something in her battle armour.

Warlock yelled in pain as several thousand volts of electricity shot through him. This caused Warlock to lose his grip on Aliyah and fall to the ground.

'Oog...' Warlock groaned weakly. 'That wasn't something that I'd want to try again anytime soon...'

Aliyah extended her battle staff and attempted to impale Warlock on the bladed end. Unfortunately for Aliyah, it wouldn't be that easy to impale the yellow-and-black techno-organic alien.

Aliyah yelled out in surprise as she was hit with a faceful of techno-organics. The human-Shi'Ar half-breed gasped for breath as she clutched at the techno-organics covering her mouth and nose.

'Not so cocky now, are we?' Warlock stated with a chuckle as he rose to his feet. 'I like to think that I'm an easy-going kind of guy, but getting electrocuted _really_ puts me in a crappy mood!'

Warlock lifted Aliyah into the air, the techno-organics now totally covering her face.

'And being in a crappy mood makes me do stuff like this...'

Warlock threw Aliyah through the air, smashing her through a nearby wall.

'Man...' Warlock muttered to himself as he shifted back to normal. 'I _really_ hate being electrocuted.'

Elsewhere, August and Kurt were taking on Warpath. The muscular Apache Hellion thought that he had it easy going up against a scrawny blue mutant and his Goth girlfriend, but August and Kurt were proving to be more than a pushover.

'Aww, come on James, can't we just get along?' Kurt taunted playfully as he bamfed onto Warpath's back.

Warpath growled angrily as he grabbed at the mutant teleporter.

'Guess not.' Kurt sniffed as he bamfed away again. 'Wedgie!'

Warpath yelled in surprise as Kurt teleported behind him again and yanked the back of his pants upwards.

'Okay, I admit that it was a low blow...' Kurt smiled apologetically. 'But I couldn't help myself.'

'That isn't a low blow, Blue...' August piped up with an evil grin. '_This_ is a low blow!'

Warpath yelled out once again as August nailed him with a rather nasty kick to the groin.

'Now, that wasn't very nice at all.' Kurt tutted as he watched Warpath curl up in a foetal position.

Nearby, Amara and Wisdom were taking on Rusty Collins and Roulette.

As much as the two Hellions tried, their mutant powers were all but useless against a woman that could control the very ground beneath their feet. Amara kept on making miniature earthquakes that caused Rusty and Roulette to lose their footing.

'Y'know luv, you could at least let me join in.' Wisdom grumbled. 'I'm part of the bleedin' team as well. I want in!'

'But I'm having so much fun.' Amara pouted adorably.

'This isn't much fun for us...' Rusty grunted as he struggled to free his foot from where it had become trapped by a surge of molten lava that quickly cooled into solid rock.

'At least you can still move.' An almost fully submerged Roulette groused. 'I'm completely stuck! You X-Men are supposed to play fair!'

Wisdom knelt down and lit a match off Roulette's cheek.

'Now, who ever told you that I was an X-Man?' Wisdom smirked as he lit up a cigarette and breathed a puff of smoke right in Roulette's face. 'I'm more of an... _advisor_ to the spandex set. I don't actually _have_ to play fair.'

'You know that those things are bad for you, right?' Rusty coughed.

'Tell somebody that cares.' Wisdom sighed as he flicked his burnt match at the fire-wielding Hellion. 'Now, d'you wanna see what my mutant power is?'

Rusty didn't like the look that Wisdom had in his eyes.

'Uh... I'm fine, thanks.' Rusty grinned innocently. 'You won't get any more trouble from me sir.'

Wisdom patted Rusty on the cheek.

'Good boy. You know it makes sense.'

Back over with Rahne, the mutant lycanthrope had all but beaten Feral. The feline Hellion had gave up putting up a fight quite some time ago. She knew that it would be useless to try and resist a berserker rage of this magnitude.

Rahne knelt down beside the bloody body of her opponent and let out a victorious howl.

'Now, there's something you don't see every day.' Warlock commented as he walked up beside his wife. 'Your missus howling at the... Holy moley!'

Warlock stopped in his tracks once he saw what was once known as Feral.

'Now, I like a bit of gratuitous ultra-violence as much as the next guy, but... there are bits of her hanging out!'

'It's what she deserved.' Rahne sniffed as she wiped blood off her claws. 'She shouldnae have threatened our family.'

'Rahne...' Warlock sighed heavily. 'I have no love lost for Feral, but did you _really_ need to do that to her?'

'It's no' as if I killed her.' Rahne shrugged as she prodded Feral with her foot, eliciting a groan from the battered and bloodied Hellion. 'I just showed her no' tae mess wi' Rahne Sinclair.'

Warlock sighed again. He hoped that Rahne's sudden bout of bloodlust was something brought on by hormones. There was no telling what would happen if something like this became a permanent way of life for Rahne...

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Aliens and Fuzzy Elves**

_It's easy being Kurt Wagner, right? Wrong. Just when everybody's favourite fuzzy elf thinks that his life is going well, an old ex-girlfriend moves in to the Xavier Institute. Forget being green, it isn't easy being blue. _


	42. Aliens and Fuzzy Elves

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 42: Aliens and Fuzzy Elves**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I don't own any songs featured here either._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_My favourite karaoke song is '_Delilah_' by Tom Jones, '_Knowing Me, Knowing You' _by ABBA, or '_Tragedy'_ by the Bee Gees._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, Rahne and Warlock's Room-**

It was nighttime in the Xavier institute, and most of the mansion's occupants were getting ready for bed. Rahne Sinclair was just sending her three children, Moira, Doug, and Seth off to the land of nod.

Rahne carefully held the redheaded triplets in her arms as she sang an old Scottish lullaby. Okay, perhaps not a lullaby. It was an old Rod Stewart song.

'We are sailing... We are sailing...'

Rahne looked down to see that all three children were snoozing away peacefully.

'Lightweights.' Rahne chuckled gently as she lay the triplets into their cot.

Rahne stood there and watched over her children. The young Scottish woman could barely believe it. God had blessed her with three beautiful children and a loving husband. Sure, Rahne's life had not been the easiest, but she wasn't bitter about it.

Rahne looked up as she heard somebody open her door. It was Warlock.

'The kids sleeping?' Rahne's techno-organic husband whispered quietly as he carefully tiptoed into the room.

'I just got 'em off tae sleep.' Rahne whispered in response. 'Rod Stewart. Gets 'em every time.'

'Perhaps your singing just bores them to sleep.' Warlock teased as he wrapped his arms around Rahne's waist and kissed her on the neck.

'Oh, no. No sugar for you tonight.' Rahne growled playfully as she pushed Warlock away. 'Nobody disses m' singing!'

'Everybody else would agree with me if they heard you singing in the shower.' Warlock continued. '_Wauld Thang? _What's up with that?'

Rahne shot her husband a playful glare.

'Are ye lookin' f'r a divorce?'

'Ooh. Perish the thought.' Warlock held up his hand as if he was holding an imaginary handbag. 'Rahne's angry with me! How ever will I survive?'

'Yuir lucky that I love ye so much.' Rahne tutted as she began to get dressed into her sleepwear. 'Or I wouldae kicked yuir arse f'r that.'

Warlock just stood there with his arms crossed as he watched Rahne remove her skirt, just standing there in her underwear. Warlock looked as if he was in an art gallery viewing a painting.

Rahne reached up to unhook her bra, but then turned around to glare at Warlock.

'Oh, no. Ye dinnae get t' see anythin'.' Rahne waggled her finger. 'Turn around.'

Warlock stuck his bottom lip out in an adorable pout.

'No.' Rahne frowned. 'Turn around.'

Warlock hung his shoulders, making him look like a child that had just been told off by his parents.

Once Rahne was sure that Warlock wasn't looking, she was finally able to finish getting dressed.

What Rahne didn't know was the fact that Warlock was slowing inching towards the mirror so he could watch his wife getting undressed.

Warlock then noticed a small box on the dresser. He picked the box up and examined it.

'Dog biscuits? Why do we have dog biscuits?'

'Don't ye remember?' Rahne asked as she got into bed. 'It was one o' the gifts that we got f'r the triplets.'

'Let me guess... It was from our friend in Cleveland, wasn't it?' Warlock surmised.

'Aye.' Rahne nodded. 'y'know, I'd kick the lad's arse if I didnae like the way he pissed Scott off all the time.'

'Yeah, gotta love Kid Razor.' Warlock rolled his eyes.

Warlock was about to get into bed when he trod on something. Rahne darted upright as she heard a shrill squeak.

'Oh great. We ended up getting a squeaky toy as well.' Warlock sighed. 'Remind me to punch Johnny Storm in the nose the next time I see him.'

Warlock frowned slightly as he noticed that Rahne had transformed into her wolf form and was wagging her tail happily.

'Oh, for crying out loud...' Warlock groaned. 'I'm tired. I don't want to play with the squeaky toy...'

_'Grrrrr...'_

'You know that won't work on me, baby.' Warlock shook his head. 'Your feminine wiles are useless against me!'

Wolf Rahne just snapped up her squeaky toy in her mouth and began to chew on it.

_Squeak! Squeak! Squeeeee!_

Warlock buried his head under the pillow as he heard a chorus of excited yapping emanating from the triplets' cot. They wanted to play with the squeaky toy too!

'Oh, great. Now the kids are awake. I'll _never_ be able to get any sleep now!'

Warlock swung his legs over the bed and grabbed some linen from the wardrobe. He'd have to sleep in the rec room tonight.

Warlock continued to grumble to himself as he trudged down the stairs. he stopped for a bit as he heard the sounds of scuffling coming down the hallway. It was Wade and Pete. The Former Merc-With-A-Mouth had the former Black Air spy in a headlock, and was punching him in the gut.

'Say it! Say it!' Wade demanded as he continued to punch poor old Wisdom in the gut.

'Never!' Wisdom growled. 'Yer chuffin' mental if ya think that I'm gonna say that Sylvester McCoy is the best Doctor Who! Tom Baker was the best!'

Warlock just shook his head as he carried on down the hall. Poor, poor deluded Wade and Pete. Everybody knew that Jon Pertwee was the best Doctor Who.

* * *

**Outside-**

A short walk away from the X-Mansion was a large lake that bordered on the Institute's grounds. The lake was usually used by both the students and teachers as a means of hanging out with friends. And on the odd rare occasion, it was sometimes used for adult situations. Such as it was now. Kurt Wagner and his girlfriend August were skinny-dipping.

August giggled mischievously as she unwrapped herself from Kurt's embrace and began to swim back towards the bank.

'Uh... August? What are you doing?'

August just put her finger to her lips in a conspiratorial manner and ran on to the bank. She then picked up Kurt's clothes and ran off with them.

Kurt would have teleported after her, but he was still half-submerged in the lake and he didn't want to teleport a load of water after him.

Kurt muttered various curses to himself in German as he paddled towards the bank. August would pay for this. Oh yes, she would pay.

Fortunately for the fuzzy elf, there was nobody around to see his shame so he ran off in pursuit of his errant girlfriend.

'August! You come back here with my clothes! It's getting cold!'

'You'll have to find me first, lover.' August giggled from the shadows of the trees. 'You're not the only one that can become invisible in shadow.'

Kurt shook his head with a heavy sigh. August must have been practicing her magic skills again.

'Come on, liebe.' Kurt called into the darkness. 'All I want is my clothes back. What if Logan or somebody saw me? I wouldn't live it down!'

'Sounds like incentive why I should keep your clothes, Fuzzy.' August teased.

'August... This isn't funny.' Kurt frowned. 'That is enough. Please, give me my clothes back.'

Kurt spun around as he heard a twig snap behind him.

'August...? Is that you, liebe?'

No answer came, so Kurt began to walk in the direction of the sound.

'hello? is anybody there?'

Hopefully, it would just be a wild animal or something. Perhaps a deer.

But this was no wild animal. Kurt's eyes widened in recognition.

_'Scheissen...'_

Kurt was knocked to the ground by a white-and-pink blur.

'Greetings, Elf!' The Shi'Ar woman known as Cerise grinned happily as she mashed her lips against Kurt's. 'What is the matter? Are you not happy to see me?'

'I-i-it's not that...' Kurt swallowed nervously. 'It's just that... I am naked right now. You caught me at a rather awkward moment.'

'So?' Cerise shrugged. 'You do not hear me complaining.'

As if things couldn't get more complicated for everybody's favourite fuzzy elf, August stepped out of the shadows that had been hiding her.

August took one look at the strange alien woman straddling her naked boyfriend and readied up a fireball in her hand.

'What the hell is this?' August demanded.

'This is not what it looks like...' Kurt chuckled weakly. 'August, meet Cerise. Cerise, meet August. August is my girlfriend.'

Unfortunately for Kurt, things were about to get much more uncomfortable as Wade, Pete, Rachel, TJ, Rahne, and Warlock came running through the forest.

'Kurt! What's the matter? I sensed a telepathic call for help and... Whoa!' Rachel skidded to a halt as she saw the sight before her.

TJ's reaction to seeing a naked version of her father from an alternate reality being straddled by a strange woman with black, pink, and white-coloured hair dressed in a low-cut tight black catsuit was a lot less positive.

'Ahh! My eyes! They burn!'

'Awright!' Wade gave Kurt two thumbs up. 'The elf is making time with the hot alien chick! Giggity-giggity-goo!'

With the absence of Betsy, there was nobody there to smack Wade upside the head. Fortunately, Rahne was there to take her role and promptly kicked the Former-Merc-With-A-Mouth in the shin.

'Hey! That was uncalled for!'

August narrowed her eyes and launched a fireball at Cerise.

'_Get off my boyfriend!_'

Cerise came back by using her ability to create hard light constructs by forming a sword and shield. The alien woman charged back at August with a fierce yell.

'_Yaaaah!_'

Everybody else just stood there dumbstruck. Eventually, Warlock was the first to speak.

'Whoa. Catfight.'

Rahne glared at her husband and let out an angry growl.

'What?' Warlock blinked innocently. 'Everybody was thinking it.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: It Isn't Easy being Blue**

_Poor, poor Kurt. Things just do not look to be going his way, do they? But why has Cerise decided to visit the X-Mansion? Surely it couldn't be just because she wanted Kurt to give her some sugar, could it? Tune in next time to find out..._


	43. It Isn't Easy Being Blue

**Uncanny New Mutants **

**Chapter 43: It Isn't Easy Being Blue**

**By **

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer-** _All familiar characters belong to Marvel. August is mine._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

There was an awkward silence in Professor Xavier's office. Xavier had sensed Kurt's distress via his telepathy. That was how Rahne, Warlock, Wade, Wisdom, Rachel, and TJ had been alerted to the trouble. Rahne and Rachel managed to pull the two brawling women away without either of them doing too much damage on each other.

Fortunately, neither August nor Cerise had been hurt too badly. Cerise was a little scorched from one of August's fireballs, but she was otherwise fine.

Xavier listened as Cerise and August explained everything.

'And the next thing I know, this... woman... was having her way with Kurt!' August blurted.

'I was merely saying hello.' Cerise sniffed.

'Oh yeah, great way you Shi'Ar say hello.' August snorted. 'Hello ex-boyfriend, pray, let me smother you with kisses...'

'You are taking this out of all proportion.' Cerise sighed. 'I did not mean any harm, I sometimes become a little over-excited.'

'Looks like you need to switch to decaf.' August muttered to herself.

'August, I think that is enough.' Xavier told the raven-haired fire-manipulator. 'Cerise did not mean any harm. It was just a misunderstanding. Now, the rest of the Institute would appreciate it if you saved all this trouble for another day.'

'What's the matter, Chuck?' August smirked. 'We interrupt your tentacle porn with Callisto?'

Xavier tried desperately to hide his true emotions, but ended up blushing slightly anyway.

'I have no idea what you mean...'

'Sure you don't, Chuck.' August chuckled. 'I'm sure you don't.'

* * *

**The Kitchen-**

Kurt had managed to find his clothes and took refuge in the kitchen. Unfortunately, Wade had managed to follow him.

The former Merc-With-A-Mouth turned a chair around and sat down, resting his elbows on the back of the chair.

'So, you and the hot alien chick had a thing, huh?'

'Cerise and I were involved.' Kurt nodded. 'For quite some time.'

'Why'd you break up, anyway?' Wade wondered. 'It looked like she was still pretty hung-up on you, so I'm guessing that neither of you dumped the other.'

'Cerise was called back to the Shi'Ar Throne World.' Kurt sighed heavily. 'Lilandra ordered the call herself.'

'Oh, those wacky Shi'Ar.' Wade snorted. 'Always messing with us X-Men! If they aren't trying to kill the Summerses, they're breaking up relationships. Somebody should really show them what for.'

'The Professor wouldn't like that.' Kurt stated. 'He and Lilandra used to be married.'

'Shut up!' Wade gasped in disbelief. 'Ol' Picard had himself some alien poon-tang? Jinkies. The guy's had more women that I've had chimichangas, and everybody knows how much I love chimichangas! Just look at the list: He had a fling with MacTaggart, that Haller woman who gave birth to that crazy schizo kid, and Amelia What's-Her-Face.'

Kurt cast Wade a weary glare.

'Are you going to get to the point any time soon?'

'I thought I already made it.' Wade shrugged. 'My point is: Xavier is a pimp!'

Kurt shook his head with a heavy sigh.

'Wade, you are some piece of work.'

* * *

**The next day-**

Xavier had kindly offered Cerise one of the spare rooms to sleep in, which she gladly accepted. It was now the morning after, and Cerise was being shown around the Institute.

'Well, you certainly do have a most interesting home.' Cerise nodded as she looked around. 'And you say that this is a school as well as the home of the X-Men?'

'Oh yeah.' Kitty nodded. 'I teach Advanced Computer Studies.'

'And you, Rachel. What do you teach?' Cerise inquired.

'Oh, I'm not a teacher.' The redheaded telepath shook her head. 'I don't have the patience for it anyway.'

'I also noticed that blue woman you were with...' Cerise continued. 'She would not happen to be any relation to Kurt, would she?'

'Who, TJ?' Rachel replied. 'Yeah, she kinda is a relation to Kurt. Well, an alternate version of Kurt. In her home reality, Kurt is TJ's father.'

'And her mother?' Cerise queried.

'The Scarlet Witch.' Rachel answered.

Cerise frowned slightly. She was not all that familiar with the rest of Earth's heroes.

'Chaos magic-manipulating mutant.' Rachel explained. 'One of the Avengers.'

'I still do not know who you are talking about.' Cerise smiled apologetically. 'But it does not matter right now, there are much more important things to take care of...'

'Yeah.' Kitty grinned. 'Breakfast!'

'Ah yes, breakfast.' Cerise nodded in recognition. 'I am familiar with such a thing. Back when I was part of Excalibur, Meggan mentioned something called... Sugar Bombs. They sounded quite delicious. Tell me, do you have any here in the Institute?'

'I think so.' Kitty nodded. 'We'd better get to the cafeteria before somebody eats them all.'

'Yeah, like your pet dragon.' Rachel teased as she poked Kitty with her elbow.

'I can't help it if Lockheed likes Sugar Bombs.' Kitty shrugged. 'The dragon likes his sugar.'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Meanwhile, in an old abandoned church, a man with white hair and a neatly-trimmed white goatee beard was holding court. The man was dressed all in black, apart from a small white patch on the collar of his shirt. He was a priest. However, this man was not one of your run-of-the-mill priests, he was Reverend William Stryker, an old enemy of the X-Men. He was a psychopath that believed mutants were a way for the Devil to come back to Earth.

'Brothers and sisters, now is the moment of our salvation!' Stryker's voice boomed through the ruined church. 'Now is the moment when we must eradicate the Devilspawn that desecrates our world with their presence! I am talking, of course, of those that are known as mutants! Those that will be the first do feel our purifying wrath will be the X-Men!'

Stryker's 'congregation' cheered in response to their leader's words. They had all had enough of the mutants' presence, and planned to do something about it! The Church of Humanity was not going to stand for it any more.

'The Devilspawn is breeding...' Stryker continued. 'We must take the spawn's offspring and wipe them from the face of the Earth!'

One member of the congregation held up his hand.

'But Reverend... The X-Men will not be happy if we take their offspring. They will want vengeance.'

'We are doing God's work, brothers and sisters!' Stryker continued. 'The Devilspawn has no hope of surviving against our holy might! We are the Church of Humanity! We are God's chosen prophets! We will usher in a new age free of the Devilspawn that infests our world! We cannot lose! We have God on our side! To war, brothers and sisters! We will take no prisoners!'

The congregation yelled their support for Reverend Stryker. The Church of Humanity would die for their beliefs, and woe-behold those that would stand in their way...

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Crusade**

_Reverend Stryker and the Church of Humanity makes their first move: Kidnapping the X-Men's children!_


	44. Crusade

**The Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 44: Crusade**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. August is mine._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

It was a normal day in the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning as teachers and students alike went about their usual business. Unfortunately for the mutants within, their day was about to take a most unfortunate turn.

It all started when a gang of gun-toting mercenaries teleported into the mansion. They were known as the Purifiers, and they were there for one thing, and one thing only: the total annihilation of the mutant hellspawn!

The first squad of purifiers teleported into Piotr Rasputin's art class.

'Our way is the will of the Almighty!' The squad leader bellowed as he opened fire at the Russian mutant. The students all screamed in fear and dove for cover.

Fortunately for Piotr, no bullets could harm him in his steel-skinned form.

'Die hellspawn!' The squad leader yelled as he readied himself for another salvo.

Piotr didn't say a single word as he grabbed the barrel of the squad leader's gun and crushed it into a tiny ball.

'You have interrupted my art class.' Piotr stated evenly. 'I do not like it when my art class is interrupted.'

The squad leader then found himself being smashed through a nearby wall. The students then saw that as their move to defend themselves. Those that had offensive powers, such as Sooraya's dust powers, or Sophia's wind powers, used them to fight back against the gun-toting mercenaries.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

The second squad of Purifiers teleported into Hank McCoy's genetics lesson.

'Ours is the way of the almighty!' The squad leader bellowed as he and his underlings opened fire.

Once again, the students scattered for cover. Unfortunately, some of the students were hit by the gunfire. Cessily, Mark, and David were the first to fall.

Fortunately for Cessily, the bullets harmlessly passed through her mercurial form.

The shiny-skinned Hellion fell down beside the two fallen students.

'Oh God. DJ... Prodigy. They're... dead.'

'Think yourself lucky that you will soon be joining them, hellspawn.' One of the Purifier's sneered as he aimed his gun at Cessily.

'Not on my watch!'

The Purifier screamed in pain as several thousand volts of electricity shot through his body.

'Oh God, they're dead...' Cessily sobbed. 'They killed Mark and David...'

'I know, Cessily...' Noriko Ashida, the Japanese electricity-manipulating mutant known as Surge nodded solemnly. 'I know...'

Both girls spun around at the sound of a terrible roar. Hank was fighting desperately against the rest of the Purifiers. The fuzzy blue scientist's clothes were torn and bloodied by gunshot wounds, but he still fought on.

'RRAAAGHH!' Hank roared as he flung the Purifiers off his back.

Before the mercenaries could even compose themselves, Hank grabbed hold of them by the collars with his great big blue fists and smashed their heads together. He then leapt over his desk and tackled more Purifiers to the ground, slashing at them with his claws.

'Get the injured to the infirmary!' Hank ordered as he composed himself from his momentary fury. 'Quick! I'm going to find the other X-Men!'

The surviving students did as they were told, and helped the injured to the infirmary.

* * *

**Elsewhere again-**

The whole mansion was in a state of chaos as the X-Men fought against the Purifiers.

Lorna froze bullets in the air with her magnetic powers, then sent them flying backwards, hitting the Purifiers instead of their intended targets.

Wisdom blasted more Purifiers in the face with blades of thermo-kinetic energy from his fingers, blinding the gun-toting religious bigots.

Jeanne-Marie flew at more Purifiers, tackling them to the ground, where Paige then punched them out with her stony fists.

A trio of Purifiers had seemed to have cornered a defenceless-looking Asian girl wearing a yellow trenchcoat.

'Mutant filth.' The squad leader sneered. 'You have no right to live.'

'I coulda said the same thing to you, _esse._' A voice said above their heads.

The three Purifiers all looked up to see a grey-skinned man swing down from the stairs. Angelo couldn't help but get some satisfaction out of beating up these guys. After all, the Church of Humanity as responsible for his death in the first place.

'Kill the hellspawn!' The squad leader bellowed as the grey-skinned mutant pummelled the other two Purifiers relentlessly.

The squad leader felt a tap on his shoulder, so he turned around.

'Say g'night, Gracie.' Jubilee smiled sweetly.

_**KAPOW!**_

The squad leader was sent crashing through the front door by one of Jubilee's energy blasts. Unfortunately, more Purifiers came piling in to the X-Mansion. That was where Logan and Laura came in. With two identical feral yells, the pair launched themselves from the stairs, impaling two Purifiers each with their claws.

Laura then leapt away backwards from her pair of defeated bigots, to stab two more in the throat with the claws on her feet.

* * *

**The Nursery-**

Several levels down from the main foyer was the nursery, the room where the X-Men's young children were looked after while their parents were away on missions or teaching classes. The attack at the mansion was just cover for the Church of Humanity's main plan of action: namely the kidnapping of the young X-Babies.

Unfortunately for the Church of Humanity, Moira MacTaggart was not going to give up the children without a fight.

'How can one women do all of this damage?' One Purifier muttered as he ducked down behind an upturned table. 'She is only human.'

'It doesn't matter whether she is a human, or a mutant.' Another Purifier pointed out. 'She fraternises with the hellspawn, so she will meet their fate!'

The two Purifiers then leapt from behind their hiding place, about to open fire on Moira. They ended up being on the receiving end of gunfire themselves. Moira had managed to snatch a gun from one of the fallen Purifiers, and she was showing them just how much of a good shot she was.

Unfortunately, Moira was but one woman and only she could do so much against the onslaught of gun-toting mercenaries.

Moira hissed in pain as she was shot in the shoulder. That was all the Purifiers needed to get away with their prize. The Church of Humanity teleported away with the X-Babies before Moira could even make a move to stop them.

* * *

**The Infirmary, later-**

All of the injured mutants had gathered in the infirmary where they were being attended to by Cecelia Reyes and Betsy Braddock. Fortunately, DJ and Prodigy had only been wounded. They were tucked up safe and relatively well in the infirmary's beds.

'I cannae believe that I jus' let 'em get away like that...' Moira cried into my hands. 'M' own grandchildren, and I couldnae even save them!'

'Don't bury the kids just yet, Moira.' Betsy told Moira as she bandaged the older woman's gunshot wound. 'The others are drawing up a plan of attack as we speak...'

A short way away, the X-Men were indeed drawing up a plan of attack. But first they needed to find out where the Church of Humanity was hiding themselves.

'Now, listen here, homme...' Remy interrogated one of the Purifiers that had been left behind. 'You better tell us de truth, or we gonna get nasty. You lie, you die. If de kids are dead, you die slow.'

'I do not fear death.' The battered and bloodied Purifier sneered. 'Especially not at the hands of hellspawn like you.'

'Take a break, Cajun...' Mystique told him. 'Let me take it from here...'

'You have fun now, y'hear?'

Once Remy had gone, Mystique knocked the Purifier to the floor.

'Now, I'm not as patient as the others. I'm a little more prone to bloodshed as well. Now, where are you keeping the children?'

'I would rather die than tell you anything, hellspawn!' The Purifier spat.

'I was hoping you'd say that...' Mystique grinned as she placed a foot on the Purifier's leg, right where he had been shot. The gun-toting mercenary yelled in pain.

'Now, are you gong to tell me what I want, or will I have to bring in one of the telepaths? I'll let you know one thing, though. You kidnapped both Emma and Jean's kids. It isn't wise to upset a telepath. So you might as well 'fess up before they root through your mind for themselves. Knowing their present mood, I'd doubt you'd have enough of your mind left to work at Wal-Mart...'

* * *

**The War Room-**

Mystique had finally managed to get the information from the captive Purifier. The Church of Humanity was holed up in an old abandoned church in Montana.

Rahne was unusually calm for a woman that had just had her children kidnapped. It was the same with all of the other parents. The entire group was eerily silent. There wasn't even any quips coming from Wade. There was no laughing matter about the present circumstances.

'There's no going back now.' Scott stood up in front of the other gathered X-Men. 'What happens next may not be all to your liking.'

'I'm with you through to the end, Scott.' Jean nodded. 'Stryker's going to pay.'

'Stryker deserves what he gets for kidnapping our children.' The usually carefree Warlock stated forcefully. 'I say we pay him back in kind!'

'Aye. I agree.' Rahne nodded.

'Ah'm with them.' Rogue agreed. 'Remy too.'

'You can count Hank and I in as well.' Emma added. 'Nobody messes with the Frosts and gets away with it.'

'I may have done a lot of bad things in my life, but I've never hurt kids.' Wade piped up. 'Stryker's gonna get his and I intend to make sure of it.'

'I guess that we're all in agreement then.' Scott nodded in understanding. 'We take Stryker down by whatever means necessary!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Holy War**

_The X-Men take on Reverend Stryker and the Church of Humanity. Will they be able to rescue the kidnapped X-Babies before it is too late? Who will die, and who will live? Tune in next time to find out..._


	45. Holy War

**The Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 45: Holy War**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

**&&&&&**

**Quote of the day- **_I care not for the opinions of lesser mortals regarding my hat!'_

**&&&&&**

**Montana-**

Reverend Stryker and the Church of Humanity had holed themselves up in an old abandoned church somewhere in Montana. It was there that they planned to continue with their holy crusade of eradicating all mutant life. Phase One, breaking in to the Xavier Institute and kidnapping the X-Men's children, was complete. Phase Two was about to commence, namely killing the X-Babies!

Several armed guards were stationed by the entrance of the church. It was their job to keep out any X-Men that tried to come to the babies' rescue.

_Knock-knock-knock!_

The guards looked at each other in confusion. Who would be calling at this hour?

One guard went to open the door. Another guard shook his head and put his finger to his lips, signalling the first guard to keep quiet.

Both guards went for their guns.

_**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!**_

Both guards fell down to the floor, their bodies strewn with bloody bullet holes.

_**ZZAAARKK!**_

The door to the church was blasted down by a red bema of energy. The X-Men were here!

'Everybody fan out.' Cyclops ordered the team. 'We have to find the kids before it's too late!'

The other X-Men nodded in understanding and went on their way.

Deadpool stopped and looked back as he heard a groan from one of the injured guards.

'Our way... is the will of the Almighty...' The dying guard coughed, globules of bloody spittle dotted around his mouth. 'You cannot hope to defeat us...'

Deadpool aimed his gun right in-between the guard's eyes. Who was to say that the Merc-With-A-Mouth wasn't without mercy?

_**BLAM!**_

**&&&&&**

**Wolfsbane and Warlock-**

The X-Men had split up into pairs. Wolfsbane and Warlock. Cyclops and Phoenix. Emma Frost and Beast. Gambit and Rogue. Deadpool was on his own. Which was fine with him. Wade felt that he worked better alone.

Rahne flattened herself against the wall as she smelled the faint aroma of gunpowder and cheap booze.

Warlock changed his shape into one of the Purifiers and walked up to the guards.

'Greetings, fellows!' Warlock smiled amicably. 'Is it not a wonderful day to eradicate the mutant filth?'

One of the guards frowned in suspicion.

'Wait... Who are you? You're not one of the Purifiers...'

'You got that right, bub!' Warlock retorted as his arms morphed into swords and impaled the guard against the wall.

_**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!**_

The other guards opened fire on the shapeshifting alien. They needn't have bothered as mere bullets couldn't harm Warlock's pliable techno-organics.

Warlock turned his head a full one-eighty degrees to look at the guards that had just shot him.

'Now, that wasn't very nice, was it?'

The guards just gaped in horror.

'What kind of demon are you?'

'Not demon...' Warlock waggled his finger. 'I'm Warlock, prince of the Technarchy, and it is my pleasure to introduce you to my lovely wife... Rahne, honey, why don't you say hello to these nice gun-toting bigots?'

'_Rrrrrr...'_

The guards looked at each other fearfully as they heard a fearsome growl.

'Did I forget to mention that my wife is also a werewolf?' Warlock asked as Rahne leapt out of the shadows and preceded to maul the guards.

'**_RRRRWAAAWWRR!_**'

**&&&&&**

**Emma Frost and Beast-**

Not to far away, Emma and Hank were taking one more of the Purifiers. The Purifiers couldn't get it into their heads that Emma's diamond form was impervious to bullets. But that didn't stop them from trying to gun her down.

'You brainless idiots make me sick.' Emma sneered as she kicked one Purifier in the face.

_**KRACK!**_

'I should tear your sodding heads off, but we have to save the children. Now, spare yourself any further pain and tell us where Stryker is hiding our children!'

'I will tell you nothing, mutant filth!' The Purifier retorted. 'I would sooner die.'

'Very well.' Emma nodded in understanding.

_**SNAP!**_

Emma let the Purifier's body fall to the ground, his neck broken like a rotten twig.

Emma turned to see whether Hank needed assistance. She needn't have bothered as Hank was doing well on his own.

The Purifiers were finding out just why Henry Phillip McCoy was called the Beast!

The Purifier's screamed in pain and fear as they had various bits off them torn off. Nobody would stand in the way of Henry Phillip McCoy rescuing his son! Especially not some two-bit gun-toting bigots!

**&&&&&**

**Cyclops and Phoenix-**

The Purifiers weren't having a very good day. Their hideaway had been invaded by the very people that they were seeing to destroy: The X-Men!

The Purifiers tried their best to take down the mutant filth that dared to profane the church, but they were proving far too powerful. Especially when one of those X-Men was one of the most powerful telepaths in the world and the sometimes host of an all-powerful cosmic deity.

'You can run all you want, little man...' Jean Grey said as she grabbed one of the Purifiers with her telekinesis. 'But you can't hide from the Phoenix!'

The unfortunate Purifier let out a terrible scream as he was thrown straight through a nearby window.

'That's it, Jean!' Scott told his wife as she took out more Purifier's with an optic blast. 'Keep these bastards back! We have to find Rachel and the other babies!'

'Way ahead of you, babe.' Jean responded. 'I can sense Little Rachel's presence already. She's scared, but alive.'

'Are we any nearer?' Scott asked desperately.

'We've still got more Purifiers to deal with.' Jean explained. 'I can sense that Deadpool is the nearest. I'm sending him the babies' location right now...'

Scott silently prayed that the plan would work. The safety of the X-Babies was up to Deadpool now...

**&&&&&**

**Deadpool-**

Wade had received the location of the kidnapped X-Babies in his head thanks to Jean's telepathy. Stryker was hiding out in the church's bell tower. As soon as the X-Men had busted into his not so secret hideout, Stryker called for a helicopter so he could make his escape.

Wade checked his guns to make sure that he had enough ammunition to finish the job.

'Crap. Only two bullets left.' Wade muttered to himself. 'I knew I should have brought my swords... Now, what would John McClane do in a situation like this...?'

Wade snapped his fingers as he was struck with an idea.

'Ooh, idea-y...'

Meanwhile, up in the bell tower, reverend Stryker was pacing about nervously. Nearby were the X-Babies. Moira, Doug, and Seth Sinclair, Christian McCoy, Rachel Summers Junior, and Marie LeBeau were lying in makeshift cots. They were asleep, completely unaware of the dire peril that they were in.

'Filthy mutants...' Stryker muttered to himself. 'My plan would have gone off without a hitch if it wasn't for them...'

'Don't worry, sir...' One of the Purifier's comforted his leader. 'God's will is with us. We shall win the day.'

'Have you gone blind?' Stryker threw his arms up in the air. 'Those damn muties are going do kill us all!'

'You got that right, spanky...' A voce said from the darkness of the shadows. It was Deadpool!

Stryker snatched one of the X-Babies up from the makeshift cot and snatched the Purifier's un away from him. He held the gun against the baby's head.

'Don't come any closer or I will kill this child!'

Wade held his hands up, showing that he was unarmed.

'Dude, you are some sick piece of work...' Wade tutted. 'And I now sick. Where do you get off kidnapping poor defenceless kids? What have they ever done to you?'

'They were born, that is enough.' Stryker sneered. 'Now, get back, or I _will_ end this child's life!'

'You heard the reverend...' The lone Purifier said as he moved towards Wade.

It was at that precise moment that the rest of the X-Men came running, or flying, up the steps of the bell tower.

Wade took advantage of the distraction and reached behind his back to pull out his gun, which had been duct taped to his back all along.

_**BLAM!**_

Wade shot the Purifier right between the eyes.

_**BLAM!**_

Wade shot Stryker in the shoulder, making him stumble out the window.

_'Marie!'_ Rogue screamed as she flew forward to catch her daughter.

Remy rushed forward as well and grabbed Stryker by the arm while Rogue grabbed Marie.

Stryker sneered up at the Cajun and took aim. Remy glared back at the disgraced holy man.

'Bang, you dead, homme...' Remy said as he let go of Stryker's arm, letting him fall to his death down below.

The rest fo the X-Men hurried to gather up their children and hugged them close.

'Where's Stryker?' Scott asked.

'Looks like he had to take a trip.' Wade quipped as he peered out the window. 'Geez. There's not enough left of him to spread on a pizza.'

'Couldnae have happened to a nicer man.' Rahne sniffed dismissedly as she held Doug and Moira close.

'I say we burn this place to the ground.' Emma suggested as she hugged her son close. 'Eradicate all traces of the Church of bloody Humanity.'

'You know that will have been survivors.' Jean stated. 'What are we going to do about them?'

'We'll get to them in all good tahme.' Rogue replied as she kissed Marie on the forehead. 'Ah jus' wanna go home an' hug mah daughter.'

'Sounds good to me.' Warlock nodded in agreement as he hugged Seth. 'I don't want to hear of this place ever again.'

And with that, the X-Men headed out of the abandoned church towards the X-Jet. The Church of Humanity had been defeated for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, there was still people just like the Church of Humanity about that wanted all mutants eradicated off the face of the earth. The X-Men would be ready for them. Nobody messed with the X-Babies and got away with it.

**TBC...**

**&&&&&**

**Next- New Mutants Reunion**

_It's time for drinks all around in Harry's Hideaway as the former New Mutants hold a reunion. Unknown to the, an old teammate, long thought to be dead, will pay them a visit... Who is this former teammate that isn't dead? Tune in next time to find out..._


	46. New Mutants Reunion

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 46: New Mutants Reunion**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Harry's Hideaway-**

Everything had thankfully calmed down since the X-Men's encounter with Reverend Stryker and the Church of Humanity. Rahne, deciding to make the most of the quiet time, took it upon herself to hold a little reunion for the former New Mutants. Sure, everybody worked at the Xavier Institute, as a teacher, or as a member of one of the many X-Teams, but Rahne never needed an excuse to go drinking.

'Wow. I can't believe I've missed so much since I was gone.' The newly resurrected Illyana Rasputin **(1) **shook her head in disbelief. 'Everybody's all grown up. Rahne's married with kids. Dani's got her own squad to teach...'

'I've got me own squad, remember?' Rahne pointed out. 'And i dinnae want tae blow me own horn, but they're better than Dani's squad any day.'

'Gee, thanks.' Dani Moonstar rolled her eyes as she took a swig of her beer. 'And I thought we used to be such friends.'

'I'm only telling it as it is, Dani.' Rahne smirked as she chucked a peanut at her bestest friend in the whole wide world. 'Or have ye no' checked the result tables lately? The Paragons're stompin' all over yuir squad!'

'It's a conspiracy, is what it is.' Dani grumbled. 'At least my squad doesn't fight dirty. And just _what_ is a paragon anyway? I've never heard of such a thing.'

'Search me.' Sam shrugged as he took a sip of his beer. 'Ah'm just a lowly grunt kickin' some ass an' takin' some names.'

'Yuir just saying that cuz yuir team sucks.' Rahne stuck her tongue out.

'I've missed this.' Roberto DaCosta grinned happily. 'I really have. Are you girls gonna have a catfight now, or are you gonna wait until we get back?'

Rahne and Dani both turned on the hapless Brazilian with identical glares. Roberto shrank down in his seat.

'Aheheh... Never mind...'

'I see you've still got the ability to put your foot in your mouth, 'Berto.' Illyana snickered. 'You always did have such a wonderful way with words.'

'I would have never thought that I'd ever see this again.' Amara chipped in. 'I mean, all of us gathered around here. Just hanging out. It's just like the old times.'

'But with the legal consumption of alcohol.' Shan added, raising her glass.

'Motto.' Warlock agreed as he clinked his glass against Shan's. Warlock then ate the glass.

'I'll never be able to get used to the way you eat, 'Lock.' Illyana shook her head with a gentle smile. 'Where most people eat a bowl of cereal, you eat the bowl!'

'I said it before, and I'll say it again...' Warlock held his finger up to make an example. 'The human digestive system disgusts me. All those fluids sloshing about. And the filth... Don't get me started on the filth...'

'Havin' issues with changin' the kids, eh, 'Lock?' Sam smirked.

'I don't understand it...' Warlock peered into his nearly empty glass of beer. 'All the kids eat is those tiny little jars of baby food, yet they produce so much poop. What's up with that?'

'He's such a proud father.' Rahne smiled sweetly. 'So, whose gettin' the next round in?'

'I'd get them in next...' Illyana started to offer. 'But, y'know, broke. Being Horseman Death wasn't exactly a paying job.'

'Let 'Berto get the drinks in!' Dani exclaimed. 'He's rich!'

'You girls only want me for my cash.' Roberto tutted as he got up out of his seat.

'Your point being?' Shan asked.

Roberto just muttered random curses under his breath as he headed over to the bar.

'There's one thing that ah don't get...' Sam begun. 'Yana, y'all used to have teleportation powers, but now y'all don't. Shouldn't your powers have come back after y'all got over Apocalypse's programming?'

'Pass.' Illyana shrugged. 'I'm more than happy to be a plain old chick with a sword nowadays. It's not like having powers is an essential part of being part of the X-Men, is it? Moira doesn't have powers, and she's an X-Man.'

'I think we already have a token sword-wielding person, don't we?' Amara remembered. 'Deadpool might be jealous that you're stealing his thunder.'

'I kind of doubt it, 'Mara.' Dani replied. 'DP's too busy preparing for the arrival of the twins.'

'And that's another thing that I can't get over...' Illyana commented. 'What is up with you guys? There are babies all over the place! Is there something in the water?'

'We have to do something while we're not teaching or on missions, you know.' Warlock quipped. 'And what better way than to wile away the time than making sweet, sweet love?'

'Aww, yuir such a romantic.' Rahne smiled sweetly as she lay her head on Warlock's shoulder. 'An' yuir so good at it too.'

'Okay, just a little bit too much information, thank you.' Dani stuck her tongue out with a wince.

'Now there's something that I'd never hear Rahne say.' Illyana chuckled. 'Talking so openly about sex. Why, 'tis positively sinful!'

'Oh, look at me, I'm laughing.' Rahne frowned. 'It's so funny that I forgot tae laugh.'

'Quit arguing, you two.' Dani admonished them. 'The drinks are here!'

Roberto walked over with a tray of drinks.

'Beer for Me, Rahne, Dani, Sam, and Warlock...' Roberto said as he started to hand over the drinks. 'Vodka for Rahne and Illyana. And margaritas for Amara and Shan. Oh yes, and Rahne as well.'

'Is it me, or was Rahne _ever_ this much of a heavy drinker?' Shan frowned as she stirred her margarita with her straw.

'It's a Scottish thing.' Warlock shrugged as he wiped some beer suds off his bottom lip. he quickly decided to reevaluate his choice fo words when he heard a low growl come from Rahne's direction. 'Eh heh heh... Not that being Scottish is a bad thing...'

'Good save.' Sam nodded in appreciation.

'Aww, I dinnae have it in me tae kick 'Lock's arse.' Rahne chuckled. 'Just look at it. His arse is too nice to kick. Don't ye think?'

'Can't say I've ever noticed.' Shan shrugged. 'But have him morph into Jessica Alba and we'll talk.'

'Not that I don't like being ogled, or anything...' Warlock spoke up. 'But can you not ogle me? My arse, as Rahne so wonderfully put it, is for her eyes only.'

'Aww, there's no need tae be shy, 'Lock.' Rahne goosed her husband. 'Yuir arse is too beautiful tae keep secret.'

'So you're suggesting that I should moon all and sundry so they could get a look at what is yours?' Warlock inquired. 'Why not flash your boobs as well? You might say that they're too good to be kept a secret as well.'

'Okay, okay, let's not start having a lovers' tiff, here...' Sam tried to calm everything down. 'Why don't y'all just sit down and keep calm, okay?'

'Perhaps we shoulda let them continued fighting, Sammie...' Illyana tapped her chin in thought. 'I've heard that make-up sex is the best.'

* * *

**Outside-**

It had started to rain outside the pub, but the mutants within were having too much fun to notice. A blond figure pulled up the collar of his coat in an attempt to keep himself dry. The man hoped that he had the right place. The dreams were coming more frequently now, and he had to do something about them.

The blond man sighed heavily as he braced himself against the torrent of water from the sky and headed towards Harry's Hideaway. He hoped that the New Mutants would be able to help him. That was unless they thought he was an imposter and tossed him out on his backside. They thought that he was dead. He was anything but dead.

The New Mutants were holding a reunion inside the pub. It was only natural that he made his presence known. A New Mutants reunion wouldn't be complete without Doug Ramsey!

**TBC...**

* * *

Next: He Wasn't Dead, He Was Just Sleeping

_How? What? Huh? Doug Ramsey is alive? How could it be? How will the new Mutants react once they find out that Cypher isn't as dead as they thought? Tune in next time to find out..._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Apocalypse brought Illyana back from the dead so she could be the Horseman Death. This happened behind the scenes in '_Uncanny New X-Men._'_


	47. He Wasn't Dead, He Was Just Sleeping

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 47: He Wasn't Dead, He Was Just Sleeping**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV.'_

* * *

**Harry's Hideaway-**

Rahne let out a very unladylike snort at a joke that Roberto had just told.

'Okay, now I _know_ that somebody's had too much to drink.' Illyana chuckled. 'Seriously Furtop, you'd better give it a rest until you start talking in drunken gibberish.'

'Och, away an' boil yuir heed...' Rahne mumbled drunkenly.

'Now, there isn't a single word in that sentence that I understood just then.' Dani tutted. 'And Rahne's my bestest gal pal in the whole world.'

'We know.' Roberto nodded. 'There was kind of a bet going on whether you two were a couple.'

Rahne sat up straight, and instantly regretted it.

'What the bloody hell?'

Dani gave Roberto a withering glare.

'There was **_what?_'**

Roberto visibly flinched at the Cheyenne mutant's angry glare.

'Umm... a bet?' The Brazilian mutant smiled nervously. 'Wh-whether you and Rahne were... y'know...'

'Y'all had better shut up before y'all still have the ability to speak.' Sam warned his friend. 'Ah don't like the way Dani's eyeing that broken bottle...'

'Did _ye_ know aboot this bet, Sammie?' Rahne pointed at Sam, swaying drunkenly. 'Were ye wonderin' whether Dani an' me were havin' oorselves some HLA?'

'Rahne, y'all are forgettin' one thing...' Sam pointed out, trying to calm the Scotswoman down. 'Ah didn't even know that y'all had a crush on me until 'Lock's bachelor party.'

'Oblivious much?' Amara chuckled. 'We all could see that Rahne had the hugest crush on you. How could you not see it also?'

'Sam always was such an innocent young man.' Shan laughed out loud. 'He wouldn't know a crush if it came up and bit him on the backside.'

'Oh yeah, let's all make fun of the dumb hick.' Sam rolled his eyes. 'Just don't get me started on alla your separate kinks.'

'Uh-oh. I don't like where this is going...' Warlock winced as he sunk into his seat.

However, the rest of the former New Mutants were prevented any more embarrassment as Rahne and Warlock both sat up straight with pale expressions on their faces.

'Rahne... 'Lock... What's the matter with y'all?' Sam asked concernedly. 'Ah was only messin' with y'all.'

'Do ye no' smell that?' Rahne asked her companions.

'All I smell is the odour of a werewolf that's had too much to drink.' Illyana shrugged. 'Why, is your Rahney Sense tingling?'

'My sensors are going ka-ka.' Warlock chipped in as a little radar dish on his shoulder started to spin wildly. 'I haven't sensed anything like this since...'

'_Doug Ramsey?_' Illyana spluttered in disbelief.

'Umm... surprise?' The mysteriously alive and well former New Mutant known as Cypher smiled nervously and gave everybody a little wave.

'Great merciful Zeus!' Amara gasped in shock.

'_Zut alors!_' Shan gaped.

'Great googily-moogily!' Roberto spat out his beer in surprise.

'How... what... huh?' Sam blinked in disbelief.

'I'm kind of thinking the same thing myself.' Doug admitted sheepishly.

'But... ye died savin' m' life...' Rahne shook her head, not wanting to believe her eyes. 'Is _nothing_ sacred anymore?'

'Your guess is as good as mine.' Doug sighed heavily. 'My mind is pretty much a blank.'

'Well, I guess this drinking session's over and done with.' Dani scratched her head in confusion. 'We'd better get back to the Mansion and make sure that Doug isn't an imposter or anything...'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Doug Ramsey, if that was his real name, was lying in one of the beds in the Xavier Institute's infirmary while Hank McCoy, Moira MacTaggart and Cecilia Reyes ran various tests.

'So, what's the prognosis, doc?' Roberto asked. 'Is this our Doug, or is he one of the Brood in disguise?'

Hank winced slightly at the strong smell of alcohol emanating from Roberto's mouth.

'Need I mind you, Mr DaCosta, that there are such things as breath mints? Now, if you are to stay in my infirmary, I would be most appreciate it if you used them.'

'Hank, dinnae be rude!' Moira admonished the fuzzy blue doctor. 'Tell the lad what he wants tae know.'

Hank removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

'For all intents and purposes, this is the real Doug Ramsey. Not part of a Brood invading force. Nor an incognito Skrull warrior. Not even a shapeshifting cyborg warrior sent here from the future to kill us all.'

'I think everybody gets your point, Blue.' Cecilia tutted. 'What I want to know is how you came to be here. Weren't you a member of the Young Avengers down in Malibu?'

'I remember that now!' Dani snapped her fingers in recognition. 'You were on TV a whole bunch of times.'

'That's where things get kind of confusing.' Doug frowned as he tried to remember. 'I always thought that I was a clone of Doug Ramsey created by Fenris, not the real deal! Well... that's what I was told.'

'At least it beats being resurrected by Apocalypse to become one of his Horsemen.' Illyana chuckled slightly. 'But at least Doug's back, right? The whole gang's here.'

'It seems that Rahne doesn't feel the same way.' Amara shook her head sadly. 'She was hit the hardest by Doug's death. It is hard for her to accept that he is now alive and well.'

'Y'all would think that Rahne would react the same when Moira came back.' Sam suggested. 'But ah don't think this is the same.'

'I'd better go talk to her...' Dani sighed as she started to head for the door.

'Let her be for now, lass.' Moira told her foster-daughter's best friend. 'Warlock's with her. Besides, I'm sure all this will sort itself out pretty soon. Rahne does nae have it in herself tae stay upset f'r long.'

'I wish I had your optimism, Moira...' Dani bit her lip concernedly. 'Rahne's been acting kind of weird recently. That sudden surge of bloodlust during the fight with Feral and the Hellions for instance. I'm worried that Rahne's falling towards the dark side.'

'I'm sure that Warlock wilnae let that happen.' Moira reassured the worried mutant with a gentle pat on the shoulder. 'Besides, when Rahne has a lovin' group o' friend like you, there's no chance o' her losin' her way.'

'Yeah, you're right...' Dani smiled slightly at that. 'Rahne's got a family and friends who love her very much. With us by her side, nothing bad can happen.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: The Reavers' Revenge**

_There is little time for a happy reunion as the former New Mutants are thrown into battle with the first enemy they ever fought as a team: Donald Pierce. This time Pierce has the Reavers by his side. Will the new Mutants be able to defeat their cybernetic foe? Tune in next time to find out..._


	48. Reavers' Revenge: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 48: Reavers' Revenge- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_Everything brown is not chocolate._'- **Welsh proverb.**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

It was early in the afternoon at the home of the X-Men. The techno-organic hero known as Warlock was giving his three young children their afternoon meal. Moira and Doug, the oldest and youngest of the triplets, were eating like a good little boy and girl. Seth, the middle child, was acting up. He had more food on his face than he did in his mouth.

'Seth, be a good boy, will you...?' Warlock sighed in exasperation. 'Mummy'll be angry if you don't eat up. And you won't like Mummy when she's angry.'

'_Thbpt!_' Seth blew a raspberry in response.

'You're going to be a right little sod when you grow up, aren't you?' Warlock sighed as he put down the jar of baby food.

'That's because yuir doin' it all wrong...'

Warlock turned around to see his wife, Rahne Sinclair, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Warlock's jaw literally hit the floor when he saw the young Scot's attire. Rahne was dressed in a skimpy brown bikini with gold attachments on the brassiere and panties.

'Whoa...' Warlock stuffed his wagging tongue back in his mouth. 'Is it our anniversary or something? Cuz I meant to buy you a present, but...'

Rahne put a hand upon her husband's lips, silencing him.

'It isnae our anniversary yet, ye daft bugger.' Rahne chuckled as she sidled up to Warlock. 'I was in the Danger Room wi' Kitty, Kurt, an' TJ. Kitty made a new Star Wars program. Guess who one the coin toss t' be Princess Leia?'

'Oh, I approve.' Warlock smiled in approval as he looked his wife up and down. 'D'you want me to pretend to be Han Solo?'

Rahne was about to reply when Moira interrupted her.

'Pwetty mummy.'

Rahne and Warlock both gaped at each other.

'Did ye just hear that?' Rahne blinked in surprise.

'Oh yeah.' Warlock nodded with a proud smile. 'It looks like our little girl's growing up.'

Rahne knelt down beside her oldest child.

'Can ye say that again? Can ye say it f'r Mummy?'

'Pwetty Mummy.' Moira smiled up at her mother. 'Pwincess Leia!'

Rahne turned to Seth and Doug.

'Seth. Doug. Do ye have anythin' t' say tae Mummy?'

'Thbpt!' Seth blew another raspberry.

'Oh, aye. Ye _are_ goin' tae be a right sod when yuir older.' Rahne sighed as she stood up straight. 'I blame Deadpool. We shouldnae have let him babysit.'

'Oh, I wouldn't say that.' Warlock shrugged. 'It _was _pretty funny when Wade trained the kids to attack Logan.'

'I'm not sayin' that seein' Logan gettin' mauled by children is a bad thing...' Rahne responded. 'But I _really_ dinnae need a lecture on parentin' from somebody like him.'

'Then Wade hasn't done a good enough job of training our kids into a squad of attack dogs.'

'_All available X-Men report to the War Room immediately._' Emma Frost interrupted the conversation with a telepathic call to arms.

'Booby Lady.' Moira giggled.

'Heh. She's a sharp one, alright.' Warlock chuckled as he picked his daughter up and kissed her on the tip of her nose. 'You're going to be a spunky one when you grow up. Just like Nana Moira.'

* * *

**The War Room-**

Emma Frost stood in front of the group of X-Men. Sam, Roberto, Amara, Doug, and Illyana were sitting around the big briefing table. Rahne, Warlock, Dani, and Shan were yet to turn up.

Emma drummed her fingers against the desk impatiently.

'What is taking them so long?' The blonde telepath grumbled. 'You would think that people would come running after a call to arms.'

'Rahne and Warlock most probably got... distracted.' Illyana smirked.

'Yana, there is other stuff to life than sex.' Sam pointed out.

'Example?' Illyana requested.

'Well...' Sam tried to think of some examples. 'There are credit cards... and keys, and...'

'Whoa there, Sammie...' Roberto interrupted. 'Don't think too much, or you'll short-circuit your brain.'

Sam was about to tell Roberto where to stick it when Rahne and Warlock walked into the War Room. Rahne was still wearing her Princess Leia gear.

'Oh mah goodness...' Sam gaped at the sight.

'Whoa...' Roberto's mouth fell open.

'Jeepers.' Doug agreed.

'Nice of you to join us, Ms Sinclair.' Emma looked the young Scot over. 'But could you have not dressed yourself properly before coming here?'

'Pot kettle black, Frosty.' Rahne retorted. 'This stuff I'm wearing isnae as bad as some o' the stuff that you used tae wear.'

'Touché.' Emma sniffed. 'Now, all we need to do is wait for Ms Manh and Ms Moonstar to make an appearance.'

So sooner had the words left Emma's mouth, then the aforementioned young women walked in through the door, looking a little worse for wear.

'Sorry we're late...' Dani apologised as she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear with an embarrassed smile. 'Shan and I had a... thing.'

'Oh, I _bet_ ye did.' Rahne gave her best friend a knowing smile.

Dani shot Rahne a glare, as if telling the young redhead not to tell anybody her big secret.

'Now that everybody is here, may I please tell you why I have asked you here?' Emma pinched the bridge of her nose. 'Because I have better ways to spend by time to listen to your petty bickering.'

'We could say the same thing about your old rivalry with Jean, Emma.' Dani retorted. 'Compared to that, our petty bickering, as you put it, hardly compared.'

'Have you quite finished?' Emma regarded the young Cheyenne mutant with a withering glare. 'Or would you prefer to continue making idle chatter while the world around us goes to Hell in a hand basket?'

'Pray, continue...' Dani waved Emma on.

* * *

**Australia-**

The former New Mutants were gathered outside the X-Jet sitting on a ridge overlooking a seemingly abandoned town in the Australian Outback.

'Are you sure that Emma's info's correct?' Roberto frowned as he sat down on a conveniently placed boulder.

'If we can't trust Emma Frost, who can we trust?' Illyana replied. The young Russian then thought about what she had just said. 'Wait, don't answer that.'

'Ah thought Donald Pierce was incarcerated in the Raft or somewhere.' Sam remembered.

'Oh, ye know what places like the Raft are like, Sammie.' Rahne chuckled. 'They couldnae hold on to a football if it was glued to their hands.'

'I thought Pierce was dead.' Dani shrugged. 'Then again, guys like Pierce are too stupid to stay dead anyway.'

'He _is_ a cyborg, Dani.' Sam pointed out. 'Cyborgs can be rebuilt.'

'Wait...' Warlock held up his hand for attention. 'Do you guys hear that?'

'We don't hear anything, 'Lock.' Shan replied. 'Why, what's wrong?'

'**_MULTIPLE MUTANT SIGNATURES DETECTED! EXECUTE!_**'

The group of mutants looked up at the sound of the mechanical voices. A squad of Sentinels had appeared, seemingly out of nowhere.

'And here I was thinking that we were in for an easy mission.' Illyana sighed as she unsheathed her sword. 'Let's bring it to these robotic losers!'

A deep growl emanated from within Rahne's throat as she took on her werewolf form.

'It's clobbering time!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Reavers' Revenge- Part 2**

_As if Rahne and the other former New Mutants weren't in enough trouble with the sentinels, they then had to deal with Donald Pierce and his Reavers!_


	49. Reavers' Revenge: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 49: Reavers' Revenge- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **'I have been planning to destroy the Breakworld since I was a child... This is why I don't make so many jokes. I never know when is good.'**- Colossus (Astonishing X-Men #19)**

* * *

**Somewhere in Australia-**

'_**MUTANT SIGNATURES DETECTED! EXECUTE!'**_

The lumbering mutant-hunting robots known as the Sentinels gathered around the former New Mutants. Gradually, every killer robot held their hands palms outwards, their palm-mounted energy blasters glowing ominously.

'They're kidding, right?' Sunspot frowned. 'Do they have any idea how many of these things we and the X-Men have trashed?'

'What Ah'd like to know is how they keep getting the resources to keep building them?' Cannonball blinked.

'Maybe they won the lottery.' Magma shrugged.

The giant robots never had a chance to attack as the gathered mutants leapt forwards to defend themselves. Rahne had already changed into her transitional werewolf form and had torn open the armour plating on one of the Sentinel's arms.

'I'll no' let ye lay a hand on m' friends!' The Scottish mutant growled as she plunged a furry hand into the Sentinel's arm and started to yank out handfuls of wiring and circuitry.

'**_SYSTEM DAMAGE! UNIT IS ATTEMPTING TO COMPENSATE!' _**The Sentinel squawked as it tried to make a grab for Rahne with its undamaged arm. The Scotswoman easily avoided the attack and leapt onto the Sentinel's free arm, her canine claws enabling to keep a grip on the robot's metallic hide.

Warlock looked up at smiled proudly at the sight of his wife kicking robotic ass.

'That's my girl.'

Unfortunately, the techno-organic alien's admiration would serve to be his undoing as a Sentinel trod on him, stomping him into the ground.

'**_QUERY: UNIT SUCCESFUL IN EXTERMINATION OF EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL THREAT?'_**

The Sentinel lifted up its foot to see whether it was successful in its quest of extermination. There was a puddle of techno-organic goo right where the Sentinel had been standing.

'That was not nice. Not nice at all!'

The techno-organic blob slowly began to form into a giant Godzilla-like lizard.

'**_ALARM!' _**The Sentinel blurted. **_'UNIT DETECTS SURGE IN RADIOACTIVE ACTIVITY!'_**

'Oh, you better believe it, Ugly!' Godzilla-Warlock smirked as he opened his mouth, incinerating the Sentinel in a torrent of radioactive fire.

Nearby, the rest of Rahne's team dealt with the Sentinels in their own distinctive manner. Cannonball flew straight through the giant robots, his indestructible force field protecting him from harm.

'YEEEEEEEE-**_HAH!_**' The Kentucky-born mutant whooped. Sunspot grabbed the Sentinels' feet and tossed them aside like they were sacks of potatoes.

'Yeah! Who else wants some?!' The rich Brazilian grinned arrogantly. Magma opened fissures in the ground which belched forth searing lava, instantly melting her cybernetic foes.

'They should spend more time improving these things. Then we'd have a challenge for once.' The Nova Roman woman chuckled.Illyana added her two cents by slicing and dicing the killer robots with her shiny new sword, cursing them out in her native Russian. That just left Doug, Dani, and Shan. Their powers wouldn't have been much use against the hoard of robots, so they were relegated to the sidelines. That was until Warlock decided to go 'Old School' and bonded with his former best friend.

Doug grinned within his techno-organic suit of armour.

'Heh. Just like old times.' The former New Mutant known as Cypher grinned as he formed a huge energy cannon in his hands.

'You know, I usually leave this kind of intimacy to my bedroom antics with the missus.' Warlock quipped as the combined pair blasted away at the remaining Sentinels.

'You're not helping, 'Lock.' Doug tutted as he blew a great big hole in the last remaining Sentinel. 'You know, you never used to have such a rude sense of humour.'

With the Sentinels defeated, Warlock separated himself from Doug.

'Times change, Selfriend.' The techno-organic alien teased his former partner-in-heroism.

* * *

**A little later-**

Once Rahne and her team were sure that the Sentinels had been defeated, they travelled onwards to the town that the Reavers used as their secret hideaway. The gang of mutant were able to enter the Reavers' inner sanctum with disturbing ease. It was almost as if the Reavers _wanted _them to come into their lair.

'Ah don't like this.' Cannonball shook his head. 'Ah don't like this at all. This whole thing stinks of trouble.'

'We have to carry on with the mission, Sammie.' Dani pointed out. 'Even though we beat the Sentinels, who can say that the Reavers aren't going to follow?'

'There's somebody here.' Illyana warned the others as she picked up a half-eaten candy bar and took a bite. 'Mmm, this candy bar is still edible. The Reavers must have skipped out of here recently.'

'So, what's the what, boss?' Sunspot turned to Rahne. 'Wait... Am I the only one that still feels weird about calling _Rahne _the boss?'

'Hey, if she wants the job, let her do it.' Amara shrugged.

'It's not you, 'Berto.' Illyana shook her head. 'I still can't get over the fact that she's married with children.'

'Wait, my sensors have detected something...' Warlock held up his hand to silence the group. A little radar dish on his shoulder was spinning wildly. 'Somebody just teleported downstairs.'

'Then it looks like the Reavers are home.' Shan nodded in understanding. 'Fresh from yet another robbery, no doubt.'

'Then let's go say welcome them back.' Rahne growled with an evil grin as she led her team onwards.

* * *

**Several levels down-**

A blond-haired man with numerous cybernetic implants all over his body muttered a curse as he watched security footage showing the destruction of his pet Sentinels.

'Dammit!' Donald Pierce growled in frustration, punching a hole in the video monitor. 'Curse those mutants! Cole! Macon! Reece! Bonebreaker! Skullbuster! Get in here!'

A sunglasses-wearing guy with tank treads for legs rolled into the room, followed by several other cybernetic soldiers.

'But we just got back from a job, boss.' The Reaver known as Bonecrusher (the guy with the tank treads for legs) complained. 'Don't we at least get a little downtime first?'

Pierce swatted his lackey to the ground with a swipe of one cybernetic hand.

'Bonecrusher, you are a fool!' Pierce sneered. 'I should never have bothered to rebuild you!'

'I ain't got no problem with killing a few more muties, boss.' An African-American guy with a green visor on top of his numerous implants. 'Just give us the word and me, Reese, and Macon'll happily take 'em out for ya.'

'Thank you, Cole.' Pierce nodded. 'It's nice to see that somebody still remembers why we're all here.'

Cole cocked his gun and was about to lead the rest of the Reavers out of the room when he was knocked off his feet by a beam of energy. Reese and Macon gawked at the sight of the all too familiar figure standing over the newly-perforated carcass of their teammate.

'Wait, what's the Governor of California doin' here?' Reese blinked in surprise.

'Who cares?' Macon sneered as he aimed his gun at the intruder. 'Let's take him out!'

'Hasta la vista, baby!' Terminator-Warlock smirked as he opened fire on the two Reavers.

'No! No! No!' Pierce howled, clasping his hands to his head in disbelief. 'This isn't supposed to happen! _We're_ supposed to be killing _you!'_

Terminator-Warlock them aimed his gun at Pierce.

'You're terminated, sucker!'

Unfortunately, Skullbuster was ready to defend his leader. The skull-masked cyborg knocked Warlock to the floor with one blow from his mighty piston piledriver legs.

'Ha! Yer not so cocky now, are ya, boy?'

'I'm not alone, doofus!' Warlock smirked as he saw a pair of yellow eyes shine in the darkness. 'I'd like to introduce you to my always-lovely wife...'

'_Rrrrraaaawrrr!_'

Skullbuster turned around just in time to see an irate werewolf pounce on him.

Pierce started to back away. but found his escape blocked by Cannonball and the rest of the former New Mutants.

'Donald Pierce, we'd like to have a word with you...'

* * *

**Later-**

The Reavers had been defeated, and the team were on their way home. Magma had made sure to melt the Reavers' remains down so that there was no way for them to rebuild themselves. Unfortunately, everybody's bright mood was soon going to be spoilt. A flashing light on the Blackbird's control panel notified Rahne that there was an incoming message from somebody back at the X-Mansion.

'Hi Scott, what's up?' The redheaded werewolf grinned as she pressed a button to talk to the leader of the X-Men.

'Rahne... I'm afraid that I have bad news...' Scott's nervous voice explained. 'It's Cameron Hodge. He's back!' The other New Mutants' jaws dropped.

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Payback Time!**

_Rahne wreaks powerful vengeance upon Cameron Hodge. But how did the guy come back to life in the first place?_


	50. Payback Time: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 50: Payback Time- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Blackbird-**

Rahne's team sat in silence as one of the X-Men's hi-tech jets flew through the sky. They had just received word that Cameron Hodge, and old enemy of Rahne and co back when they were New Mutants, had reappeared. The news had chilled Rahne straight to the bone. Back when Hodge had set up shop in Genosha, his Magistrates had kidnapped the New Mutants. Even though the X-Men and X-Factor had successfully defeated Hodge and his lackeys, the forces of good didn't leave without casualties. Rahne had been trapped in the form of a Mutate, while Warlock's sacrificed his last remaining life energies to allow his teammates to escape, leaving the techno-organic alien inert.

The various X-Teams next encountered Hodge when he had become a member of the Phalanx during the incident known as the Phalanx Covenant. They thought that Hodge had died for good then. Apparently, the process wasn't permanent.

Warlock looked over at his wife, a concerned look on his face. He had never seen Rahne so determined. The Scotswoman had barely said anything since Cyclops had reported in with the news.

'Rahne, we can beat this.' Warlock told his wife. 'Hodge couldn't possibly beat us all. He's nothing. He's just a narrow-minded bigot that's too stupid to stay dead.'

Rahne just looked back at her techno-organic husband, not saying a single word.

A short distance away, near the back of the Blackbird, Doug Ramsey nestled a gun that he had liberated from the Reavers' stronghold on his lap. The mutant known as Cypher also had history with Hodge, albeit indirectly.

Several years ago, back in the old days, Cameron Hodge was the leader of a mutant hating group called The Right. One of the group's scientists was a man known as the Ani-Mator. He experimented on mutant animals. One such creature was a half-bird creature known as Bird Brain. Bird Brain escaped from the Ani-Mator and ended up befriending the New Mutants. Upon learning where the bird creature came from, and that there were more creatures like him in captivity, the New Mutants set off to rescue them. During a fight with the New Mutants, the mutant animals, the Ani-Mator and Hodge's troops, Doug was shot and killed.

Illyana noticed Doug's solemn expression and leant over to comfort him.

'Hey there studly, penny for your thoughts?'

Doug looked up at Illyana and blinked in surprise.

'Wait... What did you just call me?'

'Nothing.' Illyana smiled innocently. 'I was just asking you whether you wanted to talk about whatever's on your mind. Dying isn't a pleasant feeling. Trust me, I know. We all have business with Hodge. Well, everybody except Amara. She was off in Nova Roman making kissy-face with that jerk Empath. Shan was off somewhere looking after the twins. But you know what I mean.'

'Was there a point that you wanted to get to?' Doug sighed, not really in the mood. 'Or were you just planning to blather on some more?'

'My point is that we're going to kick Hodge's ass.' Illyana explained. 'We're going to make him wish that he stayed dead. Just look at all of the badass powers we've got here. Rahne's a werewolf, Warlock's got his techno-organic shapeshifting thing, Amara does volcanoes, 'Berto's super-strong, Dani can bring people's nightmares to life, Shan can possess them, Sam's got his biopropellant farting powers going on, and I'm a chick with a sword.'

'And I've got language powers and a gun.' Doug pointed out. 'Oh God, I'm going to die again, aren't I?'

'Hey, don't get all maudlin on me now, Ramsey...' Illyana put a comforting hand on her friend's knee. 'You never used to be a pessimist.'

'Times change, Illyana.' Doug sighed. 'I don't even know why I came here with you guys. It's not like my powers will do any good. What could I possibly do to Hodge? Translate him to death?'

'You've got a gun.' Illyana pointed out. 'Pop a cap in his mutant-hating ass.'

'I don't even know how to _use_ a gun!' Doug shook his head. 'I've never even touched one before, let alone shot one.'

'You know, you're pretty damn cute when you're wallowing in self-pity.' Illyana chuckled, a weird sort of half-smile on her face.

Doug blinked in surprise. Did he just hear that right?

'Did you just call me... cute?'

'Uh-huh.' Illyana nodded. 'What do you say we go and grab something to eat if and when we survive this mission?'

Doug could hardly believe his eyes. Illyana Rasputin was asking him out on a date!

'Uh... Okay. Sure.' Doug smiled slightly. 'I just hope that your brother doesn't get mad.'

'That's my boy.' Illyana patted her blond companion on the knee. 'And don't you worry about Piotr. I have him wrapped around my little finger.'

Unknown to the two mutants, Roberto had been watching everything that had been going on. If a nerd like Doug Ramsey could bag a hottie like Illyana, then surely doing the same would be a pushover for a stud muffin like Roberto DaCosta. Smirking confidently, the Brazilian mutant leant over to try his luck with Amara.

'Not on your life, Roberto.' The blonde Nova Roman butted in before he could even say anything.

Roberto sunk back into his seat and started to sulk. Nobody said no to Roberto DaCosta. Nobody!

* * *

**Utah-**

Rahne's team followed the directions to Hodge's hideout that Cyclops had given them and had ended up in the middle of nowhere in an decommissioned army base somewhere in Utah. The whole place was surrounded by electric fences and sentry towers shining spotlights on the ground below them. Gaining entry into the place would be no easy task.

The team were hiding in the undergrowth around the complex while Rahne was giving them their orders.

'Warlock, you take care o' the guards up in that tower.' Rahne instructed her team. 'Then it's down to Amara and Roberto to create a distraction so the rest o' us can get inside. We'll meet up again once we get inside.'

'Got it, boss.' Roberto nodded in understanding. 'C'mon Amara, let's go do our thing.'

'Just as long as you don't try to hit on me again.' The lava-manipulating mutant woman glared. 'We have more important things to be concerned with.'

Thankfully for Amara, Roberto kept quiet as they went off to take care of their part of the plan.

'See you inside.' Warlock smiled at his wife. 'And don't do anything foolish, okay? I don't think that life as a single parent would suit me.'

'Just get going, ye silly sod.' Rahne smiled gently. 'The sooner ye take care o' those guards, the sooner you can read the triplets their bedtime story.'

And with that, the team split up to do their thing.

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Payback Time- Part 2**

_The Uncanny New Mutants take the fight to Cameron Hodge. Who will end up returning home in one piece, and who will return home in a body bag? Tune in next time to find out..._


	51. Payback Time: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 51: Payback Time- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Somewhere in Utah-**

In an old decommissioned army base somewhere in Utah, the mutant-hating group known as The Right had set up shop. Once again, The Right was under the command of Cameron Hodge. The funny thing was that Hodge should have been dead. Several times over, as a matter of fact. The first time that Hodge 'died' was when a vengeful Archangel decapitated him with his metal wings. The second time was after a battle with the X-Men, X-Factor and the New Mutants. He was left buried under some collapsed buildings. The third, and most recent, time was when he ha become one with the Phalanx. He had seemingly perished when the would-be alien invaders' citadel was destroyed. Nobody knew why or how Hodge came to be alive once more. The Right didn't care, they were just happy to have a strong leader once more.

Unfortunately for The Right, the mutants that they were so intent on destroying were already aware of Hodge's return and had come to make sure that he stayed dead.

The techno-organic mutant known as Warlock had assumed the shape of a spider and was climbing up the side of one of the sentry towers surrounding the complex. It was his job to take out the guards so his team-mates could make their way inside and take Hodge out for good.

Warlock climbed over the edge of the sentry tower and crept up towards the two guards within.

'I wish that Hodge would hurry up with this new campaign of terror…' One of the guards grumbled impatiently, unconsciously tightening his grip on his assault rifle. 'While we're here sitting on our hands, all those damn muties are running free! I wanna take out some mutie scum already!'

'Hey, do you wanna get killed?' The other guard hissed. 'Cuz that's what'll happen if Hodge hears you. You're gonna get yourself killed if you're not careful.'

'I'd listen to your buddy if I were you…' Warlock advised the first guard as he returned to his normal form. The guards just stood there dumbstruck at the sight of the alien's sudden arrival.

'Oh, good.' Warlock smiled. 'You're too dumbstruck to raise the alarm. Which makes my job an awful lot better…'

Warlock then morphed his arms into giant knives and stabbed both guards through the chest.

'Well, that's the guards taken care of…' Warlock said as his arms returned to normal. 'Now I just have to wait for Amara and 'Berto's distraction…'

* * *

**Later-**

Amara and Roberto soon came through on their plan for a distraction, which mainly consisted of blowing up a truck with a magma blast. With that taken care of, the former New Mutants then proceeded to storm The Right's complex.

The Right weren't prepared for just a savage attack so soon after Hodge's return. The Right's goons had barely been able to grab their weapons before the team of mutants were upon them. No matter how well-armed The Right was, they were no match for the might of the X-Men!

'Ha! I Haven't had this much fun since I was one of Apocalypse's Horsemen!' Illyana laughed as she sliced and diced any goons that were stupid enough to try and stop her.

'Weren't you kind of evil back then?' Doug pointed out as he slammed one goon in the face with the butt of his rifle.

'Meh. Details.' Illyana shrugged as she ran another hapless goon through. 'I'm not going to get in trouble for this now, so it's all good.'

'Does anybody even _know_ where Hodge is?' Roberto inquired as he tossed more goons about like rag dolls. 'Not that I'm not enjoying kicking the asses of these losers, but shouldn't we get this over and done with soon?'

'Ah'm sure that one of these goons will be happy enough to tell us all we know.' Sam reassured his teammate as he blasted through yet more goons, sending them scattering like dominos. 'That's if any of 'em are left alive to talk.'

'They would not have any mercy for us, Sam.' Amara pointed out. 'Neither will we have any mercy for them! It is kill or be killed.'

'Where's Rahne gotten to anyway?' Dani noticed as she threw one goon against the wall. 'Surely she'd want to be in on this fight too.'

'Come to think of it, where has Warlock gone?' Shan frowned as she kicked more goons in the gut.

'Maybe they've found out where Hodge has hidden himself.' Illyana suggested as she attempted to wipe away some blood that had splattered on her pristine white uniform. 'Damn. I knew I shouldn't have worn white. By the time this fight's finished, I'm going to look like I had an accident with a load of paint.'

'Well, ah guess that's the most of the goons taken out.' Sam breathed a sigh of relief as the last gun-toting bigot fell. 'Ah say that we go find Rahne and 'Lock before they get themselves into trouble that they can't get themselves out of…'

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

While the rest of the team took out the gun-toting goons, Rahne and Warlock were on the trail of Cameron Hodge himself. Warlock's sensors had detected Hodge's location as soon as the X-Men had entered the complex. The unusual thing was that he hadn't even made a move to escape, as you would have expected. Either Hodge had seriously overestimated the might of his goons, or he was waiting for Rahne and Warlock to walk straight in to a trap.

'Hodge is just at the end of this corridor, my love.' Warlock told his wife. 'Now, are you sure you don't want me to come in there with you? Taking Hodge down isn't going to be easy.'

'This is between me and Hodge.' Rahne responded. 'And I intend tae make sure that he stays dead this time.'

Warlock just nodded silently. Both he and his wife had history with Hodge dating back to when he had sequestered himself in Genosha and had attempted to execute the X-Men for being spies. Hodge had changed Rahne into a Mutate and Warlock had expended all of his life energy in an escape attempt.

The pair stopped by the door that would lead them in to the room that Hodge was hiding in.

'My sensors don't detect any traps or any other people hiding inside.' Warlock explained. 'Hodge is all alone.'

'Good.' Rahne nodded in understanding. 'You wait out here and let the others know what's going on, okay?' Warlock nodded in response.

'You be careful in there, okay?' Warlock asked. 'And give Hodge a kick in the head for me…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Payback Time- Part 3**

_Rahne takes on Cameron Hodge. Two people enter, but only one shall leave. Which one will it be? Tune in next time to find out…_


	52. Payback Time: Part 3

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 52: Payback Time- Part 3**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Somewhere in Utah-**

Rahne slowly entered into Cameron Hodge's inner sanctum, her lupine senses ready for the slightest sign of danger. The red-haired mutant wasn't getting anything from all this bloodshed that her team had wrought against the Right, she just wanted to get it all over and done with so she could go home and spend some time with her children. It almost seemed like Rahne had hardly spent any time with the triplets. The Scottish mutant made a mental note to remedy that. When she got home, she was going to step down from leading her team so she could spend some time with her family. Sam could take over as leader while she was gone.

Rahne was brought out of her thoughts when she noticed that something wasn't quite right about the room that she was standing in. She should have been met with a hail of gunfire, or something. The blindingly-white room was practically bare. The only thing inside the room, apart from Rahne herself, was a black desk and a swivelling chair with its back to her.

Rahne walked over to the swivelling chair and spun it around so she could see who was sitting there. The sight that greeted the redheaded werewolf made her step back in surprise. The person that was sitting in the chair was Cameron Hodge, or at least somebody that used to be Cameron Hodge. The person smelled like they had been dead for some time.

'I was wondering when you muties would get here…' The decayed Hodge croaked hoarsely.

Rahne just gawked in shock. The decaying corpse sitting in the chair was actually alive? How could that be?

'What, no witty repartee?' The half-dead Hodge attempted to laugh, but only succeeded in sending a course of hacking coughs through what remained of his body. 'You disappoint me, Ms Sinclair.'

Rahne finally managed to find her voice.

'How…?'

'That's something that I'd like to know myself.' Hodge rasped. 'I don't know why they didn't leave me to rest in peace.'

'Who do ye mean by _they?_' Rahne blinked.

'Why, the Right, of course.' Hodge responded. 'They needed a strong leader, so they brought me back from the dead. The dark arts are a wondrous thing, you know.'

'Ye know that I've come to stop ye.' Rahne told her foe. 'Those of yuir soldiers that haven't already ran away are dead, or dying.'

'Hmm, yes, I know.' Hodge nodded. 'You know, Ms Sinclair, I would have never thought you to be a person that liked needless bloodshed. I thought that the X-Men frowned upon such things.'

'I'm only doing it to protect my family from monsters like you.' Rahne snarled.

'Then why don't you do it?' Hodge challenged her. 'Go on, kill me! Make this all end now!'

Rahne reached out with a clawed hand, intending to tear out Hodge's throat, but pulled back before she made the killing blow.

'Just as I thought.' Hodge snorted in derision. 'You're afraid.'

'Do ye want to _see_ fear?' Rahne growled once more. 'Then I'll show ye what being afraid is _really_ like!'

'Oh, _please!_' Hodge rolled his eyes. 'Enough with the hyperbole. You don't have it in you to kill me, Ms Sinclair. You're not a killer. You're just a meek little girl that's afraid of who she is. No matter how much to try to hide it, that's exactly who you are.'

Rahne clamped a furry hand around Hodge's throat and shoved him up against the wall.

'People change, Hodge!' Rahne snarled angrily. 'I'm no' a little girl any more! I'm a grown woman. I've changed, unlike you! Yuir still a hateful little peace o' scum!'

Hodge just laughed back in Rahne's face.

'You keep telling yourself that, my dear.' The undead bigot taunted her. 'The truth is painful, isn't it?'

Rahne threw Hodge across the room with all the lupine strength that she could muster.

'I've killed lots o' people here today…' The redhead told her prey. 'I'm sure that one more wilnae hurt…'

* * *

**Outside-**

Warlock waited nervously as Rahne did her thing with Hodge. The techno-organic alien hoped that his wife was going to be okay. Hodge's return had shook the Scotswoman to her core. She had suffered at his hands, it was something that she still refused to talk about. The Mutate process was not a pleasant thing.

Warlock was brought out of his daze when he heard the rest of the team approach.

'Lock! Where's Rahne?' Sam asked as he ran up with the rest of the former New Mutants. 'Y'all didn't let her go inside, did you?'

'She insisted, Sam.' Warlock sighed heavily. 'You know how stubborn Rahne can get sometimes.'

'Are y'all mad?' Sam spluttered in disbelief. 'She could be getting herself killed in there!'

'If you want to step between an angry werewolf and her prey, then you can be my guest, buddy.' Roberto shook her head.

'Besides…' Amara chipped in. 'Rahne is our leader, and we must follow her orders.'

The discussion was cut short as the door swung open and a blood-covered Rahne strode out. The former New Mutants were taken back at the sight of the blood-stained redhead. Doug was the first one to break the silence.

'Did you… you know…?'

'He wasnae worth my time.' Rahne answered simply, not even turning to look at Doug. 'I had him in my hands, but I couldnae do it. I'm just fed up o' all the killing.'

'It looks like he's half-dead, anyway.' Illyana covered her mouth with her sleeve as she peered into the room and took a look at the thoroughly beaten Hodge. 'Do you want me to finish him off? Make sure he's dead?'

'Do whatever ye want.' Rahne shrugged as she began to walk away. 'It doesnae make any difference to me.'

Warlock started after his wife.

'Rahne, hey, wait up!' the techno-organic alien tried to catch his wife's attention. Thankfully, she stopped. Rahne's shoulders slumped before she turned to regard her husband.

'I'm tired, 'Lock.' Rahne sighed heavily. 'I just want tae go home and see my children.'

Warlock nodded in understanding. Now wasn't the time for talking. It had been a busy time for the former New Mutants. They all needed a rest and some time off. It would take Cameron Hodge and the Right some time to recover from the beating that the team of mutants gave them. Mutantkind could rest easy for the moment.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Time Off**

_Rahne and Warlock take some time off from X-Men business and spend a little time with their children._


	53. Time Off

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 53: Time Off**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Rahne Sinclair walked along the path that led to the lake that bordered the edge of the Xavier Institute's land. The redheaded Scotswoman was off on a picnic with her family and some friends. It had been such a stressful time for the young mutant woman that it was decided that Rahne should take some time off from X-Men business. Sam Guthrie and Dani Moonstar had taken up leadership of the team for the moment, just like they did back in the old days, when they had first become students.

'Seth, stop bothering yuir father.' Rahne told one of her children, who was in his lupine form running around Warlock's feet trying to jump up at get whatever was in the picnic basket that the techno-organic alien was carrying. 'Ye can have something to eat once we get to the lake.'

'But I want something now…' Seth whined as he changed back to normal. 'I'm hungry.'

'Then you should have had breakfast.' Warlock told his son. 'We bought you that special cereal that you like, and you didn't want it. It's your own fault that you're hungry.'

Seth just sulked and scraped his foot in the dirt.

'Dinnae do that…' Rahne sighed. 'Ye'll get yuir new shoes dirty.'

'Never get to do anything…' Seth grumbled as he purposefully walked slowly behind the group.

'Seth, come on!' Moira Junior called to her bother. 'We're going swimming!'

'Swimming's stupid.' Seth retorted. 'And you're stupid too!'

'Mum, Seth's being mean!' Moira Junior told her mother.

'Just ignore him, sweetie.' Rahne responded. 'He's just in one of his moods. He'll come along once he gets bored.'

'That's if the monsters dinnae get him first…' Moira Senior grinned conspiratorially.

'Monsters?' Little Doug, the smallest of the Sinclair Triplets, blinked fearfully.

The elder Scotswoman gave her grandson a reassuring smile.

'There arenae any monsters in the woods…' Moira whispered. 'But your brother doesnae know that, does he?'

'I hear that the monsters eat naughty little children.' Warlock chipped in. 'Especially the kind get lost in the woods.'

Seth stopped in his tracks and looked at the dark woods around him. The tree branches looked like they were reaching out to grab him like skeletal limbs.

'I don't wanna be eaten!' Seth whimpered as he ran to catch up with the rest of the group. Rahne just smiled at that. Her son was so predictable.

* * *

**The lakeside, a little while later-**

Everybody had made it to the lake without ending up as a monster's dinner. Rahne had laid out a blanket on the ground so everybody could sit down while Warlock took out all of the goodies.

'May I have a Scotch egg, please, mum?' Little Moira asked politely as he held out a paper plate with a half-eaten sandwich crust on it.

'Sure ye can, lass.' Rahne smiled as she passed her daughter half of a boiled egg covered with sausage meat and breadcrumbs.

'Gimmie!' Seth butted in as he swiped the Scotch egg from his sister.

'Seth!' Little Moira yelped in surprise. 'Give it back!'

'No!' Seth retorted as he stuck his tongue out an blew a raspberry.

'Give it back!' Moira growled. 'I mean it!'

Seth laughed nastily as he poked his sister on the shoulder. That was the last straw for the eldest Sinclair Triplet. Hair started to spout over the little girl's features as she transformed into her lupine form.

'Moira, be careful!' Rahne grimaced as her daughter's pretty little dress ripped as she changed shape. 'That dress was expensive…'

Moira ignored her mother's pleas as she dashed after her brother, intent on taking his head off.

'This kinda makes me glad that ah don't have kids.' Sam commented as he picked a watermelon seed out of his teeth with a toothpick.

'What, don't you and Lila ever plan on having kids?' Dani asked. 'Or is it and Tabitha?'

'Who are you going out with nowadays, anyway?' Warlock snickered. 'I've lost count.'

'Oh, ha, ha.' Sam rolled his eyes. 'Y'all are real funny. For your information, ah'm still goin' out with Lila... Ah think.'

'It's lucky that ye dinnae have kids, Sam.' Sean smiled. 'Knowing the Guthrie genes, ye'll most probably end up wi' an army of sprogs.'

'I'd better go after Seth and Moira.' Rahne sighed as she stood up and dusted some crumbs off herself. 'God knows what sort of trouble they've gotten themselves into now…'

Warlock chuckled slightly as he watched his wife walk away.

'And here I was thinking that this was supposed to be a nice relaxing day…'

* * *

**A short time later-**

Rahne had returned with her two errant children without too much fuss. Seth had been told off for stealing his sister's Scotch egg, while Moira had been told off for attacking her brother. Even if he did deserve it. Rahne wouldn't allow her children to fight each other.

Rahne was in the lake with Little Moira, teaching her to swim. The mutant werewolf needn't have bothered because, as soon as Moira had jumped into the water, the little girl had started to swim like a veteran. She really was a quick learner.

Doug, meanwhile was standing on the bank of the lake watching the waves splash onto the land.

'Don't you want to join your mum and sister?' Warlock asked his son. 'They look like they're having fun.'

'Nuh-uh.' Doug shook his head and hugged his father's leg. 'There's sharks in there. Seth says so.'

'Seth's just making that up.' Warlock comforted his youngest child. 'There aren't any sharks in the lake. It's far too small. Sharks need lots of room to swim and lots of stuff to eat, right?'

Doug nodded in reply.

'Well, the lake doesn't have enough food in there for a shark to eat.' Warlock explained. 'Besides, it's fresh water, and sharks only live in salt water.'

Doug still hadn't budged. The poor little guy was scared. Warlock knelt down to talk to his son eye-to-eye.

'Okay, what if I morphed into a boat or something?' The techno-organic alien suggested. 'That would protect you, wouldn't it? Not that there's anything to be afraid of in there. Now, what do you say? Do you want to go join your mum and sister?'

'Okay…' A still-timid Doug nodded.

'That's my man.' Warlock smiled as he morphed into a raft. Doug clambered inside and they headed off into the water.

Seth sat on the picnic blanket with the others. He was still in trouble for stealing food from the others. The Sinclairs' middle child sat there and scowled at everybody having fun in the lake. Everybody was having fun but him. It just wasn't fair!

'Swimming's stupid.' Seth grumbled to himself. 'Everybody's stupid. Moira's stupid. Doug's stupid…'

'Now, Seth, dinnae be like that…' Moira Senior told her grandson. 'If ye keep on being grumpy, ye wilnae ever be able tae have fun. Ye dinnae want that, do ye? Do ye want tae be a grumpy old man f'r the rest of yuir life?'

'No…' Seth sighed heavily. 'I'll be good.'

'There's a good lad.' Moira smiled as she ruffled the little boy's hair. 'Now, what do ye say that we have a look at what else yuir mum packed in the hamper?'

'Steak?' Seth asked hopefully.

'Seth, ye know that yuir mum left that f'r dinner tonight.' Moira responded.

'Cookies?' Seth asked again.

'Ye ate all of the cookies before we even got here.' Moira pointed out.

'Steak?' Seth asked once more. Moira just shook her head at that.

'Aye, Seth. Steak.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Do You Feel Lucky?**

_Illyana Rasputin and Doug Ramsey head off for a date. Unfortunately, Garrison Kane, Thunderbird, Black Tom Cassidy, and Trevor Fitzroy, Apocalypse's new Horsemen, may just end up spoiling it._


	54. Do You Feel Lucky?: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 53: Do You Feel Lucky?- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__So… Humans have easily injured knees… My race will find this information very useful indeed! Muhuhahahaha!'_**- Morbo the News Monster (Futurama)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

The Russian mutant known as Illyana Rasputin was in her bedroom preparing for a date she was going on with Doug Ramsey. Illyana's best friend Kitty Pryde was also in the room with her. Illyana and Kitty had hardly spent any time together since the blonde young woman had come back from the dead, and how better to get to know another again than helping a friend prepare for a date?

'Oh, God, I'm so nervous…' Illyana exhaled anxiously. 'I've never even been on a date before. Not even in the old days.'

'Hey, sit down and compose yourself, 'Yana.' Kitty advised her friend. 'It's not like it's the end of the world. Hey, it's only a date with Doug.'

'That's why I'm worried.' Illyana responded. 'What if something goes wrong? Something always goes wrong whenever the X-Men go out on dates.'

'That isn't true.' Kitty countered. 'Why, the last time Piotr and I went on a date…'

'You were kidnapped by Arcade.' Illyana finished for her friend.

'Yeah, you're right.' Kitty shook her head sadly. 'You're doomed.'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

A short distance away, in another bedroom in the Institute, Doug Ramsey was preparing for the date as well. He was accompanied by the techno-organic alien known as Warlock. Just like Illyana and Kitty, Doug and Warlock had been best friends once upon a time. They also had little time to catch up since the former had returned. The fact that Warlock was now married with children cut back on their hanging out time.

'Lock, can I ask you something personal?' Doug looked at his alien friend as he put on his finest shoes.

'Sure, go ahead.' Warlock nodded. 'You can ask me anything.'

'Is me being back awkward for you and Rahne?' Doug enquired. 'I mean, what with our history together and all.'

'If it was awkward, I wouldn't be here helping you prepare, would I?' Warlock pointed out. 'Besides, Rahne's a married woman now. That isn't something that you take lightly.'

'Do you think Illyana will like this shirt?' Doug asked as he showed his old friend the clothes he was wearing. 'I mean, I'm not exactly the most fashion conscious person, but this does seem pretty stylish, right?'

'Buddy, Illyana would be happy if you were wearing a potato sack.' Warlock explained. 'Stop worrying so much, everything will be fine.'

'Famous last words.' Doug sighed heavily as he picked up his coat on the way to the door. 'Well, it's now or never…'

* * *

**Downstairs-**

Doug and Warlock were standing in the main hallway of the mansion as they waited for Illyana to finish getting ready.

'Geez, Ill never understand why it takes women so long to get ready for a night out.' The blond translator fidgeted nervously.

'That's another one of life's little mysteries, my friend.' Warlock gave his friend a gentle pat on the back.

Doug and Warlock both turned around as they heard somebody walking down the stairs behind them. It was Kitty.

'Illyana's just fixing her hair, Dougie…' The X-Woman known as Shadowcat reported. 'She shouldn't be much longer.'

Doug leant back nervously as Kitty turned serious.

'If you put one finger wrong with Illyana, then I will beat you to death with a shovel.'

Doug just blinked at Kitty in confusion. The brunette young woman's face then turned back to normal.

'Okay, a casual warning is nobody's friend.'

'No kidding.' Warlock grimaced.

Thankfully, Doug was spared any more embarrassment as Illyana made her way down the stairs. Doug's mouth fell open at the sight. The blonde mutant girl was dressed in a slinky black dress and had her golden locks piled atop her head.

'Wow… You're… I mean… Wow.' Doug stammered.

'I can translate drooling man talk.' Kitty smiled at the Russian mutant. 'I think what Doug is saying is that you look wonderful.'

Doug finally managed to remember how to talk as he offered Illyana his arm.

'Are you ready to go?' He asked.

'As ready as I'll ever be.' Illyana nodded.

'Here, take my coat…' Doug offered as he put his coat around his date's shoulders. 'It's cold out.'

Illyana smiled in thanks and wrapped herself in the coat. It felt really warm. It smelled like it had just been washed as well. Illyana loved the smell of freshly washed clothes. The blonde mutant then took Doug's arm and allowed herself to be led outside. Once they had gone, a tearful Kitty turned to regard Warlock.

'They grow up so quickly, don't they?' Kitty sniffled. Warlock just rolled his eyes and handed Kitty a box of tissues. The young woman took one and blew her nose in a rather unwomanly fashion.

_**Hoooooonnnnnnk!**_

'Thanks.' Kitty handed back the dripping napkin.

* * *

**Salem Centre- A little later-**

Doug and Illyana were now walking arm-in-arm down the street. The date was going great. They had just been to see a movie and were on their way to the nearest diner for something to eat.

'Wow, the night has been great so far, Dougie.' Illyana smiled as she lay her head on her date's shoulder. 'Now I know what I was missing back in the old days. I feel pretty guilty about how I saw you. I just thought that you were a big dork.'

'Hey, we're all entitled to our opinions.' Doug shrugged. 'To tell you the truth, I used to find you pretty intimidating, what with that Darkchylde thing you had going on.'

'Yeah, I guess guys find a woman with horns, a pointy tail and cloven hooves pretty freaky.' Illyana nodded in understanding. 'There's no need to be scared now, though. I'm not the Darkchylde any more. Hell, I'm not even Magik.'

'So what are you going to call yourself?' Doug asked. 'Every superhero needs a name.'

'Well, I can't use my old codename, that's for sure.' Illyana frowned. 'I lost all my magic skills when I reverted to childhood during all that stuff with the demon invasion of New York. Now all I can do is conjure my sword. I'm not even sure if it's my Soul Sword or just a regular sword that Apocalypse gave me when he brought me back to life and made me one of his Horsemen.'

The pair stopped outside the diner that they were intending to eat inside. Doug made a move to escort Illyana inside when the whole building erupted in a giant fireball, knocking them both to the ground.

Doug got up to his feet slowly.

'Illyana, where are you? Are you okay?'

'I'm afraid that yuir wee lassie cannae hear ye, boyo.' An evil irish voice laughed. Doug watched as his attackers made themselves known. One person who was speaking to him was dressed in a black-and-red costume with a high collar and a neatly-trimmed black beard. Doug recognised him from the X-Men's files. It was Black Tom Cassidy.

Accompanying Black Tom was a man with wavy brown hair and goatee. He wearing a uniform in the same style as Black Tom Cassidy. Doug recognised him as Trevor Fitzroy, a mutant criminal from the same alternate future that Bishop originated from.

Also with Black Tom and Fitzroy were garrison Kane and Thunderbird, a former member of the Weapon-X Project with cybernetic arms, and an Apache former member X-Man who had died on their very first mission.

'What have you done with Illyana, you bastards?' Doug demanded.

'It's like ol' Tom says, kid…' Fitzroy snickered as he indicated the Irish mutant with a jerk of his thumb. 'Your little girlfriend can't hear you.'

Thunderbird pulled an unconscious Illyana up by her hair. Kane shook his head with mock sadness.

'Kid, it seems like she came down with an unfortunate case of death. Now, get out of here while you still can. Our quarrel isn't with you. Apocalypse only wanted us to take down this little traitor.'

'I'm not going anywhere.' Doug retorted angrily. 'I'm going to make you pay for what you did to Illyana!'

'Yeah, I'm sure you will.' Thunderbird snorted in derision. 'We're all quaking in our boots, squirt.'

Kane looked to his fellow Horsemen.

'Well, if the kid wants a fight, what do you guys say we give him one?' The cybernetic ally-enhanced mercenary asked.

'It barely seems fair tae fight somebody without any discernable powers.' Black Tom shrugged. 'But then, since when have I ever cared about playin' fair?'

**TBC…**

* * *

Next: Do You Feel Lucky?- Part 2 

_Will Doug be able to take on the Four Horsemen of Apocalypse all on his own? Is Illyana really dead? Tune in next time to find out…_


	55. Do You Feel Lucky?: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 55: Do You Feel Lucky?- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **'Back off, man; I'm a scientist.'- **Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters)**

* * *

**Salem Centre-**

Doug Ramsey wasn't having a very good night. Sure, the night turned out nice enough, what with his date with Illyana. Unfortunately, fate seems to make a habit of kicking the X-Men in the head when they least expect it. The new Horsemen of Apocalypse had attacked the pair, leaving Illyana for dead.

Doug had taken shelter behind an upturned car while he tried to think of some way to beat the bad guys.

'Crap. Crap. Crap.' Doug cursed to himself as he wracked his brain for an idea. 'What am I gonna do? My mutant powers aren't going to be any use! What am I going to do, talk Japanese to them? I can't do anything on my own. I'll have to call the others…'

Doug reached into his pocket for his cell phone, but there wasn't anything there. His phone must have fallen out of his pocket when the Horsemen first attacked.

'Hey, what's the matter, laddie?' Black Tom Cassidy called over. 'There's no need t' be scared. I wilnae hurt ye. Much.'

'Quit messing around, runt!' Thunderbird added. 'You're only delaying the inevitable. Come out now and you'll die quick.'

'Why don't _you_ come over _here_?' Doug retorted. 'Then _your_ death will be quick!'

'Aww, screw this…' The Apache mutant grumbled. 'I'm going over there myself. I'm tired of waiting.'

Doug looked around him for something that he could use as a weapon. He searched in his pockets and found a fountain pen that Kitty had brought him as a gift.

'Heh. Titanium nib.' Doug smiled as he unscrewed the pen's cap. 'This should do the trick.'

'Come out, come out, wherever you are…' Thunderbird called as he approached the car that Doug was hiding behind. Then, as quick as a flash, Doug stabbed the pen into the taller mutant's foot as hard as he could.

'_Ahhh!_' The Apache Horseman howled in pain as he fell to the floor, clutching his injured foot. 'You son of a…! I'll crush you like a bug!'

'Having a bit of trouble catching the kid, Johnny?' Fitzroy snickered.

'Bite me, Fitzroy!' Thunderbird snapped angrily. 'The runt's smarter than he looks.'

'And you're all uglier than you look!' Doug retorted as he dashed behind another upturned car. 'Yeah, that's it, Dougie. You keep making them angry. If you're lucky you'll end up getting them so angry that they'll all get seizures.'

Doug looked up behind him and saw that he was right in front of a sporting goods store.

'Now, that's more like it.' The blond mutant smiled to himself as he crept inside. 'Those losers'll be too busy arguing to notice that I'm in here. It should give me plenty of time to find something better to defend myself with.'

'You're all a bunch of amateurs.' Garrison Kane shook his head in disgust. 'Why the hell did Apocalypse make _you_ his Horsemen anyway? Was it pity?'

'Ye'd better watch yuir mouth there, boyo.' Black Tom retorted as he pointed his energy-emanating shillelagh at the cybernetic Horseman. 'I've been kicking arse since before ye were at yuir mother's teat!'

'Point that stick of yours somewhere else, Cassidy!' Kane snapped back. 'Or I'll stick it someplace where the sun don't shine!'

'If you ladies have finished bitching?' Doug taunted the Horsemen as he crept back out of the sporting goods store having found something to arm himself with, namely a hunting bow and arrows. 'Then I'd really like to continue kicking your asses!'

'The lad's mine!' Black Tom sneered as he aimed his shillelagh in Doug's direction. 'Yuir toast, boyo!'

'My little friend says differently!' Doug retorted as he nocked and arrow into his bow and took aim. 'Why don't you say hello?'

Doug let the arrow fly, hitting Black Tom right in the hand, making him drop his shillelagh.

'Ahh! Ye little bastard!' The Irish Horseman howled in pain. 'Don't just stand there, Fitzroy! Kill him!'

'I thought you'd never ask.' Trevor Fitzroy grinned as he rubbed his hands in glee. 'I absorbed the life out of your girlfriend, and now I'm going to do it to you!'

'Not while I'm still breathing…' Illyana growled as she stood up behind the timelost mutant.

'What…?' Fitzroy blinked in surprise. 'I killed you! I sucked the life right out of you!'

'Then it looks like you didn't kill me enough.' Illyana shot back as she conjured her sword. 'Geez, that sounded lame. I really have to think of better things to say in battle.'

Fitzroy tried to grab hold of Illyana so he could absorb her life force again, but the Russian swordswoman brought her sword down, cutting his right hand off at the wrist.

'Ahhh! My hand!' Fitzroy screamed in pain as he clutched his bleeding stump. 'You little bitch! I'll make you pay for that!'

'Let's see you do that when I take your head off!' Illyana countered as she held her sword aloft.

'You're going down, girl!' Kane yelled as he charged at the blonde Russian. 'You might have taken down these losers, but I'm a different story!'

'Yeah, sure. Whatever.' Illyana rolled her eyes as she stuck out backwards with her sword, impaling Kane upon it. 'Now, who else wants to play?'

Illyana pulled her sword out of Kane's chest and pointed it at Black Tom, who was just about to make a grab for his shillelagh.

'What about you, Tom?' The blonde offered with a smirked. 'Do you feel lucky. Hmm, do you?'

Black Tom picked up his dropped shillelagh, but instead of zapping Illyana with it, he tucked it under his arm.

'This isnae over, lassie.' The Irish Horseman sneered. 'Once we've licked our wounds, we'll be back for ye.'

'Whatever you say, bub.' Illyana shrugged. 'Just get out of here before I forget how merciful I am.'

Without another word, the four Horsemen teleported away in a flash of light.

'Boy, I bet they'll be in for it when Apocalypse finds out that they didn't kill you.' Doug smirked as he walked up to Illyana. 'Anyway, how is it that you're not dead after Fitzroy absorbed your life force?'

'Trade secrets, my dear old Dougie.' Illyana smiled mysteriously. 'Trade secrets.'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

While Doug and Illyana were having their own fun in Salem Centre, the other former New Mutants were left to their own devices. Which usually meant Magnum P.I.

'Some people have grown out of their childish habits since the time that we were the New Mutants…' Dani Moonstar remarked as she munched on a handful of popcorn. 'I mean, Sam Isn't a gawky little farm boy anymore, and I'm not hating on the White Man. Then why, oh why, does Roberto keep on insisting on subjecting us to this rubbish?'

'You're perfectly welcome to leave if you want.' Roberto DaCosta pointed out. 'I'm not forcing you to watch this. If you don't like it, you can leave any time you want.'

'But I just got comfortable…' Dani pouted as she snuggled into the blanket that she had thrown over her legs.

'Well, that's me finished f'r the night.' Rahne yawned with a stretch of her arms. 'I have tae get up early in the morning. The Paragons have to beat the New Mutants. Again.'

'Only because they were cheating in the first place.' Dani muttered.

'Somebody's jealous…' Amara chuckled. 'I never took you for such a sore loser, Dani.'

'Guys, do we really have to spoil such a wonderful night by arguing?' Sam sighed. 'Can't we just all get along?'

'It's not arguing Sammy.' Warlock pointed out. 'It's banter.'

'Well, could you at least banter somewhere else?' Roberto grumbled. 'Some of us are trying to watch the TV. Now, go on. Shoo. Away with you.'

Everybody knew better than to argue with Roberto when Magnum was involved, so they all made their excuses and headed off to bed, leaving him alone.

'Now, that's more like it…' Roberto sighed in relief as he stretched out on the couch. 'Nothing but me and Magnum. Just the way it should be.'

'Move over, kid. Wrestling's on.'

Roberto opened his mouth to protest as Deadpool slumped down onto the couch and switched the channel.

'Hey! I was watching that!'

'Now I'm watching the wrestling.' The former Merc-With-A-Mouth countered. 'Now, if you're going to stand there, could you at least get me some beer? And maybe a donut? But remember, for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you. Nah, I'm just yanking your chain. I like sprinkles. Mmm, sprinkles…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Search For Tabitha**

_Just where has Tabitha Smith gotten to? Rahne and the others intend to find out…_


	56. The Search For Tabitha: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 56: The Search For Tabitha- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_Aw, twenty dollars... I wanted a peanut.'_**- Homer Simpson **

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

It was early in the afternoon at the home of the X-Men, and Sam Guthrie was at a loss for anything to do. It seemed that all of his friends had paired off and had gone to do their own things. Rahne and Warlock were looking after the triplets. Dani was in the Danger Room with her squad. Amara had managed to drag Roberto to the mall. The Nova Roman needed somebody to carry all her bags, so she chose Roberto to join her. Finally, Illyana and Doug were out on another date.

'God, ah'm bored.' Sam sighed as he sauntered along the corridor. 'Everybody's got something to do except me.'

The blond Kentuckian turned around as he heard the door open behind him.

'Come along, Roberto.' Amara commanded her companion. 'Stop lagging behind and carry those bags inside.'

'It's alright for you, princess…' Roberto grumbled as he struggled to fit in through the door with two armfuls of shopping. 'You don't have to carry all this junk.'

'This isn't junk, Roberto.' Amara shot back. 'These are the finest fashions.'

'Yeah, you could tell by the price.' Roberto muttered under his breath as he dropped the bags on the ground rather unceremoniously.

'Roberto!' Amara admonished her lackey. 'Be careful!'

'You two look like you're busy.' Sam realised. 'So ah'll leave you to it.'

'Please don't leave me here, man!' Roberto begged his friend. 'You don't know what it's like shopping with Amara! It's terrible! It's obscene! You have to save me!'

'You are not going anywhere, Roberto.' Amara responded as she grabbed the poor Brazilian by the arm and pulled him away. 'You have to let me unpack. You never know, perhaps I'll let you watch me try some of them on.'

'You're on your own, 'Berto.' Sam apologised. 'Ah know better than to get in the way of Amara and clothes.'

Roberto reached out in Sam's direction as the blond mutant walked away.

'Help meeee…'

The mutant codenamed Cannonball was about to head on to the kitchen to get something to eat when Sage appeared out of nowhere.

'Gah! Sage, y'all almost gave me a heart attack!' Sam yelped in surprise. 'Somebody ought to put a bell on you.'

'There's a message waiting for you in the carriage house, Sam.' The ever-stoic-Sage explained. 'It's from Tabitha Smith.'

'Tabitha left me a message?' Sam blinked, scratching his head. 'Why?'

'It isn't up to me to pry.' The dark-haired living computer shook her head. 'You'll have to come and find out for yourself.'

* * *

**The carriage house-**

Sam was now sitting in the part of the carriage house that Sage had converted into her own little monitor room where she kept watch in case the X-Men were needed to fight some villains. She also had connections to the Baxter Building, Avengers Mansion, and S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters.

Sam watched as a familiar face appeared on one of the screens in front of him. It was Tabitha Smith, the ex-member of X-Force known as Meltdown. Although she preferred to just go by her first name nowadays.

'Uh, hey, Sam…' Tabitha smiled nervously. 'I know I haven't been around for a while. There is a good reason for that. I can't explain right now. I don't know who's watching. All I can tell you is that I'm doing some super-secret work for the US Government. Well, I was until I found out that we were actually working for a terrorist cell.'

Tabitha turned as if somebody had interrupted her.

'I've got to go. Somebody's coming.'

And with that, the blonde bomb-maker's image disappeared.

'Sage, did you manage to get a trace on the signal?' Sam turned to ask the pale-skinned living computer.

'I knew you'd ask that.' Sage smiled slightly. 'Tabitha sent that message from somewhere in the middle of the Nevada Desert.'

'Ah would have guessed as much.' Sam nodded in understanding. 'Everything top secret seems to come out of the Nevada Desert.'

'I gather that you wish to gather up Roberto and the others.' Sage surmised.

'Yeah.' Sam nodded. 'Tabitha sounded like she was in trouble. We have to go and help her.'

* * *

**Later-**

Sage had rounded up the rest of the former New Mutants and had notified them of the situation. Tabitha was in trouble, and she needed help. The group was presently in one of the X-Men's Blackbird jets heading off towards Nevada.

'So, Tabby's working for the government now.' Rahne said. 'I didnae think that the lass had it in her.'

'It takes all sorts, I guess.' Warlock shrugged. 'Don't you remember? Kitty did some work for S.H.I.E.L.D. a while ago.'

'So, le me see if I got this right…' Illyana chipped in. 'We're heading into God-knows-what sort of trouble to help out somebody that I've never even met? Am I the _only_ one that thinks this is kind of crazy?'

'I haven't met Tabitha either, 'Yana.' Doug told the blonde Russian sword-wielder. 'But we have to help somebody out if they're in trouble whether we know them or not.'

'So, what's in Nevada?' Roberto asked.

'Perhaps we should be asking what _isn't_ in Nevada.' Dani quipped. 'The whole place is full of top secret installations. Area 51, Hulkbuster Base, you name it.'

'It would be nice to be able to prepare for what we're about to fight.' Illyana sniffed. 'I like to know what I'm being killed by.'

'Och, ye've really become quite pessimistic since ye came back from the dead, haven't ye?' Rahne rolled her eyes.

Illyana was about to say something in response when something hit the Blackbird's wing, blasting a great big hole in it.

'Hold on to your hats, guys!' Sam yelled as he struggled to regain control. 'It's gonna be a messy landing!'

'What the hell just hit us?' Dani asked as she looked out the window.

'We can worry about that later, Dani!' Roberto reminded the Cheyenne mutant as he buckled himself in. 'We've got more important tings to deal with. Like how the hell we're going to survive in one piece!'

Thankfully, there wasn't any reason for Roberto to worry as a hi-tech-looking craft de-cloaked itself and grabbed the Blackbird in a tractor beam.

'You just couldn't stay away could you, Sammy?' Tabitha grinned as her image appeared on the Blackbird's monitor screen.

'Tabitha?!' Sam blinked in surprise. 'What the hell is going on here?'

'I thought it was obvious.' The blonde smirked. 'We're saving your butts.'

'Who d'ye mean _we?_' Rahne frowned.

'Why, Nextwave, of course.' Tabitha chuckled. 'I'll explain everything once you're onboard the Shockwave Rider.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Search For Tabitha- Part 2**

_The former New Mutants meet Nextwave. 'Nuff said!_


	57. The Search For Tabitha: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 57: The Search for Tabitha- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__Good... bad... I'm the guy with the gun.'_**- Ash (Army of Darkness)**

* * *

**Onboard the Shockwave Runner-**

The former New Mutants were walking through the gigantic craft known as the Shockwave Runner flying over the Nevada desert. They had originally gone to Nevada in search of Tabitha Smith, the young woman formerly known as Meltdown amongst other things. No sooner had the mutant heroes arrived then the Blackbird jet they were in was practically blasted out of the sky. They would have suffered a fiery death if it wasn't for Tabitha and her new friends, who she had called Nextwave. She and Nextwave were currently fighting a giant spacecraft high above the desert.

'So, let me get this straight…' Dani Moonstar recounted. 'You're now part of a super-secret team of heroes who used to work for the government, but then you found out that you were being used to gather up Unusual Weapons of Mass Destruction, or U.W.M.D.s. So you quit and stole this ship while you were at it.'

'More or less.' Tabitha nodded. 'That thing that blasted you out of the sky was one of the U.W.M.D.s.'

Roberto stopped beside one of the view ports and gazed outside.

'The shock of getting shot out of the sky must have taken more out of me than I thought.' The Brazilian mutant blinked in confusion. 'But… are those things out there koalas with jet packs?'

'Your eyes aren't playing tricks on you, 'Berto.' Tabitha shook her head with a slight chuckle. 'Hell, you shoulda seen the giant ninja robot.'

Sam could barely believe his ears.

'Giant ninja robot?' The Kentuckian hero blinked. 'Y'all have gotta be kiddin' me.'

'I wish I was, Sammie.' Tabitha responded. 'You guy's haven't known insanity until you've worked with Nextwave.'

'You haven't ever played poker with Deadpool, have ye?' Rahne snickered as Tabitha led the group into the Shockwave Runner to meet the rest of the team.

Standing inside the Shockwave Runner's control room was a redheaded woman wearing a long trench coat and two ancient-looking rifles strapped to her back and a black-haired purple-clad man with scary-looking red eyes.

'Guys, I'd like you to meet Elsa Bloodstone and Aaron Stack.' Tabitha introduced her old friends to her new friends. 'Elsa, Aaron, these are, or were, the New Mu…'

'I already know who these Fleshy Ones are, Tabitha.' Aaron retorted. 'For I am Aaron Stack and I am so much smarter than you.'

'Just what we bloody need.' Elsa rolled her eyes. 'A bloody Scot onboard. I could practically smell the stench of stale whiskey coming down the corridor.'

'Do ye wanna make something of it?' Rahne growled at the monster-hunting Brit. 'Cuz I'd happily kick yuir arrogant Sassenach arse all over this ship!'

'Rahne, chill out, okay?' Warlock held his wife back. 'Let's not beat up people that we've just met, okay?'

'As much as it amuses me to see Fleshy Ones fight to the death, I have to agree.' Aaron chipped in. 'At least until the others return.'

'The others?' Illyana asked. 'What others?'

'Monica and the Captain.' Tabitha explained. 'They're out there fighting the bad guys.'

'The Captain?' Doug blinked. 'I don't suppose for a minute that means Captain America.'

'Pff. I wish.' Tabitha snorted. 'It's just the Captain. Anyway, you'll meet them once they get back.'

'It looks like y'all could use a hand.' Sam offered. 'Why not let us help? It's the least we could do.'

Then, outside the Shockwave Runner, the giant spacecraft that Nextwave had been fighting exploded in a colossal ball of fire, making everybody shield their eyes from the glare.

'Well, ah take that back.' Sam shrugged. 'It looks like y'all can handle this on your own.'

* * *

**Later-**

Once the other members of Nextwave had returned to the Shockwave Runner, the introductions could begin properly. Sam took the wise choice of keeping Rahne away from Elsa Bloodstone. The redheaded werewolf wasn't particularly patriotic, but she got quite angry whenever somebody insulted Scotland.

'I really have to apologise for Elsa.' Monica Rambeau, the heroine formerly known as Photon, smiled in embarrassment. 'She's British.'

'Aye, that's punishment enough, I suppose.' Rahne smiled slightly.

'You arse! Say that to my face!' Elsa leapt at Rahne when she heard the Scotswoman's remark, but was held back and dragged away by Roberto and Sam.

Elsewhere, Illyana and Doug were talking to the Captain.

'I'm not one to talk about lame codenames or anything, but couldn't you come up with anything better than the Captain?' Doug asked. 'I mean, didn't you think about calling yourself Captain… something?'

'I woulda done, but all the good ones were taken.' The Captain explained. 'Either that or they got me beaten up. I once met Captain America. He didn't exactly approve of my first codename. I got a broken jaw for my trouble.'

'Yeah, Cap's a jerk.' Illyana sniffed. 'Why, if I ever met him I'd… do… stuff.'

'Yeah, stuff is good.' The Captain nodded. 'Hey, the beer's here!'

Sure enough, Aaron Stack and Warlock walked in carrying cases of beer in their arms.

'Behold, Fleshy Ones!' The hero formerly known as Machine Man grinned. 'Your robot betters have brought beer!'

'Technically, I'm not a robot.' Warlock pointed out. 'I'm a techno-organic lifeform.'

'Anything is better than being a Fleshy One.' Aaron shrugged. 'They are all jealous of my superior robot sexiness. If they do not like it, then they can kiss my synthetic flesh-covered diodes.'

'I couldn't have put it better myself.' Warlock chuckled nervously. 'Or, y'know, not. I have to go over here now…'

Nearby, Sam was talking to Tabitha.

'Now that y'all have beaten the bad guys, you can come back with us.' Sam suggested. 'Y'all could be part of the X-Men.'

'Sam, you're sweet in asking.' Tabitha told her ex-boyfriend. 'But these guys are my friends now. That isn't to say that I won't ever come back an be part of the X-Men with you, but I've still got a lot of work to do here. Somebody's got to make sure that Aaron doesn't try to fly the Shockwave Runner while he's drunk again.'

'That's one thing that ah've been meaning to ask.' Sam frowned. 'How does a robot get drunk? As a matter of fact, what does a robot need with beer in the first place?'

'I don't _need_ beer, Fleshy One.' Aaron retorted. 'I can give it up any time I want.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The New Mutants- The Next Generation**

_Fifteen years into the future, the children of the X-Men are students at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. Meet Ray Summers: Phoenix, Christian McCoy: Beastling, Marie LeBeau: Miss Marvel, Moira, Seth, and Doug Sinclair: the Wolfpack, Bea and Arthur Wilson, and Lizzie Braddock: Britannia!_


	58. The Next Generation: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 58: The Next Generation- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'It's called chastisement, Cheshire. Now shut up and eat your Grundy.'_**- Vandal Savage (Secret Six)**

* * *

**An A.I.M. Bunker somewhere in New York-**

In a top secret hideout somewhere in the city of New York, the scientists of Advanced Idea Mechanics (or A.I.M. for short) were up to no good. The men in wearing what seemed to be bright yellow beekeeping uniforms were about to unleash their latest super-weapon on the world.

'That is it, my minions!' M.O.D.O.K., the leader of A.I.M., laughed in evil glee. 'Soon the world shall tremble with fear at the sight of my Annihilator! Not even those accursed heroes will be able to defeat me now! That shall kneel before the might of M.O.D.O.K! Kneel, I say!'

_**POOM!**_

'What in the-?' M.O.D.O.K. frowned in confusion. 'Who dares to interrupt M.O.D.O.K.?'

_**POOM! POOM!**_

'It's the doors!' One of the A.I.M. soldiers realised. 'We've been found out!'

'Unleash the Annihilator!' M.O.D.O.K. commanded his lackeys. 'The heroes will rue the day that they crossed M.O.D.O.K.!'

_**POOM!**_

The door to the chamber burst open as somebody kicked their way through.

'Don't just stand there, you fools!' M.O.D.O.K. commanded. 'Protect me! Open fire! Destroy the heroes!'

The A.I.M. soldiers did as they were told and opened fire on whoever it was that was foolish enough to burst in.

'Tch. Boys and their toys.' A young woman with white-streaked brown hair, Marie LeBeau, the daughter of Gambit and Rogue, dressed in a black-and-yellow outfit with a red sash around her waist tutted as the bullets harmlessly ricocheted off her.

The young woman spoke into a communicator on her wrist.

'This is Miss Marvel reporting in. The operation is go. I repeat, the operation is go!'

_**BLINK!**_

Eight more young heroes appeared in the chamber in a flash of light.

'Excelsior!' A blue-furred leonine young man, Christian McCoy, the son of Beast and Emma Frost, grinned. 'The teleportation unit worked just as I hypothesized.'

'You can pat yourself on the back as much as you want, Blue.' A russet-furred werewolf, Seth Sinclair, the son of Wolfsbane and Warlock, rolled his eyes. 'But the rest of us are gonna kick some arse!'

'Hey, you guys!' A black-haired young woman, Bea Wilson, the daughter of Deadpool and Psylocke, wearing a yellow outfir with a matching mask with black circles around the eyes, grinned as she unsheathed twin swords from her back. 'Do you know what it's time for? _**DARRRRRRK VENGEANCE!!**_'

The sword-wielding young woman leapt in to attack the A.I.M. soldiers, slicing them to pieces with her two swords.

'Bea, how many times have we got to tell you?' A black-haired young man, the sword-wielding girl's twin brother, groaned as he punched one of the A.I.M. soldiers in the head. 'No killing!'

'Oh, don't get your knickers in a bunch, Artie.' Bea rolled her eyes as she cut off one of the soldier's hands. 'These losers aren't dead. Well, not yet.'

Bea somersaulted into the air and landed on a soldier that was standing behind her.

'Ha-ha! I sunk your battleship!'

'We have to stop that missile!' A red-headed young woman, Ray Summers, the daughter of Cyclops and Jean Grey, the team's leader, reminded he rteammates as she protected herself with a fiery shield. 'Lizzie, see if you can shut it down!'

'Right on, boss.' A blonde-haired young woman, Lizzie Braddock, the daughter of Captain Britain and Meggan, with sparkly fairy-like wings nodded as she took to the air.

_**ZORT!**_

One of the A.I.M. soldiers took a pot-shot at Lizzie with a laser cannon, but barely missed one of her wings.

'Hey, that isn't cool, man!' The blonde girl frowned. 'I'm trying to do some good here, y'know? I don't need you being all harsh on me.'

'Lizzie, focus!' Ray told her teammate. 'You have to stop that missile!'

'Allow me to assist, my dear.' Christian smiled chivalrously as he loosened his grip on the A.I.M. soldier that he had in a headlock and bopped the laser-toting soldier on the head.

'No! Stay away from the Annihilator!' M.O.D.O.K. yelled. 'I refuse to be defeated by children!'

'Oh, shut up.' Another russet-furred werewolf, this time a female, rolled her eyes as she leapt in, landing in front of M.O.D.O.K. 'You're already beaten, so you might as well give up while you still can.'

'Never!' M.O.D.O.K. spat. 'A.I.M. can never be beaten!'

'Well, you're doing a great job of winning so far.' A third russet werewolf, another male, retorted as it leapt onto M.O.D.O.K.'s back and started to claw at the circuits that controlled the giant floating head's jetpack.

'Ahh! Get off me, you flea-ridden mongrel!' M.O.D.O.K. yelped as he tried to dislodge the werewolf on his back.

'Hey! That's my brother you're talking to!' The female werewolf growled as she lashed out and clawed M.O.D.O.K.'s face. 'And he is anything but flea-ridden!'

Over by the Annihilator, Lizzie was having a little trouble trying to stop the missile from launching.

'Not cool. Not cool. Not cool.' The blonde Brit grimaced as she looked at the controls. 'I'm no good with computers. How am I supposed to shut it down?'

Lizzie closed her eyes and pressed the first button she came too.

_**BLEE-BLEE-BLEE!!**_

'Uh-oh.' Lizzie gulped nervously. As she noticed that the countdown had started to go faster. 'That can't be good.'

The sparkly-winged heroine searched desperately for a way to stop the countdown.

'Oh, sod it!' The young woman grimaced as she grabbed the control panel and tore it from its moorings. Thankfully, that stopped the countdown.

'_**SIMULATION COMPLETE!' **_A computerised voice announced as M.O.D.O.K., the soldiers, and the bunker they were in faded away to reveal a blank white room.

'Aww. Is that it?' Bea Wilson pouted in disappointment. 'I was just starting to have fun.'

'The Danger Room isn't about having fun, Miss Wilson.' Kate Pryde's voice explained from the Danger Room's control room. 'It's supposed to train you in the use of your powers.'

'Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm beat.' Marie sighed heavily. 'I'm heading to the showers, then I'm going over to the Grindstone. Anybody wanna join me?'

'Oh boy, coffee!' Bea punched the air in glee. 'Caffeine helps us play!'

* * *

**The Grindstone, a little later-**

Once the nine young heroes had hit the showers and changed into their civvies, they all headed over to Salem Centre. The Grindstone was a coffee shop that they used as one of their usual hangouts. They also frequented the Factory, a local nightclub, but that wasn't open yet.

'Gimmie a double quadruple espresso.' Bea ordered at the counter. 'And gimmie a box of donuts. Make sure that they're jelly-filled. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.'

'Heh. Excuse us a minute.' Ray smiled in embarrassment as she pulled Bea to one side. 'What are you doing? You can't threaten people like that.'

'Oh, take that stick out of your butt, Ray.' Bea rolled her eyes. 'You can be worse than your dad sometimes. I was really gonna kill the guy, just slap him around a bit.'

'You know, just forget about it.' Ray groaned as she pinched the bridge of her nose. 'We're here to hang out and have fun, not reign in your psychotic tendencies.'

'Hey! I am _not_ a psychopath!' Bea shot back. 'I just like to make with the stabby-stabby. That doesn't make me a psycho.'

'Just pay for your coffee and sit down.' Ray shook her head. 'I'm going back to sit with the others.'

In a nearby booth, the rest of the trainee X-Men were hanging out and sipping their drinks.

'Mmm, the caramel macchiato is the world's finest achievement.' Christian smiled as he used a paper napkin to wipe some foam from his furry lip. 'It is quite delectable.'

'Which only goes to prove how much of a nancy you are.' Seth retorted.

'Is it my fault if I have a taste for the finer things in life?' Christian asked. 'Is it wrong for me to enjoy fine clothes and even finer coffee?'

'Yeah, stop being so harsh, man.' Lizzie chipped in. 'You're like, totally giving of negative vibes. You're spoiling the mood.'

'Don't you have something to go smoke?' Seth shot back.

'Hey, man. That isn't cool.' Lizzie countered. 'You know I don't do drugs, they totally aren't my bag. The only reason I speak like this is because I'm totally in tune with nature. Besides, drugs are totally illegal. Being heir to Otherworld is harsh enough without being hassled by The Man.'

'So, what are we going to do next?' Marie enquired. 'I have to get back home. Bucket's starting to get pretty antsy again. I think it's that time of year again.'

'Ah, yes. I remember.' Christian nodded his head in understanding. 'It must be approaching breeding season, so Bucket must return to the Savage Land to breed.'

'It's kind of like pon farr, but with pterodactyls.' Moira chuckled.

'Pon what-now?' Doug blinked in confusion.

'You know what I mean…' Moira explained to her brother. 'That episode of Star Trek when Spock goes nuts and has to fight Kirk for his right to mate.'

Everybody just stared back at Moira with blank expressions.

'Don't tell me that I'm the only one that likes classic television.' The young Scot sighed. 'I bet Bea knows. If there's anything she likes more than playing with her swords, then it's TV.'

Moira turned to talk to the black-haired young woman who had just returned with her coffee and donuts.

'Bea, you like Star Trek, don't you?'

'Uh, yeah.' Bea snorted. 'I'll have Obvious Question for five, please. Ask me who Kirk stranded on Ceti Alpha V.'

'Do I have to?' Moira grimaced.

'Only because I know the answer.' Bea grinned. 'Go on, ask.'

'Fine, I'll ask.' Moira sighed in exasperation. 'Who did Kirk strand on Ceti Alpha V?'

Bea dropped her tray and fell to her knees, scattering her coffee all over the floor.

'_**KHAAAAAANN!!'**_

Marie looked around nervously.

'She's not with us.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Next Generation- Part 2**

_On a day out in Manhattan, the young X-Men meet up with Spider-Girl and Tora Storm, the children of Spider-Man and the Human Torch._


	59. The Next Generation: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 59: The Next Generation- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking, and I plan on finding out what that is.'_**- Derek Zoolander**

* * *

**Manhattan-**

Several young people were sitting inside a diner somewhere in Manhattan. They were Ray Summers, Christian McCoy, Marie LeBeau, Moira, Seth, and Doug Sinclair, Bea and Arthur Wilson, and Lizzie Braddock. The nine teens were members of the student body of the Xavier Institute For Higher Learning, but most importantly they were mutants and the future generation of the X-Men.

'I still can't believe that Latveria ended up hosting this year's Olympics.' Ray shook her head as she took a sip of her coffee. 'I mean, it always used to have a bad reputation.'

'Latveria's changed since King Kristoff came to power, Ray.' Marie pointed out. 'It isn't about tinplated dictators and hating on Reed Richards any more.'

'It still sucks that mutant athletes can't take part.' Ray sighed as she wiped foam from her lip with a paper napkin. 'Okay, it wouldn't have been fair on the puny humans, but that isn't the point.'

'You're not going to go on about mutant rights again, are you?' Seth groaned as he slumped in his seat. 'That junk is getting old!'

'It's my job to care about mutant rights, Seth.' Ray reminded her teammate. 'So should you. So should everybody else.'

'The puny humans're just jealous because I'm awesome and really, really good looking.' Bea grinned. 'There should be a picture of me in the dictionary next to the word awesome!'

'Bea, don't start…' Arthur grimaced. 'We don't need to go through this again.'

'But… I'm awesome.' Bea pouted. 'Don't you think I'm awesome?'

'Whoa. Bad karma.' Lizzie winced. 'Being arrogant like that is totally bad for your karma.'

'Pff. Karma my butt.' Bea snorted in derision. 'I pity the fool who believes in karma.'

'Hey, what's going on out there?' Moira craned her neck to see what was happening out the window. A group of people had gathered outside alongside several photographers for the press.

'I'd wager that some compatriots are about to join us.' Christian surmised as he saw two young women walk in. One was blonde while the other was a brunette. Unusually, the blonde had light green skin and pointed ears.

'Yes, yes. He loves you. He loves you all.' The blonde waved at her adoring fans. 'Don't forget to visit the Baxter Building for all your Fantastic Five needs.'

Once the pair had escaped the press and the fans in a vacant booth, the blonde let out a weary sigh.

'Frak, I swear those people are worse than a hungry Kree hawk-lizard.'

'This thing's gonna be all over the news later.' The redhead shook her head. 'People're gonna think we're dating! You know how the press get when they're hungry for a story.'

'It's a hard life being famous, huh Tora?' Ray quipped.

'I'd rather be at home tinkering with my cars.' Tora Storm, the daughter of Johnny and Lyja Storm, sighed heavily as she took a seat. 'Dad only wants me of the house so he can give them a test drive.'

'Sorry we're late, guys.' May Parker, the daughter of Peter and Mary Jane Parker, smiled apologetically. 'You know how the fans get sometimes.'

'No we don't, actually.' Marie shook her head. 'We're hated and feared, remember?'

'Not as much as in our parents' day, but still hated and feared.' Moira added.

'Perhaps you need better PR.' Tora suggested. 'My PR guy's done wonders for me!'

'It is beginning to become rather overcrowded in here.' Christian noticed as more people began to gather outside the diner. 'I recommend that we move on to somewhere a little more secluded.'

* * *

**The grounds outside the Xavier Institute, later-**

The young heroes had retired to the grounds of the Xavier Institute in an attempt to escape the press and the fans. They weren't likely to be found as Ray had managed to conceal their presence. They wouldn't have been seen even if a photographer walked straight past them.

Marie had taken it upon herself to pack a hamper full of goodies for the group.

'There's one thing I meant to ask you, Tora…' The super strong heroine looked over at the half-Skrull. 'What was all that '_He loves you' _stuff?'

'Oh, that's just my catchphrase.' Tora explained. 'The fans love that kind of stuff.'

'You have a catchphrase?' Doug blinked in confusion. 'Why do you even have a catchphrase?'

'Personally, I think the catchphrase is ridiculous.' May rolled her eyes. 'It doesn't even make any sense. Who's the 'he' in _'He loves you'_?'

'Doesn't everybody have a catchphrase?' The young Skrull blinked. 'My dad has '_Flame on!' _Uncle Ben has '_It's clobberin' time!' _Don't you guys have a catchphrase? I'm thinking of having t-shirts printed with _'He loves you' _on them. The fans'll snap them up!'

'Ray does.' Seth quipped with a mouth full of sandwich. 'She's always '_Mutant rights! Grr!_'

'Shut up, Seth.' Ray retorted. 'I'm nothing like that!'

'As much as I'd hate to agree with Seth, he's right.' Arthur added his two cents. 'You say that more than Mr Logan says that he's the best at what he does.'

'You are rather like a scratched record, my dear.' Christian added.

'See? Even the fuzzy blue pansy agrees with me!' Seth laughed triumphantly. 'You are so predictable, Summers!'

'Guys! I've just had the coolest idea!' Bea jumped up suddenly, startling the others. 'Let's form our own band!'

'Your own band…?' May blinked. 'Why would you want to do that?'

'Cuz there's a battle of the bands at Wannabes at the end of the month.' Bea explained. 'We should totally take part!'

'And what would we call ourselves, pray tell?' Moira sighed heavily. The young Scotswoman had the feeling that she was going to regret humouring Bea.

'What else but… _Wyld Stallyns!_' Bea grinned, playing the air guitar.

'Bea, even if we do agree to forming a band, we are not going to call ourselves that.' Marie shook her head.

'We could, like, be a Nickleback tribute act.' Lizzie offered. 'We could call ourselves Stickleback!'

'Now, _that's_ what I'm talking about!' Bea patted the young British woman on the back. 'We should totally wear fish costumes!'

'I'm glad I don't go to school with you guys.' May shook her head. 'Just hanging out with this girl is driving me nuts, you guys have to live with her!'

'Hey, I'm _related_ to her!' Arthur pointed out. 'How do you think I feel?'

'Aww, Artie. I know you don't mean it.' Bea chuckled. 'I know you all love me.'

'So, what about this band of yours?' Ray asked, swiftly changing the subject. 'Who's going to be playing what instruments?'

'Well, Chris is gonna be lead guitar, obviously.' Bea explained. It was well known that Christian was a very talented musician. 'Liz is gonna be lead vocals, and I'm gonna be on drums.'

'Oh, my stars and garters…' Christian grimaced. 'Bea on drums? I am beginning to think that her drumming style will be something akin to Animal from The Muppets.'

'Which means she may end up eating her drums if we're not careful.' Seth rolled his eyes.

'And on that note, I think it's about time we headed on home.' May suggested. 'Mom and dad'll be starting to worry.'

'I just want to get back before dad messes up my car.' Tora added. 'It took me months to restore that thing.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Illyana's Secrets**

_Why didn't Illyana die when Trevor Fitzroy drained her of her life force when she and Doug fought Apocalypse's Horsemen? Her friends intend to find out._


	60. Illyana's Secret

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 60: Illyana's Secrets**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here and we want them now!'_**- Withnail (Withnail and I)**

* * *

**Manhattan-**

It was a beautiful day in Manhattan and Illyana Rasputin was going shopping. She needed somebody to carry her bags, so she took Doug Ramsey with her.

'Yana, is it really necessary to buy all this stuff?' Doug grunted as he struggled to carry his companion's bags. 'I mean, they'll only be thrown in the back of your closet with the rest of the clothes that you've never put on.'

'My poor dear naïve Dougie…' Illyana shook her head. 'You really have no idea about shopping, do you? Is it so wrong for me to like a choice in the clothes I wear? Don't you want me to look nice?'

Doug decided that it would be better if he chose to keep quiet. The sooner Illyana finished her shopping, the sooner they could get home.

_**WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!**_

The pair stopped where they were and watched a police cruiser zoom past.

'Ooh, sounds like there's trouble.' Illyana smiled. 'Wanna go investigate?'

Doug didn't say a word, he just sighed in thanks for whatever crime was going on. Fighting evildoers was much more preferable than being dragged around endless clothes stores all day.

* * *

**Nearby-**

In a bank not to far away from our heroes, a hostage situation was occurring. A gang of thieves had attempted to make away with the morning's earnings, but things had taken a turn for the worse when the police had been summoned.

'Everybody stay calm and then nobody will get hurt!' The man in charge of the gang of thieves ordered the cowering patrons of the bank. 'We'll let everybody go as soon as we get what we want!'

Unknown to the gang of thieves, Illyana and Doug had snuck into the bank from the back.

'What are we going to do, 'Yana?' Doug whispered to his companion. 'These guys have got guns! Machine guns!'

'We've faced worse.' The blonde shrugged. 'Since when have you been such a pessimist? Have some faith in me, 'kay? I know what I'm doing.'

Doug watched as Illyana ducked down and carefully crept up behind one of the thieves.

'Excuse me, do you know where I can go to start a new account?' Illyana asked as she tapped the guy on the shoulder.

'Huh? What?' The guy blinked in confusion right before the Russian woman punched him right in the face.

_**POW!**_

'Get her!' The thug in charge ordered his lackeys, who opened fire on the brave Russian.

_**BRATTA-ATTA-ATTA-ATTA!**_

Illyana dove out of the way as the bullets dug into the wall behind you.

'Wow. You guys are as bad as shooting as you are ugly!' The blonde taunted the would be bank robbers. 'Not to mention stupid. Don't you guys know that this city's protected? If Spider-Man doesn't come here and web your asses, then the Avengers will assemble your butts. Not to mention getting clobbered by the Fantastic Four! Oh, don't get me started on what'll happen if the Punisher catches you…'

'That's it, 'Yana…' Doug said to himself. 'Keep those guys angry until I think of a plan. Now, first of all I need to find a weapon of some sort. It's not like I could use my powers in a fight. What could I do, talk Japanese to them until they give up in confusion?'

Doug looked over at Illyana's shopping bags. A shoe box had fallen out, displaying its contents: a pair of shoes with rather nasty-looking heels.

'Illyana's going to hate me for this…' Doug grimaced as he picked up a shoe and threw it at one of the thugs.

'Ahh! Sonova…!' The thug yelled as a high-heeled shoe came out of nowhere and embedded itself in his hand.

'There's more of them!' The guy in charge yelled. 'Kill 'em! Kill 'em all!'

'Get out of here, Doug!' Illyana turned towards her friend. 'I can handle these losers…'

Unfortunately, the bank robber that Doug had subdued with the shoe wasn't as subdued as he first thought. He picked up his gun again and took aim at Illyana.

'Yana, look out!' Doug yelled, but it was too late. The bank robber shot the blonde Russian several times in the chest.

_**BRATTA-ATTA!**_

'Illyana! No!' Doug yelled as he tackled the bank robber that had just shot his friend and started to pound on him. 'Bastard! I'll kill you!'

'Ahh! Get this psycho off me!' The bank robber yelled as Doug started to beat him to a bloody pulp. 'For the love of God, get him offa me!'

Doug snatched the bank robber's gun and opened fire on the other men before they could even let off a single bullet.

_**BRATTA-ATTA-ATTA-ATTA!**_

'Not so tough now you haven't got your boyfriends for backup, have you?' Doug growled as he pulled the thug to his feet. 'I'm gonna make sure that you pay for shooting Illyana.'

'Please… don't hurt me…' The sole remaining bank robber sobbed. 'We never wanted any trouble. Please…'

'Tch. You guys make me wanna retch.' An unusually alive Illyana tutted.

Doug dropped the bank robber on the ground at the sound of his friend's voice.

'Illyana? How…?'

'Don't ask me.' Illyana shrugged. 'I haven't got the foggiest idea how this happened.'

'Oh, I don't care…' Doug grinned as he grabbed his friend in a big hug.

'That isn't going to rescue this blouse, Dougie.' Illyana sighed as she indicated her blood-stained and bullet hole-ridden blouse. 'This was my favourite blouse, dammit!'

* * *

**Back at the Xavier Institute-**

Illyana was sitting on one of the beds in the Xavier Institute's infirmary while Hank McCoy and Moira MacTaggart tried to find out what was going on. The bank robbery was the second time she had been apparently killed only to come back to life soon after. Piotr, Illyana's brother, was waiting nervously to hear the results of the tests that Hank and Moira were making. As were Doug and Kitty Pryde.

'Hmm, curious…' Hank mumbled as he examined the results of Illyana's blood tests.

'What is it, Hank? Piotr asked concernedly. 'What is wrong?'

'That is precisely what has me confused, Peter.' Hank explained. 'As far as these tests can confirm, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Illyana. She is as healthy as she was this morning, if not more so.'

'Then how is it that I'm still alive after being shot?' Illyana frowned. 'Not to mention when Fitzroy sucked all the life out of me.'

'Hank, perhaps ye'd better take a look at this…' Moira said as she motioned Hank over to the microscope she was using.

'Oh my stars and garters…' Hank blinked in surprise once he took a look through the microscope.

'Come on, Hank. What is it?' Kitty asked. 'What's going on?'

'Perhaps it would be better if I showed you…' Hank answered as he switched on a monitor that showed and enlarged image of what he was looking at through the microscope.

'As you can see, these red disc shapes are red blood cells, which in and of itself is not all that unusual.' Hank explained. 'What most concerns me are what seem to be insectoid robots latching onto the cells.'

'I've read about those things.' Doug remembered. 'They're called nanites, right?'

'Indeed there are, young master Ramsey.' Hank nodded in confirmation. 'It looks as if these nanites are healing your body whenever you are hurt.'

'Wait… I've got these little robots in my blood?' Illyana blinked in confusion. 'How could that have happened?'

'Maybe it's something left over from when ye were one of Apocalypse's Horsemen.' Moira suggested. 'He's done it before.'

'Yes, that's correct…' Hank nodded. 'When he infected the then-infant Nathan Summers.'

'But Apocalypse infected Nathan with those nanites in order to kill him, right?' Kitty recalled. 'Then why aren't they doing the same to Illyana?'

'Perhaps Apocalypse infects all of his Horsemen with nanites.' Hank suggested. 'Warren's wings were made of nanotechnology when he served as the Horseman Death, perhaps that is the same principle.'

'Well, I don't care what's happening just as long as these things aren't killing me.' Illyana shrugged. 'Heh. I've got accelerated healing powers, just like the cheerleader from Heroes.'

'However, I would not recommend leaping off a tall building in order to test the limits of your powers.' Hank suggested. 'It would cause an awful mess if something went wrong.'

'Oh, please.' Illyana rolled her eyes. 'As if I'd do something as dumb as that. Although…'

'_Illyana!_' Piotr admonished his younger sister. 'Do not joke like that!'

'Oh, Piotr.' Illyana chuckled. 'You really need to get a sense of humour. I'm not going to jump off a building just for kicks. I'm not nuts. Who do you think I am, Deadpool?'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Old And New Mutants**

_After Illyana finds an old book of spells, the former New Mutants travel back in time to meet their younger selves. Nothing could possibly go wrong… right? _


	61. Old New Mutants: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 61: Old and New Mutants- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

'_The pen is blue! The pen is blue! The Goddamn pen is blue!'_**- Fletcher Reede (Liar Liar) **

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

The door to the attic swung open and a beam from a flashlight illuminated the room as Illyana Rasputin and Doug Ramsey climbed in.

'Watch the ladder, 'Yana.' Doug warned his companion. 'You don't want to fall off and break your neck so soon after you've come back to life.'

'You worry too much, Dougie.' Illyana rolled her eyes as she reached for the light switch. 'Besides, I've got these fancy new healing powers.'

'That doesn't take away from the fact that you should be careful.' Doug continued as he followed Illyana up the ladder. 'We still don't know the limits of your new powers.'

'You're so cute when you worry.' Illyana smiled as she pinched Doug on the cheek. 'Now, help me find Kitty's trunk, will you? She said that it would be in here somewhere.'

Kitty Pryde was letting Illyana borrow her trunk because the Russian mutant was running out of storage space. She had done nothing but shop since she came back from the dead, and needed to clear some space so she could fit in all her new purchases.

'Wow, look at all of this old junk in here.' Doug whistled as he looked around. 'Heh. Look at that, Rahne's old bible stuff. I guess she doesn't have much time for religion nowadays, what with being a busy mother.'

'Not to mention the fact that her father was an abusive ass.' Illyana added. 'Being brought up by that man would out anybody off religion.'

The Russian blonde stopped beside a dusty old trunk and knelt down beside it.

'Is that it?' Doug asked. 'Are you sure that's Kitty's trunk? It looks a bit… old, don't you think?'

'I don't think this is Kitty's trunk.' Illyana shook her head. 'I think it's… mine.'

'How can it be yours?' Doug frowned. 'You've never had a dusty old trunk like that, have you?'

'I think I did…' Illyana frowned as she struggled to remember. 'Back when I had all my magic powers.'

'Surely that would have been destroyed the last time the mansion got blown up.' Doug suggested. 'How could it have survived?'

Illyana just shrugged at that.

'It's magic, Dougie. I don't have to explain it.'

Illyana tried to open the trunk but noticed that there was a great big lock on there, preventing her from opening it.

'Easy as pie…' Illyana grinned as she conjured a sword to slice through the lock. 'Now, let's see what we've got in here…'

Doug leant over his companions shoulder to see what the trunk contained.

'Wow. Funky-looking candleholder.' Illyana mumbled as she took out what seemed to be a stone skull with solidified wax caked over the top. At least she hoped the skull was made from stone. Then she pulled out a large leather-bound book covered in cobwebs.

'Ooh, magic book.' Illyana said as she laid the book down in front of her.

'What makes you think it's a magic book?' Doug asked.

'Well, the pentagram on the cover's kind of a giveaway.' Illyana answered, pointing to the cover design. 'I wonder if any of these spells still work…'

Doug just shook his head.

'I've got a bad feeling about this…'

* * *

**A little while later-**

Illyana and Doug had gathered the rest of their friends in the rec room to discuss the book of magic spells that they had found. Illyana was kneeling on the floor as she prepared all the ingredients she needed for the spell.

'Ah don't think this is a good idea…' Sam shook his head. 'How do you even know that the spell will work? What if it goes wrong?'

'You're worse than Doug sometimes, Sam.' Illyana rolled her eyes. 'Now cut it out and take your place with the others.'

'This won't take long, will it?' Rahne grumbled impatiently. 'I do have three children to take care of.'

'Don't worry.' Illyana reassured the Scot. 'As soon as we're done in the past we'll return right back here.'

'Whoa, wait a minute…' Dani piped up. 'This is a _time travel _spell? We're going to be travelling through _time?_ This has got trouble written all over it.'

'It's too late to back out now, Dani.' Illyana explained. 'I've set all the places. It's now or never.'

'I'm sorry to be a spoilsport and all, but time travel isn't something to mess around with.' Warlock chipped in. 'Hasn't anybody seen _Back to the Future_?'

'Where's your sense of fun, 'Lock?' Roberto grinned. 'It's not like the place is going to end up being overrun by damned dirty apes by the time we get back. All we're going to do is visit our younger selves.'

Warlock opened his mouth to say something, but Roberto cut him off.

'If you say space time continuum, I swear that I will punch you.'

'I think it would be a good idea if Rahne took off her wedding ring.' Dani suggested. 'We don't want to traumatise her younger counterpart.'

'Aye, perhaps yuir right.' Rahne nodded with a sigh as she slid her wedding ring off her finger and put it in her pocket. 'And let's nae say anything that might change the course of time, there's no telling what could happen.'

'Gee, Rahne. Is there anything we can say to ourselves at all?' Illyana sighed. 'Or are we just going to stand there in silence?'

'I for one hope that our younger selves don't think that we are their enemies and attack us.' Amara sighed. 'They might believe that we are Skrulls attempting a Secret Invasion or some such.'

'Skrulls. Secret Invasion. Yeah, sure.' Roberto snickered.

'You all worry too much.' Illyana sighed impatiently. 'Now, keep quiet. I need silence to cast the spell.'

Everybody did as they were told and kept quiet as Illyana took her place in the centre of the circle and began to read from the book.

'Klaatu barada nikto… Klaatu barada nikto… _Klaatu barada nikto…_'

The group of mutants all looked at each other. Nothing was happening. Roberto was the first one to break the silence.

'Was that it? The spell didn't work, 'Yana. We're still …'

The Brazilian mutant never got a chance to finish his sentence as the group of mutants disappeared in a puff of smoke.

* * *

**Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters, several years ago-**

The New Mutants were all sitting around the TV watching the latest episode of Magnum P.I. Roberto was leaning forward on the couch, a greta big grin on his face.

'You go, Magnum!' The young Brazilian mutant crowed. 'You beat that bad guy!'

'Berto, is it really necessary to shout at the TV?' Dani sighed. 'Magnum can't hear you, y'know.'

'Och, look at the poor woman.' Rahne shook her head at a bikini-clad woman on the screen. 'She's hardly dressed at all. 'Tis barely decent.'

'Nobody's making you watch this, Furtop.' Sam smiled as he ruffled the young redhead's hair. 'You don't have to watch it if you don't want to.'

Rahne blushed at the feeling of Sam ruffling her hair and turned away. She had such a crush on him.

Roberto sat up straight as the image on the TV screen started to crackle with static.

'What the…? What's going on?'

'Warning, self friends! Warning!' Warlock piped up. 'Self is sensing unusual energy signal nearby.'

No sooner had the young Technarch uttered those words then the older New Mutants appeared in a puff of smoke.

'…Here.' Roberto finished his sentence.

'Who the heck are you guys?' Classic Doug asked the new arrivals.

'We're you, from the future.' Adult Doug explained. 'Illyana sent us here with a spell.'

'I do not believe that for a second!' Classic Amara frowned. 'They are Skrulls here to attack us!'

'Me and my big mouth...' Adult Amara moaned.

'Then what are we doing standing here?' Classic Illyana asked. 'Let's get them!'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Old And New Mutants- Part 2**

_The New Mutants versus… The New Mutants?_


	62. Old New Mutants: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 62: Old New Mutants- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

'_The bee bit my bottom! Now my bottom's big!'_**- Homer Simpson (The Simpsons: Homer Goes To College)**

_

* * *

_

'What are we doing standing here?' Classic Illyana yelled. 'Let's get them!'

'I told you I had a bad feeling about this.' Adult Doug groaned.

Adult Illyana had found an old book of spells in the attic and had decided that it would be a neat idea if she and the rest of the former New Mutants travelled back in time to meet their younger selves. The younger New Mutants apparently didn't feel the same way. They thought that their adult counterparts were Skrull invaders.

'Now, let's not fight about this…' Adult Dani tried to calm the two teams. 'We're not here to fight.'

'So you say, Skrull!' Classic Roberto sneered as he took a swipe at the elder Moonstar.

'Hey, hands off our boss, buddy!' Adult Roberto snapped as he swatted away the hand of his younger counterpart.

'All you Skrulls stick together, huh?' Classic Roberto scowled at his elder self. 'How about you try some of this one for size?'

_**POW!**_

Classic Roberto slugged his older counterpart on the chin, sending him crashing through a wall.

'Roberto! Mind the wall!' Classic Dani reprimanded her teammate.

'Get with the picture, Moonstar.' Classic Illyana growled as took a swing at Adult Illyana with her Soul Sword. 'These guys are Skrulls here to kill us!'

'Oh, for the love of…' Adult Illyana grimaced as she held off her younger counterpart with her own sword. 'I can't believe I was _ever_ this dumb. We are not Skrulls!'

'I'll believe it when I see it.' Classic Illyana retorted. 'Let's see what colour you bleed!'

Classic Illyana booted her elder partner in the stomach and stabbed her in the shoulder with her Soul Sword, pinning her to the wall.

'Illyana, no!' Classic Sam yelled. 'Skrull or not, we don't kill people!'

'Don't worry so much, Sam…' Adult Illyana grunted as she pulled the Soul Sword out from her shoulder. 'Gah! I'll be fine.'

'How-how did you do that?' Classic Illyana blinked in confusion. 'I'm the only one that can wield the Soul Sword.'

'Perhaps that's because I really _am _you from the future.' Adult Illyana explained as she handed her younger counterpart back the Soul Sword. '_Now_ do you believe me?'

'What do you think, Warlock?' Classic Dani asked. 'Are these guys for real?'

'Self cannot detect anything unusual.' Warlock explained. 'For all intents an purposes, the strangers are Self's teammates, but… older.'

'Then ah guess we all owe you an apology.' Classic Sam admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. 'Sorry about all that.'

'Aww, forget about it.' Adult Dani smiled. 'You can't have a superhero team-up without bickering with each other.'

'Don't you think that Magneto will be angry that you have created a big hole in the wall?' Adult Amara asked, looking at the hole in the wall. 'That is if we are in the correct time and he is the headmaster of this school.'

'Yes, Magneto is our headmaster.' Classic Amara nodded. 'What time are you from?'

'The year two-thousand-and-nine.' Adult Amara explained.

'Cool!' Classic Doug grinned. 'What's it like there?'

'Don't get too excited just yet, buddy.' Adult Doug told his younger counterpart. 'Two-thousand-and-nine isn't all hover cars and meals in pill form. It's pretty much the same as it is here, but with ever so slightly better technology.'

'Sounds boring.' Classic Doug sniffed.

Adult Doug was about to say something in response when the older version of Roberto jumped up, apparently recovered from being punched through the wall.

'Okay, let me at him!' Adult Roberto growled. 'Let me at him!'

'It's okay now, 'Berto.' Adult Sam reassured his teammate. 'We've explained everything now. It's all cool.'

'Shouldn't we… um, do something about the wall?' Classic Rahne meekly offered. 'Magneto will be angry if he finds out.'

'I'm already on it, Furtop.' Classic Illyana grinned. 'With a little magic spell I can have that wall good as new in seconds flat.'

* * *

**A little while later-**

With the wall situation dealt with and tempers having been soothed, the two teams of New Mutants sat down to chat.

'So, are any of you guys married?' Classic Illyana enquired. 'Ooh! Do you have babies?'

'I'm sorry, but we cannae tell ye about that.' Adult Rahne responded. 'Protecting the time stream and all that.'

'You must be able to tell us _something_.' Classic Roberto begged. 'Hey, is Kitty Pryde still a bitch?'

'Hey! That's my best friend you're talking about!' Classic Illyana frowned.

'To be fair, Kitty is sometimes a bit of a bitch towards us.' Classic Dani said. 'Why else would she call us X-Babies?'

'It's simple.' Adult Roberto snickered. 'She's jealous of our supreme awesomeness.'

'I hear that!' Classic Roberto grinned as he high-fived his older counterpart. 'The Age of Awesomeness!'

'Oh, Spirits. It's like looking in a mirror.' Adult Dani groaned into her hands.

'Is there anything particularly different about the X-Men of your time?' Classic Amara enquired.

'Yeah!' Classic Illyana grinned. 'Are all of the X-Men as hot as you are, Sam?'

'Illyana!' Classis Sam blushed. 'Don't hit on mah older self like that!'

'But you're sexy!' Classic Illyana explained. 'If I had known that you'd grow up to be a big-time hottie like that I would have made you mine already.'

'Och, dinnae talk like that.' Classic Rahne blushed. 'Such talk… 'tis sinful.'

'Ye'll soon grow to like it.' Adult Rahne reassured her younger counterpart with a smile. 'Boys arenae all that bad, y'know.'

'_**Boys?!**_**'** Classic Rahne spluttered in embarrassment. 'I'd never…'

'Self has a query…' Classic Warlock held his hand up. 'How is it that Self Friend Future Illyana was able to heal from the earlier sword wound? Self Friend Illyana does not posses a healing factor at present.'

'Let's just say that she… went through a few changes.' Adult Warlock explained. 'As have all of us. As you would have noticed I don't refer to myself as Self any longer.'

'You can say that we all change, alright.' Classic Roberto grinned. 'Just look how much Rahne's filled out. Yow!'

'_Roberto!_' Classic Dani hissed, punching her teammate on the arm. 'You'll have to excuse Roberto. He has the annoying habit of putting his foot in the mouth.'

'Heh. Think nothing of it.' Adult Dani responded. 'Our Roberto's pretty much the same.'

'I don't see what all the fuss is about.' Classic Illyana shrugged. 'So what if Rahne's all grown up now? We've all grown up. It's not like she has kids or anything. Heh. Just think of it. Rahne with kids. Whatever next? The White Queen joining the X-Men?'

'Heh-heh.' Adult Doug chuckled nervously. 'The White Queen joining the X-Men. The thought of it. That's just silly.'

* * *

**Later-**

The time had soon arrived for the elder New Mutants to travel back to their own time. Not all of their younger counterparts wanted them to leave.

'Aww, c'mon!' Classic Illyana begged. 'Do you have to leave so soon? Please stay!'

'Ah'm sorry, but we really have to leave.' Adult Sam explained. 'We all have important work to do.'

'Call me!' Illyana said as she kissed Adult Sam on the cheek.

'It looks like things never change whichever time we're in.' Adult Dani snickered. 'Sam still seems to have an uncanny ability to pick up the ladies.'

'Let's just get out of here.' Adult Sam shivered. 'Ah don't like Illyana pawing at me like that.'

'Aww, don't act like you don't like it, Sammie.' Adult Illyana grinned as she grabbed her teammate's backside.

'There's one thing that I'll never forget about this trip…' Adult Doug chuckled. 'Berto, you got your butt kicked by a kid.'

'He took me by surprise.' Adult Roberto countered. 'I could have taken him.'

'Oh, leave it out, 'Berto.' Adult Rahne rolled her eyes. 'You got yuir butt kicked and you know it.'

Ignoring her teammates' bickering, Illyana searched her memory for a spell to send them back home.

'Nikto barada Klaatu! _Nikto barada Klaatu!'_

'Be seeing you, you guys!' Adult Warlock waved at the younger New Mutants. 'Feel free to come visit us any time you want. Just make sure to ring ahead, okay?'

Without another word, the former New Mutants disappeared in a flash of light, heading back to their own time.

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Truly, Truly Outrageous-**

_Sam's old girlfriend, Lila Cheney, drops in for a visit. She's on tour with Dazzler and wants the New Mutants to come and see her play. Sounds perfectly innocent, right? Wrong!_


	63. Truly, Truly Outrageous: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 63: Truly, Truly Outrageous- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

Sam Guthrie was walking along the corridors of the Xavier Institute. The Kentuckian mutant was at a loss for anything to do. All of his friends had something to do. Rahne and Warlock had the Triplets to look after. Dani was teaching her squad. Roberto was out shopping with Amara. The Nova Roman mutant needed somebody to carry her bags, so she elected Roberto for the job. Illyana and Doug were having lunch together. That left Sam all alone.

Sam had asked several of his fellow X-Men if they needed any assistance, whether it was helping Hank in his lab, or flowering Ororo's plants for her. Unfortunately, the X-Men didn't need his help either. He really was at a loss for anything to do.

'Ah wonder if ah should give Tabitha a call…' Sam thought out loud. 'Nah, she doesn't wanna get a phone call from her ex. Besides, it'll only get awkward.'

Sam let out a heavy sigh. It was times like this that made him wish that he was still dating Lila Cheney. She always knew how to make everything exciting. A day out with Lila was bound to be an adventure.

'Ah could give Lila a call.' Sam said to himself. 'But ah doubt the phones in this place'll reach into space. Ah wonder what she's doing now…'

Sam was brought out of his reverie by a flash of light several feet in front of him.

'What the…?' Sam blinked as he shielded his eyes. 'Ah'm warning ya, whoever y'all are, it ain't wise to drop in on the X-Men unannounced.'

Sam flew towards the mystery arrival, a rather attractive black-haired young woman, knocking her off her feet and sending them both crashing out of a nearby window..

**SMASH! **

It was only when the pair had landed on the grass outside that Sam realised who the mystery arrival was.

'_Lila?!_' Sam gawked in amazement. 'Lila Cheney?'

'Not the most hospitable of greetings, but I've had worse.' Lila smirked. 'Do you greet all of your ex-girlfriends the same way?'

Sam jumped off of the woman, his face flushed in embarrassment.

'Lila… Ah didn't mean… Oh mah…'

'Aww, you always were so cute when you got all embarrassed.' Lila laughed at the sight of the sheepish Sam. 'So, are you gonna leave me sitting here in the muck or are you going to help me up?'

Sam's blush deepened as he offered Lila a hand to help her up.

'Ah am _so_ sorry…' Sam apologised as he helped Lila to her feet. 'Ah thought you might have been a bad guy or something…'

'It's only natural, I guess.' Lila shrugged it off. 'You guys have always been magnets for trouble. Even before I dragged you around the galaxy getting into all sorts of crazy scrapes.'

The sound of breaking glass had caught the attention of various X-Men from around the mansion. They all came running outside in case they were under attack once more.

'Oh, my stars and garters…' Hank gasped. 'What on earth happened here?'

'Yeah, you got a lot of explainin' to do, Guthrie.' Logan added.

'My fault, I'm afraid.' Lila chipped in. 'I teleported in without warning. Sam thought I was a bad guy and tackled me out the window. Easy mistake to make, I guess.'

'Ah'll pay for the window to get fixed if that helps.' Sam suggested.

'You had better.' Emma frowned. 'We can't just have faculty members flying about smashing the mansion to pieces, right Logan?'

The blonde telepath shot the short feral mutant with a withering glare. His brawls with Cyclops were legendary, and often costly.

'Ah think we'd better go back inside before ah get myself into any more trouble.' Sam suggested. Lila nodded silently and followed him back inside the mansion.

* * *

**Later-**

Once everything had been smoothed out with the elder X-Men, Sam gathered together his friends. They would have wanted to say their greetings to Lila as well.

'As happy as I am to see ye and all, I hope this isnae going to take long.' Rahne said impatiently. 'I do have three children to take care of, y'know.'

'We all have things that need to be done, Rahne.' Dani reminded her. 'Luckily I've finished teaching my squad for the weekend.'

'It's makes a change to have people visit and not try to kill us for once.' Warlock smiled.

'I'm really sorry if I messed up all your plans.' Lila apologized sincerely. 'Can you blame me for coming to visit my friends, though?'

'I guess this means we know the answer to all those who Sam's dating questions.' Roberto smirked. 'It took you long enough.'

'Oh… Lila and I…' Sam stuttered. 'We're not… Ah mean…'

'Aww, he's blushing again.' Lila laughed, putting an arm around the Kentucky native's shoulders. 'Isn't he cute?'

'Are we gonna end up traipsing all around the galaxy again?' Illyana asked. 'If we are, I want to know what sort of stuff to wear. Is it a desert planet? An ice planet? What?'

'I'm holding a concert on Omicron Persei Eight. It isn't all that different from Earth.' Lila explained. 'Just wear whatever you're comfortable with.'

'It has been such a long time since I last attended a concert.' Amara smiled fondly. 'It will nice to experience the thrill of a crowd again.'

'I don't know…' Doug sighed. 'Whenever we go off anywhere with Lila it usually ends in trouble. No offence.'

'None taken.' Lila said. 'There's no need to worry about it. The planet's perfectly safe. There haven't been any attacks from space pirates in, oh… ages.'

'_Space pirates?!_' Warlock spluttered in surprise 'You c_annot_ be serious!'

'I'm sure that Lila wasn't only kidding.' Dani reassured the techno-organic alien. 'Right?'

'Yeah, sure.' Lila nodded. 'No space pirates. Totally kidding. Heh.'

'Ah guess it would do us good to take some time off.' Sam shrugged. 'What do you guys say?'

'I'm always up for a party.' Illyana grinned. 'Count me in.'

'It'll do us good to take some time off.' Dani nodded.

'I'm just hoping that there's going to be hot alien chicks.' Roberto grinned. 'Captain Kirk, eat your heart out!'

'Roberto, you are such a pig.' Amara grimaced in disgust.

'You know you love it.' Roberto winked cheekily. Amara simply turned her back to him.

'I guess I can let Moira look after the Triplets.' Rahne nodded. 'She's always looking for an excuse to spoil them rotten.'

'Then it's settled.' Lila grinned. 'We're off to Omicron Persei Eight!'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Truly, Truly Outrageous- Part 2**

_An intergalactic rock concert featuring Lila Chaney and Dazzler doesn't sound like too much trouble, doe sit? Nebula and her space pirates think otherwise!_


	64. Truly, Truly Outrageous: Part 2

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 64: Truly, Truly Outrageous- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**Omicron Persei Eight-**

Omicron Persei Eight was the eighth planet circling a giant red star in the Omicron system, many light-years away from Earth. The planet was the destination for many species that wished to take some time off and put their feet up. Most species were welcome on the planet, even Skrulls and the Kree. Skirmishes were thankfully rare, which was ironic that the Skrulls and the Kree had hated each other for millennia. However, both species tended to keep to their own sectors of the planet and didn't socialise much with other species.

An intergalactic rock concert was being held in a stadium in the capital city of the planet's largest continent. Many different artists were going to be there, from Glarix Flob and his Tingly-Flarks of Glarbla-Tok to Lila Cheney and Dazzler of Earth. The whole area outside the stadium was a hive of activity as patrons stood in line for the concert.

_**FWASH!**_

The beings standing in line all turned to see a group of people appear in a flash of light.

'What's going on? Is it an attack?' A blue-skinned Kree asked.

'I knew those damned Skrulls couldn't be trusted.' Another Kree tutted.

'Look, it's that human. That singer.' A third Kree pointed out. 'It's Lila Cheney!'

The throng of alien beings began to surge forward to speak to the raven-haired teleporter.

'Ms Cheney, can I have your autograph?' One of the Kree trio asked.

'Hey, watch where you're going!' A bipedal raccoon-like creature admonished the clumsy Kree. 'You almost stepped on my tail, jerk!'

'I am Groot!' The raccoon creature's wooden companion told the Kree.

'Oh. Heh. Sorry.' The Kree smiled embarrassedly as he backed away. 'My apologies.'

'Guys, the autographs can wait until later, okay?' Lila told the assembled throng of aliens. 'Now, if you could all get back in line, then my friends and I would like to get inside. I need to prepare for the concert.'

Everybody did as they were told and moved out of the way so Lila and her friends could gain access to the building.

'Wow, Lila. You really know how to handle those fans.' An impressed Dani whistled as she followed the intergalactic rock star inside the building. 'I thought we were going to end up in a riot just then.'

'Hey, just one of the perils of fame.' Lila grinned as she led her friends inside.

The raccoon creature clambered on top of his tall wooden companion's shoulder to get a look at the humans that had just arrived.

'What disturbs you, Raccoon?' The wooden giant enquired. 'What could it be about those humans that bother you so?'

'I dunno, Groot.' Rocket Raccoon shrugged. 'It's something about that redheaded chick that gives me the willies. I keep getting the urge to run and hide.'

'She is but one human.' Groot pointed out. 'What could you have to fear from her?'

'Eh. I guess you're right.' Rocket sniffed. 'It's not like she's gonna eat me or anything.'

* * *

**Later-**

Lila had given the former New Mutants a tour of the stadium before the concert was due to start. The mutant heroes were milling about backstage just enjoying the experience.

Rahne muttered under her breath as she surveyed the catering table. It was little more than a folding table with a few bottles of water and bags of potato chips.

'Ach. They call this catering?' The Scottish werewolf grumbled. 'If I knew things were going to be this bad, I would have brought a packed lunch.'

'We are light-years away from Earth, remember?' Warlock pointed out. 'Supplies must be hard to come by here. It's not as if you could just go down to the store and stock up on goods.'

Rahne grabbed a handful of chips and shovelled them in her mouth.

'Hunh. Some spread, right?' A voice piped up. 'You'd think intergalactic rock stars would be able to get something better than water and chips.'

Rahne looked around to see who it was that was speaking to her.

'Down here.' The voice instructed her.

Rahne looked down to see Rocket Raccoon standing next to her.

'Oh!' Rahne yelped in surprise. 'I didn't see you there.'

'I get that a lot.' Rocket shrugged. 'I'm Rocket Raccoon by the way. This is my buddy Groot.'

'Pleasure to meet you.' Warlock smiled as he held out his hand to Groot. The techno-organic alien had taken on the form of a human male with dirty blond hair. He didn't want to cause a panic by attending the concert in his true form. The rest of the audience might have thought he was there to absorb them all. The Technarch weren't exactly well-liked in any part of the galaxy.

'I am Groot!' The giant tree creature announced.

'Okay…' Warlock blinked. 'I'll just be over here…'

Elsewhere, Roberto was trying his luck with some of the alien ladies in the backstage area. The object of his attention was a scantily-glad woman with green skin, red markings around her eyes, and a hooded cloak.

'I've got to say, most look dumb wearing a cloak, but you look absolutely _fine!_' Roberto flashed the woman his most charming grin.

'Gee, thanks.' The green-skinned woman responded with a forced smile.

'Say, is _every_ part of your body green?' Roberto waggled his eyebrows.

'Listen, kid. I'm not in the mood for this kind of crap.' The woman groaned. 'Get lost, will you?'

'Oh, playing hard to get.' Roberto chuckled. 'I can play along…'

The woman lashed out and grabbed Roberto by the throat, slamming him against the wall.

'Listen, you little twerp! Get the hell away from me before I break you in half!'

'You're gonna regret that…' Roberto glared as he manifested his powers and pushed the green-skinned woman away. 'You've got no idea who you're messing with!'

'Neither do you, kid!' The green-skin woman retorted as she assumed a martial pose.

Fortunately, Amara was able to jump in and prevent any blood from being spilled.

'Berto, cut that out!' The lava-wielding mutant admonished her friend. 'That's Gamora, the Deadliest Woman in the Universe. Lila invited Gamora and her friends here as well.'

'The Deadliest Woman in the Galaxy?' Roberto gulped. 'Seriously?'

'Do you really want to find out, kid?' Gamora smirked.

'Uh… no?' Roberto smiled meekly. 'I've just got to go…'

'I am sorry about Roberto.' Amara apologised. 'For a rich guy, he has hardly any manners at all.'

'Forget about it.' Gamora shrugged. 'I'm used to men trying to get with me. I've forgotten how many bars I've trashed just because men couldn't take a hint.'

'How did come to know Lila?' Amara asked.

'A couple of buddies and I rescued her from space pirates a while ago.' Gamora explained. 'A couple of them are here, actually. There's Rocket, he's the raccoon-looking guy. Groot's here, he's the giant tree thing. So are Star-Lord and Jack Flag. They're the two humans in matching jumpsuits.'

Amara craned her neck to get a look at the two men. One was a rather nondescript guy with short black hair, while the other had hair that was coloured red-white-and-blue. They were talking to Illyana and Doug.

'Wow, I love your hair.' Illyana complimented as she looked Jack up and down. 'What's the deal, are you a Captain America fan boy or something?'

'I used to work with Cap back in the day.' Jack explained. 'Then I kind of went my own way.'

'Which is where we picked him up.' Star-Lord, real name Peter Quill, told the Russian mutant.

'We?' Doug blinked. 'Who do you mean _we?_'

'The Guardians of the Galaxy, kid.' Quill snickered. 'Don't tell me you haven't heard of us.'

'Hey, don't look at me.' Illyana shrugged. 'I've been dead. I'm still getting used to the fact that all my friends are grown up and having kids now.'

* * *

**Later still-**

With the introductions done, the former New Mutants and the Guardians of the Galaxy all headed out to then main stadium to watch the concert.

'You must be real happy to see Lila again, Sam.' Roberto smirked. 'At least now we know who you're going out with.'

'Hey 'Berto, look. It's that Gamora woman you were talking to before…' Sam responded. pointing backstage.

'Ahh! Hide me!' Roberto yelped in fear, jumping behind his taller teammate. Sam just laughed out loud at his friend. Roberto glowered back at him. 'You suck, man.'

'Guys, quit it!' Dani admonished the pair. 'The concert's about to start.'

A spotlight shone on the stage in front of the audience and the music began to spell.

'Ladies, gentlemen, and species of non-specific gender, get ready for tonight's main event: Lila Cheney and Dazzler!'

The audience exploded in applause and whoops of joy as the two mutant songstresses appeared on stage.

'Thank you, everybody!' Lila said as she took the mic. 'This first song is dedicated to a good friend of mine. He's here tonight. Where are you, Sam? Come on up here, will you?'

'This is so embarrassing…' Sam grimaced as the spotlight shone on him. 'Do I have to?'

'What are you waiting for, Sammie?' Illyana smirked. 'Your girlfriend wants you on the stage.'

'She isn't my girlfriend!' Sam hissed. 'Lila and I are just friends!'

'Sure you are, buddy.' Doug snickered.

Sam shot his friends withering glares and reluctantly trudged up towards the stage. No sooner had the Kentuckian mutant reached the stage then the whole stadium began to shake.

'What the…?' Dazzler frowned. 'What's going on?'

A giant spaceship slowly began to appear above the stadium.

'You know those space pirates I told you about earlier?' Gamora whispered to Amara. 'We3ll, it looks like they want a rematch.'

'Then let's give them one!' Star-Lord suggested as he put on his helmet and whipped out his Element Gun. 'I hope you kids are ready to kick some butt!'

'I'm always ready to kick some butt.' Illyana grinned as she conjured her sword. 'Just when I thought this concert was going to get boring…'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Truly, Truly Outrageous- Part 3**

_The New Mutants! The Guardians of the Galaxy! Dazzler! Lila Cheney! Space pirates! 'Nuff said!_


	65. Truly, Truly Outrageous: Part 3

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 65: Truly, Truly Outrageous- Part 3**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**Omicron Persei Eight-**

The New Mutants had planned on attending a rock concert in space with their friend Lila Cheney and the mutant songstress Dazzler. Nebula and her horde of space pirates had something to say about that. Their ship had appeared above the stadium where the rock concert was due to be held. They were after Dazzler. The Guardians of the Galaxy had rescued the mutant singer from their clutches, now the pirates were aiming to take her back.

'Bring the human to me!' Nebula commanded her minions. 'The rest are of no consequence. Destroy them all!' The horde of Kree, Skrull, Shi'Ar and various other species dashed forward to do Nebula's bidding.

'Why can't we just enjoy a nice rock concert without it deteriorating into a fight for our lives?' Doug Ramsey groaned as he ducked for cover.

'Life would be boring if we didn't have bad guys to fight, Dougie.' Illyana grinned as she swung her sword. 'This concert is finally getting interesting.'

'Your blonde teammate certainly is… lively.' Rocket Raccoon stated.

'I kind of like her.' Gamora, the Deadliest Woman in the Universe, grinned as she leapt in to attack the pirates, stabbing one of the Shi'Ar in the face with her knife.

'I am Groot!' The giant tree-like alien roared as it stomped on some of the pirates.

'What he said.' Sunspot added as he slugged one of the Kree on the chin. 'I think.'

'You kids look like you know what you're doing.' Star-Lord nodded in approval as he opened fire on the pirates with his Element Gun. 'Has Earth changed that much?'

'Not really.' Moonstar shrugged as she kicked one of the Skrulls in the face. 'The world pretty much still hates and fears us.'

'Not to ask a stupid question or anything, but you did know that one of your teammates is one of the Phalanx, right?' Jack Flag pointed out, jerking his thumb in Warlock's general direction.

'Technarch, _actually_.' A rather put out Warlock responded. 'The Phalanx are just cheap copies of us. The Technarchy are the real deal!'

'Sorry I spoke.' Jack Flag grimaced as shot one of the Kree. 'Kind of testy about that, is he?'

'Oh, you have no idea.' Illyana chuckled as she stabbed one of the Shi'Ar pirates.

Rocket Raccoon let out a yelp of surprise as a russet wolf leapt above his head and tackled one of the Kree pirates to the ground.

'What the hell?! You didn't say the redheaded chick was a werewolf!' The bushy-tailed alien yelped. 'No wonder I had that weird feeling about her.'

'She is also my wife.' Warlock countered.

'And a lovely lady she is as well.' Rocket chuckled nervously, quickly turning his attention to blasting some pirates with his machine guns.

'Damn straight.' Warlock said as he slammed more of the pirates underneath a giant techno-organic fist.

'You had better stand back, Groot.' Amara warned the alien as she let loose with a lava blast from her hands. 'I don't wish to set fire to you or anything.'

'I am Groot!' The alien responded.

'Groot isn't pretty much resistant to fire.' Star-Lord translated. 'So you can let rip and toast these pirates as much as you want.'

'That is most fortunate to hear.' Amara smiled. 'Now I can truly let loose without fearing hurting anybody.'

_**KRAKOOM!**_

A volcano burst from the ground underneath Amara's feet as she rose up to take on Nebula, where the pirate leader was commanding her minions atop a levitating platform.

'Amara, watch out!' Sam called as he flew towards the pirate leader.

'Watch out yourself, Samuel.' Amara responded as she let rip with another lava blast.

'Foolish humans!' Nebula sneered as she deflected the blast with a deflector shield. 'You cannot _possibly _hope to hurt me!'

'I might have something to say about that!' Dazzler retorted as she zapped Nebula with a laser blast from her fingers. 'It's the least I can do after you ruined my concert!'

_**ZARK!**_

The laser blast obliterated Nebula's levitating platform, sending the pirate leader falling to the ground. Deflector shield or not, the fall would have done her some serious damage if Sam hadn't caught her.

'The fight's over, ma'am.' Sam told the pirate leader. 'Call off the attack.'

'Make me, human.' Nebula retorted as she pulled a gun on the Kentuckian mutant.

_**ZARK!**_

Fortunately, Sam wasn't the one that was shot. Nebula fell to the ground to reveal Lila Cheney standing behind her with a smoking photon blaster.

'Nobody threatens my man!' The teleporting songstress stated.

'I guess this solves who Sam's dating now.' Roberto quipped.

* * *

**Later-**

The space pirates had been defeated and the Guardians of the Galaxy had taken them away to be imprisoned. That just left the New Mutants and their friends to clean up the mess.

'Well, I guess that's my singing career finished in this system.' Dazzler sighed. 'Just when things were starting to seem good.'

'Why not come back to Westchester with us?' Sam suggested. 'Y'all could always take a job at the Xavier Institute. We need a music teacher.'

'Teaching isn't really my thing, kid.' Dazzler sniffed. 'But it would be nice to see the X-Men again. How's Psylocke getting along? I heard she's married with kids now.'

'Aye, and ye wilnae believe who she's married to.' Rahne chuckled.

'You mean to say that she didn't get married to that Worthington guy?' Dazzler blinked. 'The one with the wings?'

'It's much more random than that.' Rahne shook her head. 'She's married to Deadpool.'

'_Deadpool?!_' Dazzler spluttered in disbelief. 'The crazy mercenary guy?'

'The very same.' Rahne nodded. 'It isnae all that unusual actually. I'm married to a shape shifting alien.'

Nearby, Roberto was bemoaning his luck, or lack thereof, with women.

'I can't believe she just left me.' Roberto sighed. 'It seemed like we had a moment, y'know? Then she just went and left without another word.'

'Berto, there's a reason why Gamora's called the Deadliest Woman in the Universe.' Doug pointed out. 'She'd snap you in half.'

'Hey, at least I'd die happy.' Roberto smirked. 'Know what I'm saying, guys?'

Dani just shook her head at that.

'You are a pig, Roberto.'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Boomer Returns**

_Tabitha Smith returns to the X-Men, bit how will she react once she finds out that Sam Guthrie is already taken? Tune in next time to find out!_


	66. Boomer Returns

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 66: Boomer Returns**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

It was the early afternoon at the home of the mutant super team known as the X-Men. The Russian sword mistress known as Illyana Rasputin was helping her best friend Kitty Pryde with some chores.

'Y'know, if I still had my old mutant powers, then I could have just conjured some demons to do all the work for us.' Illyana sighed as she watched her friend struggle to fit some sheets to her bed. 'Now I'm just some chick with a sword.'

'If you want to be useful, you can get me some more sheets from the linen closet.' Kitty glowered at her friend. Illyana simply shrugged and wandered outside the room in the general direction of the linen closet. The young blonde opened the closet door and cooed in delight at the sight that met her.

'Aww, that's so cute.' Illyana grinned. She waved Kitty over to her. 'Hey Kat, you have to come see this. It's so _cuuuute!'_

'Kind of busy, 'Yana.' Kitty called from the bedroom.

'Come on, you have to see this!' Illyana told her friend. 'It's so sweet.' Kitty grumbled under her breath and headed out to where her friend was standing in front of the linen closet.

'What is it, 'Yana?' Kitty sighed. 'Can't it wait? I've got a lot of work to… _**Lockheed?**_'

Kitty reached inside the linen cupboard and pulled out the little purple dragon. Lockheed was cuddled up to Bucket, little Marie LeBeau's pet pterodactyl, in the warmth of the closet.

'Feh.' Lockheed grumbled.

'What do you think you're doing, dragon?' Kitty scolded her alien friend. 'Bucket's young enough to be your hatchling!'

'Aww, don't be too hard on the little guy, Kat.' Illyana chuckled. 'I bet he and Bucket were just cold. Some reptiles hibernate, remember?'

'I hope that was all that was going on.' Kitty frowned. 'If I find somebody's up the spout with a clutch full of eggs, you are in big trouble, mister!'

Lockheed just sulked as flew off.

'Peep?' Bucket enquired as she peered out of the linen closet.

'Don't worry, Kat was only jealous.' Illyana told the little pterodactyl, patting her on the head. 'She's too busy to indulge in her own love life.'

'_Illyana!_' Kitty blushed. 'That's your brother you're talking about!'

'Will you look at the time…' Illyana said, quickly changing the subject. 'I've got other things to do…'

The former demon sorceress quickly headed downstairs before Kitty could convince her to help with more chores.

* * *

**The Danger Room, meanwhile-**

Illyana had now joined the rest of the former New Mutants in the Danger Room. Dani Moonstar and Sam Guthrie were standing in a boxing ring that had been erected in the middle of the room.

'Ah don't know about this Dani…' Sam sighed as he adjusted his gum shield. 'Isn't there anythin' better we could use our time for?'

'Aww, c'mon Sam.' Dani smirked as she tightened her boxing gloves. 'We have to get you over that little thing of yours about hitting women, because there are plenty of villainesses that would hit you… or worse.'

'Ah don't think this is a good idea…' Sam shook his head. 'Is all this necessary?'

'What if Mystique or somebody was holding a loved one hostage?' Dani suggested 'What would you do then?'

'Mystique's one of the good guys, Dani.' Sam pointed reminded his friend.

'Yeah, like that'll ever last.' The Cheyenne woman snorted. 'C'mon, give me your best shot.'

Sitting atop the bleachers that had also been erected in the Danger Room, Illyana barely managed to stifle a yawn.

'At this rate, nothing's ever going to happen.' The young blonde sighed in boredom. 'Everybody knows that Sam will never raise a hand to a lady.'

'Come on everybody, place your bets now.' Roberto whooped as he waved a hat in front of his friend's faces into which they would put their wagers.

'Berto, do you think this is _really_ necessary?' Shan sighed. 'What's the point of making a bet if we all know what the result's going to be?'

'Aww, hell.' Roberto groused. 'Can't blame a guy for trying to earn a few extra bucks. Christmas wasn't cheap, y'know.'

'So says the rich kid.' Rahne rolled her eyes. 'It must be terrible to have millions.'

'If you've all finished gossiping like old women, I'd like to see Sam get his ass kicked.' Illyana sighed.

'That's real nice, Illyana.' Warlock chipped in. 'Sam's supposed to be our friend.'

'Oh, for crying out loud!' Illyana groaned into her hands. 'Will somebody throw a _freaking_ punch already!'

Back in the boxing ring, Dani motioned to Sam to begin the session.

'Come on, Sam.' The Cheyenne mutant goaded her friend. 'Let's gets this session started. The sooner we get past your resistance to hit a woman, the sooner we can all leave.'

'For the record, ah don't like this.' Sam sighed as he began to circle around his friend. 'Can ah just apologise in advance?'

'Save apologies for later, Guthrie!' Dani snapped as she opened up with a few jabs in Sam's direction.

The session had barely started when an astral projection of Jean Grey appeared in the middle of the ring.

'Oh, thank God…' Sam sighed in relief.

'_Sorry to interrupt your fun, but there's somebody waiting in the foyer for you, Sam.' _The psionic Ms Grey announced. Dani saw her opponent's momentary distraction and chose to make her move.

_**POW!**_

The punch to Sam's face sent him falling backwards onto his backside.

'Boom! There it is!' Roberto crowed as he leapt up from his seat in the bleachers. 'She totally took you down, Guthrie!'

An embarrassed psionic Jean Grey looked down at the stunned Sam Guthrie.

'_Perhaps I'd better come back later…_'

* * *

**A little while later-**

Fortunately, Sam hadn't been hurt too badly, but he had come away with a nasty black eye. A quick visit to Moira MacTaggart and an icepack soon took care of his black eye.

Sam strolled along to the foyer where his guest was waiting.

'What the hell happened?'

Sam almost dropped his icepack once he realised who had come to see him.

'_Tabby?_'

'Jeez Sam, what happened to you?' Tabitha Smith asked as she tried to get a look at Sam's eye. 'Was it 'Berto? If that punk's throwing his weight around again, I'll go kick his ass!'

'It was Dani.' Sam sheepishly admitted. 'We were havin' a trainin' session and she kinda…'

'Wait a second…' Tabitha cut him off. 'You mean to say that you got your butt kicked by a girl. Okay, it was a pretty tough Native American girl, but _you got your butt kicked by a girl!_'

'It was only one punch.' Sam groaned.

'That makes it even sweeter.' The blonde woman laughed. 'One punch! _One punch!'_

'Not that ah'm unhappy to see y'all or anything, but why are ya here, Tabby?' Sam asked, quickly changing the subject to protect himself from any more embarrassment.

'Why do you think, Sammy?' Tabitha grinned. 'I've come back home! Now c'mon, be a good boy and help me with my bags, would you?'

Sam looked behind his old friend and noticed a rather large pile of cases.

'_They're _your bags?' The Kentuckian spluttered in disbelief. 'Oh, boy. Ah've got a bad feeling about this.'

'Oh Sam…' Tabitha chuckled. 'You always were such a kidder. Just wait until I tell everybody about the news…'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Boomer's Back!**

_What is Tabitha's news? Tune in next time to find out…_


	67. Boomer's Back!

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 67: Boomer's Back!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**Harry's Hideaway-**

Tabitha Smith, the young mutant known as Boom-Boom, Boomer, or Meltdown, it really depended on her mood, had recently returned to the Xavier Institute to catch up with her friends. As usual, they immediately headed off to their local bar for some celebratory drinks. Not that they ever needed an excuse to head to Harry's for a few drinks.

'So, what's this big news you keep going on about?' Illyana enquired. 'C'mon, don't keep us hanging.'

'Are you pregnant?' Dani asked.

'I bet you eloped with some random guy and got married in Vegas.' Roberto added.

'Guys, ah'm sure that Tabitha will tell us when she's good and ready.' Sam added his two cents. 'Besides, it's your round, 'Berto.'

'What?' Roberto spluttered. 'I bought the last round!'

'No, I bought the last round.' Amara reminded her friend. 'Don't try to wiggle out of paying your way. For a rich man, you sure do seem tight with your money.'

'Hey, you have to be careful nowadays.' Roberto pointed out. 'I can't just waste my money haphazardly.'

'Oh, aye. Then what was that brand new Ferrari ye brought?' Rahne rolled her eyes. 'How was that being careful?'

Doug tapped his chin in thought as he began to put together his friend's latest purchases. 'Ferraris, bright Hawaiian shirts. Are you sure you're not taking this love of Magnum a little too far?'

'Yeah, next you'll be trying to grow a moustache.' Illyana laughed. The Russian mutant narrowed her eyes as she noticed the beginnings of facial hair underneath Roberto's nose. 'Oh my God! You _are_ trying to grow a moustache!'

'Real classy, Roberto.' Dani laughed out loud at the sight. 'Oh, no. You don't look dumb at all.'

Roberto muttered something under his breath. 'Fine. I'll go buy the next damn round. Not that I'd get any thanks for it. Load of ungrateful wretches if you ask me. I'm rich, dammit. They should be worshipping the ground I walk on.'

With Roberto gone, Illyana turned back to Tabitha.

'So, what's this big secret?' The Russian mutant enquired. 'Come on, you might as well tell us now.'

'I bet she finally found out that Rictor's dating Shatterstar.' Warlock said. Tabitha spluttered in surprise at that.

'_What_? You mean I'm the last one to find out about that?'

'We love you Tabby, but you always were a little slow on the uptake.' Doug added.

'Since when did you guys figure it out?' Tabitha asked.

'Oh, we pretty much knew from day one.' Doug continued. 'It was pretty obvious.'

'But… Rahne, didn't you and Rictor used to have a thing?' Tabitha asked. 'I mean, how could he…?'

'Tabitha, one kiss hardly counts as a relationship.' Rahne pointed out.

'Don't you think it's sinful?' Tabitha continued. 'Aren't you a scary ultra-strict Christian?'

'I havenae been to church in years.' Rahne explained. 'Besides, I've got more important things to deal with than thinking whether same sex relationships are sinful or not.'

Roberto then returned with a tray of drinks.

'Here's the drinks. I hope you enjoy them, you ungrateful…'

'Roberto, Tabitha finally told us the big secret.' Amara interrupted him.

'Oh, right. I bet it was all about Rictor dating Shatterstar.' Roberto said. 'Yeah, that stuff's old news. Wait, were you going to out him to all his friends?'

'That was a pretty crappy thing to do, Tabitha.' Sam said. 'Even if he was already out, it doesn't give you any right do blab it to his friends.'

'Can we talk about something else?' Tabitha groaned. 'What about you, Sam. How are you and Lila getting on?'

'Yeah Sam, when are you two going to tie the knot?' Illyana chipped in. 'There hasn't been an X-Men wedding in oh, ages. I'm gonna need to get a new dress.'

'If you're going to marry a singer in a band, who's going to be the entertainment at the party after?' Dani asked.

'I guess they could ask Alison to take Lila's place for the party.' Warlock suggested. 'Alison did used to be part of Lila's group, didn't she?'

'Guys, we ain't gonna get married.' Sam reassured his friends. 'Not for a fair while at least.'

'Aww, why do you have to go spoil our fun like that, Sam?' Roberto tutted. 'Grow a sense of humour for crying out loud, man. We were just messing with you.'

'Ah just don't find it funny when y'all make jokes about mah love life.' Sam sniffed. ;Now quit it, will ya?'

'Ah, so you admit it.' Illyana grinned. You _do_ love Lila!' The young blonde woman began to sing in a childish voice. 'Sam and Lila, up a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G…'

* * *

**Later-**

The group had returned from celebrating Tabitha's return. Most of them had headed off to bed, but Rahne wasn't one of them. She was pottering about the mansion doing a few jobs before retiring to bed.

_**Rrrrrumble…**_

The redheaded young woman frowned at the sound of the thunder. A storm wasn't predicted that night, and Storm wasn't present in the mansion. The weather-manipulating mutant was out of town with her team of X-Men. Unannounced thunder storms never usually meant anything good, so Rahne headed outside to investigate.

Rahne threw on her coat and headed outside to see dark clouds circling in the sky.

_**KRAKOOM!**_

A bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and hit the ground, leaving a furry grey form lying where the bolt had struck. Rahne instantly recognised the figure.

'_Hrimhari?_' Rahne gasped as she ran to check on the fallen Wolf Prince of Asgard. 'What are ye doing here?'

'Rahne… I need your help.' Hrimhari spluttered weakly. It was clear that the journey to Midgard had weakened the Wolf Prince. 'Please… I beg you.'

'Let's get ye inside…' Rahne said as she hefted up Hrimhari on to her shoulders. The redheaded Scot shifted to her transitional werewolf form to give her a little extra strength.

Dani and the others had been alerted to trouble by the unannounced thunderstorm, so they too had ran outside to investigate.

'What the heck?' Sam was the first to speak. 'Is that Hrimhari? What's he doing here?'

'Questions can wait, Sam.' Rahne said as she carried the Wolf Prince inside. 'He's seriously hurt. Help me carry him to the infirmary, then ye can ask all the questions y'want.'

* * *

**The infirmary-**

Once Hrimhari's injuries had been patched up, Rahne and the others began their inquiries.

'Not that I'm unhappy to see ye, but why are y'hear?' Rahne asked.

'I came seeking your assistance, for my mate has been kidnapped.' Hrimhari began. Rahne blinked in surprise at the news.

'Your mate?'

'What's the matter, Furtop?' Illyana teased her teammate 'Jealous?' Rahne just glowered at her blonde friend.

'Aye, my mate.' Hrimhari continued. 'She was kidnapped by Malekith the Accursed, one of the most evil Dark Elves there ever was. You see, the pelt of my people has magical properties, and Malekith wishes to harness those properties by killing my mate!'

'No offence or anything…' Dani said. 'But, why not ask Thor or somebody? Wouldn't this Malekith guy be more his sort of thing?'

'I cannot go to Asgard for assistance, for they do hunt my kind.' Hrimhari stated. 'I would not dare approach the Golden City lest they begin hunting me.'

'Then I guess we don't have any choice.' Sam said. 'We'd better go rescue your mate!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Death to the Dark Elves!**

_The New Mutants travel to Asgard to rescue Hrimhari's mate from Malekith the Accursed. Guest-starring: The Warriors Three!_


	68. Death to the Dark Elves: Part 1

**Uncanny New Mutants**

**Chapter 68: Death to the Dark Elves- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

* * *

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

Morning had fallen at the home of the World's Mightiest Heroes. Their loyal butler Jarvis was the first one up as usual and was going about his morning chores. He was presently in the garden raking up leaves. A gust of wind blew apart a neatly arrange pile of leaves. Jarvis sighed to himself and went about tidying up the leaves again. The wind started to pick up and he could hear the sound of approaching jet engines. Jarvis looked up into the sky and noticed a sleek black shape silhouetted against the sun.

'My word…' Jarvis said to himself as the aircraft stood motionless above his head. The aircraft wasn't one of those belonging to the Avengers. The Quinjets were safely stowed in the hanger bay deep below. Jarvis surmised that they aircraft must have belonged to the X-Men. The mutant heroes never came to the mansion unless there was trouble, Jarvis thought to himself. So there must be some sort of trouble that brought the X-Men to Avengers Mansion.

Jarvis stood back as several young men and women leapt out of the aircraft and landed in the yard before him. He was quite surprised to see that the young heroes were joined by what seemed to be a wolf-man with grey fur.

'Sorry to drop in like this, sir.' Cannonball apologised to the Avengers' butler. 'Ah'm Cannonball, an' these are my friends.'

'Pleasure to meet you.' Jarvis responded as he offered his hand to the leader of the New Mutants. 'Excuse my bluntness, but why pray tell are you here? If you are here for one of Ms She-Hulk's parties, then I am afraid that you are rather early.'

'Is Thor home?' Cannonball asked. 'Ah'm sorry, but we really need his help.'

* * *

**Inside-**

Jarvis had roused the Avengers from their slumber so Cannonball and his teammates could explain why they had unannounced.

'Ah'm sorry to drag y'all out of bed, but we need ya help, Thor.' Cannonball explained to the God of Thunder. 'Hrimhari here came to us askin' for _our_ help. Some fella called Malekith has taken his mate. We have no way to get to Asgard, so the only way to get us there that any of us could think of is to ask you.'

'Then you should have asked me sooner, young X-Man.' Thor nodded in understanding. 'Anything Malekith is planning is bound to affect Asgard also.'

'Sorry I'm late, guys. I had trouble combing my tail…'

The New Mutants and Avengers alike all turned to see who had interrupted the meeting. It was Squirrel Girl and her young ward Hildy, the daughter of Volstagg.

'Hildy? Is that you?' Tabitha gasped in surprise. 'Wow! Look at how big you are!'

'You guys know Hildy?' Squirrel Girl asked in confusion.

'Yeah, it's a long story, really.' Moonstar confirmed. 'It was quite a while ago. Hela tried to kill Odin. I was a Valkyrie at the time.'

'Yes, I remember the tales.' Thor said. 'I was not present at the time, but Volstagg mentioned your heroics.'

'So ye'll help us?' Wolfsbane asked.

'Yes, I will.' Thor nodded. 'We must depart quickly. There is no telling what sort of evil Malekith is up to!'

* * *

**The halls of Asgard-**

Deep within the halls of the golden city of Asgard, a flash of light an a cacophonic boom announced the arrival of Thor and his companions. Hildy had insisted on coming along. Squirrel Girl had joined them too. Hildy was her ward and it was up to her to look after the daughter of Volstagg.

One of the servants ran up to speak to the God of Thunder.

'Milord, you have returned! Who are the strangers?'

'There is no time to explain.' Thor told the servant. 'Quickly, gather the Warriors Three. I'd wager that Volstagg is still in the kitchen. Fandral and Hogun will undoubtedly be with him.'

The servant nodded in understanding and dashed away to his task.

'Come, we must arm ourselves for the upcoming battle.' Thor beckoned his companions to follow him.

'No offence, but why would we need weapons?' Sunspot asked. 'I mean, we're mutants. Our powers'll help, right?'

'Do not underestimate Malekith the Accursed, boy.' Thor told the arrogant Brazilian mutant. 'He is one of the deadliest enemies I have ever had the displeasure to fight.'

'I don't care what we do, just as long as I don't end up as a serf again.' Cypher sniffed. During a previous adventure to Asgard, the New Mutants had become separated, and Doug was forced into slavery.

'Think yourself lucky, Douglas.' Magma chipped in. 'At least you were able to look normal. I was turned into one of the Fairyfolk.'

Thor then noticed that Hrimhari seemed to be rather nervous about being in Asgard.

'You need not worry about being hunter here, Wolf Prince.' Thor reassured the lupine prince. 'Anybody that tries to hunt you will answer to me.'

The God of Thunder turned to explain to the New Mutants.

'It is unfortunate, but sometimes Hrimhari's people are accidentally killed when my fellow Asgardians mistake them for more normal wolves.'

'I feel I must apologise.' Hrimhari piped up. 'You have so many important problems of your own. The time of the Baldersleep is almost upon Asgard, is it not?'

'The Baldersleep is not for several days yet.' Thor told the Wolf Prince. 'It is correct that I must recruit assistance for the defence of Asgard, but there is plenty of time to take care of Malekith as well as looking for allies.'

'I am indebted to you, milord.' Hrimhari bowed his head solemnly. Thor placed a comforting hand upon the Wolf Prince's shoulder and shook his head.

'Let us not talk of debts now. We must prepare for battle. Come, to the armoury!'

* * *

**The armoury-**

The servant had done as commanded and had summoned the Warriors Three. Volstagg had indeed been in the kitchen and had almost dropped the mutton leg he had been eating when his daughter ran up to him and gave him a great big hug. Volstagg the Voluminous was never one to waste food.

'You should not have come, Hildy.' Volstagg told his daughter sternly in-between licking mutton juices from his fingers. 'You were sent to Midgard to learn to temper your anger, remember/'

'But father, all young warriors go on quests at my age.' Hildy pointed out. 'Am I to be different because I am a girl? What about Lady Sif? Did she just wait at home and sew like the rest of the girls? No, she went out questing with the boys. I bet she was even better at questing than the boys!'

'Hildy does make quite a good point.' Fandral conceded. 'It is not as if she will be alone.'

'I wouldn't be much of a teacher if I let you get hurt, would I?' Squirrel Girl pointed out.

'Hey, we're here too.' Magik chipped in. 'Nobody's gonna get hurt, okay? Well, apart from the bad guys.'

'It's okay to be worried, Volstagg.' Wolfsbane told the Voluminous One. 'I'm a parent myself. I worry about the safety of my children too.'

'_We _worry about the children, honey.' Warlock told is wife. That earned the pair an confused glance from Volstagg.

'That is not so unusual, Volstagg.' Hogun told his friend. 'Remember that time before you met Hildegund? You were romancing a fair maiden, yet she turned out to be a troll in disguise.'

'I don't remember that.' Volstagg frowned. 'I must have been drunk. Yes, that will do it. I was drunk.'

'Man, I can't wait to find this Malekith guy.' Sunspot grinned as he put on the armour that Thor had supplied for him and his teammates. 'This fight is going to be awesome!' The solar-powered mutant picked up a sword and began practicing his movies. Take that! And that! Have at you, villain!'

A rather unimpressed Moonstar took away the sword Sunspot was messing around with and gave him a large wooden staff instead. Needless to say, he wasn't impressed.

'Aww, man. Why do I get a lame old staff? You got a bitching bow and arrow, Dani! Why can't I have a cool weapon like everybody else?'

'Because we know to use our weapons responsibly, 'Berto.' Moonstar admonished her teammate. 'We'd better get going soon. The stables are nearby, right?'

Volstagg let out a bellowing laugh and swept Moonstar and Sunspot in his arms.

'Haha! Come, my friends! To battle! Let the poets sing our praises upon our victory!'

Cypher gave his squashed teammates a smirk.

'Gee, the big guy sure knows how to make people feel welcome right, 'Berto?'

'Shut up, Ramsey.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Death to the Dark Elves- Part 2**

_The New Mutants and their allies do battle against Malekith the Accursed and his Dark Elves._


End file.
